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working to conquer OCD
Anyone have any tips on not making ERP a compulsion? I find myself sometimes wanting to do exposures in order to make myself feel better (feel my anxiety go down and feel relief). đ
I will preface by saying I am not diagnosed OCD, as I can't afford to see therapists or psychiatrists at this time. But given the things I've gone through, I'm pretty much convinced it's what I'm dealing with. I never really saw it coming. As a kid I always had health issues. Sick all the time, spent a lot of my very young years in and out of hospitals. In recent years as I've become an adult, health anxiety started creeping in. I spent my teenage years depressed, anxious and suicidal, both passively and actively. I engaged in self destructive behaviors in an attempt to end my life quicker. I left a toxic home environment and began my journey to improve my life, as I have a significant other that I want to stay on this planet for. I began lifting weights and exercising, eating better, and attempting to improve myself day by day. I didn't even realize it happening, but over time I started caring more and more about my health. Avoiding certain foods, making my diet stricter, and ensuring I did the right things. While it was good for my body in the short term, long term it seems it really affected my mental. As I started to feel better, I noticed that the times where I wasn't feeling 100% were very stressful. I'd start to worry about developing diseases. Diabetes, appendicitis, cancer, any number of rare and deadly diseases i could discover on Google. It got worse and worse as time went on. I'd spend money on things to test my body. glucose monitor, thermometer, supplements to ensure I was healthy. mental compulsions began (which i didn't know where compulsions at the time). Well, it all culminated at its peak in the last few months. Every minor bodily symptom, no matter how normal or common or frequent, became a life threatening warning. Constant googling, ruminating, checking and reassurance seeking, which at the time I didn't know was what I was doing. Then, at the end of May, I did get sick. And suddenly all of my obsessions and compulsions solidified themselves as real and premonitions that were true. I started spiraling. Avoiding social events, or anything that was outside of my room. Barely managing to go to work some days. Bringing my compulsions to work as well, sneaking them in when I could. Every day was anxiety riddled. I became exhausted. Sleeping for 10 hours, waking up still tired, coming home having no energy to do anything. It convinced me even more that I was getting sick again. I was getting suicidal again and contemplating it very often. I then noticed my Instagram feed getting filled more and more with OCD related posts and ads, I guess i was unconsciously finding and engaging with them. They described exactly what I was going through, and still am going through. I'm on day 4 of my recovery after learning some ways to help myself. I'm catching my thought patterns, learning to allow the uncertainty, and avoiding my avoidant tendencies. I removed the batteries from my compulsions and put them out of sight. I still am learning my mental compulsions and how to deal with them. I'm engaging with the things I would avoid now despite how I feel. I'm still riddled with anxiety and the OCD thoughts are very loud and frequent. But I'm feeling more in control and like I can handle the thoughts better. I'd love any advice people can give as well. I want my life back.
Having a little bit of a rough morning. My boyfriend and I are finally ending long distance next month and moving in together! Iâm so excited, but the big change means some ROCD and SOOCD flaring up. I also got triggered by a tik tok of a bisexual woman this morning. Iâve been ruminating about: - ending long distance and being in a more consistent routine will make me realize I donât actually love him and that weâre not compatible - I will not like spending so much time with a man but I enjoyed a long vacation with a girl friend one time (my best friend and I took a 7 week trip to Europe after we graduated college early and I had so much fun and we hardly fought / disagreed) - if i have been suppressing my attraction to women, even though I really donât think I have feelings for women. I admire their beauty and always have, but I truly think thatâs as far as it goes - substance use ocd also came up this morning? Worrying that I will become an alcoholic / that I secretly want to drugs and drink all the time Iâm also getting my period in a few days and have flair ups around this time and my ovulation time. Just looking for support đŤśđź
Does anyone else find it odd that we are told we are âcoveredâ and then six months later get bills for $800 + because we werenât actually covered fully? If I had any idea earlier, I would have stopped. Nope, Iâm told Iâm covered and appointments are forced on me weekly, only to find out that the amount Iâm required to pay with insurance is more than I paid out of pocket? Please confirm with your insurance carrier to avoid this horrible discovery in the middle of an economic crisis.
having so-ocd has to be the hardest thing ever, and having different sub types pop out after is even harder. i want these thoughts to stop, when i think about ending up with a man i feel like itâs the end of the world, when a sexual or romantic thought about a man pops up i feel like throwing and my stomach hurts. i donât want to be straight or end up with a man. i know my body knows what it wants and thatâs why itâs making me anxious and stressed but i just want this ocd to stop, i miss who i was before this. are there any tips on how to battle SO-OCD and be back to who you were? i was in remission for almost a month and the thoughts that did come i didnât care for, but itâs back harder this time.
Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p*dophilic activity and inappropriately messaging minors and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... (the 18+ HOCD situations were about 18+ s3xual HOCD triggers that triggered me immensely...) In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person for supporting trump, i vented to her again because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... ChatGPT just told me I inappropriately messaged minors when I dont ever want to be like those dirty disgusting youtubers who inappropriately messaged them and did P3do stuff with them at all... Im so triggered please someone help me...
My best friend hasnât spoken to me in months. It triggered some symptoms that I now realize fall along the lines of ROCD. Itâs making me behave in a way that chased my other friends away. Iâm feeling very hopeless and guilty.
Everything feels Like its falling apart at the Moment. I am faced with Lots of unprocessed trauma and flashbacks in my Relationship + this stupid pocd that latches onto my Partner. Even if I Just know and she has also OCD, Anxiety, maybe autism BC she cannot read emotions or reacts Sometimes too rational, she understands me best. She understands my illnesses and intrusive thoughts and in the past she got triggered by the pocd also a little bit. Just the disgust Feelings, triggers in some Situations and Compulsion to Look away and some what If thoughts.... It didnt get much worse but I maybe constantly reminding her of some stuff because I have to hold myself back from Compulsions.... She opened Up over some stuff that happened in her childhood and over the Last weeks it got worse and worse in my case BC of triggers of my own childhood Trauma and Trauma in General.... And she is a mirror.. I feel constantly unloved or unwanted, I am so impulsive, I insulted her in Arguments as a p..... Such stuff... She does Not leave but I feel that she has no Energy left either... Before a few days it heated so much Up that I was outside until late at night.... Slept on the Couch.... Next day the Argument continued... I h@rmed myself .... I also hurted myself thursday night with a plastic bottle but on friday it was with a kn*fe.... She called ambulance.... I Had to Go to Hospital.... I never went with an ambulance to Hospital.... That day when I was Back WE Had a good afternoon and it was okay.... Saturday was okay too Just the night.... I have some disturbing Feelings BC the OCD and everything impacts our seggs life .... I offen feel unwanted or undesired.... Misscommunication can lead to arguments... Yesterday in the evening it got worse after a day that was alright.... I was Feeling Like leaving but I stayed outside and she was so upset she didnt let me in... Then we chose to pause the argument... Today it was alright I think but I was so worried what to do If I should Work tomorrow again bc I am sick since a week..... But on a walk outside it was hard to speak without getting upset... So I Said I wanted to walk alone and she should Go the other way... After a few Minutes she was gone... I don't know where she is since Like 1 h 40 Minutes.... Tried to send WhatsApp and call but she isnt online.... Thought she wasn't at Home so I didnt Ring the bell and now I am sitting at MC Donalds.... Maybe I try to Go Back to the House and Look .... If she is there.... I barely have Energy for myself how should I Take Energy for her and the Relationship too? Pls send advice. Kind regards. Jal
Having a severe ROCD episode right now. Iâve had an ROCD OBSESSION with another person for months now. I want to make it clear that not only have I made sure NOT TO act on it romantically at all, I have also made sure to NEVER EVER EVER even attempt to build a friendship with this person. I do not ever initiate conversations with them, I donât even look at them or speak to them when i see them in person, i make sure to never be alone with them, and i never ever ever even attempt to get closer to them. My limerence extends to looking up their social media, fantasizing about them, daydreaming, and viewing their messages in a group server (where i make sure to only ever joke around with and reply to OTHER PEOPLES messages, NOT theirs (intentionally). I have told my partner ALL of this; he is aware and he told me itâs fine. However, I told him it was a crush, not limerence. And i know for a fact that the only reason this stuck around for so long was because it turned into a full-blown OCD obsession where I would constantly ruminate on my actions, wonder if it was cheating or not, and then daydreaming became a compulsion where i escaped that guilt. The thing is, Iâm worried that this means Iâm having some sort of internal emotional affair behind his back. I even told him this, that Iâm worried I am emotionally cheating, and he told me âOkay so what? What if itâs emotional cheating? What if your biggest fear is true?â He said he cares about real actions and outcomes, not thoughts and feelings and that he doesnât want to know what happens in my head. But I am constantly obsessing over figuring out the morality of it and if iâve developed feelings, and if thatâs unforgivable and if that counts as an emotional affair (my biggest fear).
My perfectionism OCD has me looking for the inevitable flaws in people, and when I find those flaws, I distance myself. This only leads to loneliness and isolation, which brings its own set of emotions. Iâm doing this to myself and hurts.
Iâm so so so anxious right now, I got triggered really badly. My partner made a joke saying heâs glad all his coworkers are old and married because he âwonât develop feelings for any of them.â This sent me into a major spiral and I almost threw up and starting sobbing from the anxiety. It triggered me badly and everything was fine before that. Iâm so anxious that I cheated on my partner. Iâve had an ROCD obsession with another person for a few months now, and Iâve told my partner EVERYTHING. I told him how I have a crush on this person, how guilty I feel about messaging a group server that this person is a part of (despite being very careful to never ever message them privately or even reply to their messages in the group server and instead message other people), how I have fantasized and daydreamed about this person. My partner was fine with it, and he said fantasizing is normal and that he has had crushes too. He said he has had a work crush and fantasized about her and that it was all fine and that fantasizing is fun as long as it stays a fantasy. I kept telling him that I am terrified that Iâm having some sort of one-sided emotional affair by fantasizing about this person, and my partner kept telling me, âOkay so what? Now what? Letâs say your worst fears are true, now what? Iâm not leaving you and youâre not leaving me so why worry about it?â I also feel like fantasizing about this person turned into a compulsion because I would spend months agonizing over the ROCD guilt, ruminating, throwing up, thinking, and then Iâd try to fantasize in order to soothe the anxiety and âprove to myselfâ that it was nothing. I have talked to my therapist about this extensively and he told me that I should not confess as itâs a compulsion. He said if it were something wrong, my body would just âknowâ and Iâd intuitively confess instead of ruminating over and over on whether itâs worth confessing or not. My partner told me he doesnât want any more confessions and that he doesnât need to know what goes on in my head. Iâve told him a lot already, about the crush, my fears, the daydreaming, and he said it was all fine. I know for a fact that I have never ever ever crossed a line with this person, I have been extremely careful to rarely ever interact with him. Iâve been careful to ensure that weâre not even FRIENDS at all, just barely acquaintances. Literally every single interaction has been just small talk the handful of times that Iâve seen him show up to a group event. He is also moving away and Iâm never gonna see him again. I have been extremely obsessive and careful about not ever EVER speaking to him unless spoken to, never giving him attention, obsessively monitoring the frequency with which i pay attention, etc. But Iâm so terrified that Iâve already done something wrong by having these thoughts and feelings. I feel like the feelings lasted this long BECAUSE of the OCD and guilt and anxiety. Because I became anxious and started ruminating on the feelings and the morality for months and months. I donât know what to do. I need help. I feel like Iâve irreparably ruined my relationship. Did i catch feelings? Is there a difference between feelings and a crush? Is this a form of cheating? We are going on a trip in literally 12 hours and Iâm so incredibly stressed I canât take this. Do i confess?
I am going to a country I have never been before and am feeling on edge because I will have to face the Airport, a place that causes a lot of germ related anxiety for me and I will inevitably have to use a public bathroom at some point before I reach my hotel room. This is my biggest fear place-made infinitely worse because I am transgender and there has been a massive increase in transphobia and hate crimes related to trans people using public bathrooms.-I know there isnât much that will help me with that fear but any general advice on traveling especially in unfamiliar areas would be greatly appreciated!
So... I understand my anxiety but not OCD. I understand both but not in "my born this way world." I have done a lifetime of teaching myself I'm weird, goofy and different from the average accepted societal person. Why: because I've been teased and bullied all my life for not fitting the script. I have chose to be a survivor and not a victim because be a victim SUCKS! to me. Its a black hole that your cant alwaus climb out of, it leaves you dependant on someone happening by and someone that has a caring soul. In my world you're F'd if you wait for the latter version. So I mentally wired my brain to love me, accept those differences and pat yourself on the back for it. I learned to celebrate it and be happy with it. I nutired it and made it the beast that it is today. So if I truly have OCD, I literally, intentionally and purposely created it wishing me unknowing that it was not good. So, after all these years, the Corporate world says No. We do not have to allow this? I have never known it to harm or hurt anyone. So it's difficult to connect the problem? Anyhow, now I have learn, redefine and understand ME from a entirely new perspective. And that is my initial struggle, the other struggles, the other stuff, I have being dealing with and its nothing new to me. Buy telling self that it's a mis-fire is strange and hard for me to accept? It confuses me still. I have always seen OCD as a autistic behavior. I did not then and still do not perceive autism as a mis-fire or something wrong or unacceptable? Still this pwrplex me. When in school I studied mental health and deep dived. I enjoyed it, learning it. I guess I don't view mental health as psychotic or crazy. Maybe because I grew up in a home of an X military father who had flash backs a lot and we just played the parts until it wasn't fun anymore and my older siblings and mother got tired of dealing with it. I never felt afraid or threaten, just accept that is how he was. Every now and then he would start playing out a experience. I am a curious individual so I thought it was quite interesting to know what happened. Otherwise, he sit quiet all dad, like no one else was there and chain smoke one cigarette after the other. I remember my mom complaining that his cigarette then next his cartoon of cigarettes cost as must as the food they had to keep in the house. I thought it was an exaggeration until I good older and understood it from an adult point of view. I think when it first click, I was outside play tag. hide and seek or something. Me and a another girl run under the window he usually sits at to low smoke out of. We run through all pile of cigarette butts and she said, "dang, where did all these cigarette buds come from, it's like a gigantic ashtray. In that moment, I didn't know. But when I looked up I realized that was my dad's window. I think that was the first time I realized how much he was smoking and why my mom had said that years ago. Anueay, I do understanding the behavior of a persistent, uncontrolled behavior that does not cause a resolve but instead increases the non-productive obsession that you're reacting to which creates the necessity of a compulsion help you deal, cope, or adapt in a way you can tolerate it. This increases the stress responds, the anxieties and/or flight or flight chemicals that are being produced. We react mentally and order to feel "ok," we have developed something that make us feel safe, better, or accepting of whatever our minds are telling us that is wrong, cannot do, or adding shit that is not necessarily true. Hear, if I have intrusive thoughts most of the time they are true. I go into a response of anger, then protection. Then the replay keeps me stuck because i have been forced outside of my safw zone or my protection has being tampered with of something that makes me feel feel the andrinaline is neex becauseI about to go to battle by all means necessary. I think that is how it is happening for me. Anything else is not connecting? My broken trust bonds => morphed into F it just don't trist nobody. There is no benefit of doubt. Let them prove they can be trusted until they can not. But... ? I say what is wrong with that? It has always washed away the BS people that I don't want to be bothered by. That works for me???... Yes, of course, when I was young trust issues did interfere with things that it should not have. But I have learned to reconcile that with observation and analyzing my environment and the action of one's words versus their behavior. And now at my age today, IJDG2Fs if I can't trust you or not because I only deal with people as associates and it doesn't matter anymore. Now this pattern of thinking and believing may be all wrong but I have lived life my entire life in survival mode some say. And that adrenaline that is full in me, I have conclude, is my lifeline, my saving grace and why I have never been able to reduce the heighten response in me. I think, still learning... TBC But I'm open, I am here, and trying to rewire this "new" beast that is my bestfriend. When that Counselor helped me to understand that my intenssity of surviving has created this flight of fight heighten energy = anxiety. I had never viewed it to be the problem yet instead my personal instinctive ALARM. A protective system. This is throwing me off. Really off. Then there are some that keeps telling me anxiety is my fearing... what? No. I have literally not feared much of anything. A man once said to me, that I had a God complex. I said, No, Sir. I do not believe I am better or above anyone. I'm sorry that my confidence in my own self makes you feel uncomfortable. My cheerleader- motivation toward self has nothing to do with you persinally or any other person. Its what I do to keep pushing and NOYB. It's for me only. Please stop inserting yourself, I am not responsible for how you feel when I use my motivated confidence to get through shit. Please excuse yourself from my chapters. Anyway... Why do I say this. My protective energy... because I grew up rough, I've learned to protect self. I know I said I believe in a Higher Power, but when you are young, and about without parents. You tend to say to yourself, Well God ain't here, so what are you going to do? You can't wait for that pie to fall from the sky or you will die. Are you ready to die? And of course, I'd say to myself, "Not today." So, you then use that fight or flight as your strength to help save yourself, adapt and do shit yourself. No disrepect. Whatever it takes until that Higher Power say you're fine now. Relax. Vicious i was, I learned to hard way. And don't regret it. đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸ I guess I'm here to learn how to be delicate and soft. He'll idk. Night, Nighy. Psss ... I had something else to say but it went in another direction. OCD ... ADHD ... đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
Lately my ROCD has been flaring up, making it difficult to even be around my partner. Iâm having so many troubling thoughts with the one that bugs me most being, âmaybe this isnât my OCD, maybe Iâm just in a bad relationship and Iâm trying to cover it up and blame it on OCDâ. This thought really scares me because there are valid doubts in my relationship but my boyfriend and I have openly talked about them and are trying to work through. My OCD wonât take that as an option tho. It makes me feel like I need to be 100% certain that these things can NEVER happen again or else we need to break up immediately. So anything he says in that moment about trying to do better, my OCD will not trust anything he says and just wait until the next âbad thingâ happens. When I continuously bring these things up to my boyfriend even tho nothing has happened between these conversations, it exhausts him making it feel like he can never do enough. I feel so bad because I know itâs just my OCD getting in the way. But then that thought creeps in saying I canât trust him because I need to protect myself. Itâs just an ongoing cycle that is so tiring. I donât even know what I want anymore. We are very opposite when it comes to emotions. I am very in tune and very emotionally intelligent, and he is not. He is the opposite. I do recognize that my anxious attachment style may be hard for him too but I canât stop thinking about all of his flaws and all of the things he needs to do to make our relationship better. It makes me feel like Iâm the only one putting in effort when in reality that is not true. But my OCD does make me feel like he doesnât really love me or want to be with me and that he feels forced to be with me or do things for me. It makes me feel like him being with me is like a chore. Can anyone relate? My OCD just makes me feel like I canât trust anything he says to make our relationship better.
Hi guys! I had really bad harm ocd about 2 years ago and I went through therapy and eventually got really good at handling it when it would pop up. The other day, I was scrolling on TikTok and came across a girl talking about a guy who was presenting a lot of schizophrenic symptoms but no one paid attention and got him help, he was having a lot of delusions, hallucinating, thinking everyone was out to get him, thought he was Jesus and his dad was the president and ended up doing horrific things. The day after that, I was dealing with some work drama and had the thought of âwhat if all my coworkers are against me and trying to get me firedâ. That really stressed me out, cause I donât normally think about them like that and I went down a rabbit hole of thinking that was the beginning of me developing schizophrenia, ended up googling stuff all night, taking tests, crying and seeking reassurance. I had a thought the other day âyour dad is the presidentâ, this one didnât stress me out as bad as I knew it was just the video I had seen and it was an intrusive thought about it, and I also didnât believe it. Today I was with some friends and I got a prize at a place we went and it said âlonelyâ on it. I do have my moments of feeling lonely and this week has been specifically trying so I had a thought like âoh someoneâs out to get me cause I got thisâ. I know this isnât logical and it wouldnât make sense to just randomly get it if someone was truly after me and it was just a stupid prize at a random place, anyone couldâve gotten it. Im just struggling a lot with schizophrenic OCD and thinking Iâm in the pre stages of it. In my good moments, I donât think I am at all and it was all just sparked from the video I watched but in my bad moments, these thoughts feel real!! They really stress me out and make me feel like Iâm going to lose my mind causing me to lose my job/ end up in a psych hospital/ never live a normal life/ end up alone, never see me my loved ones/ hurt my loved ones. I just want to feel normal and not like Iâm about to lose my mind and everything I care about. Please help!!! Anyone else going through something similar and can help me get through this!
But 18+ people only please
I broke up with my boyfriend today because of how bad my anxiety had gotten I couldnât tell what was my heart and what was my head. Iâm heartbroken because I feel like I lost my best friend and I truly do have love for him and want him in my future. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We broke up because Iâm not on medication for my anxiety and have a doctorâs appointment coming up on Wednesday to see about getting some. I still feel anxious after our breaks but I feel guilty to admit that I do feel better. Iâm still just anxious in general a little and I donât know why. We had decided to stay in touch but not on a daily or even weekly basis, just because there is no hate in our relationship just pure love. Iâm just so scared and sad that I really will lose him and be all alone.
And what is happening...let's say I come across a video of that person and then I stop the part where it triggers me and I deliberately imagine images of a sexual type, and if I don't feel anything, I look again, as if I want it or I have the urge to imagine it, i.e. I feel the need, and if I feel something or get a feeling in my groin and I feel like I fall into despair?
iâm scared iâm bi and in denial and trying to convince myself im straight.
If you are in crisis, please use these emergency resources to find immediate help.
OCD doesn't have to
rule your life
