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Everyone around me says I look ill and that I’m a shell of what I used to be, I’ve had it up to my eyeballs OCD has completely sucked the life force out of me

I’m having an OCD flare right now, and my brain is telling me “you don’t have a sense of self.” A few days ago, I felt confident and grounded. But today, my brain is looping on every reason why I must be “unstable.” For me, the things that trigger this fear are: • Looking back at past versions of myself and feeling like they don’t fit who I am now. • Cycling through different interests and worrying that means I’m just trying to “be someone.” • Feeling doubtful when my mood shifts (like going from confident one day to grumpy the next). Questioning my treatment choices: one day thinking I need OCD residential, the next deciding I’m fine sticking with my therapist. OCD tells me this back-and-forth means I’m unstable. • OCD telling me, “See? This must mean you have BPD.” Logically, I know people change interests, grow out of past phases, and feel differently depending on context. I also know I have consistent themes (music (specifically metal, electronic, rap (but of course my OCD makes me question if I really like it), horses, fairness, sensuality, authenticity, health, art, certain aesthetics… etc.). But when OCD flares, it makes me doubt everything and convinces me I have no solid identity. I’m also PMSing, tired, and hungry right now, which makes the OCD voice louder. It feels real, even though I can recognize it’s probably just OCD doing its thing. Note I also have ADHD + OCPD + BDD I have been told by four therapists and one psych that I do not have BPD. But of course “what if they’re wrong.” “What if they’re not telling me.”

I'm a bit stressed rn. I'm with my boyfriend and we're on holiday, everything should be fine and so nice but instead I keep having intrusive thoughts.. like "am I having enough fun?", "he's on the phone a lot, he doesn't consider me, he's not the right person", then he has behaviors or ways of doing things that bother me a little and I constantly question him... first we went into a hotel room, we had sex and after the shower I felt this need to cry that I can't explain, it had already happened, sometimes it doesn't even appeal to me to do it with him, out of anxiety for me, because I'm tense, out of fear of performance. For context: we go to university together, and in the summer it's a long-distance relationship, last year during the summer period I had this very heavy sense of detachment when many days (2 weeks) passed that we didn't see each other, over time it decreased, but I still perceive it. sometimes it seems like a stranger to me, and I struggle to get close to it. This summer was going better, last month I went to him and I had this episode of detachment again, we also talked about it, and then it went better and I remember leaving him a note where I wrote that I felt good with him, that I loved him and that I was able to be myself and calm in his company. From then until yesterday, when we saw each other again, it happened that I discovered my sister, a person whose opinion I am very fond of, told me she didn't see me well with him, not 100%, for a reason that sometimes I also questioned (the emotional depth), since then I overthink about that, and today, during our holiday, it continues to weigh on me... I don't know what to do, I don't know what to believe, I'm very tired and exhausted from having these thoughts, when I said I was fine with him in reality I was lying? and I feel this feeling of emptiness often, like I don't love him enough, I don't understand...

At 14 I once searched illegal stuff on an adult website. It was out of curiosity and I wanted to know there aren't such things, but it currently caused me have POCD and false memory OCD which makes me sick, because I feel like I remember in details that I searched that with ill intentions. Since then I remembered every single stuff I ever did, and now I remember when I was younger between 9-12 I might've watched l0li to self please. How can I cope?

Anyone else had this and any tips?

Hey, so I don't have ROCD, but my boyfriend does. And I'm kinda worried. Is it going to last forever? I don't want him to live with that disorder for the rest of his life. He is going to start doing ERP. I've read a tons of books about the process of ROCD recovery. I looked for articles, posts on Instagram, I googled, I asked ChatGPT and yet I'm still worried it won't get better. Everytimes he tells me about his thoughts, about how maybe I'm not the one, about how he potentially doesn't love me, it hurts. I know he must be suffering more than I am, but its still an horrible feeling. I keep telling myself that this is not him, that it is his ROCD talking and stuff, but I don't know.. Its just, a lot to handle. Can someone help me? If you recovered from ROCD please tell me. Tell me how it is. Tell me how you live with it. Are you happy in your relationship? Do you want to spend your life with this person? Are the thoughts still there but you manage to live with it? And as his girlfriend, what should I do if he keeps telling me those thoughts? I have so many questions

My OCD is so bad right now. There are medical reasons why but I’m panicking so hard right now. Every thing sweet thing I do with my bf gets replaced by the thought of another guy. Kissing him? Imagine it’s someone else, it happens. Or I cause it idk either way it happens. Smelling my bf’s shirt for comfort? Pretend this belongs to someone else. It happens. I cry. I’m intimate with my bf? It happens. I’m taking a cute picture *for* my bf, it happens and then I delete it bc I took it with someone else in mind. It keeps happening. I keep causing it. I can’t love my bf in peace. I think “my baby *my bf name*” it turns into “my baby *that other guy name*.” It won’t stop happening. Please help me idk if this OCD at this point. It feels just as affectionate as it would if my bf wasn’t getting replaced in these thoughts. That’s what scares me. Sometimes I even feel curious about it. I’m scared, please any input.

Help me I'm really struggling to trust God I know that I am saved by faith alone How do I identify ocd thoughts vs. Spiritual attack thoughts Help please help God help me

This became long... some of the detail/story is intended to be informative for anyone who might also have ADHD. Read & reply if you're interested: I have ADHD, OCD, and high masking autism. I feel like Vyvanse helps me with literally everything. Is anyone else in the same boat? I'm grateful for the change, but I'm perplexed by the idea of a stimulant helping me with OCD. I think it's somewhat understandable given the presence of ADHD, but I can't help but wonder about how someone who only has OCD might respond to stimulants. Does anyone have thoughts on this they'd like to share? I'm very curious what other people think. I think Vyvanse helping me with OCD is related to executive function. When I come across the types of thoughts that would normally trigger OCD, I stay aware of time passing, and the present moment/context. It's like I check myself after every few sentences of obsessive thought, and it's significantly easier to realize I'm wasting time. From there I can do things like think about the importance of the thing I'm deliberating over. I'll consider the tasks and time at hand and decide to write it down, do something now, or forget about it. I do that process with less stress, and I opt out of doing something now way more often than without medication. It sometimes feels like RPMs happen automatically, and before I become distressed. Additionally, while I was diagnosed with ADHD first, I've frequently felt like it is very related to OCD. I'm not just distracted, I feel compelled to fix something. I feel compelled to over think something to achieve perfection or be impressive. Sometimes it seems like the thoughts involved in my procrastination process are me boiling down an OCD idea until it's something that's actually doable. With more straight forward prompts like homework, I would try to sit down and focus. But, I wouldn't be able to keep from thinking about things like "I only get to be a child once and I'm spending it doing things that aren't fun." To me that could come from fear of morality and/or fear of "doing life wrong". I also frequently thought about how native people used to occupy this land. I'd feel sad that I would never develop a body that could live that lifestyle, and even if I somehow did, where would I go to live like that? I don't fully understand how my OCD and ADHD work or interact. I guess it's expected to be confusing since I have both. I don't need to understand it 100%. I suppose I'm obsessing over it a bit, maybe a lot. I have both, and treating one helps with both things. Treating ADHD helps with everything in life. It makes sense that it would help with OCD too. Maybe what I'm experiencing could be summed up as "My ADHD feeds my OCD. Vyvanse reduces the ADHD." I can understand why some people with ADHD aren't willing to try stimulants, but I think it's often because of a lack of understanding and an assumption that stimulants feel like stronger caffeine. In my experience, caffeine and ADHD meds do not feel like each other at all. If you are a regular Caffeine user, switching to ADHD meds will not feel like a replacement, it will feel like a whole new experience. Caffeine makes your body shake and it gives you anxiety. Methylphenidate and amphetamine make you alert with a minimal impact on anxiety (in my experience, and at ADHD-treatment doses). You don't know where the alertness comes from, you're just alert. The only thing I notice in my body is a slightly elevated heart rate. The caffeine experience is more like feeling awake because of stimulation in your body. Also, I get crampy tight muscles from caffeine. I don't get that at all from amphetamine, though it does give me a bit more motivation and energy for exercising. My first experience was riding the bus to school. 18 mg Concerta hit me while I was wondering what it was going to feel like. Would I feel high? Would I be ultra impulsive and respond to things before I knew I was responding? Would this affect relationships and friendships? And then all of a sudden, I was just looking out the bus window. It was just the images in my mind. It was just here and now. I'm just riding the bus to school. I enjoy looking out the window, so I'm just gonna sit here and watch the landscapes as we drive by. The change felt both subtle and immense. It made me start laughing out loud, but I didn't know quite what I was laughing at. Besides sleep issues and stomach aches, I had a great time the rest of high school. Everything was just SO EASY. I abstained from stimulants after college for three reasons: 1. Sleep. 2. Stomach aches. 3. Fear it would "use my brain up" faster and I'd end up with early onset dementia or something. 1. I had sleep apnea 2. I had chronic appendicitis 3. A study following ~100k people, 730 of which had ADHD, found that people with ADHD had an elevated risk of dementia, and people with ADHD who used psychostimulants did not have increased risk of dementia. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2023.38088 I got diagnosed with 1 in late 2024 and 2 in early 2025. I recently made the realization that resolving these issues also fixes my problems with ADHD medication. Then I looked up research, found that article, and decided to talk to my PCP about going back on meds. She was willing to prescribe using my existing high school evaluation (I'm 32). I'm feeling so much better now, and wishing everyone could find something that helps them be a person as much as Vyvanse helps me. I wish anyone could go to a doctor and ask for it "just because life is hard", or "because I'm a parent now and it's hard". But, I haven't done research on the risks. If you've got thoughts, I'd love to hear them. Thank you! P. S. I guess you could argue that Vyvanse isn't helping me because I made a post like this lol. Posts, messages, and scripts like this are a frequent side effect of stimulants for me. Sometimes I "waste" the first hour or so on something that's just fun or feels thoughtful, maybe this one's a little obsessive. 🤷‍♂️ I'm not gonna be afraid of being obsessive. That'd be too much.

I’ve had enough man😭 I wanna go back to my old self😔

hi so my therapist & i were talking about how scared i am of schizophrenia being a misdiagnosis, i'm not diagnosed with OCD even though i suffer from all of the symptoms more than anything else right now but she took as an example people that could kill me; when something was on the news a few months back i got EXTREME paranoia fearing that i could be killed next, my therapist said it was a delusion **but** deep down i know they can't actually get me but i'm just afraid if i speak up about it that they will get me. for example if i always say "nothings bad gonna happen" something bad is gonna happen. i don't really know deep down but i also do i'm just so lost like ???? i also always keep obsessing over it, but i also heard feeling watched & scared people are gonna do something is OCD, i'm just confused. is it still a delusion? or am i misdiagnosed? i've had psychosis multiple times but it was never negative or bad i think except losing friends i'm tired & drained. i'm sorry for constantly mentioning it but **i'm not scared of schizophrenia i'm just scared that i have a misdiagnosis** i put a TW for sure incase it triggers people with schizo OCD ! !

Cause i feel like i am the only one with these thoughts

I think i am getting better and i try to ignore my undiagnosed hocd but sometimes is really hard,the weird dreams,and sometimes idk if someone has this my mind is talking for myself like “i am bi” and i get really scared or completing things and is horrible and i have a compulsion and a fear for the feauture like what if i like girls and i dont want to let me or something else and i get really scared and i just know i am not bi i get scared when i am next to girls and anxiety and i want to be me again without hocd(i always had ocd but hocd is hell ) The hocd simptoms came like 3 months ago i started asking myself if i liked my friend just because we were understanding eachother better,then i saw i girl after a few days and i like how lashes suited her then my mind was telling me that i like her then a fear started,i vomited felt scared(i didnt know about hocd) and started feeling depressed,having intrusive thoughts all day,compulsions, dreams and then i found out abt hocd i felt better because i knew ways to feel better,TIPS if someone has this find a hobby to clear your mind,pray,meditate,and talk to someone But i just cant accept the uncertinty i just dont find normal sorry

Hi everyone, I’m considering starting therapy and possibly SSRIs for HOCD, but I have a few questions I’m hoping you can help with before I dive in. Right now, I often get fleeting images, mental scenarios, and emotional sensations sometimes sexualized, sometimes just “feeling into” a scene involving women. These sensations trigger a lot of panic and anxiety, and I constantly worry that they’re proof of hidden desire or orientation. Or its genuinely me.. I’m wonderingAfter therapy and/or SSRIs, will these images and sensations stop completely, or will they still appear but feel neutral? Will I experience them in the future and potentially feel anxious, or will HOCD lose its power over them? How do you approach these sensations in treatment do they naturally fade, or is the goal more about learning to experience them without panic or meaning?(do this waay the lose their power and stop interfering??) I want to start therapy, but I’m nervous because I feel like I might always have these thoughts or sensations, and I would end up liking them😞 Im done it makes me feel like its better not to approach for therapy self help would be best..

UPDATE: I couldnt do it... i couldnt stop posting... this situation is too triggering and thinking about the worst possible outcome scares me... in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent an 18+ pic to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor without knowing... it genuinely scares me... Its making me think that I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor in the past without knowing and it genuinely triggers me... I have tried to go back through most 18+ online interactions ive had with women online to make sure they didnt lie or they confirmed their age... i have two situations on discord that trigger me that ive posted about in the past... and a couple have deleted their discords so thats triggering me really bad... most who deleted their discords were verified but still... why delete your discord, you know...? for context i was on 18+ explicit discord servers meant for sex that you cant just join regularly on iPhone due to it being for adults only... Ive also been to a website dedicated to adult 18+ literature... they also have an 18+ chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... Im scared of someone one day in the future accusing me of doing horrible things like unknowingly inappropriately messaging minors, or have my worst fears of unknowingly explicitly messaging a minor confirmed to have happened and I didnt know about it...

I told my mom about my POCD and I feel she didn't get it and now assumes I'm a secret pedophile + recommended me to go to church and ask God to take away these thoughts from my mind. I think I might get therapy anyways, but oh my god, this is a new low for me. I tried so hard to tell her I'm not these things, I'm not my thoughts, I'm not my anxiety, but I feel as if it fell on deaf ears. I should have just kept quiet or said something else was my trigger.

Lately I’ve been having some thoughts like “i don’t feel real” and I feel disconnected and not been feeling like myself, I don’t know if this is just ocd because I do get thoughts about life and they don’t really cause much panic.. or could this be something else

I am slowly learning to allow myself to be in distress. By allowing this, I can move forward and actually deal with real life in a more objective and positive manner. It may seem easy to some but I have lived a reactionary OCD led life for many years. Never knowing how I would react. NOCD therapy has really opened my eyes to challenging those lies, living in the present, and learning to see truth. I will be a lifelong overcomer as I continue to move forward.

I don't think I can afford an ocd specialized therapist, so my current therapist is not specialized. The issue with this is that it feels triggering to talk to her. I'm afraid she will not understand or call the police or something like that. Should I share my event and false memory with this therapist or should I wait until I save up for an ocd specialist? I'm just afraid she will not understand and not know how to treat me.

Ok so TRIGGER WARNING if you are not in therapy for SOOCD or are early in therapy for SOOCD please don't read this. Hi, I'm Maddie. I'm 19 and bisexual and diagnosed with OCD (mainly harm OCD and contamination OCD). I am religious and am a nonacting bisexual that happens to be married to a man. Despite this I am still attracted to women. I have also dealt with SOOCD or internalized homophobia, I'm not sure which, where I have second guessed my sexuality over and over and had intrusive thoughts about kissing random people, mostly girls. It took me from 6th grade to 9th grade to finally accept that I am attracted to women as well as men. I would compulsively take sexuality quizzes, avoid thinking about women I found attractive and a lot of things that were definitely compulsive, but I am not sure this was SOOCD or not because I actually am bisexual. At the time however I was thinking I was straight and absolutely terrified of being gay. Now I have accepted myself (conveniently after finding a boyfriend during my questioning) and the compulsions have passed, though some avoidance still occurs. This said, I am wondering if what I experienced was SOOCD or just internalized homophobia from being a Christian? ( Now I believe that being gay is not a sin but acting on it may be, though I don't know for sure. Please don't hate me for that, it's something I only apply to myself not to others. I have no desire to force others not to act on their feelings or beliefs)