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My contamination ocd is taking over this week, and I'm tracking and isolating every time I touch something that's a trigger. Pretty frustrating.

Hi! For one of my exposures I’m practicing sitting with the distress from my OCD and not ruminating about my obsessions. I’m struggling with how to stop ruminating though because whenever I try the obsessive thoughts keep popping into my head and I can’t get them out. Does anyone have any advice?

Does anyone else experience this? MORNING • Whenever I wake up I feel okay-ish. I usually wake up 6 hours in and decide to sleep some more because I’ve noticed that helps me sometimes. • I wake up around two hours after that and feel immediately anxious and start to ruminate about whatever my brain can find. DAY • Anxiety has just increased and I’m an absolute mess. Most likely had a panic attack or two. NIGHT • Anxiety is calming down, I feel better. • As the night progresses, I feel almost back to normal ALMOST. I actually have an appetite. I feel happy, I can be with my family. I feel like I deserve love. • If I overdo it, tire myself out, I start getting anxious again. It loops like this every single day. Does anyone else experience this???

I was reading posts that might relate to what I’m going through. I encountered a few people with POCD who have physically checked (full self intimacy thing) their attraction as a compulsion. I am petrified of doing this and because I read about it I’m so scared my brain will make this a new thing. And ofc it’s something that pops up when I’m trying to do something intimate. How would I know that I’m checking vs having intrusive thoughts/intrusive thoughts about checking?

I’ve said and done so many hurtful things growing up, especially in elementary and middle school. I was very passive aggressive and mean for a majority of my life, and I’ve hurt peoples feelings. I’m no longer like that now, but every single thing I’ve ever done wrong replays in my head constantly, from the moment I wake up to the second I go to sleep. I know I deserve to feel the chronic guilt and shame, so I feel even more guilty pitying myself. It’s eating me alive, I’m so scared. I know people must hate me, and they have every right to. feel like I don’t deserve to have moments of happiness because I’ve taken that ability away from someone before. I’m not diagnosed, but this has been going on for years and I’m scared to talk to anyone about it because I fear they would look at me differently knowing I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. I feel like a monster. It’s ruining my life and I don’t know what to do.

Hello everyone, I’m coming on today to talk about my unique subtype of contamination OCD that I haven’t been able to find anywhere else online. FYI, I only recently found out that I had OCD after finally giving in and seeing a mental health professional about my severe anxiety and odd thought patterns that had confused me for many years. I have a huge fear of the internet, specifically types of content found on the internet. Roughly 4 years ago, I unfortunately fell into the world of adult content. I was young, and didn’t know the mental complications damaging content like that could cause. Eventually, I would start to get severe OCD surrounding the topic, having thoughts like,“what if my device has a virus or malware from visiting those sites? What if Instagram or Facebook knows I visited those sites? I don’t want that linked to me!” I was absolutely terrified of my device being “digitally contaminated” from viewing that content. I went as far as deleting and creating new online accounts CONSTANTLY, fearing that those other sites or apps had collected info about the adult content I had accessed on my device. I would constantly factory reset my iPhone, delete apps and reinstall them, even deleting and creating my email constantly. Friends and family thought I was insane, but this was the only way I could get relief. I was terrified by the thought of other online services collecting info about me viewing that content, since in the modern world most view it as a very taboo subject and not something people publicize. I really don’t know why I have these fears. I would still look at adult content online, but I was EXTREMELY cautious, going as far as buying a whole other device to look at it so I didn’t contaminate my main phone. Recently, my fears got so bad I completely got rid of my old phone, bought a new iPhone, deleted all my online accounts for the 100000th time, new email, even as far as a new phone number, with the fear of the content I viewed somehow being linked to my phone number that was on my device. I know, this all sounds really crazy, but it’s really hard for me to explain these thoughts and fears I’m having. Well anyways, I’m still having extremely scary thoughts, like, “what if my brand new phone is contaminated because I connected to the same internet connection as my old account?” And, “what if my new Facebook and Instagram accounts notice my IP address and link it to my old deleted accounts where I would look at taboo subjects and link it to my new identity?” I sent as far as setting up my new phone at a coffee shop so it didn’t immediately connect to my home internet, in case it somehow recognized me and linked me to my dark past. Everything had to go a VERY specific way in setting up this new phone so it would make me feel comfortable. I even wrote out a very long list of the order I was going to do things in. Unfortunately, a few weeks ago, I fell back into my old habits and visited an adult website on my brand new phone. Now I just want to get rid of my new phone. I keep comparing myself to everyone else, having thoughts like, “since they probably don’t visit adult websites, their phones are completely uncontaminated and safe, and all their online accounts are fine, where I’m stuck with a dirty online presence and unsafe and contaminated phone.” I didn’t even care if there were no signs of a connection. Even if everything was happening behind the scenes, on a computer somewhere, I hated the thought of being linked to my old activity and now my new, $1000+ iPhone feels like a piece of garbage, like it has this “aura” and feels contaminated. I don’t even enjoy using it anymore because of this in specific. Everything on it feels so dirty and unenjoyable to use. I know this sounds absolutely crazy, but I really have to get it off my mind. I feel like I’m going insane. I’d really appreciate some comments, maybe some who could relate to something similar or provide some insight. Thank you for reading!

Hellooo I am a student struggling with a lot of anxiety/ ocd symptoms so much so that I am now in a php program. My anxiety got very bad over having a bathroom accident to the point I wasn’t eating properly and when I started taking meds it just kicked my anxiety into overdrive due to side-effect potential and I am now…here. I’ve been in this program for a week and can say I’ve definetely improved A LOT. I’ve started to eat more and feel so much more at peace but a lot of that has to do with the fact that I am not at school and don’t have that giant stressor looming over me. I came on here to say that honestly speaking I am pretty scared to go back. I know it’s not good or the point of the program because eventually I’m gonna have to go back and am projected to go back in about two weeks but I am just so scared because school is quite unpredictable for me. I’m surrounded by a lot of people there and just have such a lack of control and I struggle so much. I guess I’m mourning the fact that in a few weeks this is all going to be over and this past weekend was one of the first weekends I’ve had where I wasn’t constantly thinking about Monday or thinking about how fast time is passing and generally just having the Sunday scaries all the time. It sucks a lot to feel this way and everyone I know tells me to take it one day at a time but it feels like that’s all I have been doing so far for these past two months and it just landed me here all the while I constantly had that “make it to Friday” mindset and I couldn’t even enjoy it since I’d just think about Sunday I hate the relationship I’ve developed with school and generally all of this. It feels so overwhelming and I just wanted perspective from people who have been through this or experience similar things to me this is more of a rant so sorry about that.

I’ve had very weird sexual religious thoughts and it has had a bad effect on my image of God and who he really is.

For context (if it’s even needed), I’m a 24, going on 25 male. Since I was a kid, I’ve always had anxiety. I never got treatment for it until I hit my 20s, because I was always able to get by relatively fine (just always seen as the weird/awkward kid). I was put on antidepressants, which didn’t really help me at all, and just seemed to make my panic attacks more frequent, so I stopped taking them after a year and a half. I did, and still do, tend to become non-verbal at random times over random things (especially around others, either people I’m meeting for the first time, or have known for years). I thought this was just another symptom of my anxiety. I believed this with all of my symptoms, such as fixating on nearly every intrusive thought that popped up, counting anything at random (such as having the same amount of food on both sides of my mouth, how many steps I took, how many times I tap my finger, how many cracks in the side walk, how many seconds I hold my breath, etc.), having to make sure when I bumped my leg for example, I’d purposely bump my other leg in the same spot until it felt even with the first one (this process typically takes multiple tries for it to even out, and sometimes includes pinching or punching certain places on my body without any intention of actually hurting myself), constantly fixating on imaginations of everyone I loves’ deaths, and how they would react to my own, hyper fixating on my foot placement between the cracks of the sidewalk, among other things. There’s a ton of other symptoms I didn’t include because I’m not trying to write a senior thesis paper lol. I always had my suspicions that I had OCD, however I always assumed most of the symptoms of it were from my anxiety (before putting 2 and 2 together and realizing anxiety is normally paired with OCD). It was mainly, due to the stigmas around OCD, the ‘needing things in a certain way’ that I attributed to my OCD. But then it for some reason never occurred to me that my anxiety was coming from a place where I felt as though I had to hide something about myself and if anyone found out, that it would absolutely ruin my life, despite not knowing what that thing is, as I’m a pretty open book and don’t really care for others’ opinions, and own my flaws. Almost like I have forgotten something about myself that I should be ashamed for. This I recently found was another possible symptom of OCD. This epiphany kind of put it into perspective of just how pervasive my OCD is in my life. I am not diagnosed, as I’m new to addressing my OCD, and I still struggle talking to anyone about my mental health. I also understand the stigma around OCD as just being the guy who is overly-neat (I wish that’s all it was, but here we are) and don’t want to give off that impression while talking to loved ones when it’s something that has such a grasp on my day-to-day life. For some reason I feel like people will think I’m lying about my experiences having OCD, especially because I’m not diagnosed (yet?). I just am curious if anyone has any ideas to help, besides getting a diagnosis, as I had read somewhere that a big part of OCD is stressing about the OCD itself, which just perpetuates the cycle, and getting a diagnosis would make it somehow more real than it already is. That may not be true at all, but my brain is fully convinced. I know I sound like I’m just making up excuses to not get diagnosed, but I just feel like there’s an invisible wall that is keeping me from doing it. I know I physically CAN go seek professional help, especially with this app, but every ounce of my body is terrified by it (even though I know I shouldn’t be). Honestly, just knowing I’m not actually insane, and there are other people who fully know what I deal with would bring so much peace of mind. (If you read all that, I apologize lol, but thank you).

I’m feeling like a burden because of everything bad that’s happening now. I haven’t looked into politics for my own mental health & stayed away. I was focusing on myself so much that I had forgotten about the election. I never participated back in 2020 when I was 18. I barely understood what was happening. I forgot about registration and I wasn’t even informed. all because I wanted to “be safe” for my own peace. I can say that I definitely wouldn’t have voted for the same president back then & now. but I wasn’t informed of other candidates due to my own negligence. I am still scared to form my own opinions. I am trying to be more brave little by little…..but because I’m open-minded, I like to hear what others say. and it just throws me around with the extreme words people say…..if I don’t do this, I’m “brainwashed.” if I don’t do that, I’m a “murderer.” and I don’t want to be labeled with such words. it’s already triggering hearing the possibility of me being that. although I may not get it a lot now, I have some idea as to what I believe. but I feel like I failed those people because I have been an irresponsible citizen. I’m sorry for failing you. I will do my best to stay informed for the next election. I will partake in midterms and local stuff to help the best I can. but I feel like me not voting this year was a major blow. I feel like I’m at fault for everything. I’m so sorry. I’ll become better.

I finally got my OCD confirmed a few minutes ago. I have severe OCD. I feel relief but at the same time I feel so scared because all of this feels much more real. My mom isn’t the most open minded so I could only tell her very little about my ocd, just scared of people dying is what I said. I can’t tell her about the harm ocd, the pocd, or anything else. I feel like I’m lying to my family by keeping all that from them. I haven’t been able to stop crying. I finally have a diagnosis :)

I really dont know what to do. I am engaged and time is runnin thin, my fiance- though very supportive and patient- wont wait forever. He said yesterday he'd like to have a yes or now by mid 2025. People tell me (even my therapist, who is specialised in OCD but doesn't seem to have treated ROCD especially) what i have is "NOT JUST rocd". Nonody denies my ROCD but they think its not just that. I tend to hope its just ROCD and that this is the reason why I can't fully commit and make the decision to marry and start planning it, but I am not sure cause of course you can have ROCD but ALSO like doubts based on real issues which are not obsessive thoughts? Cause I am so scared, so scared of the chance a marriage brings with it. I have trouble with big changes. I don't live with my fiance yet ( we are believing Christians so this is not an option for us ) which means marriage will be felt an even bigger Step and change. I also live in a big community (flatshare with people of different ages and backgrounds) in a small City and I LOVE it. My fiance doesn't, so we would live alone. He wants to buy a house, which means we would live more remote. Sometimes I am thinking ' when I am so scared of leaving this community, doesn't this mean I love the people I live with more than him?' Or is it just that I always loved fellowship and am always scared of big changes? I definitively have ROCD but as you see, but also a lot of Real issues. He also wants children soon He says he's ok with waiting for me to feel ready to get pregnant cause this is another thing: I want children but I do not feel ready for it and it scares me even more than marriage. He is a wonderful man, actually I am sure I'd never find one like him. My therapist thinks I'd have the OCD with another man as well but also he thinks I am scared of closeness. When I told him " well can't I work on this", he answered "no, that's just part of you" as I'd never had a Trauma where I'd been left by a Partner (this is my first relationship). This made me cry. I always leave after therapy very doen and puzzled. I don't know what to do I feel so lost. However I will decide, my decision will be based on my anxiety and OCD. Both future options scare me and make me feel hopeless...the thought of loosing him of us being seperated is terrible, but maybe this is just because I do not want to be alone and doesn't mean I love him :(

I can’t do elections or politics anymore I just can’t. I just voted cause I wanted to help… but people hate violently over picking a president. I’m crying while typing this. I’m scared there’s gonna be a war. I’m scared of everything right now. I’m scared of what my friend would think of me when she figures out I voted for trump. I just voted on what my parents voted for honestly cause I’m too scared and I don’t understand any of this. I’m terrified of elections. I don’t know if I ever want to vote again or stay in this country… at least my friend is nicer than some people…

I’m not asking for reassurance, i’m not even 100% sure if I have relationship/sexual orientation ocd, I just have been wondering this about myself for a while so if anybody has any thoughts i’d love to hear them. I’m a female, and bisexual. For the longest time I was so into guys, having crushes all the time and nonstop obsessing over them. But recently I got my first boyfriend and it made me realize that I’m not sure i’ve even ever liked the guys that I thought i did. I know that I wanted them to want me, but countless times, I would try to start something and end up being the one who hurts them because I realize I don’t like them like that. I think I knew i liked girls when I was around 12 (i’m now 19) but it has always been a different feeling than when I like guys. (preface: I know for a fact that I am sexually attracted to men) Me and the girl I have loved for over a year now have recently started to be more flirty sexually and it has made me question a lot of things. I know that when I see an attractive woman in the street, I won’t be attracted to her. I think it’s called demi-sexuality where you have to know the person first, so I always excused it as such. But the girl i love sent me a photo and I wasn’t turned on by it. it confused me because we have been together before physically and i loved it. i’ve tried looking it up but all i found is asexuality and situations that didn’t sound like my own. i know that i am physically attracted to women. i know that i am physically attracted to men. but when i see a man, i will automatically know that i am attracted to them. and this photo confused me because i know that i am attracted to her but her body just doesn’t necessarily turn me on? i’d like to think that it is just because i am more attracted to her personality, but this also brings out feelings that make me think about all the times when i would be so sure i liked a guy and then not like them emotionally. i wouldn’t want to start something with this girl and then feel like i’m faking being turned on by her body, even though i do want to be with her physically and in person. I also don’t find naked women attractive. I am pretty sure that i find naked men attractive. i am aware that i definitely have a preference for men, but i was so sure that i liked this girl. i cant see how i can like her and want to be with her physically but her body doesn’t turn me on, even though being with her does. (and no it isn’t anything about her body, i think she is perfect, it is just with any girl) if anyone has any thoughts i’d love to hear them because i am really confused. like i said, i am not even sure that i have these ocd subtypes, i think that anyone in my situation would also be confused and want to understand their feelings especially considering that i have never been in a successful relationship and at this point it has me wondering if i am even built for it if i am never able to be fully invested in a relationship whether it be emotionally or sexually. anyways, thank you for reading, i hope i can get some insight from someone.

The thoughts keep popping up in my mind I can't get a breake even as I type this I'm really stressed out because I'm so desensitized to this and it's scary like do I want the thoughts like I know I don't but why does ocd make you feel like you desire something when you DONT!! I've had thoughts like this before and they completely went away but I've never had thoughts like this long not like 4 days in a row usually when I have intrusive thoughts they go away just like that and im like ok thats disturbing but I guess with what's been happening to me brain is like nope you have to be this you want this nope you are this and I'm like OMG SHUT UP NO I DONT!!! I'm tired I don't want to give up I want my normal brain back

I have words that I want to say in a lot of different ways to see how I sound what?? It’s usually names but I feel the urge to say a specific name in a lot of different ways and sounds so I know how I sound and feel. Is this even ocd? Like it weird I’m not saying this with the same sound but I’m saying the word until I felt all the sounds I can say so how know how I sound or something. Like it’s super weird and it’s a word that relate to my Pocd (like name) that I want to say on a lot of different ways to check how I sound and I have the urge to do it. But I really don’t want to so I’m saying my name in a lot of different ways so I know how I sound

Why do I feel likw going with the flow was so much beter for me and that talk therapy/counselling so bad for me? So I have come to the conclusiom over the past few months that I have probably always had OCD or the way that I prefer to describe it is that I have always had the potential for my thoughts and feelings to become what we know as OCD BUT and here is the big BUT. Throughout my childhood and certainly my adultlife i found ways to cope with my negative intrusive thoughts and feelings and that was to learn that 1) I couldnt run away from them and that they didnt mean anything 2) To continue on with with life and what everybody else does by going to work, studying, having hobbies, exercisinh and having dreams and goals to work towards. So as we know these are all things that are good for our mental health whether we have a condition or not and they are also things that we should be doing or aiming for. So the angle I am coming from is that i beleive all of them years i was doing self learnt erp on myself without even ever hearing of erp and I beleive this because I basically continued with life whilst avoiding any urges that I ever got to do compusions or try to find out what my thoughts meant. I then feel that when I decided to go to talk therapy over some bereavement that I opened up the floodgates to OCD because I was now asking the reason of why do i feel or think this when really it doesnt actually matter because i was doing just fine as i was in the first place If anyone on here that has managed to understand OCD and get on a solid path to managing it or recovering from it can offer me there insight to this it would be so so appreciated because I think I finally understand it but its got so bad that i now question everything including my intuition

I'm scared because I keep remembering a memory of something I did when I was 3 while next to my sibling who was 1 at that time and now I'm scared I a*used her and that I'm an abusive, bad, evil POS! (I don't feel comfy sharing all the details, but I was a chronic m*sturba**r as a small child and I find that to be "sexually deviant" behavior because that's what I was taught being Catholic. However, I have a child development background and know some kids just "do this" and it doesn't always signify that you were a victim of CSA/you're an abuser or bound to become one... any advice on how to deal with this damn thought....

Hey everyone I just wanted to come on here and spread some encouraging words about some years ago I started showing some symptoms of ocd I still do today things have been very hard they seem to get better then go back to the same ole it can get rough you may feel like giving up, feel unheard, feel like no one can help you but I promise there is help give your life to god and he can heal you in ways no other can just fully trust and believe in him things will get better it’s only a matter of time trust I’ve suffered some of the hardest times this one really tragic event happen my intrusive thoughts were through the roof I was so scared I couldn’t eat, drink, shower, be on my phone or anything this lasted for a while I had to force myself to shower and eat but I still couldn’t during I contacted my aunt that’s a therapist she gave me some techniques to work through and redirect those thoughts it seemed to work for a little minute like 15 minutes maybe but I let those thoughts weigh me down again all the anxiety, panic attacks, depression, fear, worrying still to this day I can catch myself this way including intrusive thoughts that don’t seem to give me a break, constant fear and worrying, anxiety and the list goes on but I’m trusting and putting my faith in the lord that there will be a change talk to him guys also try a therapist here on this earth he placed professional people to talk to on this earth for reasons like this there’s been times where I’ve hated myself I wanted to give up I wanted god to take me off this earth even begged him at times feeling like my mom or no one really understood me thinking am I crazy is there something wrong no there’s nothing wrong, it would be like why am I having these thoughts this isn’t me please take them away and it just didn’t seem to get better but there is hope guys I am a living witness & so are many others this path can be rough but don’t you give up you may feel as if god doesn’t hear you but he does he does everything in the right timing 🙏🏽!! I love you all & god’s got you don’t beat yourself up! Psalms 23 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. A great gospel song hhpg- Yahweh- George alao, simmidele Tobi walker. Also guys look up Bible scriptures that relate to what your going through they will help God loves you all he’s a forgiving god!!!

My heart is hardened towards God. I don’t feel bad for anything anymore. I feel dissociated from myself. My physical body is here but I am not TRULY here. I don’t care about my soul anymore because i just don’t want to worry and be anxious. Am i in the wrong for this?