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looking for recommendations for counseling, I struggle with POCD, and just right OCD and probably a number of other s. I unfortunately don’t have insurance so I’ll have to pay out-of-pocket so looking for sliding scale options.

Hey so i've been mia for a while but school started and i just had a bunch of stuff going on. I'm back on my meds because the last few months were rough, however i've been through this before and i know myself and i can tell i'm getting better again, thankfully. Now there is something stressing me out and intrusive thoughts are taking over. I'm going to finish my major this year, and to do so i need to do an internship at a lab. We get to choose the lab, and so far so good. I have always loved Forensic Sciencies and Criminal Investigation, and for a while now i have been pursuing them academically, not directly but through a major and internships that will let me work in that field. So when i got to pick the lab i chose a forensics laboratory that deals with everything from forensic pathology to autopsies to toxicology, etc. I have been exchanching emails with the lab and everything seems to be on a good track for me to go there. However, I now start wondering if this is really for me, what if i get there and im too squeamish, feel nauseous, or just straight up have a panic attack?! What if i see things i never wanted to and they haunt me? What if seeing a dead person is too much for me? Or the smell or even the samples? Im genuinely scared of getting something engraved in my mind my ocd and anxiety can feed off- and i know that can happen because that has happened before in a very different situation and i worked through my ptsd episode with my therapist, but while also being haunted by it for months. The thing is, if this isnt right for me, i don't know what is, because i've been after it for so long and while i do believe i'll love it and feel gratified, i'm also so so so scared. Should i do anything to prepare myself? Should i be scared? What do i do? Anything would help rn guys.

had a rough day. my religion ocd has been taking over my relationship with God and its been scaring me and giving me anxiety. i had a breakdown after a bible study with my friends i’ve made at school… and i had to go to the bathroom to have a moment and one of the girls that’s rlly close with God came in because i asked my guy friend to call for her. since it’s a worship type of group ive joined and i just cried. i’ve also felt so exhausted with academic stuff and it’s been tuff i felt like a whole burn out and stuff. especially listening to worship music i feel this type of vibe like i don’t like it. and it makes me have anxiety and doubt my relationship with God. i use to be so hidden but now i’m slowly opening towards people. i’ve had thoughts like “what if i don’t believe in God” or “what if i don’t wanna have a relationship with God” or “why does this feel like a job?” or “what if i’m lying to myself and i actually don’t want to pray” or like “i’m so tired of praying” and i just had this wave of tiredness and anxiety. i think it’s also i’m so scared to give my life to God because i don’t know what’s gonna happen.

So when checking the pdf of the ICD 11 and DSM 5 TR, I noticed that obsessions are described as ‘persistent’ and ‘repetitive’ or ‘recurrent’ and I think I’m a little confused about that. By repetitive/recurrent does it mean that an obsession (a specific obsession) has to come again and again to count as an obsession? Or do they mean that obsessions in general, whatever the content of the thought, seem to be come up again and again? Another thing is I saw a picture in one nocd article ? of the ocd cycle and for the obsession part there was ‘repetitive’ under it, does this indicate that one intrusive thought ( for example a SPECIFIC what if) has to come more than once to count as an obsession? Please help

I plan on utilizing the resources here (support groups, community board, etc.) I feel like in the past, I would become super avoidant of addressing my concerns therapy despite my initial enthusiasm, I am hoping being part of a community will help that. I have been reading some of the posts here and I really relate and am surprised because I feel like a lot of these are concerns that I have had but have been really worried about mentioning to other people. It makes me feel a bit less worried about bringing it up. I was definitely worried in my first session, but I think I did really great despite that.

It feels like I don’t who I am anymore. It feels like the heterosexual label just doesn’t fit me anymore. It feels like I am genuinely attracted to women. It feels like I don’t want to be straight anymore. I read about a girl who struggled with SO-OCD until she found out she was actually bisexual, the sexuality she was afraid of her being. There are so many signs pointing out that I’m actually bisexual. I feel like I actually am bisexual I just can’t accept it. I feel like I actually want to be bisexual. All my attraction towards boys feel like a lie now. But that doesn’t make sense because if I was bisexual I WOULD BE ATTRACTED TO MEN TOO. OMG DOES THIS MEAN I’M A LESBIAN WHO WAS AFRAID OF BEING BISEXUAL AND ALL ALONG I WAS AFRAID OF BEING WITH MEN?? PLS SOMEONE HELP ME I GENUINELY DON’T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE

I just remembered when I was about 13 and this girl kept posting things about white people being racist and I answered back saying not all white people are like that and asking why she was saying it (I was STUPID and didn't know anything about the world and even though I can't remember it fully it wasn't meant to be malicious or anything) and then she got angry, which is fair, so I got defensive about it and she posted a screenshot on her story. I'm 21 now and definitely more aware of the world. Do I tell my boyfriend about this because I feel like I'm lying to him by not telling him and pretending to be good when I'm not (context I'm white he's not). We talk about race and societal issues all the time so we're both well aware of our political leanings I'm just scared I'm being deceitful and a fraud.

UPDATE: Oh dear god... I think my worst fears came true... I think I unknowingly ERP'ed with a minor on an 18+ discord server 5 years ago... they currently are on Astralspiff's discord, having been there since 2023, and have switched their username, with a chicken emoji as their bio... they also switched their profile picture from Nana Osaki to a fan art of Kasame Teto... its making me think that these three things are certainties that she was a minor on the 18+ sexual server... and that I ERP'ed with her not knowing this... Im genuinely feeling shocked and sick to my stomach right now... they don't have their age listed on discord or anything, but they joined 5 years ago and it was 4 years ago that we ERP'ed... god I feel disgusted and horrified right now... someone talk to me... please.... in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent an 18+ pic to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor without knowing... it genuinely scares me... Its making me think that I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor in the past without knowing and it genuinely triggers me... I have tried to go back through most 18+ online interactions ive had with women online to make sure they didnt lie or they confirmed their age... i have two situations on discord that trigger me that ive posted about in the past... and a couple have deleted their discords so thats triggering me really bad... most who deleted their discords were verified but still... why delete your discord, you know...? for context i was on 18+ explicit discord servers meant for sex that you cant just join regularly on iPhone due to it being for adults only... Ive also been to a website dedicated to adult 18+ literature... they also have an 18+ chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... Im scared of someone one day in the future accusing me of doing horrible things like unknowingly inappropriately messaging minors, or have my worst fears of unknowingly explicitly messaging a minor confirmed to have happened and I didnt know about it... (edited) (edited) (edited)

I love my bf. I really do, but I keep getting this urge to break up. We haven’t had the best week due to college classes and stress and it has put some obvious distance between us. It is freaking me out so badly and I feel so lonely that my brain is just screaming to break up. I don’t want to, but when i’m away from my bf the urges are much louder and it’s like i can’t even see my bf for who he really is. I need help, what do i do?

yesterday morning i was fapping and semen dropped on the floor. i removed most of it with a kitchen towel cleaned it with a lot of amount of Disinfectant Anti-Germs (it says it kills 99% bacteria) then today one hour ago i poured a lot of the pink substance called ethyl alcohol without rubbing anything, i let it sit on the floor. but half hour later my father brought lunch and we ate together, then came to inspect that room. i put kitchen towel on the alcohol on the floor and told him to avoid stepping on it. but then he did and the kitchen towel came off from his shoes. what are the chances that semen germs got attached to his shoes? because he walked with those shoes on the elevator and in the city. im terrified of microscopic semen cells spreading in the city, i'm terrified that it could get in contact with an innocent trigger, the chance of it happening, or the fact that it is out there even as a microscopic dust deeply causes me anxiety. i googled and it says that semen cannot survive more than 5 minutes exposed to air, and that alcohol literally destroys the cell, but microscopic harmless not biologically residue of dead sperm can still exist, and im terrified of this. im terrified that it got attached to my father's shoes. if it were possible i would literally scrub every surface of my condominium, the elevator and the entire city.

Please please pleaaaase someone read my posts 🧍‍♀️just tell me how to not spiral pls and thank you 😭 I think right now i’m experiencing real event and SOOCD. Read the millions of posts i’ve made these past couple months to get context if you want.

UPDATE: Oh dear god... I think my worst fears came true... I think I unknowingly ERP'ed with a minor on an 18+ discord server 5 years ago... they currently are on Astralspiff's discord, having been there since 2023, and have switched their username, with a chicken emoji as their bio... they also switched their profile picture from Nana Osaki to a fan art of Kasame Teto... its making me think that these three things are certainties that she was a minor on the 18+ sexual server... and that I ERP'ed with her not knowing this... Im genuinely feeling shocked and sick to my stomach right now... they don't have their age listed on discord or anything, but they joined 5 years ago and it was 4 years ago that we ERP'ed... god I feel disgusted and horrified right now... someone talk to me... please.... in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent an 18+ pic to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor without knowing... it genuinely scares me... Its making me think that I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor in the past without knowing and it genuinely triggers me... I have tried to go back through most 18+ online interactions ive had with women online to make sure they didnt lie or they confirmed their age... i have two situations on discord that trigger me that ive posted about in the past... and a couple have deleted their discords so thats triggering me really bad... most who deleted their discords were verified but still... why delete your discord, you know...? for context i was on 18+ explicit discord servers meant for sex that you cant just join regularly on iPhone due to it being for adults only... Ive also been to a website dedicated to adult 18+ literature... they also have an 18+ chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... Im scared of someone one day in the future accusing me of doing horrible things like unknowingly inappropriately messaging minors, or have my worst fears of unknowingly explicitly messaging a minor confirmed to have happened and I didnt know about it... (edited) (edited)

UPDATE: Oh dear god... I think my worst fears came true... I think I unknowingly ERP'ed with a minor on an 18+ discord server 5 years ago... they currently are on Astralspiff's discord and have switched their username, with a chicken emoji as their bio... Im genuinely feeling shocked and sick to my stomach right now... they don't have their age listed on discord or anything, but they joined 5 years ago and it was 4 years ago that we ERP'ed... She has a cartoon as her profile picture and a star wars decoration border on her discord so I think she was a minor who entered an 18+ space... god I feel disgusted and horrified right now... fuck... in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent an 18+ pic to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor without knowing... it genuinely scares me... Its making me think that I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor in the past without knowing and it genuinely triggers me... I have tried to go back through most 18+ online interactions ive had with women online to make sure they didnt lie or they confirmed their age... i have two situations on discord that trigger me that ive posted about in the past... and a couple have deleted their discords so thats triggering me really bad... most who deleted their discords were verified but still... why delete your discord, you know...? for context i was on 18+ explicit discord servers meant for sex that you cant just join regularly on iPhone due to it being for adults only... Ive also been to a website dedicated to adult 18+ literature... they also have an 18+ chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... Im scared of someone one day in the future accusing me of doing horrible things like unknowingly inappropriately messaging minors, or have my worst fears of unknowingly explicitly messaging a minor confirmed to have happened and I didnt know about it...

Please can I talk to someone who’s 18+ and knows about Pocd

my friend and i went to target and some guys were handing out flowers to random ppl and for some reason i really wanted a flower and we would kinda just keep walking past them, they were only handing them out to older women though. but i felt so persistent and i don’t like that. i am staying loyal to my ex because im trying to make things work out. i didnt care about the guys at all i just wanted a flower, but i feel guilty for being so persistent. like i feel like i did something morally wrong? i’m not sure what to do i feel so bad and i feel like confessing even though i know i shouldnt. pls help.

I am just starting therapy (ERP soon) for my OCD. I keep learning new things about OCD and how it can present. I was diagnosed off-hand a long time ago but never believed in the diagnosis. I got a formal diagnosis through NOCD, and I’m choosing to jump in head first. However, I’m convinced my whole life is a lie. All of these thoughts and actions I thought were just part of who I am, are a lie. I don’t think I’ve ever known true freedom now. So much of my life has been doing things because I HAVE to. If I didn’t, I would be in distress or my life would fall apart. I’m trying to learn about OCD, but I can’t stop crying when I read a new article or watch a new video. I know it isn’t my fault. I had some health problems that literally required finding triggers and doing certain rituals so I could literally breathe. But it was so much more then and it is still so much more now. I’m super scared honestly. I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle it, but I know it is just that doubtful voice trying to keep me comfortable.

I just want to know how long other ppl have been dealing with SOOCD. Prior to having SOOCD I have had other themes throughout my life but I didn’t know it was OCD bc after a month/months it would go away. These small episodes would always pop up when my home/personal life was terrible. However SOOCD has stuck the longest. It’s been 6 years and it’s really bothering me that it’s been haunting me for this long. Past therapists would always tell me I had GAD and I’ve barely started proper treatment so that’s prob why it’s stuck around for so long. I have also dealt with a lot of anxiety and depression issues as well. What’s bothering me is that I can go into “remission” but still be plagued with numbness, lack of attraction/emotions, no libido and still deal with the groinal response, checking compulsion, and get triggered from time to time. I’ve also dealt with horrible depression from 15-19 (21 now) so maybe that’s why i’m so numb. I was feeling better but felt numb like I was a rock or just a floating leaf. For the past couple years I haven’t been tormented by SOOCD but those small things always would bother me. ESPECIALLY the lack of attraction and numbness. TMI!!!!!!! but I have not had any sort of sexual desires for years and had trouble being intimate in my past relationship esp because of the constant checking. I would want to do those things so badly but my body wouldn’t react and ofc that fed my OCD. No matter what OCD tells me I know prior to ocd I was a very healthy growing girl and I would always day dream about men, read fan fiction, fantasize, yk all that. TMI AGAIN!!! But I have/haven’t had a desire to do anything like that even TMI mast*bation and when I do it’s like “well…alright i’m done.” Sorry if that was too much. I was feeling a LOT better a couple months ago, I felt motivated to get my life back after many years and OCD was kind of leaving me alone (still dealing with the occasional groinal response, occasional triggers, and checking (only when triggered)). The numbness and all that still bugged me but I ended up developing a crush (on my now bf). But as soon as I start to feel real genuine attraction and happiness OCD starts to poke at my brain. It didn’t start with SOOCD thoughts at first, it was mostly just fear about WHAT IF my numbness and loss of attraction ruin the relationship or my feelings for him. I was finding him cute without even checking but when he confessed to me it gave me anxiety and I started checking my feelings and attraction. I would be scared of being affectionate bc again I was afraid I would feel nothing. But when I redirected myself and focused on him I would feel normal again and enjoy everything. I haven’t felt that middle school giddiness and excitement over a boy in so long. I couldn’t wait to talk to him. I loved waking up and having him call me or call before bed bc he always calmed me. The attraction and excitement just made all the worries go away. There’s one date we where I wasn’t doing my checking compulsion and I felt so amazing and free. Holding his hand and being with him felt so good and sweet. Ofc the checking compulsion and anxiety ruined a lot of things at first but once I redirected myself MY GOD I felt like a normal human again and I felt like I could finally start enjoying my life. I was in such a good headspace but then the rumination started bugging me again, which triggered the anxiety, which triggered the groinal response for some reason, and then I started checking again and getting triggered by ppl on social media, and then now I’m here in another SOOCD spiral. I think my SOOCD is mixing with real event OCD and it’s all just so exhausting. I can’t even fully enjoy being with him in person now it’s a constant battle w my brain. If you check my posts you can see how i’ve been just going insaaaaane lately. I don’t even feel like I know myself anymore. I have my small moments of peace but then it all comes back to get me. I’m even getting triggered rn by a movie that my mom insists on watching but yeah that’s all. Just needed to get that out.

I feel so beat down by life. My boyfriend lost his job in June. Luckily he got a job and started it mid September but money is still super tight and has been and it’s been a huge stressor. On top of that all my cats have ring worm and well as my boyfriend and I so now I’m obsessing over ringworm and I’m constantly scared to touch myself and spread it but because I’m always thinking about it I’m always itchy. I also have a medical issue going on. I just was eating corn and there was mold on it and now I’m disgusted. We have basically no food. I’m fucking tired and stressed and I have my school work and I’m working full time. Life is just rough right now and I’m struggling to deal with it and I don’t know who to talk to because I don’t want to talk about it too much with my boyfriend and annoy him with it because I also know he’s stressed too and I just want a break that I feel like is never coming. Thanks for reading. Any help is always welcome.

tw just in case. don’t know what to put but just proceed with caution. I’ve been obsessed with brands/companies to boycott for palestine and have been using two sources for when I shop. I am in the BDS subreddit and every time there’s a new thing and it just limits what I can buy. I’ve successfully avoided products/restaurants but I have so many questions. for example, I know coca cola is being boycotted. I have this question: what if local restaurants (which is encouraged over big names) offer coke products? do u boycott the entire restaurant, especially when they say they proudly serve it? or when u want a drink with ur combo and anything except water has a product that’s being boycotted or is from a company that’s boycotted. do u just drink water all the time? maybe these are stupid questions but I wonder all the time. I feel like it can get hard especially living in the US with many products having to be boycotted. anyway, I read posts on the BDS subreddit and I have wondered about snacks and a lot of the snacks come from boycotted companies that are all over the stores. sometimes I just want a snack especially after a long day & mental exhaustion. but then 90% of the products in store are not safe to buy. I saw comments on these types of posts of companies/snacks to avoid and people usually go “who figured giving up z!0n!$t products would make me healthier/lose weight” or “the products aren’t healthy to consume anyway. you’re better off without those products in your diet” and while they’re right, wouldn’t the same be said for safe snack products? they’re not healthy either. but yeah, finding snacks can be a hassle sometimes. and then worrying which grocery store to boycott because it’s on the list. I have donated to victims in gaza and have been trying to boycott what I can. I don’t know why but I feel bad for feeling frustrated when I find out a restaurant/company/product is on the boycott list. it’s a constant thing. now I wonder about people who buy these products? should I assume anyone who buys from these companies to be evil? for example, the company I work for has had a history of controversies with the lgbtq+ community. we get a bunch of customers everyday and I wonder if these people know? do they even care? won’t be surprised since the company is christian owned. I feel like a fraud for having spent money buying stuff at my job. all of the times were because I was just hungry. while the company stopped making donations that harmed lgbtq+, I then found out that the owner donated to something that harms the community that made me feel disgusted. ever since then, I haven’t spent a penny at work. I have been budgeting my meal allowance and that is all. I’m just so preoccupied with the what ifs and everything I buy. I’m overwhelmed and I feel like by saying this, people will say something like “u feel like this is a chore? well imagine the many kids and innocent people dying from choices like yours. you aren’t dying for boycotting this product/company.” I feel overstimulated from this. it just feels a lot with other things I have on my mind. dealing with undiagnosed mental illness and fatigue while trying my best to make ethical choices is exhausting. I don’t know if this is a case of “you need to get off the internet” or just take a break. I’m always worried about being a bad person nowadays. I feel like I over fixate on actions I feel like should’ve been avoided. ughhhhh my brain is overloaded.

I’ve been dealing with my OCD lately. It’s really been miserable. I’m Pure O and experience physical compulsions as well. I don’t care what OCD wants me to believe….i know at heart I’m a great person and when I’m down and feel like I have no hope I’m reminded of “Nothing Else Matters” by Metallica. It resonates with me. I cry every time I hear the lyrics “Forever trust in who we are and nothing else matters.”…. It’s like that part of the song has an angelic authority that makes me feel healed for just that brief time…