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so with ocd i say words but ocd makes the intentions seem bad so this time i just said a random word because it was a urge and the intensions were bad and i didnt realze it was ocd, im panicking and dont know why i said that

Still upset over me almost acting on impulse or felt like an impulse because i would be a c m then I feel like I’m the only one who goes through this

Hi! 1 month in to ERP for drug and alcohol contamination, and I’m wondering if this is excepted with therapy/ progression. Obviously, when I am exposed to both of my triggers I get extremely overwhelmed, go mute, explore lots and lots of self hate, and then BOOM I’m hysterically sobbing and inconsolable. These episodes last what feel like forever ( very similar to a panic attack), but eventually stop and then I go back to my normal self. I feel very embarrassed, ashamed, and almost disgusted with the fact that I had the specific breakdown for like 1 hour post breakdown. Now, if I’m stressed, mentally/ emotionally exhausted, in a new or unfamiliar place, God forbid having to travel, the same thing happens. I am unsure if it’s because it’s a “disruption” from my normal, or if my mind is trying to protect me or what. Does this happen to anyone else? My best friend gets married in less than 1 month, and the wedding is in Charleston. I haven’t been there since another bachelorette trip that I took, but when we were there, I was taking Prozac and Rexulti ( psychiatrist put me on it for “paranoia” when in reality it was my OCD 🙃) well I ended up going into serotonin syndrome and stopped both meds and started back on Lexapro. Needless to say, I don’t have the best memories associated with Charleston bc I had a panic attack there, was around alcohol, loud environments, and my mind has convinced me it’s not a safe place for me. Does anyone have any advice on preparing for the trip, being away, and staying somewhere I am scared of? I need to be the beat version of myself as it is my best friend’s wedding, and I want to love her well

Rant :3 I’ve been doing very very well for myself managing my ocd on my own with erp. I used to be very reactive and give into compulsions. With time, i’ve been resisting the urges to perform compulsions. The more they come up the easier the answers come to me about how I should go about reacting or confronting something I’m facing that isn’t performing compulsions. I’m more in tune with my values and I have more structure around being the healthy person I want to be. That being said ….. 😵‍💫 This week (specifically yesterday) I gave into my compulsions. My bf and I like to give each other silly “what would you do” scenarios. Some are silly and some require a little more thinking because the answer would reflect our values and beliefs. We started off our conversation on the phone being silly and joking. Then I was like hmmm what makes you jealous! And he gives me some examples but for some reason I register his answers as like…not “good enough”? He’s not the jealous type to begin with and I learn that it’s a healthy trait to have as it would make him confident in himself and our relationship. But I’m getting intrusive thoughts that him not being jealous or having a bigger reaction to some scenarios it means he doesn’t care about me or love me that much. I know better than to believe the thoughts but I’m searching for reassurance that he cares about me so I’m giving him more hypothetical scenarios. The more scenarios I gave him, he gave me answers that didn’t validate my intrusive thoughts that him not being jealous/having a bigger reaction= him not caring about me or loving me that much. I got more frustrated and I got snarky or like snappy towards him. To me, his answers that were healthy, not blown out, and not extremely reactive wasn’t enough. I felt like his method on going about the situations (in a healthy way mind you) wasn’t validating my (unhealthy) thoughts. I felt bad for being snappy at him. During our call I was being annoying and doubling down on statements that I didn’t even agree with just to make him upset or frustrated, for the sake of being an opposite to him, brushing it off by saying I’m only joking and pointing a finger back at him. I don’t know why I did that. Like why I decided to bully him/ why I wanted to hurt his feelings. I’m getting over a toxic habit I had where if someone hurt me or disrespected me I felt like I had to give it back or give it even worse. I would do this with my intrusive thoughts and apologize later because of this trait. Maybe it was that toxic behavior coming through. Mayhaps it was also a way to see if he’d still love me, give me reassurance and stay with me if I put him in a position where I’m not being nice or respecting him so it could show how much he’d want to be with me. I knew that the idea of being jealous or having extreme reactive behavior isn’t healthy but I still wanted reassurance regarding that concept anyway. Grrrr >:l. I also apologized and asked if he was okay before we went to bed. He’s fine and not upset with me but I just didn’t like how I was putting him in a corner with these scenarios and called his healthy answers boring because it wasn’t what my intrusive thoughts wanted to hear for validation😵‍💫 I don’t want to ruminate on why I bullied him but I also don’t want it to happen again. Like last week we hung out and in the middle of us chilling in his room I didn’t want to be around him and everything he did annoyed me. The feeling passed after a couple minutes but it was weird as it hasn’t happened before or at least to that degree. This feeling was like a repulse. It felt different than just me being overstimulated and wanting space. Weird. Anyway that’s my rant. Having a fine evening ^v^ hope you angels are too🤍🪽

I need help. I went to church today and it was scripture John 6:66 which stressed me out then the D word came up not Devil . The name for his followers . How am I going to go to church ? If I’m going to get triggered! Prozac helps but it can only do so much. How do I over come this ?

This is a late night thought I get a lot not all the time but most nights sometimes I feel like my ocd would make me think that I have this thing trying to talk to me or getting me to do things that I do NOT want to do AT ALL. This is also why I try to stop being online or not talk or do anything at all. I'm trying to explain in the best way I can. The best way I can describe my ocd or mental health right now would be like Jeykll and hyde. Especially in the musical the most popular song confrontation cause like false memories or something like that. Having false memories of doing something especially online in my past that was so bad at least to me and I just have forgotten about it. Trying to remember feels like as if it was a different version of me or a complete different person cause I do be wanting to think of my past self as a completely different person cause I personally feel like I did or even said something so wrong or bad (even though I didn't do anything...) that I just want my old self to be a completely different person. My ocd has also gotten so bad that it made me have developed severe delusions of the government or government services like the police or FBI coming to get me. So sometimes I would think about turning myself into the station or mental hospital one because I also developed S**cidal ideation because it got so bad though I never wanted to acted on anything. I haven't really experienced ideation that bad until I first developed it but I just get scared of my mental health getting bad again.

Over the past couple of weeks, I focused heavily on myself, my reactions and my behaviors. Because I am always willing to grow and develop skills to be a better person... always. I have accepted that I am not perfect a very long time ago. I also know that even in my best efforts I can this make mistakes even as a person without OCD. I learned that my trigger is SAFETY. If something threatens my independent, my way of sustainability and my ability to provide this for myself it triggers a flight or fight. And I usually fight, younger it mostly chose flight. But I grew and developed a sense of You Must Stand Up For Yoyrself or Who Will. Loosing both parents early in age grew me into this. Every decision I made after that was to secure and protect and support me. Because loosing your parents early in age made me feel like there was not floor, no ground beneath my feet. And that was a very scary feeling going through life. Teaching myself mindfulness, hearing my parents voice telling me to do things that right. People I trusted and knew had my best interest in mind. Without them, I lost trust and have been trying so hard to learn how to trust people. Everytime I have tried many have disappointed. Not that all my expectations are extremely high or unreasonable but because I am a simple person with simple needs and wants. I find that when I loosen those simple ropes, boundaries and expectations of myself I faulted. I very well understand I cannot control what others do, say or think. But having a standard for myself is in my control. Some don't understand hiw I can continue to walk with my head high or praise my small wins. To others it's nothing to be grateful or thankful for. To me it is everything. I have also learned that unmasking is never safe, even in the realm of MH and asking for help we you need it. This not saying NOTHING WORKS inside this realm nor ALL are untrustworthy. But I realize that even if a disease or condition is studied and understood that many are not able to understand the struggle. They just cannot see the disturbance of it or how it complicates all that you do and your entire way through life. I'm sorry, a pill is not everything. Not the answer for me even though I take what is prescribed. Learning how to win for one minute, one hour or a day is the greatest accomplishment. That cannot be understood be any person who has not experienced it. They only see the behavior not you. They see the issue but not the person. And that is so sad to me. People with question you, record you and test you and never see the person, never. They are conditioned to the job or their role to perform. They are conditioned to a check list, a diagnosis and a label. They see that but not the person I have not seen hardly any that do. I had only 1 Professional, a doctor in my 20's who did. And she helped me understand my own struggle. Helped to thrive and be successful with it. Her advice and plan worked for all these years. Now that I have new doctors, new therapist, new medicines I have been falling through the cracks. No flooring or ground under my feet. And I feel like it's because me, THE PERSON, is not being seen ONLY the problem. The problem to them and not to me. Have a good day all and keep learning.

Hey there, Im recently diagnosed with ocd and working with a therapist. My thing is I get focused on how I’m feeling. If I get a headache it freaks me out, I could be congested from allergies and it can spin me out, like what if it’s something more serious, it could be any body sensation that causes me to ruminate. Health ocd? Somatic ocd? Anyone have this? Any tips? Thanks!

So whenever I'm tired or zoned out, I realize I tend to not process my intrusive thoughts nearly as quickly or as much as I'd like and whenever I get those types of thoughts, they're often accompanied with "pleasurable" feelings which worries me because these are intrusive thoughts! It feels like I genuinely just let the thoughts happen and I enjoyed it, I'm freaking out!

So I obviously have ocd, more specifically severe (29 out of 32 on CY-BOGS), and it's contamination ocd mainly. I also have autism, were not sure what level but I'm probably mainly level 1 with level 2 traits. I also have combined type adhd, managed (medicated) pmdd which is not even noticeable because of my birth control, and mild/managed GERD, and moderate chronic eczema which ive had my entire life. I've also developed mild to moderate motor tics and a nightmare disorder paired with ocd and adhd fueled insomnia. I feel like I will never live life the way someone else without my conditions will, even if the physical conditions are all managed, besides eczema. My autism and ocd are the ones taking over my life and I am not able to go to school full time, work a full time job (yet), live alone, have children or high maintwnce pets even if I want them, and I'm having great difficulty driving. I have great difficulties communicating when I'm struggling inside so I had to learn sign language with my girlfriend so we can communicate when I'm unable to speak/or at least elaborate how I feel. I also have an auditory processing disorder. Am I disabled? Am I allowed to say I have disabilities and am impaired and disabled? I very much feel disabled but my parents get almost furious when I say something relayed to being disabled. *furious*. Why is that?

I think about my partner constantly and have difficulty distracting myself. I work full time, hang out with friends, and have various interests that I pursue, yet my mind is always split with worry over my partner.

I used to suffer with HOCD. Me and my partner of 9 years broke up last month, I was absolutely devastated. Cried for the days we weren’t together, begged to work on our relationship, stopped eating and more. Got back together 5 days later. I felt the love, I felt safe for a few days. Then the thought of ‘I don’t love him’, ‘I don’t want to be with him’ all started. I feel numb, I feel anxious all the time. I’m smoking cigarettes like there’s no tomorrow. I’m back not eating. I’m scared. I really don’t want to lose him deep down, but I’m filled with doubt. Is this normal? Please help.

My OCD is doing horrible. I was put on birth control to balance out my PMDD. I don’t think that’s going too well it just keeps getting worse. My mental health keeps getting worse. My OCD is so bad that my existential theme came back, the one I overcame six years ago for the most part. My POCD is flaring, my every single damn theme known to man is flaring right now. I feel absolutely insane and I feel like my OCD has never been this bad before. Even at its worst, like me posting 6x a day on here months ago. I’m doing a lot of compulsions it’s not my original compulsions or anything. They’re like really freaking complex like compulsions within compulsions. I feel like I’m literally dying. I feel so much fear. I haven’t been able to stop crying in my face is dry from all the salt. I don’t know what to do. I’m genuinely desperate. I don’t want to do this. I already tried relaxing because I have little periods of time where I feel a little better, and I even ordered myself some ice cream, but I’m not doing okay. I feel like I’m drowning in a nightmare and I just can’t wake up.

18+ UPDATE: Currently right now, I'm in a 50's style diner with some cast and crew from a student film they shot. Im in a corner seat because there was no room for this couple to sit together and I gave her my spot. But thats not what im sad about... what I'm sad about is feeling like nobody in that room gives a single shit about me... or they hate my guts and just want me to go away... so im by myself typing this because the last thing I want to cause is any form of idiotic drama... I hate myself for my POCD, my Harm OCD, and my real events OCD... and i hate myself for being so lonely too... i have no one... no girlfriend... no friends... just acquaintances... and my dad will tell me to suck up my loneliness and be a man if I call him, so... I cant call to him for advice... all I am and ever will be is alone... this is my 5th year in college.... and I hate myself now more than I've ever done... When trying to find explicit anime stuff i enjoy, i keep stumbling across POCD related content I find disgusting and disturbing... but then i get this urge to go back and click on it and check my reaction... when i do, im immediately disgusted and quickly exit out... it happened a couple of times tonight... My POCD is labeling this as an unconscious attraction... chatGPT is saying this is morbid curiosity... i dont want to be attracted to men or kids... i dont want to be attracted or even curious about it... Tonight, i just had an intrusive thought of the word "loli" and an intrusive urge to look it up and check my reaction... i looked up a hentai site and saw it (loli...) i checked my heart rate to make sure it wasnt beating fast (a sign of attraction) before i quickly exited out of the website... my pocd is telling me im a P for this and Im genuinely so triggered...

so my boyfriend just ran into his ex girlfriend who was his first love. they ran into each other at his favorite restaurant which is apparently where she works. it’s been years since they were together and him and i have been together for over two years. she cheated on him multiple times (with her step brother) and was very manipulative and physically and mentally abusive towards him, so it’s like i’m not worried he’s going to leave me for her because she’s awful, but it was his first love. i was left by someone before who was all in on me but then his ex girlfriend who was his first love came back to him and he left me for her, and she was also manipulative and mentally abusive. so the topic of first loves causes a lot of anxiety for me. i trust him and i know nothing happened and nothing will happen, but i am anxious seeing her will stir something up in him and he will leave me because of that. please help if you have any advice on what to do

Y’all I think I’m dealing with false attraction but idk and I can’t tell. It’s bugging me. It’s one specific (female) friend of mine lately. Idk if it’s cuz she’s a lesbian and it’s playing on my soocd or smthn. I keep having groinal responses around her. I don’t see her like that but I’m worried I either am starting to or already do and am suppressing it but I have had no interest in her in the last 2 years she’s been in our group. This started somewhat recently and every time someone makes a sexual joke or smthn (like flashing or twerking) it causes a groinal response and I just kinda shut down. I don’t feel anything in the crush sense of the word. And it’s bugging me that I’m having these thoughts and I keep having thoughts of my bf and then my friend gets placed into the thought and it just makes me upset. Annoyed. I feel this tightness in my chest and it’s not good. I like seeing this friend but I don’t get excited seeing her. I wonder where she is when she’s gone but I do that with all of my friends, if one doesn’t show to our group dinners I ask. I worry I’m making too much eye contact when we talk. I keep checking if I’m feeling anything anywhere but it’s just a persistent groinal response and I’m worried it’s attraction

Any image that pops up into my head i automatically assume it’s posted online so i have to check every app to make sure. Or a simple action or word and my brain makes up an imagine like what if you actually did this or said this. I just sniffed or huffed to make a noticed that I was annoyed by my dog and now my brain created this image and now I think I said something.

I’ve been doing SO good. My OCD has been at bay for the most part. Then BAM all the sudden I’m having extreme anxiety about going into psychosis. I don’t even know where this came from. It just hit me out of absolutely nowhere. And now I’m feeling like I’m going crazy. Ugh.

I cant believe this like why am I asking this so I have health anxiety right and I was worried if I had scitzaphrenia and one of the symptoms were believing delusions obviously I don't believe any then the same day I went for a walk and looked at the clouds and got a thought what if clouds aren't real which was really ridiculous ik clouds are real lol heck you can see them even "feel" them obviously you can't touch em but I was afraid if I actually believed that they aren't real obviously they are why am I having this even after the schizophrenia fear left I still have the what If im crazy fear anyone eles have some advice to calm down I don't have to know how clouds work again to prove my ocd wrong lol im laughing a bit how irrational these thoughts are.

I'm sorry if I'm bringing religion into this but I grew up around those beliefs. Listen I really don't like the thought of considering that I could homophobic cause of religious-like beliefs. This has been bothering me which is why I kinda stepped away from religion and faith cause it just seemed way too hateful and controlling. I'm a heavy people pleaser and an empath. I would like it if lgbt people and religious people could help me feel better <3 I'll try to explain how I feel. I have religious beliefs that being gay is a sin. I grew up around Christan beliefs but I was taught to hate the sin and not the person <3 like respect the person. Always! I respect people for who they are cause I was taught we're all born sinners in the end but I'm also taught in my religion that it's important to try and stop sin. But we can always be forgiven if we catch ourselves sinning that's the beauty of it no matter the sin except for blasphemy of course. I just do not understand the gay agenda. And that's just me that doesn't mean I'm going to go around hating and bullying others. I don't that that's not right period. Religion or no religion. It's just wrong in general especially if someone is just being their selves or figuring out who they are. I just think people get this mixed up. Like I just don't get it I'm not one to be attracted to the same gender I'm just not that person. I'm more traditional. But I don't like being a hater... but I still want to respect others. Like I even had intrusive thoughts of being attracted to the same gender because I thought someone was pretty 😂 but it's not like that I'm more like ("slay queen!"). But attracted??? No, to me it's just weird for me in my perspective doesn't mean I don't respect others, I do I really do. I just don't understand. And I hate having the thoughts that I may sound hateful cause of such religious like beliefs. I even had an old couple of friends in school a long time ago or knew a few people and I always respected them! <3 because a few of them were super nice and were cool. Like idgaf as long as you're nice and chill!