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I worked so hard to get out of this hole in 2023 and now that I’ve become a parent I’ve relapsed and it’s come back with the intrusive thoughts and groinal responses and I hate myself and feel like I don’t deserve to live😭 I’d give anything to make this stop😭 I’m at risk of losing my family because of how withdrawn its making me I just don’t know what to do anymore if I lose them I’m done ocd has defeated me and I’m ending it😭

20+ only So I'm feeling better than I did a few days ago when I had a really bad relapse with porn addiction. I've looked on this app and I've noticed they unfortunately too many of us have been exposed to porn at a very young age, which has left a negative impact on us due to being addicted to it or having some kind of trauma from it. To anyone that has been affected by porn: I'm very sorry. You are not your addiction. You are not what these videos portray to you. It's not your fault that you were exposed to something so graphic at a time you weren't meant to see. It's gonna be okay and there is plenty of help and support you can get. I'm still feeling sort of down about how I escalated to something I have always been against and never wanted to see deep down. I doubt I would do that again and I really had to sit through some difficult, anxiety inducing, sleepless nights because of my thoughts being so bad when it came to the scenes of what I saw. I seriously can't put myself through this anymore and I just want to let myself know now that I deserve better than those videos I've seen. I don't want to keep being a slave to that kind of stuff. It's not only shame provoking, but it makes me feel so out of touch. As if my peers just aren't engaging in that sort of thing while I am. It's like a whole different reality opening up everytime I use it and I just jump into the portal, only to come back to where I started once it's gone. I'm debating on telling my therapists the specifics of what I saw or not. I don't know if it would help me or not. Besides that, the next time I see my therapists is the time I really want things to change. I'm just hoping I can stick to my word on this. And if things don't work out, I'll still have some kind of plan in my favor.

Hi. One of my biggest fears is that after e.g., a successful therapy lasting a couple of years, I will NEVER be able to return back to the old myself. These days I'm really struggling much with the idea of therapy changing my brain — like the more I will heal, the less there will EVER be a chance to go back in the healing journey. I have meta-OCD so I'm afraid of them changing me violently to be "a normal one" with NO possible steps back. Is it really true that after a successful therapy there WON'T ever be a way to come back to the old days? I hope I'm not the only one experiencing this.

It’s a silly thing and that’s why I can’t talk about it with her directly but… Basically one of my best friends has brought me into a group of 4 people (me, her, and two other friends - one of which is a childhood friend of mine and the other a mutual that I have more so a distant friendship or acquaintance through the both of them). Now I was actually introduced to my best friend by this childhood friend in the group, but I am always the odd one out, not even a third wheel but a fourth wheel and they’re this dynamic trio. I’m kind of just there by association, but it feels as if I am of lesser value or just nice to have when I’m “useful”. They’re always together, perhaps because they’re closer both physically and emotionally, living closer to each other, having more compatible schedules, and just being well better friends. I feel excluded. Today she was talking about going out to breakfast and going bowling with them. Two activities the two friends I’m closer to in the group of 4 know I would’ve very much enjoyed and wanted to come along to. But no invite, they have group chats without me and even the chats I’m in, it’s like talking to a wall - more like I’m the fly on the wall just in the middle of them talking amongst themselves. I know they don’t mean to do it, they don’t think anything of it, they don’t know that I feel excluded or feel any of this type of way to begin with. And I’ll never confront her or the rest of them because I don’t want to create trouble and make it about me - they’re just enjoying themselves. Is it bad that I feel mad? That I’m upset and hurt by it? It’s like irrational anger but I just feel like… I don’t actually matter. She has her actual friends and I’m just here to play therapist when she needs some extra emotional support. And I hate that I feel this way because I’ve never thought like this before. I’m mad at myself for being upset and I can’t just tell her because it makes no sense, she doesn’t know and she did nothing wrong, I’m just overreacting.

I randomly looked up YouTubers that have OCD and Lele Pons was the main one that stood out to me. I didn't know the other YouTubers, but I also saw that Pons had a mini documentary talking about how she suffers from OCD, ADHD, and Tourettes. In the past,(years ago) this was someone I knew by name and I knew that despite her popularity, a lot of people did not find her funny and it was sort of a "fad" to hate on her content. I use the term fad loosely because people tend to bandwagon on what the majority do. Here I am seeing her name pop up again, and I feel absolutely terrible for her and can only hope she is doing better in life. It's so easy to fall into this perspective where popular people aren't fully seen as people and are seen as a status thing. I myself am guilty of this both with judging celebrities without fully knowing them and viewing inappropriate content featuring celebrities, which makes me sick to even think about. Lele Pons was straight up crying during an ERP session where she kept telling her therapist she needed to do one more compulsion just to feel okay but the plan was the complete opposite. She was in so much pain. She was hurting so much, but I'm so proud of her for telling the world about OCD and getting the help she needs. Unlike me, she was diagnosed at a very young age. That alone makes me think that there were times in my life when I was a kid where I think I may have had OCD symptoms. I distinctly remember hoping thoughts wouldn't get stuck in my head and I would imagine the process of a thought being stuck in my head with sounds and imagery. I also sort of remember having nightmares from things that happened, but that on the other hand is very debatable because when people are scared of someone or something, they could potentially have nightmares about said things. It wasn't until I was 18 is when I really started to notice symptoms. As I was watching it, I got emotional and started to feel like an absolutely terrible person. I've objectified celebrities, myself, and other people so many times in my life due to my porn addiction and it makes me feel inhuman. I don't know how I'm going to move past it. I just don't. I feel like an awful person for something I feel is beyond my control at times. It's such a complete contrast to why I am as a person that I don't even know how I'm so hooked on something like it. Growing up I was never told about sex and sexuality, I just saw that it existed and then it became part of a routine. There's someone out there that I genuinely like so much based on who she is, how she expressed herself, and for how much we have in common. If she were to know all of these things about me, I'm sure she'd want nothing to do with me. That's how I feel about my struggles when it comes to the people I care about, which is why I stay quiet about them. That also means I bottle them all up unfortunately. I just don't know how I can move on in my life knowing I've seen so many awful things in pornography for years that included both fictional and real people. Real human beings that in some cases were not performers, but just people that existed.

When the thoughts won't go away and you're so afraid they will last forever. I'm trying non engagement responses as much as I can but I'm so tired. Would love to hear what helps you all.

I really need some advice, I have been confused about my boyfriend for a while but also have bad anxiety so really struggle to trust myself and distinguish my anxious thoughts from normal doubts and don’t understand what means someone isn’t right for me and what doesn’t, I also think I might have an element of rocd (relationship ocd). I love my boyfriend so much. We have been together for 5 years and I genuinely don’t think anyone would have as good a heart as him or treat me right the way he does, he makes me so happy and he does feel like home like people say the one should feel like but I always get confused if he’s the one or not like I’ve never felt certain but I want him to be so much. I am in a constant state of comparing him to other people (which is why I think I have Rocd or it could be my anxiety) and my relationship I am always comparing to my sisters relationship for example and whenever I start to compare I end up stuck in this anxious state of is he wrong for me. The doubts I have is that sometimes I think I have had better connections with other men as in conversation wise, me and my bf have good conversations but I don’t bounce off of him like I do with some people, he is also very shy and I think that’s what I compare with my sisters relationship her bf always sits in the living room and has a conversation with the parents before they go upstairs etc where as we never do that and are more awkward, he does still greet them though. He also gets anxious about a lot of acitivites I.e. bowling, boat things etc. whereas I love doing fun activities like that, we do really enjoy going on walks and for food, cinema etc though. He also can be awkward if we went anywhere and he didn’t know people and doesn’t speak much which makes me feel awkward too. The other thing is I wish he elaborated more in conversation we have good conversations but he is sometimes quite blunt in the convo and doesn’t always go into depth with things when I’d love for him to as I am a big talker. But he makes me so happy and I don’t think anyone would treat me the way he does he is the sweetest man I’ve ever met and has a heart of gold I trust him 100%, I also have chronic pain and am quite disabled currently due to this and am also scared a lot of men would leave due to this whereas he has stood by me and been amazing, he couldn’t be a better boyfriend which is why these doubts make me so upset but they just keep coming back and I’m just confused because he makes me so happy but do these doubts mean he isn’t the right person for me or not? And if he isn’t would I likely find someone as good as him again?

how do i differentiate wanting to open up and talk about what’s bothering me versus feeling the need to confess compulsively? right now i just really want to get these feelings out and to just tell someone everything i’m thinking/have done but i know it won’t help in the end. i really really need someone to talk to. like badly, because i’m struggling so hard right now. but i’m too embarrassed to bring my specific issues up to a therapist, even when i compulsively search there’s not many people who seem to have the same issue as me or they don’t talk about it much. i don’t even want to say it on here because i feel so ashamed and disappointed in myself, too much to even bring it up to other people. the worst part is this was recent and i’m literally an adult now and these things happened more recently, i should know better. i definitely can’t tell my friends either, out of fear that they’d view me differently. i want to make friends with ocd and be in relationships (romantic or otherwise) but i worry that i’ll end up falling into confessing or over sharing or that they’ll see even my own events/thoughts as too bad or disgusting. i’m not even sure how to find people besides online, but even then i’m not sure how to approach people even on this app. i feel like i don’t deserve to talk to people sometimes. i’m just feeling so lonely and wish i had someone i could be completely open with or at least someone that understands this hellhole of a disorder.

i’ve been in a state of panic all night, when i tried to eat, this intense feeling of panic & dread came over me and i had to put my food to the side. and when i get this panic feeling, my immediate response is ‘i can’t deal with this, im gonna have to kms’ - which then leads to more panic that im losing my mind, and then MORE panic that i need to go to hospital etc etc it’s just never ending. the anxiety is so incredibly intense and i feel it so much in my chest. it’s so bad right now that everything feels like a trigger, if i move, i get that panic feeling, a random sound or something that ive read that has no correlation to my panic, will make me panic. i’m sorry this is so long, im just hoping someone can relate :(

I’m two weeks in ERP therapy for Pure O and I feel like I’m not doing it right. I feel like I can’t comprehend what my therapist expects of me during the exposures. Is that normal this early on or should I consider finding a therapist that I understand better? I don’t want to change therapist if it is just a matter of it will click eventually and this is how it starts. I also don’t want to waste time if the problem is that we just don’t communicate well.

I have a genuine fear of contracting tetanus to the point where I sometimes don’t even want to work in the garden or touch soil. My immunity is still great from my last booster shot (I had my tetanus anti-toxoid antibodies tested a couple months back and they are well above the minimal requirement) however anytime I get a small scrape or cut I spend the next week or so genuinely waiting for the symptoms to kick in. Lock Jaw, Fever, and Death. I had the smallest cut on my foot from stepping on a light plug prong and it barely (literally barely) broke the skin. It didn’t even start bleeding until about 5 mins later. However I noticed my feet were dirty form wearing sandals and even tho I cleaned the tiny wound vigorously and washed my feet, I know feel like it’s just a matter of time until I’m in the hospital and then soon will be dead. I rationally can tell myself that I’m being silly but my animal brain is convinced I’m on a path to sickness and then an inevitable horrible death that will leave my family in peril…. This cycle happens anytime I get a cut or scrape. (2-3 times a year) I hope I’m not alone in this. It really sucks dealing with this obsession on top of my multitude of fears.

Every win against OCD is un-boo-lievably worth celebrating. 👻 Drop yours in the comments!

Today I hit a new level of anxiety, and honestly, it caught me completely off guard. I went to Spirit Halloween to look for something for my daughter. When I walked in, I noticed a sign that said their last day open was November 3rd — and for some reason, that one small thing triggered me. My brain immediately latched onto the thought that I wouldn’t be able to go back again until next year… and maybe not even to that same location. It spiraled into this weird sense of panic over something that probably wouldn’t bother most people. As I walked through the store, the anxiety kept growing. I only had my phone, keys, and some cash with me, but I started convincing myself that I had dropped something. So of course, I retraced all my steps, scanning the floor, checking everywhere — even though deep down I knew I hadn’t lost anything. The panic attack got so bad that I just left and went straight to my car. I’m driving home trying to calm down. My mind keeps telling me to go back and double- check, but I resisted that compulsion. I took one of my anxiety meds and am trying to remind myself that this feeling will pass. What scares me the most is the thought of becoming agoraphobic — like, what if I get to the point where I can’t even leave my house? The idea terrifies me. I’m trying so hard to remind myself that this panic isn’t permanent, that I’ll be okay. But it’s exhausting how my OCD seems to find something new to latch onto every time. Has anyone else experienced panic like this in random, everyday places? How do you cope when your brain decides to turn something so small into something so terrifying?

Yesterday was one of the worst ocd attacks of my life I have a huge fear of believing delusions like it's not even funny I've had crazy intrusive thoughts like What if clouds aren't real What if the people around me aren't real And now the crazy one, what if I believe people are lizards like the stupid conspiracy theory, and I don't believe any of them. Never did the one I'm currently on, is the stupid lizard 1, and I'm having thoughts when I went on with my family, like I would like to be around du,mb, and then I'll get some intrusive thoughts. What if I believe there are lizard aliens? And then I hate it so much. Obviously, I don't believe that, yeah, and I don't want to believe it. I just hate it so much. And something I say jokingly me back to the o.C.D is then I'm also a lizard too But has anyone else had a crazy** Thought like this or crazier because I really hope I'm not alone on this. I don't believe the thought, but I'm just like so many fears and anxieties. What if I believe it? What if it's honestly horrible? Where did I get from hocd to this? Like I mentioned before I had health OCd Did it all start with a fear of going crazy? Then a fear of getting cancer, then a fear of schizophrenia, and then a fear of delusions. I have a fear of going crazy. That it's not even a joke heck. I think I'm in the early stages of schizophrenia. I'm scared i'm honestly scared

Why does my sexual thoughts always involve a black woman or of some other race? When I think of a relationship or anything involving lust that's all I think about. I know people say you have a preference but I've been made to feel like I am racist or something for not finding white girls attractive. (I apologize in advance to anyone this might offend)

Adults only I'm at a very very low point when it comes to this addiction. I feel like I've been escalating to more extreme videos that I would have hated to even look at it I weren't so addicted. I feel ashamed that I used AI videos when escalating and the shame and guilt are really strong. I don't really know what to do other than not be on my phone for the majority of the day and when I'm going to bed. I just feel disgusting about myself. I hate that this has been in my life for over a decade. I remember the times where my life was carefree, I didn't have anxiety, and I was much more relaxed. Now I'm just consumed with unwanted sexual thoughts, urges, and wanting to go back to this stuff time and time again. Everytime I tell myself that I can't keep doing this anymore and that I don't want to, I find myself right back. This stuff gets in the way of my sleep, my goals, and trying to get help for my obsessive compulsive disorder.

I thought I was doing better this week and I have a little bit but ever since I had this one specific thought pop up again it’s been bothering me so much. I’ve posted about it before basically giving the rundown talking about how last year in October about seven months after my fiancé and I started dating, an old guy friend messaged me on Snapchat and awhile later I was in the shower and went on snap for some reason and saw the chat and then I responded, I don’t remember what he said and I don’t remember what I said, but I remember that I removed him right after because I didn’t talk to him anymore and I just wanted to be respectful of my relationship, that part I know. My OCD has been trying to convince me that I flirted, or that I cheated on my fiancé, which I know that I would never do. What bothers me is that my OCD didn’t attach to that memory until months after it happened. The memory happened in October 2024 and then I told my fiancé at the beginning of this year because I remembered it, and I was anxious about it for awhile until my OCD attached to something else. Then it came back to this thought and I’ve been struggling with it for almost 3 weeks. Mostly because my OCD is like “If you didn’t tell him right after, that means it happened and you were hiding it,” or “If you’re feeling anxious and guilty and so worried about it, that’s means you did it.” Etc. And my OCD is convincing me I’ve done it when I know I’d never ever do that to my fiancé, I truthfully don’t know how to deal with this thought because I know some people say you have to say “Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t,” but I can’t even say that because I can’t even fathom or imagine myself doing these things to my fiancé it hurts my heart too much and makes me sick to my stomach.

Hey everyone, I have Suicidal OCD and have done a good job of conquering and managing the experience of this since starting ERP a year ago. Ive found exposure has been really successful when it’s about avoiding avoidance (eg. Walking across a high bridge, standing at a train station). However I find it much harder when it’s about avoiding reassurance. During winter, like most people, my mood takes a dip and I get some mild depression. The problem is, when that happens, my suicidal OCD kicks in. “maybe this time you’re actually suicidal”, “maybe this time you will actually do it”, “maybe this time will be the final time you can cope with it and you’ll just give up”. These are really clearly the what ifs of OCD and I’d like to be able to sit with feeling a bit down and sad without catastrophising those normal downs into worry about suicide or self harm. I want to avoid reassurance and avoidance which are the key compulsions I have. I meditate every day so I’m used to observing my dark feelings, but it’s the bits in my ordinary day that trip me up (I suddenly feel tearful, can’t explain it, worry that means severe suicidal depression is kicking in). QUESTION: What exposure or experiment can I set up to help me?

Hi guys! I have a question because this is something I’ve been struggling with recently. Does anyone else have a fear of feeling regret in the future? Whether that be over mistakes or things you never ended up doing in life? I’m only 19 and I feel like this fear shouldn’t really be showing up in my life right now.

what should i do to get over my fear of medication? i know i need to pair meds with my therapy. my OCD is very severe and i have agoraphobia as well. right now im not really seeing any changes with therapy alone and idk if i will see much change with therapy alone. i had a bad reaction to and SSRI once on the LOWEST dose (literally children are prescribed it) during trial and error and now im so terrified of all meds. i cant try a new med without being so anxious that i become symptomatic not necessarily bc of the med itself but just from the stress im under taking it. i also did genesight. my results were extremely upsetting. almost every ssri for me is most likely too strong and will cause me issues. the only ssri my psychiatrist is willing to try is one that i’ve ALWAYS hear d people say if they miss a dose of it, they’re like in shambles bc of withdrawal. i’ve heard the withdrawal from only one missed dose on this med is like unreal. i don’t wanna be STUCK on a med forever bc of withdrawal issues and i don’t want to forget to take it one day and have a bunch of problems bc of it. i also am just scared of having a bad reaction again too. the only other option she’d given me was lamotrigine which has a black box warning for steven johnson’s syndrome and DRESS syndrome. i don’t want to spend so long on it stressing ab if any little mark on my skin is the beginning stages of a deadly rash. i literally would be constantly stressed. i truly don’t know what to do about this and it makes me really emotional bc i do rly think i need a medication that works for me but the trial and error makes my ocd the worst it can get. just constant over thinking, panic attacks and fear. pls someone give advice idk what to do.