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How do you make friends as a adult I m so socially awkward shy and have social anxiety all of this due to being bullied when I was little I always believe no one want to be my friend now as a adult I think the worse

Okay so today after I woke up I had an absolutely unexpected thought about a girl, but I DIDN’T MIND IT. So all I felt that it was unexpected but I didn’t feel shame or guilt or something. I started pacing back and forth my room and it was like my brain accepted that I’m bisexual and I started getting anxious about what my family and friends will think about it then I had the thought “If I’m afraid of coming out, that means I’m actually bisexual” and I started asking ChatGPT about what is happening to me and it wrote the usual answer “That’s typical with OCD, it doesn’t mean anything” but it didn’t calm me down a bit and it was just so confusing because for about twenty minutes it was like having this certainity about being bisexual but it didn’t help I was stressing just like before. I know this means I’m not comfortable with the thought and it’s not ego-syntonic, but I wasn’t necessarily anxious about the thought just anxious in general. Then I started fantasizing about men, and it gave me anxiety too but it felt more right. I tried out how it would make me feel if I fantasized about women but all those fantasies lasted barely 3-4 seconds after that my brain just shifted to other thoughts. I can’t listen to one of my favourite songs because it’s sung by an attractive woman and I’m getting these thoughts about me liking her. I don’t understand what’s going on with me, because whenever I read a story here by someone who's struggling with SO-OCD they always write “I don’t want to be gay, I want to go back when everything was normal” but for me every time I get a similar thought it’s immediatly overshadowed by “Of course you’re bisexual, look at all these evidences, you want to be bisexual, you’re just in denial, look at these people, they are real OCD-sufferers, you don’t, you’re welcoming the thoughts, you want them, you’re not comfortable with your heterosexual identity, you always wanted women” etc. etc. It’s so confusing because all along my journey with OCD I had the certainity in myself that I like men but now I feel like I lost this and it feels like a real sexuality crisis now.

So whenever I see something that could be possibly made by someone who's 13 I always check the age and if they are around 13, I get scared but if they're not (they're pretty much ALWAYS older than me) I'm ok and relaxed, I'm always afraid of being around kids online ngl idk, watching content with kids makes me uncomfy, especially little girls, maybe it has something to do with the fact I wanna be a girl (🏳️‍⚧️) but I'm afraid I'll always just be a creep and a man idk, any advice on how to work through this (undiagnosed btw so if this isn't in line with OCD, please let me know so that I can try to figure out what's ACTUALLY wrong)

I (22M) had been...pleasuring myself, and just as I was finishing, I felt like I needed to test myself mentally and a thought popped up (again, solely mentally) and it felt like I enjoyed it for a split second while I was "finishing". I tried to redirect my focus in the moment, and it didn't really work. After, I felt really off-put and worried about what it could mean. I have been extremely fearful of ending up being "that" way. I know false attraction etc. could have played a role, but I've never been officially diagnosed. There had been times I tested myself in my head before (not like in a context like this), and I felt like I had spikes of attraction before feeling offput by it, and I've been really, really worried if I had been in denial. The thoughts that I tested myself with included non-problematic things that I found attractive, so I'm not sure if that affected my reactions all those times, but regardless I had been worried. I also tested myself in my head after waking up almost every day, and it felt like I failed when I did. I tried to not assign meaning to it, and it helped with avoiding spiralling, but again, I don't know if I'm in denial or not. I understand if this is probably, but I was wondering if I could get any insight.

Is there any someone suffering from false memory ocd? I need help. Please support.

I joined a worship fellowship group with friends at my community college it’s not a extracurricular thing but it’s someone just putting a thing together. but i can’t tell if this is my ocd. but i’m having thoughts of “what if i’m not believing God anymore?” or “what if this isn’t my ocd” or “what if i’m lying to myself and i don’t trust God and this is real” “what if this is real and i don’t wanna be close to God anymore” it’s like triggering because i’m a new christian and still learning about a lot of stuff since i just joined a group because i’m trying to get into more of Gods word. but i get scared of opening because i sin and i tend to be so hard on myself or if i see others like be christian and cuss and i’m like all suprised but idk i think im afraid of opening up in this type of stuff around christian’s that know a lot as i’m still learning… and sometimes i think my ocd will be like “ugh we have to talk about God all the time” and i’m like no no i want to… i’ve had ocd for a year now and my therapist has been in the hospital and i need to sit with it but it’s so hard bc i’m trying to figure if it’s real or not or if i’m lying to myself but i have a current second therapist rn and she’s teaching me about how rumination works and how to stop it. because i struggle with it ugh. i’m so scared this is real. i believe in God i do i just hate these thoughts why does it feel real

I’ve been meaning to ask this question, I’ve been diagnosed with SOOCD last year in November. But I had been struggling with SOOCD for around two years at that time before the diagnosis. Yet I still doubt the diagnosis almost every day. I didn’t continue therapy because I could t afford it. The anxiety symptoms or lower now and sometimes istimewa feels very meh like I don’t even want to answer the questions in my mind and other times it will implode and I’ll cry and feel so much pain in my heart. I cried the other night when I was watching on of chrissie Hodges’ videos. Because I felt so confused I can’t tell what’s real from time to time. I also wanted to ask if it’s normal to see pictures of men like really hot men and feel uncomfortable because I feel pressured to look and if I don’t look and check em out even when I don’t feel like it, I’d feel like I’m in denial and it’s exhausting and I tend to give up on responding to it and I’ll just feel like I’m hiding something and it’ll feel so uncomfortable. And then other times I’ll see a guy and turned on but I’ll still feel anxious and uncomfortable abit because of the thoughts. I’m straight and I do love men my fear is that I’m secretly bi because of the porn and the previous fantasizing I did when I was a teen. I’m 21 rn. It’s hard for me everyday I feel like I’m stuff acting in these negative emotions and like I just can’t breathe and be myself by solely trusting in myself. Because there’s constant doubt. And I’m a girl btw

I was just washing myself down there, and as soon as I got done the hyperawareness kicked in, and it made the usual amount feel so excessive, I’m so tired of this

My fiancée proposed on Monday. I have been waiting for this for a long time so of course I was so excited, called everyone, showed everyone we came across. Tuesday I started planning immediately and reached out to a venue I’ve always had my eyes on to schedule a tour. Later Tuesday night we went out to eat after we went golfing. I saw a friend and she told me about her first wedding, I told her I hadn’t known she’d been married before and as soon as she started talking I knew ocd was gonna grab this and run. She said she was with him for 6-7 years, she hadn’t really liked him but had it set in her mind that they were gonna be together forever, etc. I had been in a flare up already for about a month, it had just started to get better but now it’s on overdrive and I’m just so annoyed and discouraged. I was able to ride the high for 2 days before ocd decided to eat me alive. It’s only been 4 days but when I’m engaged in the planning and seeing the vision of the wedding and stuff I enjoy myself, I can feel the glee and I’m excited but when it gets quiet my brain gets loud. It’s exhausting. I know the facts, I know I love my fiancée. I know ocd is directly attacking my values because marriage is a huge deal to me. I want the 1 and done, same person forever. This man has loved me at my worst and cherished me at my best. And I have the same for him. Even when I told him I was feeling anxious and having a flare up, someone with no mental illness what so ever and really can’t understand what it’s like he was so understanding. It makes me feel so guilty. I wanna be enjoying this with him, every single moment of it, and in the moment I am but as soon as the world goes quiet my ocd can’t shut the f up. 😢

Do you guys evevr get confused when you see a masculine female I saw one And her hairs were so short and she had that masculine body its impossible to say she's a woman.. Im scared im attracted to her.. And ngl she looks like a man.. She's handsome .im sacred...im attracted yo ehr and i cant deny it..😞😨❓⁉️

What if these thoughts aren’t intrusive thoughts but signs of my true identity? What if I’m lying to myself? What if I’ll never feel attraction towards men again? What if I never actually felt attraction towards men? What if I was just forcing myself to have crushes on boys? Is this false attraction? Then why does it feel so real? I don’t know who I am anymore, I don’t know what I want, I don’t know what I could do to escape the thoughts, and I’m not sure if I really want to escape them.

sorry been posting so much!! I feel like fear is holding me back. And I probably do just think I know him in my head because I don’t even feel him in general and think the opposite what scripture says even tho I don’t want to I know he’s loving obviously but never feel if and am always afraid to be condemned

I’ve had really hard days yesterday and today with the feeling of constant nausea due to my fear of throwing up which is also causing me to eat less and eating less is making me more nauseaus. I was up all last night unable to sleep and in the bathroom with constant nausea. Tonight, I feel nauseaus again bad and I need some tips on how to get myself to just go to bed and get past this spiral. At this point anything will be helpful❤️

(18 and over please) I find that sometimes it's hard for me to tell whether something is an OCD fear or a genuine fear, mostly because OCD deals in taboos and I've never heard the morality of some things even being discussed. I've been stuck for about a month now because I realized that when I was younger, there was a period of time when I had thoughts (they were sexual in nature) that I now know were unethical about a book series I really enjoy. I didn't think that these thoughts were wrong at the time, as I was only an adolescent, but I certainly do now, and I can't help but feel that my interest in this series has been contaminated or tainted in a way I can't recover from. As such, I've been worried that I have to give up the series and everything associated with it (including the music and shows that I found through it) because I can't separate my normal enjoyment of it from the past. It scares me because a huge part of who I am and enjoy came directly from this series, so not only would it suck to give it up, but I'd also have to find all new interests that haven't been tainted. I've never heard of anything like this so there's not really anything to orient the morality of it. I'm pretty sure that this is just rumination and it's okay to move on from something that I did as a kid that I can't change, but every time I try to enjoy it again I can't help but think that it's unethical to continue to enjoy when I had so-and-so thoughts about so-and-so character. I get especially worried about sharing in my interest with friends or family, because how would they react if they found out, for example, that this song I'm showing them is related to this series that I had these terrible thoughts about? Even worse, what if I continue to enjoy it, recommend it to someone, and they start to enjoy it too? Now their lives have been impacted by this book series through me, who used to have these thoughts about it. At the same time, of course, it's hard for me to shun such a large part of myself. The music I love has helped me through so much, including a really rough period with OCD a few years ago. The interests that I've accumulated through the series are things that I'm really passionate about and was considering possibly going into a field for someday. Most of all, the series meant so much to me and basically defined my childhood. I hope that this isn't too similar to reassurance seeking, which I don't recommend or condone, but I just genuinely don't know what's moral for me to do. Has anyone gone through something similar?

hi guys, i’ve been having intrusive thoughts about harming my family for a couple weeks now and it’s been stressing me out so bad, but lately or at least today i noticed that when it happens i don’t get that anxiety feeling anymore when i have an intrusive thought and it’s scaring me so bad so like now im stressed bc im not having anxiety to them. and another thing is that my intrusive thoughts are weird like for example my mom was showing me her new eyeshadow palette and my mind was like “too bad she won’t get to try it.” and it scared me so bad guys like you dont even understand i feel so evil and i hate it especially that now i im not getting the anxious feeling. i hope this makes sense im just a little stressed rn

Hey! I’m new to all of this. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD since I was 10 years old, I’m 22 now. It’s had its ups and downs, but this year it has gotten worse since my mom was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. They said it’s not hereditary…but it activated my health anxiety. I’ve worried about every cancer in the book. I’ve had blood work done 10 times this year, hormones ran, autoimmune disease panel, mri of my knee, colonoscopy, head to toe ct scan, inward ultrasound, 4-5 clinical breast exams…it’s been nuts. I stop worrying about one worry and I move on to another. I’ve been trying so hard to stay afloat, but I’m struggling. I just had a clinical breast exam two weeks ago, they said everything was good, which is awesome. However, my OCD has convinced me that I have a lump again. I know realistically they said there is nothing there, but I’m having a hard time convincing my mind. Has anything helped anyone retraining their mind or maybe stopping compulsions of constantly checking?

I genuinely can’t seem to catch a break. I’m looping again. I’m worried because I’m having incestuous thoughts about my boyfriend’s family, which also makes this a POCD-type thought. I’ve been imagining two of his family members in a sexual scenario. Mentally, it feels like I like this thought or that I want to think about it. I keep checking because I’m not disturbed at all, even though I know I shouldn’t check. I tried replacing both people with other people and different scenarios. With those, I clearly rejected it and didn’t like it. But with the original scenario, it still feels like I like it, and I don’t understand why. I want to stop checking, but every time I do, I feel a strong pull to continue. I’m anxious because this is such a bad thought, it doesn’t feel bad but I know that if I shared this out loud it would be not good. It involves people very close to my boyfriend. I’m so stressed that I feel like I’m feeling nothing at the same time. I really don’t know what to do. I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this with taboo themes, when it feels like you “like” the thought mentally.

Me and my bf are 7 years apart. I’ve never really thought of it as a thing until I saw some video of people talking about it and how they find it weird. Ever since I can’t get the thought out of my head. Whether our age gap is weird or whether the time that we met was weird or not. I’ve brang it up to him and he’s says sometimes he thinks about it but it’s not like a huge thing to him. We met when I was 19 and he was 26. I turned 20 like a couple days later and he turned 27 a couple months later. We are 23 and 29 right now. Sometimes I spiral into what if was to young for him then or if I still am but then other times it feels ridiculous to be thinking about this. We are both in our 20s. I constantly think about it. I state what I think about it and it’s like I can’t accept what I think about it, I start thinking of other reasons why it might be wrong or weird. I think about while we’re intamite, I think about it while I’m just doing day to day stuff. I look at other couples and picture they are our ages and how i feel about it. I don’t know what to do. I love him and i keep bringing it up to him and i can tell it’s starting to affect him. It affects me all the time. I can’t have a casual day without thinking about it. I can’t tell if it’s ocd related or if it just bothers me. It doesn’t bother me that much but thinking about it all the time does. I sometimes think about how I am different than I was at 20 and how he’s different then he was at 27. I don’t have an issue with being at different life stages cause our life style is not to different from each other and i think it’s okay to be a different from your partner as long you guys get along and communicate well… I genuinely have not had a day of not thinking about it ever since it came up. I’ve had moments like this happen before with other things. My relationship spirals have been the biggest and longest spirals I’ve ever had. It used to be about whether I loved him or not and now it’s this. Sometimes I feel like it’d just be easier to end our relationship than have to think about it all the time but I also love him and love living life with him.

I am stuck on the fact I’ve technically sought out someone else at times. By seeking out I just mean I have gone somewhere I knew this person I’m somewhat attracted to usually is. This person and I have kissed in the past but it was absolutely nothing serious at all. He’s a friend now, socially. And I was doing better realizing this isn’t a big deal but then I thought about if my partner did this and I would be upset (this might be bc I’m insecure). And this just makes me feel sick again. I need support. The urge to confess is bad. I’m just a human trying my best

If I passed away right now today, I can safely confirm that no one would mourn me. No one will miss or care about me. And thats okay. Ive done too many horrible things. And if any of those horrible things were to be exposed I would be ridiculed, defiled and shamed. I have done too much evil in my 24 years of living to ever consider myself any form of good. So whoever values me, dont. Im too evil of a man.