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Yo I can’t even enjoy looking at women without me over analyzing if they look like men or not I’m trying my regular patterns that calm me down but this has been a bad week so far

When I was a kid I was told by my abusive 3rd grade teacher that I would always be the one to fall behind. My OCD took hold of that and now as soon as I realize im prospering regarding anything in my life I have to destroy it. Self sabotaging myself because I'm meant to be behind everyone else. This probably doesn't make much sense but the perfectionist part of my OCD says that is the box I belong in and I'm not allowed to leave it. How do I get out of this defeatist attitude and my brain malfunctioning saying that I'm meant to fail? People have told me that it's not true and in reality I know it doesn't make sense, but it's so deeply engrained in me that I struggle getting away from it. I feel like it's hindering me making any improvement with hocd and rocd.

**If you're not familiar with hocd please don't answer.** It feels like there's no straight me left. I've accepted that I'm a lesbian I don't know if that's what I was supposed to do. I'm deeply uncomfortable and unhappy. I feel that if I was meant to be gay this would feel like it was right for me. It only feels right because if I call myself anything else it feels like I'm lying to myself. The world feels like it's falling apart. I understand that there are people who are happy being gay and that is wonderful for them. I don't want this. I tried saying that I will just call myself straight because I'm only interested in persuing men, but my brain will not let me because I was turned on by a porn of a woman touching herself and its harder for me to get turned on by anything else now. I'm attracted to boys, but what if it's just aesthetically? I don't get a groinal response when I look at an attractive man so I guess that's true. I get groinal responses for women and I guess that's what true attraction is supposed to feel like. I'm masculine. I've been told I'm masculine too. Part of me feels like I want this now. I hate it, but my brain keeps saying what if I'm supposed to be this way. The idea of living in denial of my true self is just as scary to me. I don't know who I am anymore. I feel like this has eaten my whole identity. I want to feel like a girl, I want to be girly, but I'm not allowed to be. I want all of this to end.

I’m sorry for repeatedly posting guys. I’m losing my head daily I know I’m annoying. I feel like I can’t function any more

I feel like I’m losing my mind. Just a genuine question, not looking for reassurance just wondering if anyone has ever experienced a similar thing. You ever get (depending on current obsessions... mine is currently psychosis) thoughts like, what if there’s somebody in the wall if you hear a sound? I know there isn’t... I just get the thoughts. It’s very strange and some times I have to laugh.

Going away today with my boyfriend for our anniversary, PLEASE someone tell me how I can calm down my ROCD thoughts and not ruin the holiday? I JUST WANT TO FEEL LIKE I LOVE HIM ?

I have friends who think cancel culture is ok. I don’t really know what to think. It kinda sets off my ocd just thinking about it. They said “people who say cancel culture is bad normally did something bad” and it is setting my ocd off so bad.

Hello. I’m new here. I have a severe contamination ocd fear. I’m terrified that sperm is EVERYWHERE. Doctors offices, stores, just everywhere. I’m scared that if I touch something that may have sperm on it and then touch myself down there be it masterbation or just wiping after peeing, I will become pregnant. This fear has absolutely absorbed me. Any words of advice on how to rid of this fear? Facts? Please excuse my horrid grammar, just a panicking teen. ( id like to add that I do not have sex. I do not allow bare penises near my vagina and I do not allow freshly ejaculated sperm or freshly ejaculated pre ejaculate near my vagina. )

I am going crazy about the future, lots of intrusive thoughts came up in my head, sometimes I forget its my ocd and I start to call myself useless, worthless, piece of waste of life, a nothing, that I shouldnt be born, that this world is not for me, wishing something bad happens, wishing my death everyday. Thinking about suicide or attempting again... to sleep and never wake up again... And when its not about the future, its POCD, wich destroys my days, my emotional, my mind, everything. Please do someone else feel the same? Tell me I am not the only one like this...

Eating at night again and crying. I’m a full time student and I work and I’m poor and I can’t afford to eat healthy and I don’t have time to exercise anymore and I’m genuinely heartbroken and miss the gym so fucking much it depresses me and I lost over 30 pounds earlier this year and I’m just in such a rock bottom right now. l o l . I feel heavier. and uglier. and nasty. I hate myself right now. And I’m super lonely and probably not doing anything for Halloween cause all my friends do is party and I don’t drink because I have raging alcoholics in my family ✌?so I feel like some lonely loser

Ive had 3 good anxiety/OCD days in a row and now im really struggling. I am so tired of struggling and trying to battle my intrusive thoughts. I honestly just want to die. I feel like its easier than living with this. I remember my life before OCD. I remember being normal and i would give anything to be like that again, but i am so discouraged.

I HATE THIS SO MUCH! It would be so easy to end this. Why am I even trying to survive with this anymore. I’m so tired and sad and over it. I can’t even grasp a reason to keep trying.

any younger people on here with hocd who get nervous about it bc people say you’re too young to know your sexuality rn?

I know this might be giving reassurance but an Instagram account ocdrecoveryuk said that in regards to hocd. It can be SO convincing and feel so real. It can even make you feel like you want to kiss or engage in sex with the same sex even though you don't. His words not mine. It just feels good to know I'm not crazy and a professional gets it and understands the struggle of how crippling and real ocd can feel to the sufferer. Also he will be making a Youtube channel soon so for the people that don't have or can't have Instagram he will be making one soon and I'm exciting to watch his videos.

Having a hard couple days. Was supposed to hang out with my bf this weekend but he cancelled due to being in a bad mood and not feeling up to it. Last night I told my bf I was unfollowing his tweet replies because it triggered me when he replied to girls. Now I'm pretty sure he's frustrated with me (and/or just not feeling like talking about anything heavy) and hasn't even viewed the other follow-up messages I sent. Also got 2 flat tires last night and now I have to talk to my boss about working from home tomorrow. Just trying to ride this all out but I feel alone and sad.

i dont know what has been happening to me, ive been visiting a therapist for about 3 months now and i i feel like its been getting so much worse i feel very hopeless and depressed and i feel like im gonna die soon and im scared of doing something stupid to myself and i have an eating disorder and i sometimes feel like very detached from myself and reality and i sometimes feel like everything around me is a lie and im alone in this world and i get so scared, i really dont know what to do im scared and lost and i dont know whats wrong with my brain

Its my birthday and the rocd is ON FIRE! Hocd too but its low right now

Hi guys. I posted a few days ago but I didn’t get a response and I was wondering if anyone could take the time to read this below. I would really appreciate some advice because it’s something that I don’t feel I have a lot of knowledge about. And knowledge he power as they say. Thank you ❤️ Why does intrusive thoughts feel so real? I had an intrusive thought/fake ‘feeling’ about another guy I know who I used to date before my current boyfriend who is everything to me. And it felt like a real ‘feeling/emotion’. Why does this happen? Then I worry about my actions whilst ‘feeling’ that way

hocd sucks. i literally see a girl and think she’s pretty. which is normal. but then my brain is like “omg do you think she’s pretty in the same way you think a guy is cute? because if so then you’re bi” and it does that everytime i notice an attractive woman. ugh.

I'm scared that I don't have OCD. While my main theme is hocd It seems like there's a new thing everyday. I watched a video about schizophrenia and now I'm really anxious. I've never heard voices or had hallucinations before, but I feel like I fit all of the early warning signs. Is it normal to be so paranoid with OCD? I had a giant panic attack last night because I woke up from a nightmare with demons in it. I wouldn't let myself go to sleep until it started getting light out because I got really paranoid. I'm so scared of losing control and going off the deep end mentally. I already feel crazy. Why me? Why do I always get the shit end of the stick in life?