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before we start let Me start by saying I need help and don’t know How to get it I’m struggling academically my ocd is taking over and I have white hair and I didn’t turn 18 yet (I turn in a few weeks) everyone else seems so happy😩 ERP is harder in my case because of the extremely weird thing my ocd wants My ocd is obsessed with order and certain numbers So I lost something in that place (it was a paper) I then recovered and found it but my ocd believes somehow something fell out and something is still lost even tho I know I found it and I connot stop In order To shut my ocd up I do a compulsion where I go to that place since my ocd is obsessed with the number 4 I need to go to that place 2 times more to make it 4 The problem is I can’t just avoid this place and move on which is ERP I need to go there for college things So my ocd’s logic is since it’s going to happen anyway why not whine and destroy the shit out of the time until I do it

Hi, I’m new to this app and not really sure what I’m expecting from it. I’ve dealt with many types of OCD throughout my life, normally only really one type at a time. About 2 years ago now is when I first developed really bad harm OCD. The worst part is that I didn’t know what it was, and I felt like I couldn’t go to anybody to talk about it because they would think I was a danger. I struggled in silence for months, until I came across a TikTok about OCD, specifically harm OCD. I remember feeling so seen, and so safe, that I cried tears of joy. I wasn’t crazy after all. I wasn’t destined to be the next Jeffery Dahmer, and I wasn’t some hidden psychopath. I didn’t want to self diagnose, however, so I visited my therapist, who I’d previously been seeing for anxiety, and told her what I’d been experiencing. I brought up what I’d read about online, and how I thought it sounded similar to what I was going through. The woman sat there and told me she’d never heard of it, and she had no idea what I was talking about. Over the next few visits, I tried to keep bringing up the possibility of OCD, and how everything I’d seen matched my symptoms exactly and how I really thought I would benefit from OCD therapy. She brushed me off each time, saying that it was just anxiety, and that OCD was a cleanliness issue. So I stopped seeing her. Around this time, summer started, and I was constantly busy and having fun. My OCD stopped bothering me as much, with only the occasional small flare up. I found myself able to listen to true crime podcasts and such again without comparing myself to the killers, or worrying about if what I was eating might actually be ground up people. School started back up, and I hardly ever thought about it at all. It was so freeing, like this giant weight had been lifted off of my chest. Then, in March of this year, on a random Thursday, it flared back up. Bad. I had a giant panic attack caused by my OCD and ever since then, while not nearly as crippling as 2 years ago, I have been plagued with intrusive thoughts again. They’ve stopped worrying me as much, because I know what they are, and I know what’s causing them and how to not give them power, but sometimes I still find myself consumed. There are no OCD specialists in my area, and I really don’t want to go back to that therapist, who never even bothered to look into it for me. I strongly believe what I have is OCD, and I have been calling it such for the past year, because that is the only thing that I have found that describes what I’m going through. Has anyone related to this? Is there anything anyone recommends? I was doing so well, and then it all just came rushing back, and I’m having a hard time squashing it again.

Hi everyone. Please read this and help me if you can. I’ve posted on here a lot. I’ve been going through therapy and (I’m the girl with the dog, btw) and I got diagnosed with Harm OCD three months ago. It’s getting really fucking bad even with therapy and I don’t know what to do, or maybe it’s not that anymore? My brain feels confused all the time and I can’t tell what my intent is anymore. My main compulsion with my dog was checking. Get a horrible thought, check to make sure that I wanted her here still. The thought of her dying always upset me terribly, so I knew that they were just intrusive thoughts. No intent, no plan. I used those as my checking mechanism for so long. Then, the last few days, I think of her dying and I get a feeling like I like it. Like I want her to be gone. If I hide knives and everything, my brain throws me a thought of something else. All day, I have this horrible feeling like I actually want to do it, a jittery, nervous, on edge feeling. Like I have more anxiety from not doing it than doing it. And am just holding myself back. If I say to myself “you have no plan” I get my brain racing like it’s making one or I’m making one, and If I say to myself “there’s no intent” it gives me a feeling of purposely doing that to her. If I tell myself “you love her and you want her alive” it gives me this wave of doubt through my chest that I actually don’t. This goes on ALL day and night. Everything becomes a thought or feeling of hurting her. I sit with her and sometimes get these impulses of “just do it it’s easy”. Almost unbearable and I’ve felt so close to acting on it. I don’t think I care about her anymore. I literally feel like I don’t. She was the most important thing; my value, my whole world. I never wanted her to die. That’s another thing - if I say the word die, I feel like I’m fantasizing about it. It’s a feeling I can’t explain. I hate this. I’m so sure I will act on these thoughts. Aren’t people with harm ocd afraid of acting? Not feeling like they want to and will (but don’t want to because I know in my heart I don’t possibly want her gone).

Hey how are you all doing ? I’m looking for people who has struggled with existential ocd bc I feel this theme is not very common and very hard ( at least for me ) so anyway if you would like to exchange about it don’t hesitate ! I’m looking for support bc god I hate this theme

I can’t tell what’s right and wrong anymore. It’s like my moral compass/rationality is completely broken. I could just shut my feelings down whenever. It might sound like a good thing but it also means I wouldn’t feel any remorse or guilt or negative emotions if I were to do something immoral (hypothetically speaking). In contrast, sometimes my feelings get so deep in the way that my rationality cannot win no matter what. My brain does that out of nowhere and I hate it because it ends up triggering my OCD theme and I have to start back up to be able to cope again. It’s like I’ve developed this intense intolerance towards any sort of stress whatsoever, even the good type of stress that helps you grow. My brain just shuts down and mentally I become a kid again and I can’t listen to logic no matter what.

From few days I am getting thought that how i would hurt a child but now I am not feeling anxious like I used feel when I used have such kind of thoughts usually I used to have panic attacks and felt extremely anxious. But now I don't feel anything like that ? Now I feel like I am a bad person who would not feel bad if I hurt a child. What's going on can anyone tell me. I feel I will kill myself because I don't want to hurt anyone?

It feels so fucken real. Right now, I'm struggling with distinguishing between genuine thoughts and feelings vs. False attraction.... meanwhile I'm getting further in the relationship with my bf. I love him but I'm even doubting that right now. I saw someone say that if you care about harming your partner then you're not actually the orientation you fear you might be. Not reassuring myself or anything, but idea anymore because my brain always throws: "But WHAT IF you've been pretending to love him/men the WHOLE TIME?!" and now you're a fraud and leading him on... we recently talked about engagement and are saving for an apartment and that's when I noticed the anxiety flared up again (comparable to when I first struggled with this theme in 2022)

So something that kinda pops up with my anxiety is about a year or so ago i ate an edible gummy after not doing anything for a while and i tripped out really bad… for example i thought i was gonna overdose and die, and that i was already dead.. that is the most fear i have felt in my entire life, and even though its over and has been over i have this constant fear in my mind “what if your still high and this is all a dream” or “your gonna wake up and it will still be that night” i never wanna feel that way again. i can’t even go around the smell of weed with out freaking out. i can’t take pills, or vitamin gummies because “what if it will make me high” when it comes to sleeping i wanna try this dr teals sleep blend but i struggle so much with it because of my mind saying “it will make you feel high”.. even when i feel tired i feel scared cause it reminds me of feeling high.. its just i feel so stuck with the same reaccrujng thought “this could be the time you wake up and it was all just a dream” “you could wake up from coma and this was all imagined” i don’t know what else to do, its my own mind no one can help me and that sucks i don’t know how to win the battle when it’s such a deep rooted fear. i feel like im pushing my family away. i feel so numb.

Lately I’ve been feeling so off. I’ve realized I’ve been having more “bad” days. Long story short I’ve been living in pain for over a year and was told I need back surgery. Due to the pain and injury I’ve had many restrictions. I’m unable to do a lot of the things I normally do and I’ve been just sitting around mostly every day not doing much. I almost think I’m slightly depressed. The surgery is about a month away but I just feel like all my emotions are finally hitting me. Like today I felt so upset and lonely and almost spaced out. I’ve been trying to stay positive but I just feel overwhelmed.

i give my cats belly rubs and they love it. im getting anxious im abusing my cat because i touch her nipple area when i rub her belly, she doesn’t mind at all but i feel guilty but it feels so kinda a funny weird feeling when i do it so now i feel guilty. would go erp be to rub the area a little more to expose myself?

Hi, I am new to this community and don’t know much about OCD or if i even have it. I am a college senior going to a university that is relatively close to my home (1.5 hr) My goal was to apply to OT school at my current school because I love it there and can’t imagine myself anywhere else. I have a high gpa, many observation hours, and was told i would be a top candidate-if I passed the GRE. This school is the only school in my state that requires the GRE for OT school. Well, with the stakes being so high I was a complete wreck before the exam. It stressed me out so much that even looking at study materials made me nauseous. I did not score high enough to get into my desired program when I took it. I am retaking it next Tuesday (which i had to beg the admissions committee to let me do due to it being past a due date) and i feel the weight of my whole future on my shoulders. If I don’t get into my desired program, I will have to go to programs that are very far from home/my boyfriend of two years who I currently live with. I feel if I don’t pass, I will have to move away to a different school and I will lose my boyfriend. He is my rock and is so important to me. My other option is to stay where I am and attend the radiography program at the local community college and stay close to home and be with my boyfriend . Note: i just decided to apply to OT school this year (changed major from nursing). Do I risk my relationship/happiness for a career that i don’t even know that I will enjoy or do i keep my relationship, stay close to home, but regret not taking a huge opportunity given to me. This situation stays in my mind all day and night which is stressing me out greatly. Sorry for such a long post, I just want an unbiased view on what I should do/how to get this thought out of my head. thx for listening <3

If you feel like this will never get better- trust me , it will. I felt the same way. In February of 23’ I turned to NOCD as a last ditch effort. I was hopeless and I felt desperate. I’d worked with 3 OCD therapists prior but felt stuck. Looking back- I was doing exposures but also doing compulsions without knowing I was doing them as they were mental. It felt like I wasn’t living but purely existing. I felt helpless. It’s now Sept 28 24’ and I’ve been an ocd conqueror for 6 months and feel stronger daily. Sometimes I still struggle and have set backs but I realize now that the work I put in today is payoff tomorrow. Please know if you feel like you can’t hold on that there are resources available and you can be helped ! It isn’t hopeless or helpless. You’re going to get to the other side because I felt like that too. You matter. Your life matters. Even if ocd is telling you otherwise- you are loved !

I have no idea who I am anymore. I have completely lost my self. And idk what to do. Idk where my caring, and loving, chirst like side went. I have lost touch with who I am and everything I once new. I've had ocd for so long that I think it just became me. Or I'm dealing with cognitive Dissonance, which I feel like it probably true. Tbh. But anyways I feel like I'm genuinely gone crazy towards god and idk what to do. I wish I could just go back to myself, and I'm just not sure what to do. I think I turned away from God the only thing that once brought me joy. Just seems so dry now, like I'm empty or whatever. I personally don't think I'll ever be ok again.

I’m really worried right now. I feel like a bad person. Basically, what happened was, I was listening to music, the song is called seventeen by ladytron, and my brain was like “ oh, you should imagine that person (a 13 year old) in a romantic manner, You should do it, see if you like it. I think you like it.” And then it gave me strong urges to do this, like I felt like I genuinely wanted to do it, I felt so many things that told me that I wanted it, that I liked it, and like if I didn’t fight it then I would’ve done it, and I’m afraid that it’s true and I’m afraid that I’m a bad person. I don’t want to be a bad person. Why did I actually feel like I wanna do that? Like I had a strong urge to do it I felt like I really wanted to do it… weird thing is a part of me doesn’t care?? What does this mean? Why am I so confusing? This is weird ?? Every time I try to think about it, my brain keeps trying to imagine that the 13-year-old is older, like it tries to imagine that 13 year olds are actually 20, when they’re not? Because when I actually think about them being 13 I’m like ew. ??? What does this mean? Has anyone gone through this before?

I noticed I’ve been posting a lot these past few weeks. I just hate my brain and been having a lot of ocd I’m very picky who I’m intimate with. I also have a strong fear of stds/hiv very heavily. I am afraid of lots of things but I can’t live in fear so I decided to engage in intimacy last night. (TMI) I thought the condom popped, but when he showed me it was closed and sealed but my ocd brain is thinking some of it ripped. Now I know that you have to expose yourself to situations that threaten you. I also noticed that I beat myself up heavy when I do an exposure and im still paranoid and then become grateful I’m so tired of my brain and not being able to enjoy anything sometimes: I sometimes feel like leaving this earth.

Does anyone have harm OCD related to recent events? Like events that just happened or happened not long ago? I feel like my OCD is trying to find something bad/immoral I could have done in nearly every situation that I am experiencing, for example “Did you just do that?”. And I constantly want to check, ask people for reassurance, try to find a logic answer by going it though in my head,… It’s many different themes but all related to doing sth bad/immoral (e.g., touching someone inappropriately, pushing someone in front of a vehicle, putting something in a drink/food). Does anyone have the same? Or the other thing that I experienced recently is that I did something (a rather unimportant action, not harming anyone) and I go over and over it and ask myself “why did you do that? What does that say about you? Are you actually a weird person?” It feels like I draw “false conclusions” from a real event… I don’t know if that’s OCD though or not. Just wondering if anyone has experienced the same. Good luck to you all! We’re not alone in this! 😊

I have fallen on some hard times in my life. In the past in hard times I used this motto, “when life gets hard, get hard.” I used this before to handle the difficulties. But this time after I fell into hard times I have been making bad decisions. Not like morally wrong but just procrastinating. I’ve not wanted to accept the reality before me because it seems too hard too face. Now since I’ve been denying reality for months it seems like I’ve dug myself a hole. I’ve created more and more problems for myself by not acknowledging reality and by not choosing to be mentally strong. After I fell across hard times I kept saying to myself “I don’t want to suffer anymore I’m tired of this.” Like I said, I had many hard times in the past and I was able to “get hard” to overcome them. This time I’ve just been barely scrapping by. I’m tired of suffering! But I know the only way through is to suffer. But now my discipline muscle is so weak! I’ve dug such a hole for myself I have more and more problems. When I try to face reality I don’t even know where to begin. I’m in the terrible habit of procrastinating. I kept saying, “tomorrow I will do better, tomorrow I will face reality.” It’s just like I don’t want to suffer anymore. I’m tired of the pain and almost scared of it. But honestly, what I’ve realized is this. I’ve actually put myself through more pain by not facing reality. But procrastinating and running from the pain I’ve put myself through more pain. By choosing the path of least resistance I gave myself more problems. I have to dig myself out of this pit or I’m going to just keep spiraling downward. I’m desperate for any advice as to how to dig myself out of this hole? How do I build my mental strength and mental discipline I once had?

Why would I feel like I “like” my “intrusive” thoughts? There’s time’s when I can actually say “this is terrible I can never like that” and other times when it’s just there and I don’t know what I’m feeling towards it, and sometimes it feels like I enjoy it in some way. Idk what more to do with myself.

I made a significant mistake at work yesterday. I have been feeling dread and disappointment in myself since the incident. I spoke with my boss about the incident as well, asking where I am moving forward from this, she told me to take ownership with my coworkers, but that she wasn’t taking it further than that. She said thanks for me telling her even though I didn’t need to, but honestly I keep ruminating and I feel I should be fired. I feel I have to tell people higher up for punishment. I just can’t take this anymore and I feel like I’m on the brink of a crisis.

does anyone feel like they’ve completely lost desire for the opposite sex after a while? i’ve completely pushed myself away from it and sometimes it feels like my ocd is really real and that is what I want.. and i don’t feel anxiety towards it anymore but i just feel everything but myself, like im lost