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Help me! I acted on a compulsion and now I feel like want to keep doing it. I’m scared. I had been doing okay for these past two days but idk. What should I do?

since i want to become a teacher and i am in my last year of university, i just feel like pocd makes it so hard for me to be passionate about being a teacher again because the intrusive thoughts have convinced me that i’m a p and i shouldn’t be working with children and i’m a horrible person who doesn’t deserve anything . i’m so scared to even work with children because of the intrusive thoughts and how it would just make me disgusted with myself so i just avoid children. The thoughts make me feel like i want to unalive myself and somehow they convinced me i am a p and i just want to throw up because why is this in my head i just want to rip it out and just run away from everything. I’ve been through sexual abuse as child and i would never want to harm a child and i don’t want to do anything with a child. i don’t know what to do for the future. I don’t want reassurance i just want to know how to deal with these thoughts . Also since i’m on my period i heard that ocd is more amplified on intrusive thoughts so it’s probably why i feel like this and it’s so much more intense than usual.

That’s kinda my question. All my thoughts feel so realistic and so now I doubt if they are ocd and if I just can’t make my mind up about something and I’m using ocd as an excuse or something idc I feel like this post is word vomit.

One of the major concerns with contamination OCD is bodily fluids. What I’m specifically looking for help with is related to sexual activity. I’m going to write in the comments a bit about my journey, but I’m going to get right into what I want advice on to spare you all the time! Recently I was going on some dates with a guy and he was frequently coming over. We’d have sex and then be going about our lives. Spit, semen, and whatever else felt like it was everywhere, and all I wanted to do was get rid of it. Avoid touching anything and disinfect, but clearly to someone without OCD that doesn’t even go through their head. He picked up his phone, started messaging friends, touched things in my room, door knobs, etc. I was mentally keeping track of everything so when he left I could wipe them all down (excessively) and avoiding touching anything myself. I had to wash all the bedding, shower, wash my hair, etc. Then he was coming over again two nights later and I was gonna have to do that all again? It seems like the cross contamination is the issue here, can’t touch this and then touch something else because it will just infinitely spread whatever contamination is being perceived to each subsequent thing. But it seemed like he was just able to go about his life, and from the behaviours I try to observe from friends etc. other people don’t seem to do all that. Friends have invited me over, told me about sex they had the night before, invite me to sit in their beds and clearly haven’t washed anything (which I try to find somewhere else to sit or awkwardly stand lol). Also I’ve never been in a relationship, but I imagine if you are a couple and spending every night together like you aren’t doing all that… So I turn here for some advice on how to fight this or to help get an understanding for what’s normal… anyone have some tips? Just want to feel more equipped cause I’m tired of avoiding parts of my life to accommodate these fears (more info in comments).

I feel I'm a boy, even though I was born one. I feel like I cant live my life without being one, and it feels like if I was too live my life as a female It just wouldn't be what I am. I don't identify as anything, but lately I've been really uncomfortable about my body because of my ocd. I will get intrusive thoughts on forcing myself to be a girl, and what not. I'm also struggling because I go to a small town, and have to go to the girls lockeroom everyday. I also have to sneak into the bathrooms when nobodys looking to make sure they dont see me go into the females bathroom. In public I use the men's bathroom, and am always seen as Sir. Yet when it comes down to family, church, and school I am seen as she. I have came out about it to my mom, aunts, and lots of other family members, but some don't even talk to me because of it anymore. I've told my paster and he's accepting, yet I'm so scared to tell the others. And my school doesn't accept it at all. I feel I should give up on my identity because it's bad that I'm a boy. Idk what to do but it's been bothering me all day it just won't stop looping in my head

Hi everyone, I’m reaching out here because I know this community understands the daily battles of living with OCD. Recently, I hit a really dark place and tried to take my own life. It’s been hard to admit, but I’m still here, and I’m trying to find a way forward. OCD feels relentless sometimes—the intrusive thoughts, the constant doubt, the cycles that never seem to end. It became so overwhelming that I didn’t see a way out. I know I need help, and I’m working on reaching out to professionals, but I also wanted to connect here. To those who’ve been in a similar place: What helped you keep going? How do you manage the darkest moments when OCD takes over? I feel like I’m holding on by a thread, but I’m holding on. Any advice, words of encouragement, or personal experiences would mean so much to me right now. Thank you for reading this, and for being part of a space where we can be honest about our struggles.

Hi everyone, I've been diagnosed with OCD since I was in 7th grade, and im currently 21, sometimes I question my self saying things like: Do I really have OCD? Because it doesn't feel like it and sometimes I don't know if a thought is OCD or not. Lately i've been having these thoughts about leaving my girlfriend because I don't feel in love, even tho we have fun together, I get a lot of memories of all the things I did in the past that wasn't good like watching porn while in the relationship and think to my self. If I did that it may mean that I was never in love with her and much other things and I have the need to start over. It is ironic because I think to myself, nothing is perfect and we are bound to make mistakes but I keep seeking to be perfect, I also have been obsessed with her weight and face details and been comparing are relationship before and now. I also been looking up information to see if other people have the same thoughts and when I don't find them I feel so nervous and horrible thinking to my self, then im a horrible person. I find it hard to have sex with her because I get these thoughts or im focused on her body or another thing and get erection dysfunction. I've left porn for almost a year and don't want to turn back to it because it was affecting my sex life and even tho im not consuming it I still sometimes can't have sex because I worry that I won't feel anything, that maybe I don't love her enough, maybe she is not sexy enough, that maybe I didn't like her from the beginning thous why im not having an erection. She is always ready to have sex but im not feeling like having sex and then the thought comes, that means I don't love her, and im scared that it is really me, I had almost the same experience with my last relationship even tho it had some toxic traits to it, I remembered that I felt the urge to leave her because it didn't feel the same as in the beginning. Now reflecting on it, and since im having the same experience almost (thought wise) But my girlfriend is nice to me, understands my OCD, and is willing to help me, she has always been faithful and has cared for me, I don't want to lose her and I want to give her my best, but all these thoughts make me doubt my relationship, and I don't want to have these doubts, I want to feel ALIVE and have the same energy that my girlfriend has with me. I want a happy ending for both of us but Im scared that I might brake her and make her feel bad, she's always talking about the future and I don't like it because it is like, what if we brake up and we did all of this. Why am I thinking this? but it feels so real. Constant reassurance seeking, constant thoughts of the scenarios of me staying or leaving the relationship, me comparing how I felt in the past versus know, me comparing how I felt about her in the past. I want to write everything down here to make it as detailed as posible, Me questioning my OCD and im always aware of what I think, feel, do with her. It is so distressing, Ive been like thinking about the same thing for 3 weeks, almost all day, there isn't a moment where I don't think or ruminate about it. I want to just live life, without the constant doubting, and I know must of the answers but still keep creating scenarios of what if's. And it doesn't have to with be what if, just general questions. I know that it might happen in another relationship since it feels as the first relationship minus the toxicity. But what if it doesn't and Im in the wrong relationship, this is maniac.

I don't even know if I should put this here, but I have the greatest girlfriend in the whole world, and I love her very much, but my thoughts keep saying I'm going to hurt her, so I can hurt God and idk what to do, I feel so disgusted and idk what to do, and the worst part is why does some part of me just not even care idk what to do anymore, it's almost like I'm turning into this horrible person and idk what to do, I'm really not sure what to do. I have really been able to be happy I just feel like I don't deserve it and I want to care about people and God and I want to be a good person, but a part of me shuts off my caring nature and idk what to do, I'm really freaking out because it's like IDC and idk what to do I just feel so nasty and scared because why don't I feel like I care. Why does it feel like it's something I wanna do idk, what to do I'm really freaking worried. Also I don't want OCD but a part of me says I need it or I like these thoughts and idk what to do, as im writing this i just feel like laughing and idk what to do, i really judt want jesus to hug me and say everything will be alright, i am such a monster....

Question for those who have recovered? Why is it that when a flare up occurs it seems to like to hold on for 3-4 days and then dissipate 🧐 OCD no longer grips me nearly as roughly as it did, I’m just curious if anyone else has experienced this. It’s almost like a strong drug that must wear off once the flare up happens. Anyway hope you all are having a great month and enjoying whatever holiday you celebrate. For me is Christmas so Merry Christmas everyone!

Last night, I had a panic attack/OCD attack over Solipsism OCD. I had a feeling that I will feel this panic in my stomach and this Derealization forever during it. I had a panic attack like this a few months ago from THC and left me in a state of constant DPDR and made my OCD and anxiety deteriorate. Since that THC panic attack i’ve been doing much bettter until last night when it went to absolute hell. I feel like i’ve relapsed my recovery and feel the same awful state I was in 2 months ago. Still bothered by Solipism OCD and want to know has anyone had an awful episode like that and fully recovered and is no longer bothered by Solipism/Existential OCD. Last night really ruined my confidence and motivation for recovery and just need some support and motivation.

I just realized that I have this compulsion where i search ocd forums up and down, looking for someone describing the exact scenario/event that im obsessing over right now. Otherwise it’s like i cant convince myself that it really is ocd. Its so stupid because even if I find what I am looking for, I know it is only giving me temporary relief. I was just about to post a description of the theme/scenario here, but I am proud that I stopped myself ⭐️

Tonight is one of the hardest nights I’ve ever had with harm ocd. It’s really one of those nights I’m doubting it’s ocd. I’m having panic attack after panic attack and it’s been the past couple of days where it’s been its highest. I’m doing everything I can to cope, like a hot shower (in the middle of a panic attack, hardest thing ever) skin care, turning my diffuser on and skincare. I took a klonopin but it hasn’t kicked in yet. My brain is beating me up with thoughts like “who thinks like this, you’re a serial killer! A murderer! You should be locked up!” Watching my family around me have peace and be normal is so hard because I’m here struggling to just lay down and relax. Part of me feels like I’m gonna lose my mind and end up in the hospital tonight. I just need positive reinforcement and people who can relate. Are you guys there?

the thoughts are getting MUCH worse i need help someone please help me i don't know what to do. before it used to be different in the 5th grade but over the past 2 years it changed forms. no one knows about these thoughts. i cant bring myself to tell a trusted adult. i just need help i keep getting attacked with these thoughts.

I always come back to feeling like I want to stay with my boyfriend and be with him throughout my life. Like always. I’ve done all the rumination and checking and after those, and even with a feeling deep down, I know I want to be with him. I’ve never felt what I feel for him anyone ever. I truly treasure what we have and after all my compulsions even then I know I wouldn’t be as happy with anyone else that’s not him. When I picture moving forward in my life I want it with him. I’ve even felt so sure that he’s my soulmate and I want to be with him forever. But I saw a collage of my mom and dads life together and suddenly I had this overwhelming feeling like I don’t want that with my boyfriend :( it felt like a “realization” that I don’t want a future with him and in my head I was imagining ways to tell him. But I know that if I were to go through with that then afterwards I’d feel like I lost the absolute best thing for me. But if that’s the case why can’t I see a happy future with him??? If that’s true then why can’t I see any other situation that feels right for me???

I was out today I was actually feeling good and I was just living the day when I get home I start getting like feelings like I’m bored I should do something crazy or my harm ocd thoughts starts popping out like to do something risky just because I’m bored and it freaks me out because I feel like I can’t be still without thinking those thoughts and they freak me out because it makes me think like I’m actually sick for thinking that way just because I’m bored why can’t I be like I used to just be home and not think of doing bad things because they aren’t good thoughts idk part of ocd as well?

So I've had OCD since I was a child. Like really young. The first intrusive thought I can remember was when I was 5. It just keeps getting worse and lately they've been making me physically ill or throwing me into extreme panic attacks again ( ones where I can't move my body ) the other night I thought God was trying to kill me because I was thinking about ending myself from OCD+ life issues but in reality I was just having a panic attack😭😭it affects me daily. It gets a little better with therapy but I don't see therapy coming into my life any time soon and I'm not even sure if I would want to go (for multiple reasons). To wrap this up if you have severe ocd can you tell me what it's like?? I don't want to label anything without proper research and hearing others perspectives. Thank you!! <3 (My profile says all of my subtypes if that helps any)

Hi everyone, I’m struggling with what I believe is ROCD, but it feels so real and overwhelming that I don’t know what to trust anymore. I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences, hoping someone can relate and maybe help me feel a little less alone. Lately, I’ve been feeling completely disconnected and numb toward my boyfriend. I don’t know if I love him, and I’m constantly questioning my feelings. Sometimes when we’re together, I feel like I don’t want to talk to him, or I find him annoying, boring, or even cringe. Then, I feel immense guilt because he’s a loving and caring person who doesn’t deserve this. I have these intrusive thoughts that say: • “You don’t love him.” • “You’re just pretending.” • “You’re fed up with him.” • “You want someone else.” Sometimes, it doesn’t even come as a question like “What if?” — it comes as a statement, which makes it even scarier. And because I feel numb or indifferent when these thoughts come, it feels like they must be true. I’m also terrified that this isn’t ROCD, that maybe I’m not experiencing anxiety at all, and that these thoughts reflect how I truly feel. This fear is paralyzing and makes everything worse. I feel trapped, wondering if I’m just in denial and avoiding the truth. When I’m with him, I get caught in mental compulsions like: • Checking my feelings constantly to see if I feel love. • Comparing how I feel now to how I used to feel. • Seeking reassurance by thinking things like, “If I didn’t love him, would I feel this bad?” • Replaying memories to convince myself that I care about him. • Reading posts about ROCD to feel better, but the relief never lasts. I also feel like I’m ruining my relationship day by day. I get irritable and rude, and I know it hurts him, which makes me feel like a horrible person. I worry that I’m pushing him away and that one day he’ll give up on me, and it’ll be all my fault. Sometimes, I have moments where I feel happy to see him, and that confuses me even more. I recently saw him for a few minutes while I was out with my friends, and I felt joy seeing him. But when we’re together for longer, my mind gets flooded with doubts and fears again. I hate myself for feeling this way. I feel like I’m failing him, and failing myself. I’m scared that I’m in denial, that I don’t really love him, and that I’m forcing myself to be in this relationship. The numbness makes me feel like I don’t care, but deep down, I want to care. I want to love him, feel happy with him, and just be normal. But my thoughts keep telling me otherwise, and I feel trapped in this loop. If anyone has gone through something similar, or has any advice on how to manage these thoughts and compulsions, I’d be so grateful. I just want to know that I’m not alone, and that there’s a way through this. Thank you for reading. 💔

does anyone else feel this dread?! i don't have a diagnosis, and with each passing day it seems like the symptoms get stronger and stronger. It seems SO real, the sensations, the thoughts, the "urges"..i don't know if i have compulsions. something tells me that i only suffer because i don't accept this. but these thoughts sadden and distress me, that's a fact. i've seen some documentaries about anti-contact p3d0s, or p3d0s who are abusers..i "identify" with these symptoms only on "impulse", like, when i feel like committing acts, but i clearly don't do them because they make me very scared and terrified. and the "desire", because i really it seems like i want this.. this makes me want to die.

Hi all. Idk why but this is suddenly popping into my brain. I’m trying to recall past character obsessions. Idk what fictional crushes feel like/don’t really remember? I just get a sense of excitement seeing the characters on screen if they’re there or chills if it’s a good impactful scene. The only fictional crush I can sorta remember is hiccup from httyd, loved him since I was a kid. He’s cute and funny and a gentleman. Dream guy. I wouldn’t say he brings me much excitement anymore, I’m 19 now so I’ve outgrown the series but it still holds a special place in my heart. I’ve never thought about the characters in a sexual way or romantic way. I have watched/listened to erotica of certain characters when I was younger but stopped doing that a couple years ago cuz.. eh? Wasn’t my thing anymore. (Think mha). Idk if I have a character/celebrity crush like that anymore Anyways. I bring this up cuz now I’m sitting here wondering if my fictional crushes (that idk if I’ve had) and also celebrity crushes mean smthn about my sexuality that I don’t want. Like what if I liked more women than man characters? Does that make me a lesbian? I’m bisexual for context. And it’s bugging me a bit. But not making me as anxious as thoughts usually do. Maybe it’s cuz I’m half asleep typing this and it’s finals season and I’m internally dying lol. But like. It’s bugging me. What about celebrity crushes. Idk if I’ve had a full blown crush on a female celebrity, or a male one for that matter. I just think they’re cool, pretty/handsome, whatever. But never romantic or sexual. Is that normal? Most times it’s just “oh that outfit is nice, their makeup looks wonderful, who did her hair?” Does this say anything about my sexuality. I know I like men but my brain is in the loop of trying to convince me I only like women and I don’t like the thought cuz I love my boyfriend. Like if I see like Halle Bailey on my screen I’ll stare cuz she looks great but same goes for tom Payne. Idk what a celebrity crush really looks or feels like so idk if I’m feeling the right things or if I’m in denial of being a lesbian and the only crushes I’ve had are on celebrity men (which isn’t true cuz I’ve had crushes on actual men before and always have, women just got added to the mix when I was in high school, I’ve dated one or two women since figuring it out and it didn’t go great, so maybe sticking with men will work out for me. Idk. I do really like men, their bodies are less complicated than a woman’s but still really nice. This kinda loops into my ROCD too, am I finding my bf’s body/face attractive enough) Like seeing simu liu with his shirt off in shang chi for the first time sent my friend and I into whiplash cuz DAMN? But also seeing scarJo as black widow makes me excited. I didn’t feel anything as a groinal response for either of them just excitement and wow they’re cool actors and attractive. And I’d like to be black widow cuz the outfit and kickassery is great So summary: What does a fictional crush feel like Does it say anything about my sexuality cuz I’m worried it does I’m worried I’m in denial I’m a lesbian and that the fictional characters were a tip off to that even tho I’ve mostly liked and dated and enjoyed my time with men. Every time I feel decent about my attraction to men, specifically my bf cuz who gives a fuck about any other man when I have him, I go back to the “am I faking it? Is it comphet?” And I’m worried I don’t feel enough when I know it’s just the honeymoon phase wearing off and the more I chase the feelings the more they’re gonna run away but I cannot help but analyze and check and read everything I can to make sure I’m not a lesbian and am genuinely attracted to him cuz lately I feel nothing around him. Not even when I say I love you and it bugs me but doesn’t cause me much anxiety anymore. Idk if it’s cuz a backdoor spike or because I’ve gotten used to the thoughts bouncing around. I haven’t gotten to the accepting them as thoughts bit cuz I’m worried that if I accept the thought it means i accept the idea (ie if I accept “you’re gay” as a thought, it means I’m gay I know that’s not what accepting the thought is about, it’s about “ah cool thought brain” but I can’t seem to believe it and let it go)

Much love to all Military Veterans. I was reading an article of a soldier that is still alive that survived that day in World War 2 , he is 104 years old, God Bless .