Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Does anyone have experience of being in recovery from addiction and being around people that don't get it and they keep offering you drugs? It sets my anxiety off a lot and I start feeling overwhelmed. Just good coping strategies will do.

This past week has been very challenging; I have been seeing this guy now for a couple of months, and every now and then I will experience a loss of interest in him. Sometimes this is brought upon by the OCD itself, which makes me not want to be around him because he is the trigger. Other times, it’s hard to tell if I’m genuinely not interested, and this drives me absolutely crazy. I feel like I am leading him on and forcing myself to like him just because I want to be in a relationship. To make things clear, he is the sweetest guy and hasn’t done anything wrong; he knows that I struggle with R-OCD and has been very understanding, but isn’t aware of my periods of disinterest and doesn’t know just how distressed I get. This morning, he texted me and said he can’t wait to see me. While reading his text, I never got excited or felt butterflies, I just felt sick to my stomach because all I can think about is how I’m gonna have to tell him I’m not into him right now. I feel like at this point with the back and forth feelings, I just need to end things. The more I think about it, the more I start to believe and feel that’s the right answer. I get sad because I am starting to catch feelings and don’t want to put a stop to a potentially good relationship. I’m really trying to understand why my feelings for him are constantly up and down.

TW I am so scared that I am a horrible person.I deal with harm ocd and pocd.I consider them the worst themes I had.It feels so real .Like one day I could act on them.And I am so scared.I know I will never do something like that .I doubt everything I do.I feel like I am a fake person.Like I put a mask but seem innocent but in reality I am a monster.I am so scared and disgusted, especially because some similar things happened to me.I am scared I will become like that people.Like I am already like them. I just want to live in peace without these thoughts .I want to help people.I want to become a psychologist but I feel like a hypocrite because of the thoughts that I have

So I’m 15 and I first realized I had ocd when I was 13. It started with a bad dream I had that triggered intrusive thoughts. The theme of these thoughts were almost purely sexual. It started as Iocd, and that turned into compulsions of not letting family touch me at all and cleaning myself with alcohol and hydrogen peroxide to get rid of “family germs” because in my mind that meant I was a bad person if I so much as even touched an object that they touched, I just started getting over it recently and I’m feeling a lot better, but the other day another theme was triggered after I heard about this guy called “smartschoolboy” and he disgusts me so much. He’s disgusting. After I heard about him it started triggering intrusive thoughts. I was sobbing over the pocd thoughts the other day, and my brain won’t stop trying to convince me that I am one. No matter what. Today it was “why aren’t you crying about these intrusive thoughts like you were the other day, that must mean you think it’s okay to be one” and it just hurts so much to have these thoughts, I can’t live in peace and I was literally fine just a week or two ago, how do I get rid of this, I just want to be happy again (sorry not to sound dramatic I’m just really scared right now) I mean deep down I know I’m not one every time I hear about one I feel disgusted, I hate even thinking about the fact that those type of people exist, but whenever I tell myself that my brain gets to convince me otherwise. My thoughts have always (mostly) been sexually themed but these are the most disturbing ones I’ve had and I’m so scared right now, anything helps please 🙏🏻

I’ve been really struggling with urges, a constant numb feeling to everything that feels like I don’t care about things (like my beloved dog) who were the most important to me, and this dizzying pressure in my head that feels like it’s attached to the urges and I can’t think straight or control my own actions. But I’m also scared that since the thoughts are literally constant (they flip around to anything and everything then go back to their greatest hits) and I’m feeling like I wouldn’t care if I did them, they’re not intrusive anymore. Am I losing it? Having harm OCD I never thought could make you feel like you’re actually going to act. Not just be afraid of it.

So I’ve been dealing with what I think is ROCD since July. I’ve started therapy and meds. Doing what I can. But I’ve struggled with my feelings towards my partner. First they were breakup urges and then went to numbness and now I just don’t know how I truly feel. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I can’t picture myself with anyone else. I think I got triggered by a friends breakup and moving to my bfs state. Well fast forward to a couple days ago and I put my security deposit down on an apartment in his state but now my thoughts are running rampant and I’m so nervous that this is the wrong choice because I don’t know how I feel. I know I love him but I don’t know how to love when it’s not “honeymoon” phase. I always leave when the honeymoon phase ends and my feelings leave when that ends as well. But I don’t want that to happen. I want to move there but I’m terrified. I’m terrified this will show me my truth and the truth of the relationship. I don’t know how to love or feel love. I don’t know what I’m feeling. This is so debilitating. I just wish I could be certain but I’m not. I used to be so excited about the idea of moving and the future but now I’m terrified. I don’t want this to end. Not one bit but how can I be in a relationship and let alone move if I can’t be certain or just know what I’m feeling is real or just my thoughts/rocd???

So I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions with my boyfriend these past four years together! Recently I’ve been feeling content and happy with my relationship ready to move in and even get engaged! But now I know that this date is coming soon, my anxiety has spiked and being with my boyfriend right now I feel distant and anxious and like if they hug me I feel instant sadness and push away!!! I know this is ROCD because it feels so so urgent and it makes me sick to my stomach! But why does this just pop up? Why does it feel so real? I hate feeeling this way! It feels so horrible. Any suggestions?

I'm stuck in a 'do you really like your boyf' mentality again and its making me so sad. I'm in love with him and its magical and I was on cloud 9 last week and intrusive thinking has taken over and making me doubt.

I’m getting really distressed and confused about this. It feels like I’m getting sexually attracted to child-like actions or vulnerable things. Sort of like cuteness aggression but sexually. Even though it’s bringing me anxiety and discomfort it just feels initially so much like actual sexual attraction. Does anyone have any ideas?

I feel like if I stop fighting pocd, it’ll make me turn into a disgusting person and it makes me feel like I don’t care but I do care, I feel so scared, I can’t even see the positives, it’s making me feel like I would enjoy being a bad person, and I would turn into it if I stopped fighting it

Hey everyone so I’m a college student and since my sisters birthday is this weekend I decided to go home for 3 days but I just realized right now that I forgot to pack my Zoloft and since yesterday I had a cold and was taking a bunch of cold medication I felt weird about taking my meds so I didn’t take my meds yesterday. I’m freaking out right now because I’ve never gone through withdrawals or anything but unless I cut my stay short that’s 3 days I’m going without medication.has anyone ever been in a similar situation or is there anything helpful I could do or even just some words to calm me down would be so helpful thank you 🙏🙏

How do I not allow my ocd to steal the joy out of all of my most joyful moments right now. I know I should pray more for God to help me see the good and peace these amazing situations bring, but I just can’t get this pit out of my stomach. I get angry easily and have a short temper, I hate it. My boyfriend has been so patient with me but although he says it’s okay and he understands it’s still something I don’t want him to be on the receiving end of… Please help. Any and all advice is appreciated, please be nice💕

Okay, i leave for vacation tomorrow with my boyfriend and some of our friends. i’m so nervous about this trip and im really worried that i would hurt someone on this trip. i don’t want to hurt anyone, and im so so worried about it. i don’t even want to go anymore because im so stressed out. i’m not really getting any intrusive thoughts or anything but im still so anxious that im going to do something like stab one of my friends or my boyfriend, or lose my mind. i’m so worried. and then i seen this thing that said “people who hurt people do that because they want to and they plan it out” so now im scared that im subconsciously planning on hurting one of them even though i dont have a plan or anything and i dont want to hurt anyone. AGGHH😭

I've had OCD since I was 18 years old. In the middle of 2020. A year later, when I was 19, there was someone that asked me for help with their POCD. They were also a minor. I don't know what made me want to help this person, since at the time I had POCD myself and I didn't want anything to do with children. I still don't want to be close to anyone underaged. I decided to help this person the best I could with their OCD and right off the bat I let them know I was uncomfortable with talking with a minor since I was over the age of 18. I did my best to solely focus on helping this person. Eventually, I didn't really feel like I was helping this person and it got to the point where I didn't want to speak to them anymore because of the age difference and I didn't want to continue this. In between helping them, I feel like I said things I shouldn't have, like bringing up my sexuality in response to something that was OCD related or may not have been, or the topics we talked about in relation to POCD. I just feel like I was better off not doing this. I feel like I can't move on from this at all. I never thought about this until a controversy triggered my memory and I started remembering all of this horror. I did not want anything to do with this person inappropriately and I set my boundaries with how this would go. I just don't know why I didn't leave at the beginning. I just wish I did. Maybe this was another instance where I just wanted to stop listening to the thoughts so closely, believe in who I really am and just try to educate someone on this challenging disorder. I do hope this somehow helped this person. I just can't stop thinking about this and the age difference and how much it messes me up. I just feel like my life is over when I think hard enough about this. I just feel like I can't get the life I want.

I constantly think that if I don't pray to God to protect everyone everyday that something bad will happen because I didn't ask to be protected. It's tiring and it sucks. ☹️

Lately, I've been listening to black metal and death metal, and I really enjoy it. However, a voice inside me says that through these songs, satanic or malevolent musicians are casting spells on the listeners. I feel like I shouldn't listen to these songs because if something bad happens to me or my loved ones because of these spells, I will be responsible. Sometimes, I feel guilty when I listen to these songs, and as I mentioned, I think that the people who create these songs are casting spells on the listeners through them.

This theme always hits me the worst. It causes the most anxiety and panic. And when i’m finally doing good again it all spirals back. my panic attacks are unreal again. sometimes i get so bad my Xanax won’t even stop the anxiety. These thoughts scare the living shit out of me and cause me to have terrible depression. Recently they have been back. What if this what if that, and sometimes they aren’t even what ifs, it’s more like a demand and they terrifies me. I’ve once again gave into my compulsions and put anything and everything that cause me anxiety into my kitchen so i can feel safe. This theme scares me because it makes me feel like i want to do it or i am going to do it when i don’t. These thoughts consume me. They even say “well do you wanna live like this what if it is the easier way out”. I don’t want to hurt myself and i’m truly a happy person i’m just not understanding these thoughts and why they cause me this much pain. I’m tired if the constant panic attacks and freaking out because of it. My mind goes “what if you have ideation and not OCD”when i clearly have been diagnosed with it. I just need tips and advice i don’t want to live like this forever i’m only 17.

Hey everyone! I just wanted to share this because I thought some people may find it helpful. Compulsions are what many of us do/have done to try and banish feelings such as distress, anxiety, guilt etc… following obsessions such as unwanted intrusive thoughts. Compulsions tend to feel very urgent, am I right? You feel like you won’t be able to move on without doing it, or you might fear that something terrible will happen. So many of us fall for this trick that OCD always wants us to do. This is how it works: 1. An obsession pops up. 2. We feel anxious/scared/guilty etc etc.. 3. We feel like we need to do a compulsion to get rid of that unwanted feeling of discomfort. 4. Our anxiety and stress levels decline for a short amount of time. 5. Another obsession pops up… Then the cycle continuously repeats…. Being someone who has suffered from OCD for 10+ years, and only in the last 6 months being able to stop doing compulsions. I will let you in on a fact, COMPULSIONS DO NOT HELP YOU. Compulsions only adds to the strength of OCD. They do not prevent anything bad from happening! They do not benefit us! They do not make us feel better, they actually make you feel worse in the long term. They are declining the quality of your life! Honestly, I understand how hard it is to stop doing them. The feeling that you need to just do a compulsion “one more time”. I honestly get it, but when you genuinely think about it, what does a compulsion solve? Does flicking the light switch on and off 7 times really have any impact on a loved one being hurt? NO Does thinking a thought really make you a bad person? NO Does mentally/physically checking that thing over and over again help you gain clarity? NO (it actually makes you more confused). I just wanted to share this with you guys, because sometimes it can be really difficult to stop doing compulsions. At first, you might not be able to stop doing them completely and that is okay! You might just want to delay doing a compulsions. Instead of doing a compulsions as soon as possible, try and give it 5 minutes. Try and mess up the compulsions, do it in a different order at first. The main thing we have to do here is teach your brains that compulsions DO NOT keep you safe, they are stopping you from living the life you want to live. Compulsions are like impostors, they try to convince you they are genuinely there to help you, but in fact, all they do is make you feel worse. If anyone is struggling with compulsions whether they are mental or physical, just know you are not alone! You have the strength to choose not to do a compulsion, and you will see how empowering it is once you realise that nothing happens! We are not perfect! Do not feel like you have to be perfect! I still engage in compulsions here and there, especially when I have a bad day. But majority of the time? I am pretty much compulsion free😁 Always strive for progress over perfection!

Please help me. I feel like it’s one thing after another I just recently discovered that I may have OCD which have explained a lot of my excessive behaviors. When I used to be with people I used to obsess completely over them where my mood depended on everything they do, but I have found myself in a relationship where I’ve seen this behavior destroy my other ones and my mind is not obsessed the way it has before. This is good because for the first time I am in a healthy and loving relationship but I just had a OCD flare up, it went from fear of losing attraction, to fear of me cheating, to fear of me finding others attractive, to me having straight thoughts as a gay woman (and I’ve always been homosexual) and then switching to POCD. I’ve noticed that in my past I’ve always had to be obsessed with something, even in this relationship I was obsessed over my partners past relationships. How do I brake what feels like a never ending cycle of obsession so that I can live in the moment with my partner and have my mind only belong to her and my life but in a healthy manner. How do I stop spiraling and be the partner she deserves? My mind is my worst enemy and goes against all my values and the things important to me and her. How do I just live in the moment and stay loyal to her in thought? Please help me get a healthy mind for our sake.

Hi everyone, I am currently experiencing what I believe is an OCD flare up. I have been diagnosed with OCD and I primarily suffer from Harm OCD. I used to only experience it about once a year but since my second child was born, I am experiencing it a lot more and live with almost constant anxiety and maybe depression? So the new thing is that I'm afraid I am developing psychosis. I am scared to look at my oldest daughter (4yo) because it scares me when she spaces out and stares off into space, chooses the color red for anything, or has dark circles under her eyes (she has asthma and always has them). I guess the fear is that I will be one of the those psychotic moms (specifically like Laurie Daybell) and think my child is possessed and hurt her. It is literally hard for me to look at her and I feel terrified to be alone with her. On top of that, I have intense guilt because it seems to be more towards her than my youngest. Has anyone experienced something similar? What type of ERP was helpful? Looking for a therapist now but it is so hard to find one that understands. It's so hard to talk about. Thanks for reading.