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I was wondering if anyone ever felt like something they did was intentional. For instance, I looked at a guys area and it felt intentional or automatic at the time and afterwards I felt extreme guilt. It felt like my eyes was fighting not to look but slowly just started too.

Hi everyone, I'm new to the app and this is my first time posting. I just wanted to see if folks could relate. I've struggled off and on with POCD for about 12 years. I also really struggle with false memories, thinking I have done something awfully inappropriate to children and that I just don't remember it. It's been really bad recently and I sometimes worry it's not OCD and that I'm just a terrible person in denial, or that I'm lying to everyone around me. It's so scary because it's so hard to tell what's real and what's not when it comes to my memories because even if I don't have a memory of doing something, it still feels like I have. I was babysitting my 3 year old niece a few months ago and my OCD was already in full swing and making me anxious. I sat on the couch next to her and she asked to sit on my lap so I put her on my lap but I scooched her to the side so then her butt wasn't on my lap and I made sure neither of my hands were touching her. I was so so scared that I was going to experience a gronial response since I was already worried about my OCD so I just couldn't relax because I was afraid that would happen. I did not end up experiencing a gronial response and in that moment I kept telling myself that I'm okay and I'm not doing anything wrong and I'm not experiencing any arousal because I knew I would worry after the fact that I did something wrong. I also just kept thinking to myself I hate this and this is my nightmare. I eventually got up because I couldn't experience the discomfort anymore. Now, after the fact, I am doing exactly what I thought I would. I'm worried I did something inappropriate, I'm worried I felt a gronial response, I'm not trusting any of my memories. It's just so hard and so frustrating. I want to feel normal but it feels so hard to live normally and not be worried if I've done something terrible. Just wanted to reach out to a group that I thought could relate when I'm feeling so alone!

This year got turned around when i lost my dog of 12years. I talked about this before, its a long process, it needs time, and i start to appreciate the process. What i will share is that my dog was 12 years old, he was a german shepherd and we kept him outside inna dog cage as every person here does. He started to get bitter as he became older, one time he attacked me cause i wanted to touch his legs, so after that i had a distant relationship with him. In time we got another dog and their relationship wasnt good, and at some time i got so angry that i thought if he kills this new dog i will beat him so bad, cause i was so angry and protective of my new little dog. I dont know how others will react to this, idk if it was ocd,it was just thoughts, but im still so protective of this dog, sometimes i think if another dog would attack him and kill him i would kill that dog too...maybe other pet owners feels the same too idk... But feeling that i would beat my own dog if he kills my other dog is making my feel shame now about myself, but maybe others would think the same in that situation... However because i was afraid of him cause he attacked, i was afraid to go to his cage again,cause he attacked me there and maybe he is protective of his place, so i stopped cleaning his cage, i only gave him food and water. My dad cleaned his cage but he couldnt do it alone all the time. So one day we realized he has worms on his body,we called the vet and he took out alot of worms,but it was too late cause he had very high fever,which in his age was very dangerous... He still survived some day but then one day he was just laying and breathing in pain... so we decided we dont want him to suffer anymore... It was a very painful experience, not knowing how he feels, if he feels safe,till this day i think he was horrified and it brakes my heart... I wasnt there with him in his last years as close as i was before, and i feel like he was sad, that i was with another dog. I was there with him in his last day but i feel like that was too late...That we shouldve done more things... Today i saw on the news dogs who were not take cared well and they were sick and while i was judging the people who done this i just realized we did the same. We didnt cleaned his cage that much and thats why worms attacked him(i think) and i just think that he couldve still live if we care for him, and it feels like we killed him... Idk if this is still part of grief and its a realization, or its shame talking and i shouldnt listen to it... Either way i feel bad and i wish i could change it but i cant... Thanks for your time

For years I’ve been struggling with trying to put together a routine for myself. I always end up filling my time with things that pertain to others. I see my friends all day, I like to see my boyfriend a lot (even though it’s only a weekend to weekend thing), and I’ll scroll social media. When I go on social media I tend to look at people who is no longer in my life. With this, I’ve come to a realization recently that I’ve put others over my own needs. I barely take my meds regularly because I feel like I’m constantly busy at peoples events, hanging out, or work. I don’t want kids but I’ve grown up in a family the idolizes the nuclear lifestyle despite not having it, and my boyfriend wants kids, so I feel like I’ve put myself in a position to lose my idea of what I want. Sometimes I don’t even know if I want to be with a man. I feel sometimes that people will leave me if I just do what will work for me. I could put down my drink and I think of how it will affect others, not myself. I’ve always wanted to travel and get out but I know my boyfriend wants to stay with his family so I put it on the back burner. I’ve started to get anxious about me losing out on my life and what I want to do. It makes me think I’ve always lost out on so many opportunities. I want to try to start small. Making sure I have a good routine for myself that I won’t break and then try to apply that discipline to the rest of my life. I’m just not sure how.

This shit bothers me to no end. How am I supposed to live like this? A massive contention and focus of my ocd has fallen on one of my coworkers that I get along with quite well. The problem is the fear that I have a crush on her or like her is so massive and extreme. Yetsterday was a particularly bad day…j need help. Already I was on edge because sometimes anytime I look at her my brain freaks out and starts spewing “what if you’re attracted to her” or “the possibility that your attracted to her is there” so my brain always kills me with this. Yesterday my manager asked me to fill up one of the tiny fridges and asked her to help me. Obviously this is horrible but I was super nervous and fearing everything but we get along well so it felt normal. The problem was I was talking a lot. Like I kinda didn’t stop talking. I’m not sure if this was a result of my adhd and nervousness clashing because I was so scared that I like her that it just naturally made me talk to her a lot but now it scared me because what if I was talking to her because I like her? And during the conversations I was never thinking “omg I’m talking to my crush” in fact I was thinking “what if I like her that’s why I’m talking this much?” “Or why am I talking to her this much if it’s a coworker” another problem is idk if I was just talking to much or just talking normally because maybe my mind is trying to confuse me but I’m not sure I need help

Hi. I am new here and I am really struggling. A friend of mine recommended that I join NOCD for support. I have been in a relationship for 2 years and 6 months ago, my partner lost his mother very suddenly. They did not have a good relationship, so his grief has been very complicated. I have been having a lot of ROCD and ever since she died I have been trying to find control by asking him how he feels, making him tell me things, etc, and it is so hard. Over the last 6 months he has pushed me away significantly and has taken out anger on me, usually just yelling or will ignore me or not let me touch him. we took a break last week because it has been so challenging. He is also acting out in certain ways like I said taking his anger out on me or he has a history of coping with alcohol, not often, but often enough. So I will constantly sit him down and ask him how he is feeling and I have all of these thoughts in my head that our relationship is doomed, I’m gonna be abandoned, nothing will ever be better, I am stuck, etc., that I constantly go to him for reassurance and he isn’t capable of communicating it to me right now. So I don’t know what to do? How do I soothe myself during this time and cope with the fact that I don’t know if things will get better or if they won’t… I hate ROCD!!!!!!

Hello, I wanted to share my experience and recovery journey with OCD, especially for those struggling with intrusive thoughts and anxiety. A few months ago, in August, I experienced a severe flare-up, and it was one of the most difficult times in my life. For context, I’ve always been an anxious person, and I’ve had tendencies that teetered on Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and OCD since I was young. However, this particular episode hit me harder than anything I’d encountered before. I developed intense Harm OCD after hearing a true-crime story from my mom. It only took one narrative, and suddenly I was overwhelmed by waves of anxiety, guilt, shame, and perhaps even anger, though most of it was directed inwardly, making me frustrated with myself and the people around me. I want to share a few insights that have significantly aided in my recovery, with the hope that they may be helpful to others. First, it’s essential to acknowledge that intrusive and obsessive thoughts will likely always be a part of the experience. Though this is uncomfortable and frustrating, accepting this reality is key to managing these thoughts without being overwhelmed by them. This also applies to intrusive emotions and feelings—yes, you can have intrusive emotions too. At my worst, I didn’t feel like myself. I felt utterly disconnected, as though I were a monster unworthy of existing. It took several months of consistent practice to reach a point where I could calmly use phrases like “maybe, maybe not” or simply agree with my intrusive thoughts. For example, in the throes of harm OCD, I would say, “Yes, I might harm my family while they sleep,” or “Sure, that seems like something I might do.” I know these thoughts are deeply unsettling, but it’s important to understand that this approach can be applied to any intrusive thought, feeling, or emotion. For example, with Relationship OCD (ROCD), one might think, “Maybe I will cheat on my partner,” or “Maybe I’m not attracted to them anymore.” The key is to embrace the discomfort and uncertainty. Though it feels terrifying when you’re deep in an obsession, the relief you’ll feel as you learn to live with these thoughts, rather than fight them, is invaluable. I can now go out and engage with others, something that once seemed impossible due to my social anxiety. My ability to navigate the world has improved drastically, and I’ve accepted that, yes, I will likely always have intrusive thoughts and some level of anxiety. I am unmedicated, though I am open to the possibility of medication in the future. However, I want to emphasize that it’s entirely possible to make progress without medication. If I can manage this, I firmly believe you can too. In terms of factors that can exacerbate OCD, being physically unwell has been a trigger for me. When I had the flu, for example, I convinced myself that I had Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) and could not feel emotions. If you’re feeling under the weather, know that your symptoms may intensify. Similarly, certain times of the month can throw off your emotional balance, especially for women. During these times, it’s important to be extra gentle with yourself. Hormonal fluctuations can exacerbate anxiety, so make sure to practice the techniques you’ve learned, even when you don’t feel at your best. It’s also crucial to remember that self-care is foundational in managing OCD. Skipping meals or neglecting basic hygiene can make it more difficult to resist compulsions. Take care of your body—eat, sleep, shower—these simple acts can have a profound impact on your mental well-being. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a close friend going through a hard time. Now, let’s discuss what helps manage OCD: As mentioned earlier, phrases like “maybe, maybe not” can be incredibly effective. These simple affirmations challenge the need for certainty and help disrupt obsessive thinking. I know that when you’re anxious, it can be tempting to avoid situations or interactions that trigger anxiety. However, I urge you to confront those fears head-on. The more you face your anxiety, the less control it will have over you. If you’re struggling with eating, even something as small as a cracker can make a difference. Celebrate small victories—if you resist an obsession once, instead of five times, acknowledge that progress. Above all, remember that self-compassion is vital. On the days when you feel overwhelmed or exhausted, it's okay to rest. You’re not broken. You’re not flawed. You deserve love, even when it’s hard to feel it. Finally, avoid seeking reassurance—especially from yourself. I know it’s tempting to tell yourself, “I would never do that,” but instead, try responding with, “Maybe I would do that. Maybe I wouldn’t.” This approach helps break the cycle of seeking certainty and makes the intrusive thoughts less overpowering. In conclusion, acceptance is not the same as agreement. It’s natural to slip up from time to time, but as you continue practicing these techniques, they will become more effective. I hope this message brings some comfort to anyone who may be struggling. There is a way forward, and you have the strength to reclaim your life. Good luck to all of you on your journey. You are worthy of peace and healing.

I’ve just moved into the dorms this fall, and I feel with that, I’ve developed all kinds of triggers for contamination ocd that I’ve never had before. I will never touch my carpet, or anything that has direct contact with my carpet because I have no idea whose feet have been there before me and I kinda have a fear of feet. I use both the dishwasher and I clean my dishes by hand because I’m scared that neither will be enough to clean my dishes alone, even though I hand wash them very thoroughly. Even after all this I don’t trust them to be clean. Sometimes I wash my dishes many times before using them. These are just a couple examples of the contamination things that freak me out. The worst thing of all is my shower. All my life I’ve felt like the shower wasn’t safe to some extent. I used to barely be able to get through washing my face before I had to peek out the shower curtain for the millionth time and checked if the bathroom door was locked, and I have had triggers in the past with contamination ocd in my own shower at home. But now it’s like a whole other level. My shower is a disgusting place to me even though I clean it often. And I know that I can’t just avoid showering, so I’m sort of forced into the erp on this one but I feel so much anxiety with every second that I’m in the shower. I try to ignore my discomfort and just sit with it but it still seems to get worse every day. I wanted to catch this obsession early by starting erp before it got bad but I feel like I’m trying erp and it still manages to get worse. Does this mean my fears are justified? Should I be afraid of my shower? Is something bad going to happen to me because my shower isn’t clean? I hate this.

Every time I'm in uni, or I hand in an essay and get any kind of feedback, I start panicking about having possibly said the wrong thing. I softened a very awful period of American history in the introduction of one of my recent essays, and now I'm absolutely terrified that I look like I'm uneducated on the topic or that I don't think it was a big deal, when I do. I do that after anything I say or do doesn't come out the way I want it to, and it's just culminating in a lot of anxiety today, because I don't want my tutors to hate me.

I am 21, a girl and still in college. I can't afford therapy . I would be so grateful to learn and try the erp practices from the community. Thank you!

How do you guys deal with suicidal thoughts? I feel such a heavy heart like it’s a never ending story My anxiety my intrusive thoughts the blue feelings out of nowhere feeling crazy? I try to say it’s gonna be okay but when? I’ve been dealing w this for almost a year now and I don’t know if it really gets easier there’s some good days but bad as well and whenever I have good days I think about how there’s gonna be bad days again and I’m gonna feel like that again and not knowing when is it gonna end I wanna live but it’s so hard it really is hard living so negative and thinking you shouldn’t live because I’m thinking like a crazy person like I’m not okay, just how? How do I go on with my life how do I not think so negative how do I make myself understand it’s only anxiety and I’m not crazy? It’s so hard my heart feels so heavy I hate it

Today my OCD is making me feel like a cripple. In the beginning of my relationship I wasn’t diagnosed and I struggled so hard with ROCD. When I realized I had OCD, I was slowly able to recover and it didn’t have power over my life anymore. A couple of days ago my partner unintentionally triggered my ROCD again. He asked me if I didn’t know him, would I still find him physically attractive? Now I genuinely don’t know the answer to this question… I tried so hard to imagine what I would think if I did not know him, and I really don’t know, and that is making him feel even more concerned. I can’t really remember my first impression of him, but I know I wasn’t infatuated. My ROCD is really triggered in the back of my head. It’s making me wonder if I am genuinely attracted to him or just used to him because that’s exactly his concern. And because of how important this is, I’m obsessed with giving an honest, accurate answer. I feel so stuck. Do people normally know the answer to this without much thought? I don’t know what to do… admitting my ROCD was making me struggle again made me so deeply sad. I feel alone in my struggles and that no one in my life can really understand how much OCD can hurt.

Hi, I need some advice please. My girlfriend has been in Mexico for a week and she’s gonna be there for two more weeks. She’s on vacation and I’m so excited for her and I’m so happy but she’s really bad at communicating. She’s really bad at texting and I know that, but my anxiety makes me make up things like she doesn’t care or she genuinely doesn’t wanna talk to me and it makes me panic. so I wanna ask her if she could communicate more but I don’t know how and I don’t wanna sound needy or annoying.. So I haven’t but I feel the anxiety of not know about her day.

At times, my intrusive thoughts get so intense that all I can do is lay frozen in my bed and hope I fall asleep, and usually I do even if I'm not tired. My brain just wears me out and I wanna escape through sleep. (Sadly it doesn't work all the time)

I don't know why I am like this. I was getting to know a guy, flirting, in talking stages but I felt more drawn to him as a friend and I let him know. He told me he appreciated letting me know but that he can't stay friends with somebody he is really into. I haven't known him very long but I noticed I was getting attached very quickly, we were hanging out online a bit and messaging a lot, and so now it feels like the whole world is crashing down. I am so afraid that I will never feel like anyone is right. He is so sweet and we have so much in common, yet why am I still thinking about another guy that manipulated me? Do I have PTSD from my ROCD experience, or am I just this terrible person? I know I have to work so much on my OCD but I don't have the money for a NOCD therapist. I am genuinely so scared of being.

I have had ocd/NOCD for a while and recently cheated on my gf bc I had excessive thoughts of maybe if she isn’t the one maybe I should just be w a man I’d make my family happy and my mom happy and my friends and everyone would just be happy and I don’t have to worry about the thought of being the black sheep in my family bc I used to be so loved and being called the “favorite” child. I loved making my mom proud and happy but when I started dating a girl everything changed, she said I was a different person even though I was the same loving daughter that just wanted to make her proud but I couldn’t love who I wanted or be just me. I became bitter and ugly throughout my relationship and carried that with me and that’s the thing, I let myself go and didn’t stay strong for my gf. I betrayed her and also let my family win and let myself down. My family never or hasn’t asked me about anything in my recent life or asks me how I’ve been doing in the 4 years I’ve been away from them…I lost everything just for that one moment of forbidden mistake I can never look back on. I can’t talk to anybody bc that relationship “wasn’t ever real” “you’re dating a gurl” “it’ll never be like dating a man” “you just need a man” “sex is different” “you’re not gunna be happy” all these thing stuck to me for years and hearing those words coming from family that you love, words matter and I always told my gf at the time that my love language was physical touch, acts of service, and quality time. But I never mentioned words of affirmation really, but looking back that’s all that mattered to me and it affected me and made me into an ugly person. I always said that actions speak louder than words and to a certain extent they do but it’s what drives ppl to also do things that motivated them, what they heard to do those things to push them. To go crazy, to go workout, to cheat, to go on a walk early in the morning, to get plastic surgery bc someone said something that they felt so insecure about that it hurt them, or maybe it’s a battle with themselves. Point is words mean a lot especially from people they love, family and close friend, even someone random and it’s your actions that make you move and do things but it’s what you hear for you to do those things. Even things you think of in your head, words are the seeds to your garden. That’s something that I’m learning everyday, so if you have to block and get rid of the people you love because they aren’t happy with your life and want to control it, really ask yourself if it’s worth having them in your life. Sorry for this being so long and thank you for reading.

Right now, i’m waiting for a response from my partner. Yesterday, we got into a serious conversation about the repeated cycle of reassurance seeking and extreme anxiety. he’s been so incredibly patient but I think he’s hit a crosswords in that if I don’t make serious, healthier changes, he does not see the relationship continuing in a healthy or meaningful way anymore. This morning, I told him I wanted to give him space and to respond once he felt comfortable. I attended a support group today but I am consumed with spiraling, obsessive thoughts due to his lack of response now that it’s 5pm and I sent that text at 8am. I dont want to overwhelm him but i just dont know how to sit with the uncertainty. I feel like his lack of response and communication today means he wants to break up. I feel sick and cannot eat. I dont know what to do- any suggestions or thoughts?

Does anyone know of any rehabilitation centers for mental health? My ocd has gotten bad today to the point where I feel like leaving :( and desperately get help . Ever since I began medication months ago I been feeling fine but all sudden I feel like my episodes are rapidly coming back. I’m more responsive to them. I find myself ruminating more and engaging in compulsions. I feel embarrassed that my family would have to know if I considered making that choice of leaving . It’s never gotten to this breaking point , or at least I don’t think. I’ve been through this a billion times and each time it feels like it’s the worst and it’s gonna be the one that will permanently take over me and my full control. I’m from Elkhart, Indiana. Or if there’s anyone here that can talk to me I’d appreciate it I feel so alone right now and I’m more vulnerable because I’m home alone and I don’t have many friends. I’m scared that I’m gonna lose touch with myself. I don’t wanna lost my values or stop feeling my normal self. It feels real and scary. I want it to stop.

my bf basically told me he dosent feel like i love/ like him as much as he does (i will not get in detail he didnt use the word love or like) amd i know he thinks that bc of how i bahave (many times my thoughts take over me) amd i feel sad and with no emotiona at the same time, i feel bad does this mean i dont love him, im so lost and drained

I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but when I learned more about it, I never related to anything more. A little back story: when I was younger, there were a couple of youth suicides in my area and the schools felt the need to have someone come in and talk about suicide. Well the person they had come in did a horrible job teaching it and basically made it seem like the smallest negative emotion or feeling or change in behavior made you suicidal. This ended up scaring me so much that I got horrid anxiety. Fast forward to now, Everytime I feel anxiety and panic, I fear I'm going to kill myself. Everytime I feel down and depressed, I fear I'll end it all. I'm scared to be around anything sharp because the "What if" I hurt myself comes into my mind. There are always intrusive thoughts at almost every point of the day. And it's not only for me. Everytime I hear someone being negative, I fear they will be suicidal. I know in my heart that none of this is true but it's terrifying me that it's stuck around so much that it makes me scared that maybe it is true. I've had a lot of death in my family in the past year and a half and a lot of other family drama that I'd never had before that is now also bringing up existential intrusive thoughts. And I'd never questioned anything about life before but now I get the "why is life like this?" and "does anything we do matter?" and I hate it. I don't want to think like that. I just want to go through life being able to handle things normally again. It terrifies me even right now going "what if you give up?"