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Does anyone Else’s ocd flare up bad when in stressful life situations? I was doing amazing and now that I’m having some drama with my life it seems to have come back with a vengeance. Anyone else?

Hi Everyone, I wanted to share my OCD miracle, which I have kept private until the past couple of weeks. I have had severe OCD since 2001, months after my mother died of cancer and right after 9/11. I saw OCD therapists and did ERP for 23 years, along with trying almost every medication for OCD. Starting in 2021, my OCD became severely crippling. I went to three residential treatment programs for many months between 2021 and 2023, tried Ketamine therapy many times, did TMS many times, among other treatments. My father listened to an iOCDF webinar that covered brain procedures for OCD in 2022 and after some research, I connected with the OCD team at Butler Hospital in Providence, Rhode Island, which is affiliated with Brown University. After multiple visits to Providence and many interviews, and after extensive coordination between my OCD therapists, my psychiatrist and the Brown team, I was scheduled for an anterior capsultonomy (using Laser interstitial thermal therapy (LITT)) in late 2023 with a renowned neurosurgeon in Providence affiliated with Brown. The weeks before my surgery were my lowest points with OCD. Many days I was doing compulsions (mental and otherwise) for over 10 hours per day. I was a partner at a large international law firm and was not able to work and took several medical leaves post 2021. The surgery felt like my last hope. Because no treatments had worked to date, and because my OCD was so severe, I figured I would fall in the 30% of patients who do not significantly improve post surgery. Miraculously, I have not had an OCD episode or spent time doing compulsions since my surgery in 2023. My OCD went from a 9 or 10 to almost a 0. The surgery cured me, and I did believe OCD could be cured. I believe only two institutions in the US (U of Chicago and Brown/Butler) do the surgery in this manner (it is not DBS). I am passionate about helping people with OCD and I hope to assist in making this procedure more accessible. While brain surgery sounds incredibly scary and intense, my nose job (not cosmetic) when I was 15 was much more difficult. While I was in Providence for many meetings and tests for a week before the surgery, I was home the next night after staying at the hospital overnight. I felt no pain at any point and there were just small cuts on my head that healed in weeks. I had no side effects other than fatigue and apathy for a couple of months (for example, I slept until 2 PM many days). It was an absolute miracle. I read many posts in this group about brain surgery for OCD and it is very misunderstood. While this post is anonymous (just worried about employers, etc, given the stigma around mental health and this surgery), it would be my pleasure to speak to anyone who has any questions. I can also introduce you to my treatment team. OCD ruined my life for decades and I am so sorry you are all dealing with it. I am here for you. Thank you for reading!

There are times my harm ocd has me convinced that my feelings of self harm or suicide and harm are real and that any moment I could commit the act on myself or my family. Is there anyone who can chime in on this. I feel like all the time I want to leave run away or avoid my family because of these thoughts. Like I shouldn’t be around my children and I don’t trust myself.

i feel si bad. me and my bf have almost 2 years and my thoughts about me not loving him affects me so so much. he told me rn he ia very attached to me and he loves me and i feel si bad that i dint feel happy and i constantly think “i dont feel the same” “what do i feel” “do i love him” “i dont love him” he shows me how much he loves me and im here feeling si guilty about what i dont feel and im si scared i dont want to not feel i wqnt to love him and be happy what if im in denial i feel so fake

You ever have a thought that stops you in your tracks? A thought so disturbing, so out of nowhere, that it makes you question everything about yourself? That’s how it started for me. A week after my grandfather passed away, I was lying in bed, thinking about him, when suddenly a thought hit me: What if I’m not a good person? What if I never get to see him again? My chest tightened, and my stomach dropped. More thoughts followed. What if I don’t go to heaven? What if he can see everything I’ve ever done? My entire body filled with fear, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know it then, but I was having my first panic attack. Desperate for relief, I grabbed my phone and played random YouTube videos until I passed out from exhaustion. From that night on, I became terrified of being alone with my thoughts. I had no idea why this was happening to me, but I knew one thing—bedtime would never feel the same again. For a while, I found ways to avoid the thoughts, but then a new one hit me like a truck. I was scrolling through the news when I saw an article about a father who had hurt his kids. My first thought was, That’s horrible. But then, my brain twisted it into something that made my blood run cold: What if I could do something like that? My stomach dropped. Why did I just think that? What does that mean about me? Am I dangerous? I tried to push it away, but the fear only grew. Being alone with my daughter became unbearable. I still took care of her, but I no longer trusted myself. I made up excuses so I wouldn’t have to be alone with her, and when my husband went to work, I spent the day in silent panic. My usual phone calls to my parents, once full of joy, became desperate cries for reassurance, though I couldn’t bring myself to tell them why. Eventually, I told my husband I was struggling with anxiety. He didn’t fully understand but suggested I work out to clear my mind. I remember getting on the treadmill and breaking down in tears, unable to run, unable to escape my thoughts. That night, I called my godfather, terrified of what he would say. But instead of judging me, he told me I needed to tell my husband everything. With all the courage I had, I did just that. My husband was confused but supportive, and soon after, I flew home to Illinois to be with my family. For the first time in weeks, I slept. But the relief didn’t last long. When my mom mentioned going back to work, I panicked. That’s when I finally told her everything. Wanting to help, she told me to pray, so I did—over and over. But instead of bringing peace, prayer became another compulsion, something I had to do to "fix" my thoughts. I was still drowning, desperate for answers, so I did what anyone would do—I Googled. Why am I having these thoughts? The results were unsettling. I kept reading, more and more terrified, thinking I might be going crazy. But then, I saw something that gave me a sense of relief: This sounds like OCD. I stared at the screen. That couldn’t be right. My brother has OCD, and his is about germs—this wasn’t the same. But the more I read, the more it started to click. That’s when I found NOCD. I made an appointment for the next day, and when I met my therapist, she told me she couldn’t officially diagnose me yet because we hadn’t finished all the assessments, but she was confident that I had OCD. At first, I didn’t believe her. OCD isn’t just about handwashing or being neat—it’s about intrusive thoughts that feel so real they shake you to your core. Therapy was terrifying at first. I had to sit with my worst fears instead of running from them. But the more I faced them, the weaker they became. After 11 weeks, I finally felt like myself again. One day, my entire family had to go back to work, leaving me alone with my daughter for the first time in months. The thoughts came: What if you hurt her while no one’s here? But instead of panicking, I used the non-engagement responses I’d learned in therapy. I would respond to the thought with something like, Maybe I could. Maybe I couldn’t. And then I would move on with my day. That was the moment I knew I was getting better. Looking back, I realized I had been experiencing OCD my entire life. As a child, I constantly worried about my parents dying, about being left alone. I used to wonder, What happens when people leave? Do they still exist if I can’t see them?These fears weren’t new—they were just amplified by my postpartum OCD. I’m proud to say that I’ve been in remission for over a year now. While OCD sometimes resurfaces with different themes, it doesn’t control my life. It doesn’t stop me from living fully, from enjoying my time with my daughter, or from embracing the things I love. The road to recovery hasn’t been easy, but I’ve learned that it is possible to take back your life, even when OCD tries to tell you otherwise. ♥️

I am really freaking out. My OCD has developed into some weird things where it’s mostly my imagination and me moving. I got the thought earlier that if I thrust my hips, or move them, let it be to the thought of a child/family being in front of me, cuddling with them. I thought that was ridiculous and obviously no matter what I imagine, NOT REAL. So I did that a bunch of times in an effort to prove to myself that it was ridiculous. I don’t know what to do, because now, a few hours later, I feel horrified. I keep doing it. I don’t think I’m checking anything, I think I’m more so desperate to get rid of this fear and ridiculousness. Can someone please help me?

At this point I think I’m just tired. Took me a massive amount of strength to even type this. I’ve never had it this bad with anxiety depression and OCD. Firstly, how do you guys handle the trauma that comes with OCD. I recently realized Ive traumatized by own mind. I think this contributes to depression. Also, the thoughts frequency have gotten so high. It just literally jams its self in my brain. Before, I had some sort of control (at least a grip) but this days it’s so hard to try to get a grip. The unwanted feelings too? Omg, reactions that I literally can’t stand plagues me. My mind turns almost everything sexual. It’s crazy 🙃 Then the anxietyyyyyy! Wheew. I’m like a walking anxiety attack, my heart is always beating fast and it’s so painful. Working is so hard because I can’t get a grip, I feel so broken and I don’t think anyone can relate to this. I don’t know what I can do to help. Then the pressure in my head (that causes headache sometimes), sometimes I genuinely think I have a tumor! I’m pregnant so that makes it sadder, makes me wonder what kind of mother this beautiful soul is coming out here to meet. I don’t want to be a sad mother, and I cry more when I realize my child can feel what I feel rn in my belly😔. Another thing, the moment I don’t wanna do something, doesn’t even have to be anything bad. That’s when it feels my mind wants to force me to do it. It’s a whole lot and I’m just holding on to Jesus to help me out. At least he’s here so that’s comforting.

I’ve been dealing with my OCD that’s been non stop for a year. From the moment I wake up to going to sleep I have this urge to push air out of my nose nonstop. Sometimes it’s accompanied with weird breathing/deep breathes. It happens like every minute. It’s embarrassing when people notice. I feel like it’ll never go away

Two days ago, my neighbor let me know her child had tested positive for flu. Since our kids are friends, she told me to keep an eye on mine. It disturbed my peace a bit, but I pushed thru as best I could. (I say that then think back over my movements the past couple of days and it's honestly kicked up the compulsions.) Today, she woke up with a fever and now the obsessions have taken over my thoughts. I'm so worried about getting the fever. Usually it would be because I'm scared to take medicine, but this time it's something different entirely, which has me more freaked. My nose has been bleeding off and on for a month now and it just started happening again a few days ago. From prior research, it says you can't take Tylenol or ibuprofen with a nose bleed because it thins the blood. So I'm freaking out about how I'll treat my fever IF I do get one. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Such thought loops bring on such feelings of inadequacy. How can I help my child heal when I can't even help myself? Or how can I care for her as best as I can when I'm so afraid of catching it? Also, I rely on my husband to talk me down and help me emotionally when these situations arise and it makes me feel incredibly weak. He didn't marry this person. I was confident and didn't know the meaning of anxiety when we got together 16 years ago. But since the birth of our youngest daughter, fear, anxiety, and OCD has been my new norm. I feel like a failure for needing so much reassurance and for constantly feeling like I can't do this on my own. Sometimes it makes me obsessed that he's going to give up on me because I'm not worth the trouble and other times it makes me want to give up so I stop relying so much on him. My child has a little cold and for the most part, is totally fine, but still I'm obsessed about this being something I'm going to catch that ultimately is going to kill me. all because of a stupid little nose bleed and fear of fever.

Last week I was so obsessed about feeling better I wanted to feel better and I was in a constant state of panic. This week I'm still anxious but not as much and I've been obsessing about losing control/losing my mind or having some other mental illness that isn't ocd. I've also been thinking "what if i don't want to feel better" "what if this is how I am supposed to feel" "what if this is how I'm supposed to feel and how I normally feel is me living in ignorance". I'm also worried that I'm manipulating everyone around me unto thinking that I have ocd when im really just a horrible person, or the opposite of having thoughts that are like "You think you're better than everyone else". I'm stressed out about these thoughts and feelings but I feel like I'm not anxious enough about them and that makes me think that I'm losing control. I feel numb but also anxious at the same time and I don't know how to explain the way I feel but it's scary. Even writing this makes me feel like I'm manipulating people into thinking I have ocd when I really don't and I'm just a horrible awful human. I just want to feel better and I know that but my brain is trying to convince me I don't

I can’t stop thinking to myself “what if I don’t love her” but deep down I know I love her and that’s why I’m getting pissed off with these unwanted thoughts because it’s putting doubt in my head when in reality I love her what should I do?

In the past, I watched disgusting inappropriate content when I was 15 (I’m 17 now) and I told my friend about it because I regretted it and I became depressed over it. This friend made a beware post about me three years later after the incident, and now I’m deeply depressed again.

I just woke up from a really uncomfortable dream. While it's not the worst dream I've had, I can't stop thinking about how gross it's caused me to feel. I'm not sure if describing the dream in detail would be a compulsion, so I'll refrain from that. But, basically... in the dream (or nightmare), I offered a sexual service to some random man. The thing is, two of my family members were in the room while it happened, and there were certain points in the dream where they implied they had done similar things with this same man. I just feel disgusted and... violated? It's not real, and I understand it's just a dream, but still... :( I woke up feeling tainted.

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?

I feel like I will never find a boyfriend. I have to many issues, with my ocd, my anxiety, self sabotage, fear, scars of commitment. Is he the right one is he not. I don’t know where this comes from but I feel like it has to do a lot with insecurity. I don’t like my body and I think I’m just big in every way. Nothing wrong with being bigger I just don’t feel confident this way. I’m tall and overweight and I feel so uncomfortable with the fact that one day I will get personal with someone you know. I think people around me think I’m gay becuase ive never had a boyfriend or any romantic connection at all, no hand holding or anything. I feel like a loser and everyone who knows I’ve never had a boyfriend just give me this ohhhh kinda look, like I’m hiding something. I hate it especially since I have Hocd . It definitely doesn’t help, at alllllllll. Im afraid I will always find fault or a reason not to like a guy. Ughhh I have a feeling I’m going to be single forever at this rate. It just all freaks me out, plus my friends try to get me with there friends and it feel forced and I hate it. All the guys that I like don’t like me and I can’t picture myself with them. Well I can’t picture myself with anyone unfortunately. Idk why it’s so easy for other people and not for me. What is wrong with me.

strange signs of ocd that i initially didn’t realise were ocd related: - ensuring all synonyms for a word had to be included and spoken/considered. also weighing out which synonym would be ‘just right’ to integrate in the context. - being hyper aware of everyone’s emotions, the atmosphere and my surroundings. - randomly ruminating about an event that happened years ago and convincing yourself you said/did something bad and potentially apologising for it years later. - never saying swear words or cancellable things out loud or on camera when younger. i feared these videos would resurface and i would lose my job or if i became famous id be canceled. - being extremely superstitious (e.g. thought i would attract the bad energy that stemmed from seeing certain ‘evil’ numbers & words, watching manifestation videos that promote bad luck, going near cemeteries, not touching wood or stepping on the cracks etc.) - checking power outlets several times to ensure you have turned them off to ensure the house doesn’t burn down. - checking emails several times before sending to ensure you haven’t attached some ‘inappropriate content’ before sending it off. - checking alarms that you have turned alarms on several times and ensuring there loud enough to guarantee you will not sleep through them. - feeling heightened urges to confess every little thing otherwise i’ll attract bad karma. if i don’t confess or do something i deem as ‘bad’ i perceive any tiny inconvenience in my day as bad karma as a result of my actions. - taking tiny things in my day or that i see on social media as admonitions and signs from the universe that i need to make immediate changes/decisions in my life. - avoiding situations/people/things that trigger your OCD. - paranoia 24/7 (e.g. walking in the middle of the street so no one can pop up from behind a car and kidnap you or stressing about someone secretly living under your bed/or in air vent). - being hyper aware of your bodily sensations (e.g. what if i can’t breathe, trying to breathe in the ‘right’ way). - worried about thinking or saying things incase you ‘manifest’ them. - trying to think the ‘right’ thoughts. shaking them out of my head if you personally categorise them as ‘bad’. - constantly seeking reassurance that your not a ‘bad person’ from others. - having to rewrite a sentence 1000x to make sure it sounds ‘just right’. - latching on to safe/lucky numbers. - and many more…. (share yours down below!!) i’m just trying to help others feel less alone. i hope this brings peace to some of your minds.

Hey there so I can’t sleep … anyone want to talk or just entertain me

I don’t know how to deal with the thoughts that come and barely gone. Usually, the brain often remembers and forgets things. People with OCD however struggle with trying to forget the intrusive thoughts because of the imbalance trying to convey what is real and if the thoughts in your head will come true. Just for the past few days, I was having fun and suddenly hit with a wave of obsessive thoughts and making me stuck with nowhere to go.

about a week ago my therapist, who is still in the process of confirming that I do have OCD, said that what I absolutely do have without a shadow of a doubt is depression. Hearing that shocked me, I didn’t feel “depressed” at all. I’ve had rough times when I can absolutely say “yah I’m depressed, this is depression” and this didn’t feel like it in any way. I even laughed about it a few times. That was until two days ago, when the diagnosis actually made sense. It was like OCD and its barrage of thoughts calmed down enough to make way for the single line of thought: “you can’t do this anymore. It’s too hard, it’s not fair that you should have to break down so many times and build yourself up over and over again. Why should you even try? How can you continue living like this? It’s too cruel, just give up.” It’s a different type of torture. It makes sense that these two godforsaken mental illnesses come hand in hand. I’m struggling more than I already was. It feels like it’s all over. I’m really having a hard time with this. Although, I’m aware that OCD and depression are the most common comorbid disorders. Has anyone else dealt with this hellish cocktail? Do you mind sharing your experience with me?? I would greatly, greatly appreciate it 😅🥺

Hey all, This is so strange to share this, and I have been judged by others and misdiagnosed many times. About a year ago I worked with an OCD therapist and it was really triggering. For me my thoughts are mainly about suicidal ocd and harm ocd centered around my children of all things. Fear that I could or would want to hurt them, then feeling so horrible that I believe I’m suicidal then I go back and forth on that. After reading a few of your posts, it makes me truly have a bit of hope that I can overcome this.