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I am struggling big time. I absolutely hate this. Why can’t I just sit here and be happy and content? No. Instead I’m spiraling. And it feels so real and so terrifying. It’s to the point now where I don’t even know who I am. And the worst thought came in as I was doing ERP. it was like “what if you really want to hurt your boyfriend but you’re just too scared to do it and that’s why you’re anxious and it isn’t OCD?” And it’s making me spiral even further. I feel like this is never going to go away. I hate it.

my ocd theme is about god being real or not and last night i went and looked for the mistakes in bible and found some. now the next day i woke up and i feel super anxious like my body is about to stop working please someone talk to me, if you a bit of time

My pocd is so bad, even hearing a child talk in another room makes me wonder if I could be attracted to it's voice. I constantly remind myself that I've only ever liked crushing on people who are my age or older than me but it doesn't help since it's a compulsion. I'm just so tired of the groinals making me feel like I like these thoughts. My ocd turns everything into something sexual and I just feel hypersexual. My ocd is with me every minute of the day. I try to read, I try to work put, I want to make some food, none of it works. I'm constantly on the edge and I feel so bunt out yet I accomplish absolutely nothing. I want to read a book on universalism, I can't concentrate because I am scared I could harm someone I love. I can't sleep in my own bed cause my sister lives on the same floor as me and I need to stand up a dozen times to check if she's on the floor, standing there. My tired brain convinces me I just stood up and harmed her. I go to bed at 10pm and Fall asleep maybe at 2. I'll move out soon and I try to make it work but I'm not sure I can do this anymore

Has anyone else ever had this happen or am I a bad case? I have severe, severe harm ocd. My loved one that it attacks is like a child to me. She’s mattered so much to me and the way I felt for so long about her was just pure, unalterable love. Then my harm ocd hit. I always knew it was egodystonic, because it was her and I wanted nothing more than for her to be alive. But after four months of checking and non stop thoughts, it feels like I don’t look at them the same way and resent them and actually do want to act on the thoughts. I fight this all day and it feels like if I wanted to relax I’d just give in and do it. Or like I have to get away from them because they give me so much anxiety I feel physically sick. Something that I get is feeling sick that they have organs. I know, I know…it makes no sense. But it freaks me out and now I can’t be with them without my heart pounding, feeling like I want to hurt them, and feeling nauseous. It feels like I would have a lot less anxiety to be away from them, but at the same time it makes me so sad. It’s not a point I ever could have seen myself being with them and the thought of waking up every day and living life without them makes my heart hurt. But at the same time I feel like I love them less or resent them for this. Is this normal or should I just…give them up, basically?? This is killing me. I honestly just want to die to get away from it because this loved one is my best friend on the entire planet.

This might be a little bit silly, but bare with me— I’m watching My Little Pony, and I did it so that I can expose myself to my triggers, and try my best not to do compulsions. And I did well, but I also would fail without noticing… doesn’t matter What this post is about, is that my brain will keep on calling spike “h0t” ,, it will make me feel like he is, usually I would ignore this and not really care, or be a little bit spooked, but not care. But This time …I’m actually genuinely freaked out. Because I’m worried if I agreed with it. Because I got the thought and feeling, and then another feeling that made me feel like I agreed with it, I don’t know if I purposely felt this or my brain purposely felt this, I don’t know anymore, I really wasn’t paying attention enough to know which one was which.. and I’m scared that I did something wrong… all I know is that the feeling of feeling that I am attracted to him is really strong like that, like convincing strong, so I could’ve got another feeling that was convincing like that, yes. But I’m just worried that I agreed with it. I could’ve agreed with it, but not realize what it really was. All I know is I wouldn’t genuinely agree to something like that. All I can remember, is it giving me the thought and feeling, then heard my head go “yeah I agree with us” also got the feeling that I agree with it. And I can’t even test to know this either. Because I honestly can’t always tell my voices apart. But when I tested it, it doesn’t sound like me. But still, I still believe but if it was me. I don’t know. I really don’t know. I just wish this wasn’t so hard. Why do I always always believe that I would say something being disgusting, when I would never do that on purpose, maybe on accident, but not on purpose. Freak out about these things. I just wish that my brain didn’t use the excuse “ well you can enjoy something in the moment but then regret it after” if I didn’t know this was a thing then I would’ve been so much happier. Because I could say “ well what matters is that I don’t agree with it. “ and then move on. But I can’t because I know this is a thing. It keeps getting so bad, I don’t know if when OCD gets bad, ruminating takes longer, checking takes longer? Does this happen whenever OCD gets bad? Because this happens with me right now. It takes about an hour to get certainty now. I don’t want to do in this moment. I don’t know if I’m getting better or worse. I can’t tell. What can I do in this situation? I know people will say sit with it. But If I do that, I spiral. I can’t eat. can’t draw, can’t play games, can’t sleep, I can’t do anything. Because my brain will be like “oh you don’t deserve that because you’re a ped//phile for thinking that way about spike.” ,, that’s why I try to find out. So that if I know this is OCD. I can do better and not do this again. Rather than not knowing and feel like a monster and not being able to eat ever again. I want to ruminate on this, but I already know that it’s gonna take me like two hours to get the answer. I see no point. I’d rather just post this and then hear what people have to say.

Hey guys! If you’re battling OCD, you’re not alone—and I want to share something that’s been life-changing for me on this journey. I started ERP therapy for the first time ever in January 2024. After 10 years of having OCD and only ever attending ‘talk therapy’, signing up with NOCD was the best decision I have ever made! I know how tough OCD can be. Even as someone who has challenged everything OCD throws at me for a good 6 months, it can still sometimes feel overwhelming and strong. Just yesterday, I found myself avoiding going to the toilet for no apparent reason—this is what OCD does! It throws random thoughts and doubts at you, and I said to OCD, “I am not falling for your tricks.” So, I went ahead, went to the toilet, and then 30 minutes later, OCD started getting extremely loud. The ‘what-ifs’ started pouring in: • “What if someone was in the toilet with you and you hurt them?” • “What if you’re lying to yourself and didn’t actually go to the toilet?” OCD can make you doubt the simplest things! Even after facing my biggest fears this year and stopping my compulsions, I felt the urge last night to ask for reassurance and go over the memory in my mind. But then it hit me: this is OCD! It just wants us to doubt ourselves and cause mayhem until we give in and do compulsions to feed it. But I said NO! I’ve been through this so many times before, and I will get through it again. OCD WILL NOT WIN! No matter how scary, anxious, or guilty it made me feel, I kept reminding myself: there is nothing more important than my OCD RECOVERY! I told OCD: “Honestly OCD, this was a very nice try! Fair play to you! But I am still not falling for your tricks 😎💪 better luck next time, eh!🙏🏽” I also realised that by avoiding going to the toilet, I was fueling OCD and making it more powerful. Avoidance only made those doubts and scary thoughts even more intense afterward. This experience was a reminder that compulsions, including avoidance, only make OCD feel stronger. They teach your brain that there’s something to fear, even though there is truly NOTHING to be afraid of. What I’ve learned through ERP: • Your thoughts are just thoughts—they don’t define you. • Compulsions make OCD stronger. Don’t feed the beast! • Aim for progress, not perfection. You can handle anything OCD throws at you! The key is to acknowledge the thoughts without interacting with them. It’s easier said than done, but with practice, it becomes more natural. Remember, everyone has unwanted intrusive thoughts. For those of us with OCD, we just tend to give them way too much meaning. They ARE MEANINGLESS! We’re all in this together, and even though OCD tries to isolate us, sharing and supporting one another is what keeps us strong. If you’ve got your own tips or a story to share, I’d love to hear them! Let’s support each other on this journey! You’ve got this 🙏🏽❤️💪

I think back to my childhood when things were better and where I didn't have any problems. Everything is too overwhelming and things just aren't good. But this breaks me because I think back to my kid self and how he could have never imagined things would be this bad or that I would be consumed by something as horrible as porn I just don't feel like I can do this anymore. I just don't feel like I believe I can get through this and it's bothering me so much that it's overwhelming.

I cant stop focusing on my breathing. Its affecting the way i eat, drink, talk , Sleep etc. any pointers???

18+ Is there just not a way to actually deal with with this? I get it ERP breathing “being in the moment” I can’t I can’t freaking do it my POCD is making it so hard to live life I see kids and now I think I gaslighted myself into thinking I’m attracted to them when I watch movies TikTok’s, go outside and see kids everywhere I just can’t take it I feel groinal responses I’m imagining them without clothes and doing sexual things like a sicko and feeling like I like it or my brain is trying to make me become that??? Why is it bc of guilt from my real event is it bc im checking if I am??? I can’t live like this it’s literally like I have the eyes of a pedo now sexualizing children this is absolutely insane… I have a boyfriend I want to have intimate time with now I’m so scared too because i KNOW im gonna be thinking about children HOW am I suppose to get turned on I try too “not focus” look around ect DOESNT WORK I have dreams where it’s sexual with children WHY IS THIS MY LIFE I’m in therapy and doing erp but nothing is helping me DO I NEED BRAIN SURGERY SOMETHING NOW?? please I just can’t keep living like this ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME it’s so hard not to cry I don’t care if it’s just thoughts I’m so terrified I messed up my life because it is effecting my life my sex life my relationship my love for myself And all I’m suppose to do is just “sit with the thought” I still don’t even know what that means I don’t want to end my life my partner my family loves me but I JUST CANT DEAL WITH THIS I miss having loving dreams about my boyfriend instead it’s harmful and sexual dreams with children I’m so upset can anyway please… give me some advice on what to do please I’m begging.

Who else agrees?

16+ only !!! :( Sorry that I’m posting a lot, I’m gonna try to make an effort to stop posting as much as I can after I make this. —- Basically, what happened, is that I went in my living room to throw my trash away, since I’m cleaning my room, and I saw my dad, and immediately I got thoughts saying “ oh what if he’s watching this inappropriate thing “ and I got a groinal, but I didn’t freak out because this happens like incredibly often, so I ignored it. But then the disgusting thought of me and my dad doing horrible things came to my mind, and i was like “ yeah I’d do that and cry after” ,, and I immediately started panicking because I said that, because I’m scared that it means I want to do that, or I meant that I want to do it, but that’s not what I meant??? I was trying to say yeah if I ever did that, I would cry after, but a part of me feels like that I felt like I would do something like that while saying it, but I don’t wanna do something like that. But why did I feel like I would do it??? as I was saying it? I mean this happens all the time. I don’t know why this is the time it decides to make me freak out. Sometimes I have thoughts about doing bad and I’ll be like “yeah, I will do that and then feel like shit after, so why would I ever do that?” Idk, please help :(

hey guys! i’ve been recently struggling a bit with my rocd. it gets to the point where im like it just means this isnt right, and that im really obsessing because im scared to break up with them. but i dont wanna feel that way you know? it recently dawned on me that maybe the reason i freak out so much or have thoughts that id be fine without my partner is because i know i could handle a life without them? i get visions of that and feeling still happy. i dont want a life that does not include them but im having trouble being okay with knowing i can handle it AND feeling safe with accepting my thoughts my intrusive thoughts while still being with my partner who i love. it makes me feel like i SHOULD break up with them bc the thoughts give me that urge! the thoughts feel so real and like they must mean something and im having trouble conceptualizing WHY they come up and how to accept them while still having love for a partner. my main compulsions are ruminating and checking! any advice

Does anyone question that they'll go to hell because of your intrusive thoughts. I feel so scared about that because I grew up Catholic

I (15m)am a monster. I have done horrible things mistakes or not I don’t think people would ever forgive me. When I got into highschool when I was 14 I had a messed up mindset that being sexual was the way to go with everything and I was way to open to people who I just met. This led to me revealing personal things about myself that made others uncomfy and flirting with my friends all the time and making sexual jokes comments and just sexual flirting even when they said no (this was over text) Me thinking back on this makes me realize how uncomfy I made these people it’s sick I considered them my friends and ended up traumtizing them. One of them stopped talking to me because of my behavior they were scarred and they can’t even bring themselves to look at me and don’t even want me saying their name. Then there were these 2 guys who were older than me one was 16 one was 17. The 16 yr old was introduced to me by my online friend who is my best friend and I begged the 16 yr old for pics (idk how it started but after my friends ex randomly messaged me and sent me pictures and then blocked me right after I think I became addicted to chasing that high) the 16 yr old eventually sent me a pic but it was real and I stopped bugging him on it after that but i feel so bad I did that but my friend tells me not to feel bad cause the guy was weird but I still feel bad. Then the 17 yr old I did the same thing with him but went too far when I tried getting pics from him by using my best friends ass pics she sent me (she was 15) I don’t think I grasped how wrong this was but that’s not an excuse she eventually found it when I told her after she tried getting pics from the guy herself to try and help me and the guy got mad when she stopped talking to him cause we found it weird talking to him. I told her about how I sent the pics she said she felt sick but forgave me cause she thought I was gonna harm myself. Fast forward the guy told me after I had still been flirting with him that I s@d him (we never met in person ever) and I felt so guilty and apologized a lot and he got annoyed and told me that he had been kinda manipulative to me and kept me in a loop of mystery and I don’t talk to him anymore. But one of my other friends stopped talking to me after I was being by too emotionally taxing on him because I became very depressed and didn’t wanna life anymore and tried to stop lifing a few times. And now idk if I actually s@d someone if I did that to someone and now I think I’m a pdo and I think I s@d my baby cousins and my little brother and now I’m scared bf I can’t even get help because my parents don’t believe in therapy and even if I wanted to I’m scared because I don’t want to go to jail but I think I deserve it honestly why should a monster like me live. And idk how I can move on with my life ever why shouldn’t I be locked up if I ever got help like therapy I would go to jail and rightfully so I’m a monster.

Hey today I’m feeling very tired because of my OCD I’m just so tired of it. I feel I’m doing everything to get better. I disregard the thoughts, I’m trying to do things like I don’t have ocd but it doesn’t want to go away. I was doing fine for a long period of time and now I feel like I’m back a square one. It’s been almost 2 months now I’m battling with OCD and I’m just tired. Sure I have moments where it’s better than others, I also have days where I barely have OCD but I also have really bad days like today where I just don’t want to get out of bed. Last time I had a relapse it took my 4 weeks to get out of it I don’t understand why this time it takes me more. I’m starting believing that I will never feel better again. Anyway I’m gonna try to find the strength to get out of bed and to start my day. But I just wanted to share. It’s such a horrible illness.

Hi all, my ocd has been flaring up lately and I’m not sure why. I think it may be due to stress and anxiety involving school and the hurricanes (I live in Florida) anyways I keep having random intrusive thoughts involving my real event and a lot of false memories are popping up, they feel so real it’s like I can feel everything in them even though I haven’t actually felt them. It’s so weird, like sometimes I will watch a movie and be able to feel the texture of snow or a piece of clothing even though I’ve never felt it before. I have noticed when I get those “phantom” ? touch feelings that they cause a lot of false memory intrusive thoughts. I’ve also been having intrusive thoughts that because no one interacts with my posts on here that everyone hates me and knows about me and thinks I’m horrible and disgusting or that someone is talking about me behind my back and telling people to stay away from me and then I’m a horrible person. I hate OCD so much, I hate that I ruminate constantly on little things and mistakes I’ve made and things I can’t let go. I just hate it so much. Does anyone else struggle with these thoughts or even the “phantom feelings/touches” I’m not sure what to call them sometimes I also get them with certain foods or smells even if I hadn’t had them before or smelt them before. It’s so weird

Like 100% no doubt, just guilt and depression?

I keep having intrusive thoughts that I am in love with my ex. I’m so afraid if I don’t sort through the thoughts then I’ll get in touch with him? I don’t want to hurt my bf so I feel so sick and just overwhelmed.

My daughter has been in treatment her on and off for the last few months. She is 16 and has been in a ROCD cycle since July 8th. She hates therapy and the way it makes her feel. She doesn’t want to do it anymore. She had a 2 week period where she didn’t say her ruminating statements to me but is now back at it. What do I do? I can’t force her?