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When my schizophrenic and ocd ahh won’t let me comment on celebrities posts and be supportive cause my delusional ass thinks they’ll reply and try and lure me and take advantage of me etc

I know he’s not cheating on me. He’d never do that and, as hard as I try to tell myself “he’s proven already that he’s not” and show myself all the signs of commitment and dedication, I still have that fear. It’s eating at me and ruining my relationship. How do you guys get over this? If my brain were true he’d have been cheating on me for months in ways that aren’t even possible. It doesn’t make sense if I think about it logically but it seems like when I do, I create in my head more ways for it to be logically true. What is your advice? How can I stop self sabotaging?

I hate that to this day I still struggle with porn. I've been seeing disturbing things when I look for safe content and it happens a lot because porn is just so fucked up now. Back when I was a young teenager I saw really uncomfortable, disturbing things and some of that stuff is still here even when I try my best not to see them. I try to make searches specifically geared towards real and fictional adults but I get playlists that involve fictional minors or really extreme taboos. I don't want to struggle with this anymore and it's taking a toll on my mental and physical health. I might have to just stop using my phone for a while altogether. I really hate that I deal with this and I feel alone in it. I can't talk to anyone about this in person except for my therapist. I just feel really helpless about this.

Hi , I have Sensorimotor Ocd and i dont know exactly what to do because it feels like everythings a trigger and i just want to be alone without it , Every day after school i want to watch tv , Play Video Games or just lay in my bed in peace after an exausting day but i cant stop thinking about my sensations and i basically have all of them Swallowing , Breathing , Saliva and Blinking. Every time i research it triggers something even more and im just wondering how to stop getting triggered.

Omg just googled childhood signs that you’re a lesbian and loads say they played online games and pretended to be a boy and date or make out with girls! I used to play Habbo and do shit like this or I just didn’t dress as a boy! I feel sick. I feel doomed. I want to be free of this. I don’t want to be with a girl!

When my symptoms spiked, I went onto Reddit, unknowingly seeking reassurance. I remember I went on and "researched" for a couple of hours, and suddenly felt like I'd solved everything. About an hour later, I felt like I needed to go back and check one more time. Then again, and again. It got so bad that I'd spend like entire days on there or just online searching up my experiences. I can't believe it got out of control that quickly when I look back on it. A couple of weeks later, I began suspecting OCD, and that's when I saw a video on YouTube talking about compulsions. Immediately, I forced myself to stop researching and going on Reddit. It ended up being tougher than I thought, and there were a lot of nights I spent curled up and crying from the anxiety I felt, but I've since then successfully stopped doing it. Unfortunately, the time I spent on Reddit had worsened my OCD and I adopted on a lot of intrusive thoughts that I'd read about in other peoples stories, if that makes any sense at all. And, a lot of the stories on there were a lot worse and more graphic than my own, which did not help at all. I'll just say that going on there definitely did more damage than good in the end. :( I've been learning to accept that I don't need to "solve" or find an explanation to my thoughts. I do think that for me, the OCD did stem from trauma in childhood, but I don't need to dig deeper than that right now. Especially without guidance. The reason I wrote this post is because I can't sleep, and I'm bored, so I thought I'd write about something to calm my thoughts a bit. 🤍

I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???

TRIGGER WARNING: ^just in case! I had just thought of making this post today. I know no one has really been keeping track of my journey with the OCD themes I have been struggling with. Or really knows at all. I did, however, want to share a light hearted update. I hope this may help anyone who could possibly be struggling with the same themes. I apologize if there are any typos or run-on sentences where it may be confusing! I’m trying to avoid making any errors! This will be a long post but hopefully a helpful one. I want to first start with backtracking a bit. The first time I posted on this app was 2 years ago and I was TERRIFIED. It’s not everyday you hear someone struggling with transgender OCD or sexual orientation OCD. It’s more common to hear about someone struggling with harm based OCD or relationship OCD. I for whatever reason one night had the thought that I was transgender. This jolted me awake and I could not go back to sleep. I don’t think I had put too much attention on my gender identity or in anyway felt deeply connected to my gender identity. I knew I was a woman and I didn’t think too much of it. I knew women have different behaviors and mannerisms than men. However, I genuinely just didn’t pay that much mind to it. This wasn’t until I had this random thought while I was trying to go to sleep that put me into an immediate panic. I was freaking out and had no idea what was going on. I felt like I didn’t know myself. I would look in the mirror and I could never recognize myself. I even had the hardest time just looking into a mirror in general; this lasted for a year maybe a year and a half. I still don’t look into mirrors often and not for any extended amount of time. Just enough to wash my face, put on makeup, the basics of getting ready and just doing check ups etc. When my ocd theme was at its worst however, every time I looked into the mirror I just never felt feminine and I never felt like I LOOKED feminine. I would struggle with this so much and the constant battle of not feeling feminine enough. I would cover my body in baggy clothes and would only get ready unless I absolutely had to. I did try to put effort into my appearance for days I had school etc. There was a moment however, that had helped me to understand what I wanted. I was always happy with being a woman it was never something I wanted to change. I had also always been attracted to men. I had told myself if this is who I am biologically and genetically, if I was born a woman then there was never a mistake that was made. I am a woman and I am NOT transgender. I have the biological body of a woman and I refuse to alter myself in anyway to identify as another gender. As crazy as it sounds, I feel as though it had helped me to understand and reconnect with my younger self that I had lost for a bit of time. I remember during COVID and lockdown, a few years before and after this time I was in high school and just beginning college. I had spent a majority of my time on my phone being numbed by scrolling past post after post and seeing endless amounts of different opinions. I feel like I didn’t understand myself, I didn’t know what I liked or didn’t. I had felt like everything I was ingesting and claiming to connect with I wasn’t actually connecting with or developing MY OWN opinion on. (This is my own fault, for not spending the time I should’ve off of social medias and the internet to establish my own identity. That’s something I try to avoid a lot these days.) However, this had helped me to really establish ground beliefs I have for myself. I feel as though I was constantly denying myself the things I actually really wanted I just didn’t know it. I refused the idea of getting married and I never liked the thought of having kids. Crazy enough though, this has opened my eyes to understand that I would actually really really really love those things. I feel like they are such important and fundamental parts of our lives that should be experienced. They are the beautiful moments of life that often get overlooked. Sharing your life with someone is so special and being able to build something with them that’s only scared between the two of you. Then to build a bigger home and caring for your family. I find that to be so amazing and I don’t want to miss something like that. This has helped me to understand how much more I truly love being a woman and I wouldn’t want to be anyone else. I love how strong women are and how enduring we are. I love how compassionate we are and sharing we are. I love being a more gentler person for someone to encounter, I love being kind to people and caring for them. I love having motherly instincts (even though I’m not a mother). There is so much beauty in our differences, between being a man and a woman, but I truly love being a woman. I can appreciate the beauty of a man and their strength and their ability to provide. However, that’s more something I admire and find attractive. It’s not necessarily what I see for myself or connect with. I do really love how I have established an opinion and standard for myself that I hold close. I feel as though it’s helped me in a way understand who I am. I oddly feel as though I’ve connected to a purpose. For as long as I could remember I never understood what that meant or what mine was supposed to be. It’s helped me to be so much more appreciative of the little things and to take full advantage of everything and anything I can. I’ve cried so much these past couple of years, as much as it’s so annoying to be the biggest crybaby I really wouldn’t have it any other way. I remember going years with not crying or being deeply emotionally connected to myself and constantly asking if there was something wrong with me? It’s helped me to care so much more for people and memories and life and the beauty of living. I did and still do have a list of compulsions I say to myself regularly, but especially when my theme was still new. I repeated three different phrases on rotation: I am a girl, I am a woman, I am feminine. When I first developed this theme I would say these to help prevent myself from having another intrusive thought. Furthermore, to help me connect with myself as the woman I am and wanted to be. As time had passed though, they took a turn in how they made me feel. I would repeat my compulsions in my head, but in a way they began to help me become more aware of myself and my life. There are a lot of things I want to accomplish and so much I want to do. So I couldn’t just let myself sit around and do nothing. I feel as though my compulsions helped me so much in starting to take action. I actually began taking my life and the things I wanted seriously. I want to become financially independent so I learned about Roth IRAS and High Yield Savings accounts (there’s still so much more I’d like to learn, but this was a good start). After learning about these things and implementing them into my life I could see first hand how this can really change someone’s life. I found a deep love for understanding the economy and personal finances ( I know boringggg ). I ended up deciding to switch my major to business instead of pre-health bio (a medical school pregrad degree) and being so much more confident in my decision. I’m now in my last year of school and I couldn’t be more excited to start a career in finances helping others understand and manage theirs. I am constantly trying to make sure I’m living life and experiencing all that I can. There’s so much more I want to do and so much more I’ll be taking part in. It truly does get better I didn’t think I’d see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know there’s still more work I have to do with my mental health and aiding in my OCD. This theme however was just so different and felt so taboo. I hated telling anyone about it. I was so scared to tell my therapist. I hope this may help someone in knowing that there is another side to it all. It takes a lot of work, trust me, it is exhausting, but hopefully you can realize the things you actually want for yourself and stand firm in those beliefs. Furthermore to also discover a new appreciation for yourself and your strength. I hope you’re able to grow a deeper appreciation for those around you. Especially those who are there for you through your toughest times and holding a special place for them. It’s easy to forget about the little things that truly can make life a little magical sometimes and a little bit more worth living and loving. I really hope this may help someone in any way. If you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading. I’m so sorry it was so long!

I’m feeling kind of sad cause today was not a really good day in terms of my ocd. I was feeling kind of foggy/numb and that send me to spiraling. I’m 21 years old currently studying but my family has been having trouble with money for the last couple years(we’re just me and my mom) and I kinda want to get a job but everything is far from my home and I wouldn’t be able to return back at night, also it’s either way more expensive to move or the schedule wouldn’t let me take my classes. The point is that because of that every time my mom is stress tends to treat me bad, she speaks to me like I’m stupid or she just screams to nothing cursing all life and everything and that actually makes me feel soo bad and guilty for not doing anything, I know it’s hard for me to get a job that actually helps us without quitting school but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I’m a burden. I want to help, I want to maybe hug her or something but I know she will be angrier and probably will reject it. So that’s it, I just feel like she punishes me for the stress she’s carrying and I get it but one day is happy and it feels like all love and the next is treating me like that, Idk it’s hard (also I feel like I shouldn’t be saying this cause it’s all my fault) 🫤

So some months ago i was very panicked because i was “looking” at a boy from my school, i guess he rrminded me of someone and every time i saw him i was looking at him. That turned into weels of obsesing , at home i was thinking “am i thinking about him? “ “am i a cheater “ “do i like him” “am i a bad girlfriend and betraying my boyfriend “ “why sm i thinking about his face i dont want this” i calmed down after that and them when i saw him i was fine, i didn’t thought about that anymore. This happend one time in may anf one time in September. I stopped obsesing with that and just hot my regular “what id i dont like my boyfriend amd my thoughts are real” . This week i saw that boy and he was looking at me and i started to panic again, yhinkinv thatbinlike him or that im looking at him on purpose. Rn i was thinking scenerios om how would i act if there was talking to him if i woulf gave went on erasmus project and thrn i started to think im a cheater and my boyfriend dosent deserve me to think about this i dont actually like that boy i dont know his name i just panicked that i had this thought and started to think what they mean. I feel very guilty bc i have other thoughts regsrding my ROCD amd how i feel abt my boyfriend but i love my boyfriend i feel so bad about this. I fo t want to like others. I know my thoughts are not true but i still panic and think that maybe they are

I need advice. I’m constantly washing my hands after going to the bathroom/touching something I find gross, but it doesn’t stop at just washing. I have to keep washing til I feel right (usually 3-4 times). It also isn’t just my hands, I go all the way up my forearms. I know in my head that once is enough. But I can’t kick this repetitive behavior. I know I should just start only washing it once but I don’t know if I can handle the panic that will come after. I need advice/tips if anyone’s gone through something similar what worked for you. Im just sick of this

I think about this all the time almost every day and to be honest with you I’m not sure if it’s become an obsession or not, but it depresses me ://

You will know why did i chose this subtype. Around christmas time, this problem was huge, i had it everyday and i felt shame after like the 4th day, i had to change my boxers every morning, cant explain to my parents cause they will judge me and say "well you should have a gf", i even search about it on google and its sad how many stupid answers are there... Many sites says that m*sturbation should help, and its healthy to m*sturbate, its good. Well now you see why did i chose this subtype. But let me tell you, its not just because im a christian and i dont like that, i did that around christmas time cause i believed it will help but i still woke up having a wet dream cause the m*sturbation stimulated my mind to be more sexual, with more sexual thoughts.When i go to bed, just right in that time these thoughts come and i dont know hoe to handle them, usually when i get them i just know, at morning i will wake up with a wet dream... Its really hard for me to manage these sexual thought. And again for me christian people, you know having a girlfriend wont solve it, it actually will worsen it, if sex is really the solution then i have to wait till marriage until this problem will solve, which is alot of time.. but i believe that there has to be a solution for this, the sites from google are lying, there has to be a solution, so im asking yall if you can say something. I dont want to be afraid to go to bed again and having everynight a wet dream. I did something that stopped it somehow but idk what was it, last night i couldnt stop the sexual thoughts, and in my dreams it was uncontrolable...

so i have a guy friend who has been a frequent victim of my intrusive thoughts. one them including thinking that i like him over my bf. this happens frequently when i listen to my favorite music. a lot of my music taste does come from my bf and most of our tastes overlap. however he likes more 90s-early 2000s rap and i like more rnb as well as rap. one of my favorite artists ever is frank ocean, which my bf doesn’t mind but it’s not on his top choices. however my guy friend is also a big frank ocean fan and he was shocked to hear that i don’t like “basic white girl music”. for some reason hearing someone else say i had a good music taste felt very validating and now all my brain thinks of when i listen to my music is my guy friend and it makes me feel like i like him over my bf. i’ve been a frank ocean fan since i was like 13 and i plan on getting something from one of my favorite songs tattooed bc it has very deep meaning to my growth as a person and i’ve always felt very connected to it. now i feel like i can’t bc all my brain can think abt is my stupid friend when i listen to music. it’s not like he’s the only friend i have that shares my music taste either. two of my other girl friends also share interests in similar artists so im pretty sure my ocd clings onto the guy friend bc it wants to make me think i cheated on my bf. this is so dumb i just want to listen to my songs without my brain making up dumb shit.

so, sometime ago, 10 ish years ago to be exact, i was sexually assaulted under the influence of drugs. it’s come & gone with varying levels of intensity throughout these years. for some time, it didn’t seem to bother me. i changed my whole room around, threw away those clothes, did more drugs so i could sleep. eventually, i stopped doing drugs or misusing medication entirely. i rejected it and throughout those years it was still in the back of my mind but i refused to think of it. it seemed better this way knowing what i know now. my cousin told me to go get help for some of the trauma i had experienced in the past as it was showing up as anger and inability to trust in my life. when i did this, the counselor asked some very hard questions, we discussed out loud, in detail the things i recall. she labeled me as a crisis patient and pushed me through to a trauma crisis therapist. we spent about a month of preparation for this program before we terminated our sessions together. so i never went through to see the crisis trauma therapist, nor did i finish all the preparation work me and my (at the time) current therapist were working on. this is when it all seemed to bother me so much more. this was about two years ago. i was scared to be around men once the incident initially occurred, but this went away as i rejected what i remembered. since then, i’ve been scared to be around men where up to this point i had gotten over that, intrusive thoughts (this was before OCD), and nightmares all started to reoccur. fast forward to now, i met my lovely boyfriend again, after we had a thing several years ago. back then, i was not so scared to be around him. in the beginning of me and him reconnecting i was scared out of my mind, constantly worrying, scared of sex and to be alone with him. when we first hung out we were cuddling and his leg was on me and i was worried, i asked him to move his leg, he did. well given some time we got through this together (me more than him) and it all seemed to be great for a short time. i know i could trust him but we were play fighting one day and he held me in a position we normally would have sex in and it gave me a thought, “what if we’re having sex like this and he decides to rape me and i can’t get away?” this thought stuck for days. so much so that i told him i didn’t want to do that position for the time being. i had a few more thoughts similar since then but brushed them off when given them time. lately, for the past month, the incident 10 years ago seemed to be fading from my mind how it used to. some days i totally forget about it, some days im aware it happened but it doesn’t bother me. the point is i was having less days where it impacted me so heavily. the other night, we were doing something, i don’t even remember what, and i got an image in my head that basically showed the position we were in and instead of me seeing what was right in front of me, when i blinked its like i saw how this position (not even sexual this time) could go horribly wrong and how, if he wanted to, he could just flip me and hold me down. my question is are these intrusive thoughts? and if they are, are they OCD related? and if so, why am i getting them of my bf and not have the flashbacks of the man himself in these specific instances? my bf would never in a million years harm me. it’s not fair to him whether he knows about this or not and it’s not fair to me to be scared sometimes for no reason. i need to know what’s going on. thank you.

Is anyone else's parent being willfully ignorant? My psychiatrist literally told my mum I have ocd and anxiety and depression yet my mum gets so mad at me when I'm anxious and depressed?? She yells at me that im lazy and need to think of my future when I'm just trying and failing to keep myself alive I honestly believe she wants me gone. She makes horrible comments about how if I keep going this way I'll get locked up and do I like the way I am and that I'm getting worse instead of better and it's like how is any of that supposed to help. Today I stayed home from school and she said I'm not even supposed to be here so I should just shut up. Two weeks ago she grabbed me and literally pushed/threw me onto the floor which in theory a few years ago would have only gotten me a little upset but now with my ocd?? When she knows I'm TERRIFIED of germs? When I've avoiding even touching her and now I came into contact with her nasty carpet and bed. She said I was talking too loudly and obviously after that I was super freaked out and started yelling because now I had to shower and my whole body is crawling and why the hell would she do something so horrible knowing that I've been avoiding any sort of contact with her and any dirty thing for months? I don't care if she was mad because who the fuck does that? It was a whole argument and I threw my meds away and my neighbor heard me freaking out and came in the middle of the night and my mum said I was just "stressed" like yeah you THREW ME ON THE FLOOR. A day later she was trying to gaslight me about the situation I'm just so sick of this.

How can I learn to separate my present self from the childhood version of me? I'd been exposed to a lot of content I shouldn't have at a young age, which led to other things happening, and I feel a lot of guilt and shame surrounding that time. I'm too afraid to do ERP for this theme. I don't want to mess up and make things worse, but I'm not sure what else to do... Any advice or tips?

My ocd is going off the hinges. I can’t stop thinking God is angry at me and hates me and it’s weird. And can’t stop thinking everyone hates me. I can’t stop thinking that no matter what I try I’ll never get better. This sucks

This doubt that I’m having from my gay thoughts never go away as soon as I wake up they start I don’t even feel for girls anymore it’s just constant doubt I haven’t felt something for a girl since I was probably 14-15 and I’m 16 now what does this mean I never questioned ever if I www gay cause I dated girls and only girls I got diagnosed with ocd but it really does feel like I’m just denying it

Okay so for example I have a fear of hitting people and when I was walking in the hallway I saw someone and it felt like I zoned out for a split second and was about to act on it even though I would never! I also felt my hand move a bit, this is destroying me I am terrified of myself I can’t deal with this torment anymore I hope it’s OCD and not that I’m evil