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I was just washing myself down there, and as soon as I got done the hyperawareness kicked in, and it made the usual amount feel so excessive, I’m so tired of this

My fiancée proposed on Monday. I have been waiting for this for a long time so of course I was so excited, called everyone, showed everyone we came across. Tuesday I started planning immediately and reached out to a venue I’ve always had my eyes on to schedule a tour. Later Tuesday night we went out to eat after we went golfing. I saw a friend and she told me about her first wedding, I told her I hadn’t known she’d been married before and as soon as she started talking I knew ocd was gonna grab this and run. She said she was with him for 6-7 years, she hadn’t really liked him but had it set in her mind that they were gonna be together forever, etc. I had been in a flare up already for about a month, it had just started to get better but now it’s on overdrive and I’m just so annoyed and discouraged. I was able to ride the high for 2 days before ocd decided to eat me alive. It’s only been 4 days but when I’m engaged in the planning and seeing the vision of the wedding and stuff I enjoy myself, I can feel the glee and I’m excited but when it gets quiet my brain gets loud. It’s exhausting. I know the facts, I know I love my fiancée. I know ocd is directly attacking my values because marriage is a huge deal to me. I want the 1 and done, same person forever. This man has loved me at my worst and cherished me at my best. And I have the same for him. Even when I told him I was feeling anxious and having a flare up, someone with no mental illness what so ever and really can’t understand what it’s like he was so understanding. It makes me feel so guilty. I wanna be enjoying this with him, every single moment of it, and in the moment I am but as soon as the world goes quiet my ocd can’t shut the f up. 😢

Do you guys evevr get confused when you see a masculine female I saw one And her hairs were so short and she had that masculine body its impossible to say she's a woman.. Im scared im attracted to her.. And ngl she looks like a man.. She's handsome .im sacred...im attracted yo ehr and i cant deny it..😞😨❓⁉️

What if these thoughts aren’t intrusive thoughts but signs of my true identity? What if I’m lying to myself? What if I’ll never feel attraction towards men again? What if I never actually felt attraction towards men? What if I was just forcing myself to have crushes on boys? Is this false attraction? Then why does it feel so real? I don’t know who I am anymore, I don’t know what I want, I don’t know what I could do to escape the thoughts, and I’m not sure if I really want to escape them.

sorry been posting so much!! I feel like fear is holding me back. And I probably do just think I know him in my head because I don’t even feel him in general and think the opposite what scripture says even tho I don’t want to I know he’s loving obviously but never feel if and am always afraid to be condemned

I’ve had really hard days yesterday and today with the feeling of constant nausea due to my fear of throwing up which is also causing me to eat less and eating less is making me more nauseaus. I was up all last night unable to sleep and in the bathroom with constant nausea. Tonight, I feel nauseaus again bad and I need some tips on how to get myself to just go to bed and get past this spiral. At this point anything will be helpful❤️

(18 and over please) I find that sometimes it's hard for me to tell whether something is an OCD fear or a genuine fear, mostly because OCD deals in taboos and I've never heard the morality of some things even being discussed. I've been stuck for about a month now because I realized that when I was younger, there was a period of time when I had thoughts (they were sexual in nature) that I now know were unethical about a book series I really enjoy. I didn't think that these thoughts were wrong at the time, as I was only an adolescent, but I certainly do now, and I can't help but feel that my interest in this series has been contaminated or tainted in a way I can't recover from. As such, I've been worried that I have to give up the series and everything associated with it (including the music and shows that I found through it) because I can't separate my normal enjoyment of it from the past. It scares me because a huge part of who I am and enjoy came directly from this series, so not only would it suck to give it up, but I'd also have to find all new interests that haven't been tainted. I've never heard of anything like this so there's not really anything to orient the morality of it. I'm pretty sure that this is just rumination and it's okay to move on from something that I did as a kid that I can't change, but every time I try to enjoy it again I can't help but think that it's unethical to continue to enjoy when I had so-and-so thoughts about so-and-so character. I get especially worried about sharing in my interest with friends or family, because how would they react if they found out, for example, that this song I'm showing them is related to this series that I had these terrible thoughts about? Even worse, what if I continue to enjoy it, recommend it to someone, and they start to enjoy it too? Now their lives have been impacted by this book series through me, who used to have these thoughts about it. At the same time, of course, it's hard for me to shun such a large part of myself. The music I love has helped me through so much, including a really rough period with OCD a few years ago. The interests that I've accumulated through the series are things that I'm really passionate about and was considering possibly going into a field for someday. Most of all, the series meant so much to me and basically defined my childhood. I hope that this isn't too similar to reassurance seeking, which I don't recommend or condone, but I just genuinely don't know what's moral for me to do. Has anyone gone through something similar?

hi guys, i’ve been having intrusive thoughts about harming my family for a couple weeks now and it’s been stressing me out so bad, but lately or at least today i noticed that when it happens i don’t get that anxiety feeling anymore when i have an intrusive thought and it’s scaring me so bad so like now im stressed bc im not having anxiety to them. and another thing is that my intrusive thoughts are weird like for example my mom was showing me her new eyeshadow palette and my mind was like “too bad she won’t get to try it.” and it scared me so bad guys like you dont even understand i feel so evil and i hate it especially that now i im not getting the anxious feeling. i hope this makes sense im just a little stressed rn

Hey! I’m new to all of this. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD since I was 10 years old, I’m 22 now. It’s had its ups and downs, but this year it has gotten worse since my mom was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. They said it’s not hereditary…but it activated my health anxiety. I’ve worried about every cancer in the book. I’ve had blood work done 10 times this year, hormones ran, autoimmune disease panel, mri of my knee, colonoscopy, head to toe ct scan, inward ultrasound, 4-5 clinical breast exams…it’s been nuts. I stop worrying about one worry and I move on to another. I’ve been trying so hard to stay afloat, but I’m struggling. I just had a clinical breast exam two weeks ago, they said everything was good, which is awesome. However, my OCD has convinced me that I have a lump again. I know realistically they said there is nothing there, but I’m having a hard time convincing my mind. Has anything helped anyone retraining their mind or maybe stopping compulsions of constantly checking?

I genuinely can’t seem to catch a break. I’m looping again. I’m worried because I’m having incestuous thoughts about my boyfriend’s family, which also makes this a POCD-type thought. I’ve been imagining two of his family members in a sexual scenario. Mentally, it feels like I like this thought or that I want to think about it. I keep checking because I’m not disturbed at all, even though I know I shouldn’t check. I tried replacing both people with other people and different scenarios. With those, I clearly rejected it and didn’t like it. But with the original scenario, it still feels like I like it, and I don’t understand why. I want to stop checking, but every time I do, I feel a strong pull to continue. I’m anxious because this is such a bad thought, it doesn’t feel bad but I know that if I shared this out loud it would be not good. It involves people very close to my boyfriend. I’m so stressed that I feel like I’m feeling nothing at the same time. I really don’t know what to do. I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this with taboo themes, when it feels like you “like” the thought mentally.

Me and my bf are 7 years apart. I’ve never really thought of it as a thing until I saw some video of people talking about it and how they find it weird. Ever since I can’t get the thought out of my head. Whether our age gap is weird or whether the time that we met was weird or not. I’ve brang it up to him and he’s says sometimes he thinks about it but it’s not like a huge thing to him. We met when I was 19 and he was 26. I turned 20 like a couple days later and he turned 27 a couple months later. We are 23 and 29 right now. Sometimes I spiral into what if was to young for him then or if I still am but then other times it feels ridiculous to be thinking about this. We are both in our 20s. I constantly think about it. I state what I think about it and it’s like I can’t accept what I think about it, I start thinking of other reasons why it might be wrong or weird. I think about while we’re intamite, I think about it while I’m just doing day to day stuff. I look at other couples and picture they are our ages and how i feel about it. I don’t know what to do. I love him and i keep bringing it up to him and i can tell it’s starting to affect him. It affects me all the time. I can’t have a casual day without thinking about it. I can’t tell if it’s ocd related or if it just bothers me. It doesn’t bother me that much but thinking about it all the time does. I sometimes think about how I am different than I was at 20 and how he’s different then he was at 27. I don’t have an issue with being at different life stages cause our life style is not to different from each other and i think it’s okay to be a different from your partner as long you guys get along and communicate well… I genuinely have not had a day of not thinking about it ever since it came up. I’ve had moments like this happen before with other things. My relationship spirals have been the biggest and longest spirals I’ve ever had. It used to be about whether I loved him or not and now it’s this. Sometimes I feel like it’d just be easier to end our relationship than have to think about it all the time but I also love him and love living life with him.

I am stuck on the fact I’ve technically sought out someone else at times. By seeking out I just mean I have gone somewhere I knew this person I’m somewhat attracted to usually is. This person and I have kissed in the past but it was absolutely nothing serious at all. He’s a friend now, socially. And I was doing better realizing this isn’t a big deal but then I thought about if my partner did this and I would be upset (this might be bc I’m insecure). And this just makes me feel sick again. I need support. The urge to confess is bad. I’m just a human trying my best

If I passed away right now today, I can safely confirm that no one would mourn me. No one will miss or care about me. And thats okay. Ive done too many horrible things. And if any of those horrible things were to be exposed I would be ridiculed, defiled and shamed. I have done too much evil in my 24 years of living to ever consider myself any form of good. So whoever values me, dont. Im too evil of a man.

Okay so I think I have ocd and the theme is rocd I’m not sure tho since i can’t diagnose myself and i genuinely love my bf sm i genuinely don’t see anyone but him. but I wanted sm1 to help me basically smg keeps convincing me I like sm1 while im dating and it been going for 5 months and I have so much anxiety to the point my chest hurts whenever I think about it . It’s started with intrusive thoughts of cheating on my bf and the thoughts would make me so guilty and ruminate sm. Then there was a flare up where it started with a Question where it was did I have a crush while I’m dating? And I kept ruminating and my chest started hurting then I kept ruminating and having the intrusive thoughts again and i genuinely can’t stop thinking about it the emotions feeel so real at some point I felt attracted and I would hate this feeling cuz ik I’m not at all i see attractive guys all the time and I never felt to be attracted and i would always check my feelings when I see the guy or always check with scenarios how would I feel. so this experience is weird and I knew smg is wrong when it was on and off happening can sm1 plz help?

A while ago, maybe a month and a half, I started getting thoughts that I am gay and in denial. I have no desire to be with a man and NEVER have, but it feels like I am a liar and I am really gay. It is hard to get out of my head, and I just want to say to anyone struggling with this, you are not alone. I have a hard time feeling like my attraction to women is genuine nowadays and I say to myself “What if I end up dating a guy?” And I get non stop thoughts and a groinal response as well. I also have gender dysphoria on top of that so it’s hard to imagine myself with a woman even though in the past I wanted it, but now I feel like I don’t, and eventually I’m gonna just date a guy. I get these compulsions to try things out with a guy and see if I like it but I don’t think I will act on it. I have had no hope and feel like I am genuinely gay now. I hope that I can recover.

I’ve always struggled a lot with confessing. It’s my worst compulsion. My bf has always been really understanding and can usually see the OCD in it more than I can. He’s always grounded me and helped me see the distortion or the OCD. Lately it hasn’t been that way, he takes my confessions out of the context of the OCD. Takes offense. Gets upset, and angry. He’ll say things like “Who says something like that? Why would you say that?” I can’t ask him not to react, that’s not fair, but I’m feeling like a monster is this is only making me want to confess more because every time I do I get a terrible reaction from him and it feels like it just confirms whatever it was was awful. It doesn’t feel like I’m overthinking or getting stuck on a technical truth or just having ocd distort something. It feels like I’m truly a monster. I can’t even defend myself because I can’t tell if it’s really OCD or just me having a bad thought I agree with. I feel scared. He’s never reacted badly like this and it’s happened multiple times now. I know it’s not fair to keep confessing but I’m genuinely struggling and scared. I don’t know what to do, I can’t just write it down or something. That makes it more real. Materializing the confession makes me more likely to confess.

OCD has been in my life since 2019, and I have no idea how to get rid of it. Everything started when I was 14. I had just started high school, and when I walked into the classroom, I was trying to figure out the atmosphere there. I was a very quiet kid in high school. I usually hated my skin, so I would wear my cardigan in a way that covered my hands and listened to lessons with my hand on my face. A few weeks later, people started insulting me, hitting me, and verbally harassing me. The bullying got worse, and from then on, I started bottling everything up. At that time, I cared too much about what people thought, and I began to believe others would harm me. Because of these thoughts and fears, I failed around 8–9 classes. In 2020, when the pandemic started, classes went online. I hated it, but I was happy because I wouldn’t have to see those people again—at least until I lost my grandmother. She passed away due to COVID, and that pushed me really far down. Back then, I had an edit account on Instagram. I loved making edits and I had friends I really liked. Talking with them made me so happy, but over time, their behavior toward me changed. They turned into completely different people I no longer recognized. They became horrible, and all of this happened just because I replied late to their messages. I wasn’t always online—I’m human too. They added me to groups, threatened me, and sent me awful messages. I began to hate myself more and more. Around that time, I also started becoming paranoid about people. When I met someone new, I approached them with fear, and this dragged me down further. For almost a year and a half, both online and in real life, I developed prejudice against people. This prejudice was mostly fear—fear and prejudice made me antisocial. When the pandemic ended, in 2022–2023, I had to do an internship in a place and a job I absolutely hated and couldn’t manage. The people there constantly mocked me, which pushed me down even more. I didn’t know how to deal with these situations because I was alone. I did the internship for about two and a half months, and when 2023 came, all the traumas and obsessions echoed in my mind. I felt terrible because of the disgusting events I had experienced. It felt like my brain had completely shut down. By January 2023, I was in an unbearable state. When I walked into the classroom, my teacher noticed something was wrong and started asking me questions. I immediately burst into tears and told her, “I hate myself.” At that time, the students in the back were making a lot of noise, so they couldn’t hear me. My teacher said, “Don’t turn around so they won’t see—come with me,” and took me to the teachers’ room. I told her everything, and I think I respect myself for that. But at the same time, my orientation felt like a burden on my shoulders, because I felt pressure from my family—as if I was supposed to meet a girl and start a relationship. I explained all the pressures, my obsessions, everything from beginning to end. She guided me and supported me. Almost all of my teachers supported me, and my prejudice toward people completely disappeared. Back then, I really thought I had beaten OCD. But in the following years, it came back stronger. I started hating my body. I took too many showers. The traumas replayed in my mind over and over. The more I tried to erase them, the more I thought about them—and I wasn’t the one controlling it. I couldn’t. When I do something, I often repeat it 4 or 5 times. I can’t pass through doors. I can’t touch certain objects. Even when I play games on my phone, I feel like I have to choose a character, but I keep choosing and canceling again and again. It repeats endlessly, and I can’t stop it. It feels like everything that once made me happy just disappears in front of my eyes, and I’m still fighting this. My family, my sister, my aunts, and my past teachers have supported me, but I feel like I’m disappointing them. That makes me feel terrible. On this site, I see so many people sharing their struggles with OCD, and knowing I’m not alone makes me both sad and, at the same time, a little happy. I just wanted to express myself this way. There are still things I couldn’t write—I really want to—but my thoughts exhaust me so much that I can’t.

So I was reading Jeremiah today cuz I haven’t really studied it before. And I feel like it was for me for having idols in my life but I don’t know how to get rid of them and if my repentance isn’t genuine cuz I always feel like I’m just gonna mess up again cuz we can’t be perfect but Christ over came sin so we can overcome too. But when I read this then I just trigger all at once what I’m doing wrong like my desires are idols probably my phone and how to I just surrender them cuz we should be doing things for the Lord and if I really love him I should just not be on my phone so much and not have hopes and dreams and be content where I am right now.

How strong does the groinal response feel for any of you? I ask this because I genuinely cannot tell the difference between what is a groinal response and what is true arousal. A lot of the times the groinal response feels even stronger than true arousal. On top of that, the more taboo or disturbing/graphic the thought (particularly with POCD), the stronger the response/arousal is. Is that normal? I'd like to hear any of your experiences on the topic.

so one of my biggest struggles lately is that my OCD has gotten significantly worse, and i’ve been seeing a psychiatrist and going through medication management for this as well. my only issue is that i have tried like 6 different anxiety meds or ssri’s now in the past couple of months because everytime i start one, i start having severe panic attacks and have to stop due to spiraling thoughts. it started with paxil(paroxetine) i started that first on the lowest dose, took it around 11pm just to wake up around 5am pupils so big you couldn’t see the color of my eyes, extreme tremors, dizziness so bad i couldn’t stand up and nausea. i went to the hospital because one of my biggest fears is serotonin syndrome, having seizures, all that because a LOT of my OCD is health based. they treated me like i was a crazy person in the ER, just gave me 2 strong Benadryl and hardly checked on me as i sat there shaking, crying, eyes wide open you’d think i saw a ghost. i felt so neglected. every since then when i try new medication, i have what i THINK is just panic attacks from thought spirals but i can’t tell what’s real and what’s not now. i can’t tell if it’s just OCD and my body mimicking those symptoms because of anxiety, or if im having a bad reaction again. it’s made trial and error with medication so exhausting and really really emotional. i haven’t cried this much in a month since i was maybe 17, and im 22 now. i don’t know what to do or how to continue medication management when i can’t tell what’s real and what’s not.