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my body is not in equilibrium and is not 100% and thus i am panicking. it has not gone away and i despise my brain for not letting me just go on with my life. i think this is hell

Hi everyone! I thought it would be nice to have a post for people to comment and chat, whether they just want to talk to others or they need some support and encouragement, so I decided I'd post. ˓ ࣪꒰ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ꒱ .°₊ I'll leave some questions (and answers) in case anyone wants something specific to talk about: — How have you been doing? Anything interesting happen recently? ꪔ̤̱ ❀ Cyrene Answer: I'm doing okay! I had a few really rough days recently, but the past 2-3 days I've been really good about not doing compulsions and my fiancé agreed that I've been doing a lot better in terms of my anxiety (I cry a lot when I'm engaging in compulsions or feeding my OCD bubble, so it's easy to tell if I'm doing bad). ദ്ദി^._.^) — Do you have anything planned for the week or weekend? If not, this is your chance to ask for suggestions! ❀ Cyrene Answer: I don't have anything planned yet, but my fiancé and I might do something over the weekend. It'll be in the negatives however, which will be the coldest weather I've ever been in, so... that should be interesting! ( ⌯'-'⌯) — Do you need any support or encouragement from others lately? (Reassurance seeking is a no-no, don't feed your compulsions!) ❀ Cyrene Answer: Honestly, I get a lot of reassurance just from coming onto this app and seeing all of the other people who're suffering with the same disorder as me. We're all struggling with a disorder that is consistently ranked in the top 10 most difficult and debilitating mental disorders to have, so... we're kind of goated for still trying our best every day and caring so much about things that our brain actively beats us up over. Yay us! (ฅ'ω'ฅ)♪

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I can’t stop freaking out about this along time ago I saw a weird mark on my husbands chest asked him what it was he said he didn’t know and that it kinda looks like a hicky and asked if I gave him one I didn’t remember giving him one though and ever since then i been scared thinking the worst what else could it be ??? And how do I not worry he has sworn to GOD And on the Bible that he’s never cheated several times something I have him do I know it’s not right but it’s the only thing that helps for a bit he’s starting to get mad every time I bring it up it was almost 2 years ago when we where engaged but it really messes with my mind whenever that pops in my head and there was a girl that would try to hit on him I thought at least while in front of me even though he doesn’t pick up on signs that lived at our apartment complex that we stayed in for a year while I was pregnant with our son I can’t bare to think he would do anything to betray my trust and I really wanna believe him but there was also a time a random girl messaged him one he used to hang out with several years before we met saying hi he never responded and even blocked her for me too around that time I tried bringing her up worrying what if what if what if recently he got mad because he’s tired of constant questions about his loyalty and having to swear to GOD He’s very religious too so I understand it annoys him and maybe even feels disrespectful but when I recently brought her up and asked him if they used to be intimate because he said he only went on a few dates he said none of your business I feel like I have the right to know though like why is she messaging him randomly I mean yeah he never responded but what if he deleted messages on Fb what if what if what if but he eventually told he that he never did anything with her which would have been 11 years ago before we had met and I guess it doesn’t matter but seriously why message him???? I don’t know all of this really scares me and I worry what if he’s not telling me something even though he doesn’t believe in swearing to GOD and on the BIBLE if it’s not true has anyone else experienced this and is there hope where I can fully trust and not be scared all the time

So to start things off I have an issue with comparing myself. I often have the compulsion to go on Pinterest and look up certain female celebrities and compare myself or just sigh and feel bad because I don’t look like them etc. Unfortunately my ocd has attached to it :( I’ve had thoughts like “No you keep looking for other reasons” or even “This means you’re a bad fiancé” and it makes me freak and spiral, and then my ocd will attack me and make me feel like I’m being disrespectful or unloyal to my relationship. It’s so bothersome, it’s like my ocd has attached to these certain female celebrities and it’s like my compulsion is like I have this urge to click on the photo and if I don’t I worry about if something will happen etc. What’s weird is that sometimes when I’m just doom scrolling through some of these celebrities pictures and feeling upset I feel embarrassed because I’m pretty sure I’m embarrassed of the compulsion itself because it’s a weird compulsion to have and it’s just really bothering me so much. I really hate this and I’ve told my fiancé about it and he always helps me but i dont know how to just sit with this it’s too bothersome and feels awful :( has anyone else dealt with this?

My mind tries to tell me that I miss my exes because I reached out to one before me and my current bf started talking, it wasn’t anything serious but I told him I’d always care about him. And now I reworry, and my ex prank called me and it sent me into a spiral, and now my mind is saying I miss him etc, and me and this ex were super toxic before we got tg and when we was tg, it was good? But he always flirted w girls or whatever and talked to girls he used to date but when we broke up it always felt like we had to talk again, and that the old feelings were back and Idk what that is. And it feels like I need to tell my boyfriend all of this especially because he’s so genuine to me and I feel so terrible over it.

18+ UPDATE: This is my first post of the day so please take that context in mind... I'm genuinely feel so triggered and anxious... I'm gonna go to sleep right now, but I genuinely dont think I'll be able to ever be able to look my friends and family in the eye if this is true... ive been holding in the compulsions today all day... but right now its genuinely terrifying me... i have a girlfriend now (over 2 months) and i dont want to lose her... she's kind, and lovely, and the one I wanna marry one day... but then I look at myself... and my past... and I genuinely don't think I deserve her... Oh dear god... I dont know... but I think my worst fears came true... I think I unknowingly ERP'ed with a minor on an 18+ discord server 5 years ago... they currently are on Astralspiff's discord, having been there since 2023, and have switched their username, with a chicken emoji as their bio... they also switched their profile picture from Nana Osaki to a fan art of Kasame Teto... its making me think that these three things are certainties that she was a minor on the 18+ sexual server... and that I ERP'ed with her not knowing this... Im genuinely feeling shocked and sick to my stomach right now... they don't have their age listed on discord or anything, but they joined 5 years ago and it was 4 years ago that we ERP'ed... god I feel disgusted and horrified right now... someone talk to me... please.... in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent an 18+ pic to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor without knowing... it genuinely scares me... Its making me think that I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor in the past without knowing and it genuinely triggers me... I have tried to go back through most 18+ online interactions ive had with women online to make sure they didnt lie or they confirmed their age... i have two situations on discord that trigger me that ive posted about in the past... and a couple have deleted their discords so thats triggering me really bad... most who deleted their discords were verified but still... why delete your discord, you know...? for context i was on 18+ explicit discord servers meant for sex that you cant just join regularly on iPhone due to it being for adults only... Ive also been to a website dedicated to adult 18+ literature... they also have an 18+ chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... Im scared of someone one day in the future accusing me of doing horrible things like unknowingly inappropriately messaging minors, or have my worst fears of unknowingly explicitly messaging a minor confirmed to have happened and I didnt know about it... i genuinely just feel hopeless... And its all my fault... All of it...

Tried to talk about a recent concerns to family member, got dismissed, and hurt. I’m probably not in a good spot to have more conversation about it with him yet (it’s about feeling restricted as an adult child while staying at my parent’s home for a visit - was requested to be home by 930pm. However,it’s more like a requirement, less of a request). I know I need to ask if it was a one time/two time thing or a consistent request. I honored the request this evening and was home by that time but have started to feel crappy about it. Cue spiral. When I asked about it (I’m 37 and visiting my parents out of state, and I’ve never ever had an imposed curfew in my life. Ever) He said ‘this isn’t a curfew, and isn’t personal or about you. It’s a request. I don’t want you to break down and me have to come help or your brother to (he’s sick at the moment). To which I said you won’t have to, I have AAA. I take care of me. I also have a key to the house and lock up and do what I always have when I get back (for years I did this). He says he just wants to know when the house is locked up. I was then told ‘if this is the worst thing that happens to you, you have a good life’. Basically causing the conversation to feel circular and unproductive. I was flooded, feeling ‘what does that have to do with anything’. Then he changed topic was changed to talk about someone who recently died ‘life is too short’. He walked away mid conversation saying oh brother, and scoffing, and therefore ended the conversation. I still have anger, and lack understanding of what is going on and why this certain thing is being imposed. He told me why, but we didn’t get far into the conversation for me to express what I really wanted. It was more a one way expression on his side. I’m just annoyed and having a hard time not just compulsively spinning. I just walked away confused like ‘that has nothing to do with what you’re asking, or what I was trying to say’. I don’t know how to go forward. I just don’t know. I also feel I spiraled when he initially requested because I just assumed it was always and then I got mad. I feel spirally because I’m frustrated, and now also feeling am I being really unreasonable? Am I personalizing where I shouldn’t? It just feels really awful, controlling in ways, and the conversation doesn’t help. I’m anxious about being mad. If I’m mad I usually don’t get anywhere, and especially not if I’m mad at this person.

I feel like a prisoner to these thoughts 😢 I don’t know what to do. Each time there is a new theme/issue with my ocd It feels as though I am suffering for the first time with ocd all over again. No one around me understand how hard it is to deal with ive had ocd for a few years now but never properly gotten therapy for it only done a few online sessions and after that just dealing with it alone 🙁🙁 im suffering now with someone I’ve never dealt with before and it sounds so stupid. It started because someone told me ‘don’t bend your head back something bad could happen’ I had a fear about it and I started doing compulsions of bending my head back as far as I could to the point my head would touch my back and it’s been causing me neck pain and headaches but I keep doing it and everyday I feel miserable and scared that I’m going to do that compulsion, I don’t know why I keep doing it but it’s making me feel really down. I can’t do normal things because my head keeps telling me there’s no point and that I will keep doing this compulsion and it feels like everything is doomed and I feel really depressed. I’m scared I will keep doing this forever and cause myself an injury 😢😢😢 I need advice I have no therapist and I don’t know how to deal with this. How do I deal with this compulsion, when I am the one who actually WANTS to keep doing it as if it satisfies me doing it? But it’s causing me harm and despite the fact I know that because of the pain I’m still doing it, I feel scared and don’t know what to do 😢😢

I’m having anxiety that my boyfriend isn’t my soulmate. And I’m just wondering if I even love my boyfriend enough or if I should be with this other guy that I hyper fixated on or if I want to leave because I read that love isn’t enough and sometimes soulmates are temporary. It’s just stressing me out. How can I even tell if I do love my boyfriend?? Like what would be signs that I want to end the relationship? Earlier I felt fine and confident in our relationship. Can ROCD cause people to hyper fixate on others (also including their partner but in this scenario, someone who isn’t their partner)? Does anyone have advice on how to ease the anxiety, especially at night?

Hi folks, over the years, I’ve had week or two-week long spirals around random fears about my partner, usually stemming from fearing whether he’s a good man to be with or questioning the extent of his feelings and attraction toward me. He recently proposed, and as soon as I sensed it was coming that week, I spiraled into absolute panic wondering if I love him enough or not. It’s been three weeks and now I’m in absolute hell, convinced something is wrong and that I don’t love him enough. Does anyone with ROCD have this particular obsession? I just feel alone — most of them in the past for me have been questioning his love and sincerity toward me. I turned him down a couple times in the early years, as I was recently divorced and really just trying to figure out my life, be single for once in my adulthood, etc., and now I’ve convinced myself that I am lying to myself when explaining away why I didn’t immediate fall head over heels for him. I’m just so exhausted and fried that I feel absolutely nothing. Anyone with this obsession been able to get over this?

Guys I'm scared because I'm 18 years old and basically I had a thought of a girl I like from last year we used to kind of date and at the time I was 17 and she was 16 and lately I just been thinking about her and I got aroused and basically I fell arousal when I started to kind of reminisce about past experiences and watching pornography while at the same time it was like founding over those memories but my thoughts just tell me I'm a pedo for doing that because of the age back then and thinking of it I don't know what to do I feel like a monster but I would also have intrusive thoughts and images of her and how she looked back then because I haven't seen what she looked like in a while other than last year I just feel like a monster can someone help me manage these if anyone has a similar experience please let me know

hello. my mind has somehow convinced me that pictures on my iphone can be harmful to my eyes. an example i can give you is if i see black circles (because they remind me of the solar eclipse) and even pictures of the eclipse itself have come across my social medias without me searching, i just keep coming across it unfortunately. then, getting the fear of complete blindness from looking at pictures on my iphone starts to appear in my mind. the fear started after hearing about how looking at eclipses can cause blindness, and i know people mean in real life during the actual event, but my mind convinced me to also be afraid when it comes to pictures too. if i see pictures of anything dangerous, i immediately look away and panic, sending myself into a spiral with a lot of anxiety. i start researching about what can happen to my eyes after looking at these pictures but i know i can’t keep doing this. i also avoid anything that was posted/published in the month of april, like books, videos, movies, shows, etc because it makes me think that they were created during the eclipse which i’m afraid of and think i can become harmed if i look at media created in the month of april. how can i remind myself that pictures and the month of april can’t harm me? i’m aware they can’t harm me, but my mind always reacts in fear, i instantly get scared and get panic attacks anyway, it’s affecting my daily life :( i want to get better.

UPDATE: with my harm ocd hitting full swing... i find myself triggered by my pocd again... and i feel like a horrible person... i tried not to post... i tried to do what people told me... but right now i feel absolutely horrible... I genuinely feel so guilty and wanna exile myself from society... I cant handle the anxiety... Im doing horribly right now because I feel so so guilty about this... Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p3dophilic activity and inappropriately abusing and inappropriately messaging women and minors and abusing others and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... (the 18+ HOCD situations were about 18+ s*xual HOCD situations that triggered me immensely...) When I was 19, in an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person for supporting trump, i vented to her again because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I'm so genuinely triggered... I don't want to be a P or a MAP or a groomer or a bad person... I wanna be a good person who does good things for other people... I dont want to be arrested for any crimes... I just want to be a good person who helps people in the medical field... I only want to help others... the last thing I want is to commit any form of harm towards minors in any way... 😭😭😭

My therapist recently made me aware that I probably have OCPD. I go to her specifically for Exposure Response Prevention therapy because I recently recognized that I perform a lot purely mental compulsions that I didn't even realize were OCD up until very recently. I'm a pretty high achieving university student but I genuinely believe that I can only achieve good grades if I isolate myself due to my ADHD. I'm only recently starting to accept that maybe that isn't true, but it feels extremely uncomfortable. I'm also gay and trans which makes me feel very insecure due to how the world treats people like me. I somehow come across as extremely confident and put together since I'm quiet, but I'm actually filled with self doubt and self criticism. I constantly question and criticize everything, the meaning of things, the media I consume, my own thoughts. It's what makes me good at science. I feel like it's what makes me good at a lot of things. I feel like when I stop criticizing and punishing myself I degrade as a person. But the problem with that is that it makes me secretly criticize everything else as well, to the point that I can't even laugh at jokes or experience joy like when I was a kid. I'm uncomfortable being sincere and outgoing and goofy because I judge myself so harshly. I'm really depressed and anxious and lonely. To help you stop hating yourself people ask "Would you be as hard on others as you are on yourself?" and the answer is supposed to be "no", but for me the real answer is actually "yes I just wouldn't say it". Then I get worried that I'm an asshole for making people feel intimidated so I became a people pleaser. I downplay all my accomplishments even to myself. I put myself down. I genuinely don't believe in myself. I have crazy imposter syndrome. But then I'm jealous of people who have more confidence because I think everyone should be like me. I replay every social interaction in my head to find out if I did something wrong, if I was mean, and usually I come out believing that I was being mean even if I was the opposite. It's easy to manipulate me into thinking I've done something wrong even if I haven't. The main difference is that OCPD behaviours are generally consistent with your worldview and sense of self, whereas OCD behaviours are not. With OCD you don't really want to be performing all these compulsions, with OCPD you want to and you think everyone else should do the same. With OCPD you don't usually have self awareness that the way you act isn't healthy. OCPD might show up as "Extreme OCD" on an OCD questionnaire because the compulsions feel like part of who you are, so you would answer that your OCD symptoms control your life and decisions to a high degree. This was the case for me at least. Personality disorders are very stigmatized and poorly understood. I've got a great therapist who explained to me they're mostly just a result of complex trauma. But it doesn't really change the fact that being told I have a Personality disorder rather than just a regular disorder feels like an attack on, well, my personality. It makes me feel like a bad person. It was a relief when I thought I just had OCD with purely mental compulsions to be told that these issues are not who I am, they don't define me. But in reality these OCD mental compulsions actually feel like a part of who I am. They feel really difficult to let go of because they feel like the "right" way to be, and if I stop being that way I might fall into "wrongness". I judge others who don’t do things the way I do. I disdain them. It's horrible. But it’s hard to stop. I feel lucky I wasn't raised religious because I think that would have made this 10X harder to deal with. I don't really know how to stop. I can't stop being who I am. My therapist said that the treatment for OCPD is often similar to the treatment for extreme OCD, which is taking an SSRI on top of ERP. But OCPD is even less researched than OCD, so I feel worried.

Sometimes I worry so badly that I'm a narcissist. I had a therapist tell me she thought my ex boyfriend was narcissistic after I detailed how he used to treat me. But since I knowing about narcissistic symptoms, they keep coming up in my head. I keep feeling guilty that I was actually the one who was narcissistic and I just fooled my therapist by playing the victim. He used to blame so many things on me but I just thought he was so perfect that I believed him more than myself, even now. Once you find out about the symptoms for something does your mind tell you 'I do that'? I feel like my mind bends my experiences to fit the symptom or finds every single little loophole or mistake that could match it. Is that even OCD?

POCD How are you supposed to accept uncertainty and move on when you feel so uncertain about ur attraction?

For the past... I want to say week or so, I've had extreme paranoia that has been clinging to certain subtypes. One of them is my virtual footprint. I've been cutting down on social media a lot to remedy this, even considering deleting some major chatting apps to reduce this anxiety. But my worst case scenario is a data breach that will expose everyone to this, where noone is safe, as I know a lot of these apps don't even delete messages when you delete your account. It's driving me kinda crazy. I think about it the second I wake up and it continues foe the rest of the day. I can't even focus on work and my deadlines are coming up soon. I know I've grown up a lot over the years, but the idea of my trauma induced hypersexuality years being exposed and other conversations I've had with friends that I thought were private makes me very scared. Am I overthinking things? Am I trapping myself in a place I'll never escape from? Anyone else have the same flareups I've had and if so, how did you escape this?

hi, i honestly don't know if anyone is even active on this app anymore. i just randomly found it on the app store but i figure i'd try making a post. i'm turning 18 soon and getting married to this wonderful guy that i met in the summer of '25 with no second thoughts. he's the most amazing person to me ever. but what concerns us deeply is my obsession with his past relationships, it's not mostly stem out of curiosity, it's just anxiety. i recently found out it's RJ (a form of OCD) and it's really depressing because i've always thought of myself as being neurotypical. it's been really painful for us both. we'd be having the best time and then i'd just ask him questions, he'd reassure me, next i'd crash out and have several panic attacks. we're doing long distance temporarily right now and that just makes it infinitely harder. we looked it up online and try reassuring phrases whenever a thought pops up like : it's OCD it's not me. and for a while it worked, until it doesn't and i'm just left there overwhelmed with constant images playing in my head that i cannot control, it is exhausting and affect my daily life so much. i don't want therapy or any form of medications since i don't trust them. i noticed that i only feel this with him, because i truly have only loved this man. but that does not make it fair for us either since he and i both do not have 'clean' pasts. i just want to put it out there so maybe you, the person reading, know you're not alone. i hope just looking at the title helps and thank you for reading till here if you did. i pray that God help us through this. Amen :)

The accepting/agreeing with thoughts people mention has always been confusing to me and a barrier, if you’re having thoughts that are completely out of character or immoral how do you agree with them? I’d be scared of convincing myself i am whatever the thoughts are if I’m agreeing with them, or is that supposed to be part of the process? Am i misunderstanding what that means? I’ve definitely dissociated because of my intrusive thoughts too (from the stress of it, and fighting in my head 24/7 being exhausting), as in a bit emotionally numb and not present, so it seems even harder to “accept” them when i’ve been more-so intellectualizing these thoughts than feeling extreme emotion about it all the time