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I hear it gets worse before better has any experienced this how long did it take to recover?

hi im probably not the only one but the attack on iran terrifies me so much and everyone says that soon there will be WWIII but what if this is already it? im from poland and despite beinf aware my country's NATO and is probably safe im still scared. i know that people in power feed of our fear but i genuinely can't seem to imagine neither my future nor the world being safe either. i hate trump and all the billionaires monsters who want power, i wanna do something about it but there's nothing i can do about it, i feel liie all i can do is sit and watch.

As someone who has been struggling with OCD for over 2 years now. It takes a while to overcome it. There is no need to be afraid! OCD is merely a fly buzzing around you. It is not who you are, you are not defined by your thoughts or your compulsions. You have to trust yourself, and know that you have the ability to push through urges. Push through compulsions. Push through with ERP! You are stronger than your mind, you are stronger than the thoughts spiraling. If it’s hard for you to get out of your head here are some ways I’ve found that help me to get out of a spiral; TAKE A HOT SHOWER: Something about the hot water hitting my back and laying down eases my mind, sometimes during my worse episodes I would sit in the shower for upmost of 40 minutes. It brings me back to my body and out of my head! TAKE A DRAMAMINE: During my worst days I would not be able to sleep. I’ve tried anxiety medicine, sleeping pills, SSRI medication. Dramamine, although OTC for nausea, it causes drowsiness which allows for me to fall asleep despite my anxiety inducing thoughts. Another perk? It also makes my anxiety go away. During the times where i was spiraling for hours in the night. I learned to take a Dramamine as soon as I felt the anxiety coming on and I just fell asleep. Woke up and restarted my morning fresh. GOING TO THE GYM: Although we all want to have tones abs and a firm butt, the gym has many more benefits than just that. Exercise improves mental health by releasing feel-good neurotransmitters like endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine, which boost mood, reduce stress hormones (cortisol), and alleviate anxiety. Regular activity, such as 150 minutes of moderate exercise weekly, improves sleep, increases self-esteem, acts as a distraction from negative thoughts, and enhances cognitive function. (Google) When I’m active it allows me more control over my thoughts. EATING HEALTHY: Sometimes a McFlurry is good for mental health too don’t get me wrong but eating clean and healthy is more than you think. Eating healthy is essential for mental health because nutrient-dense foods regulate neurotransmitters, reduce brain inflammation, and stabilize blood sugar, which directly affects mood, cognitive function, and stress levels. A balanced diet—rich in vegetables, fruits, and healthy fats—supports gut health and provides the energy necessary to prevent mood disorders like anxiety and depression. (Harvard) TALK TO A FRIEND: My biggest compulsion is confessing. Confessing when I feel i did something guilty, confessing when something doesn’t feel just right. Confessing to someone no other than my significant other. During my time of needing to confess, I talk to a friend. Not asking for reassurance (also a compulsion) but for understanding and to help me realize that it isn’t such a big deal after all. Talking to a close friend who understands, doesn’t judge, and simply listens is truthfully my biggest crutch. I hope these help you to navigate your OCD a little better. It took me a while to find what works for me. Comment some things that help you get out of an OCD spiral below!

i'm so sick of my mind, it just throws (pardon my language) absolute bullshit at me all the time. i don't know if having suspected adhd impacts this but it's like my brain's out of control and just pelts me with intrusive, disgusting and ego-dystonic thoughts at 100mph. what's more is that i feel so dissociated that the thoughts often don't even bring on negative feelings other than 'ughhh not again'. i still have feelings like dread and guilt for many of my thoughts especially for real event ocd but man, my mind is troubling me greatly. i have an appointment with my psychiatrist nurse soon. i'd really appreciate ocd specialist help.

Hey everyone! Recently I tried nicotine gum for the first time and I got sick. Now I’m okay. I’m not taking it again. I feel the need to explain and confess to my dad about it. My OCD involves feeling the need to explain, clarify, or confess information. I feel the need to tell my dad that I did this and I temporarily discontinued one of my meds to feel the buzz more. But I’m actually getting back on the med and not taking nicotine again. Another thought I’m having is regarding romantic relationships and sex. I’m 25 and never experienced romance or sex before. It makes me feel sad that I’m missing out on it. But I notice I’m more at peace when I’m not around people in general. I often become triggered around people. Triggered in terms of OCD in social situations (interaction has to be done right and I have to be assertive), and triggered in terms of social anxiety and paranoia. I feel like people are watching me and judging me in public. Hopefully when I attend grad school this year I will feel more comfortable with older students who are more mature. I noticed I relate better and get along with adults more. I also had thoughts about nobody liking or replying to my last post and I see some people expressing the same sentiments sometimes. But I understand it’s not personal and it’s unlikely that there is anything wrong with me but it still hurts. It feels hurtful when nobody likes or replies to you. Some of my posts do while others don’t.

I am taking space from my partner right now. I am AuDHD, have cptsd and OCD. So I'm trying really hard not to give into my compulsions and reach out when all they asked for was some space to process a hard day we had the other day. Does anyone know this feeling and how do you avoid giving into your compulsions?

Last night I posted about how my anxiety is so constant and I’m scared I’ll be like this forever. Really been doing my ERP work of sitting in the uncertainty, but my God it’s still hell. I’ve had one sobbing spell while sitting with the uncertainty and it did dip down a little afterwards. But the constant anxiety and wanting to cry is what’s getting me. It just doesn’t let up and I’ve barely been able to eat, and get sick from how intense it is.

I struggle with organization and routines and rules, perfectionism at its best. However, I have a hard time knowing if its OCD or if it is logical and I have a new intrusive thought that the other person is not taking me seriously because they know I am in treatment for my OCD. Just letting me be exposed by them just not following instructions. So am I though? That is my question for ya'll. I have an adult child, almost 19 years old who lives with me and my 7 other family members. I have been very patient in the transition of them taking over and being more independent. The common theme is that they dont feel good or they aren't sleeping or they dont know how.. or their executive function is malfunctioning. I am at a loss because they wont follow rules, they dont contribute to anything during the day. They just lay in bed and play Roblox or browse the internet. They sleep in until noon. I have a hard time when I have so many things that hinder on my energy level (fibromyalgia, Depression, anxiety) mostly Fibro and the main trigger is stress. I dont know what to do next. I have talked about them going into a group home where we can pay someone to do all the nagging and teaching of these things with a medical background that can help them with executive function development. For the sake of our relationship because I am their step mom. I am resentful and that freaks me out cause I dont have that unconditional bond with them like a biological mom does. I also didn't raise them. Ive only been around for 4 years ish.

I’m so upset I feel like I never loved or liked my husband and I’ve liked being around him and everything he does makes me feel repulsed. I refuse to leave him I meant it when I said forever when we got married. He is so strong, intelligent, hardworking, responsible, caring, kind, honest, supportive, faithful, loyal, trustworthy, steadfast, patient and so many other things. I just want to feel attracted and love towards him. The only thing keeping me from fully freaking out is our marriage and knowing that commitment for me is forever it gives some thoughts less power but then I think ocd likes to turn that into “but that means you’ll be trapped in a miserable marriage forever” even though I’m so blessed to have an amazing husband. Please help I feel like I’m the exception and this isn’t ROCD anymore especially because the thoughts aren’t always anxiety inducing and I feel like I’m faking it and I keep trying to feel good in my marriage but just can’t.

So I’ve been working this graphic design job for two years. I’m a corporate worker for an intense, high-achieving company. I also moved to this area for a previous job, so the only reason I’m still here is for this job. None of my family lives here but I’ve built a community here. The entire time, the job has grated on my nervous system. It’s eroded my confidence and wrecked my self-esteem. Every weekend I just stress about the next week of work. It’s been pretty miserable most of the time. My family and friends are tired of hearing about it. My OCD cannot rest until I do well at this job. The standards are incredibly high but I was determined to get the hang of it and make it work out. This job was my dream and my goal. It just had to work, I tied a lot of my identity to the job. I’ve had this job for two years, I’ve given everything and more to it because I was so afraid of getting fired (I got fired from an internship right out of school which traumatized me). And now I’ve gotten a performance warning that if my performance doesn’t improve in certain ways within a certain amount of time HR will get involved. Everything in the performance warning is stuff I’ve been working and improving for the most part but stuff that doesn’t come naturally to me…or at least not in this environment (this isn’t stuff like being late or lazy, they acknowledged my effort and determination. It’s just stuff I’ve struggled with the entire time I’ve worked here and even before that). The performance warning hit on some themes that have come up in previous workplaces/settings and caused issues (re-assurance seeking, lack of autonomy, navigating ambiguity) which I feel are OCD themes that bleed into my personal life as well. There was some other outlying stuff that was more skills related or things that I feel like I could get better at with time, maybe just things I’m behind at in my skillset? Not sure. When I have looked up people online that have been in similar situations they usually seem to think the performance warning or firing was completely unfair and unwarranted. In this case, I think it’s pretty fair honestly. Like I know these are issues and I’ve been really trying to work on them but I’m struggling. I feel really sad and embarrassed that I’ve worked so hard and I’m not only not doing amazing I’m actually not doing good period. My manager is a really good person and they’ve been very kind the whole time and I trust their judgment, I’m really not a victim in this situation at all. Like I’m fully aware that I am the problem here (aside from some things about the workplace that just don’t jive with me and that’s fine…so I feel like my issues may be 60-70% the problem and the workplace itself presents the rest of the problem for me and how I work). This performance warning + feedback made me feel like every fear and insecurity I’ve ever had at this job is real. It makes me feel like I should have been listening to my fear all along. I think I just suck an I should quit this entire career path maybe. I’ve been praying and praying about it and every time I pray I feel like everything will the out fine but I’m getting no direction. Does this mean this career field is wrong for me? Was this caused by my ocd/mindset (I think min about 50% probably was lol)? Should I stick with this career path? Should I go back to school? Do I move close to family or stay where I’m at? Here’s my income going to come from as I’m figuring stuff out? My mind cannot stop spinning since I got the performance warning. It just keeps replaying parts of it in my head (this happened when I got in a car accident as a teenager, scenes just replayed in my head). Pros: - paid to be creative - easy to wfh/freelance - would be a good job as a mom - improving divine artistic/creative skills - looks fun to others - conquering/overcoming critique anxiety -would be so awesome to be really good at it some day Cons: - ai taking over the industry - people seeing my art and critiquing it causes me intense anxiety - hate being on a screen all day - both good at detail-oriented work and bad at it - creative burnout is terrible - industry is too worldly/aesthetics based - very subjective - causes me a ton of anxiety to attached my work to my creativity - if I’m not doing well at this company and have struggled with these same themes the entire time I’ve been in the field…maybe this is a sign - not a great track record and being told I’m behind - I’m not very fast with it - at this point I don’t really enjoy it anymore… If I leave the industry…I’m afraid that these issues will follow me. If I didn’t get this performance warning I probably wouldn’t be thinking of leaving the field…but also…deep down I’m not sure if fulfills me. I’m currently unmedicated because my parents are super against medication and every time I visit them they tell me to get off it. I am going to therapy whenever my therapist has openings.

TRIGGER WARNING: topics related to girl best friend of boyfriend, mentions of infidelity, and possible triggers for ROCD This is a long post, so I’ll ask that you stick with me. On Wednesday night, I was approached by my boyfriend, being accused of saying or doing things I never did. It all came from his female best friend, who he had kissed before when they were freshman in college. I had become friends with this girl in the hopes that I could branch out, and seeing that she too had OCD, could maybe learn something from her. I would talk to her about my intrusive thoughts, the same ones I’d speak to my boyfriend about. That night, the two of them confronted me over text with hurtful and untrue statements, which made me feel powerless, confused and deeply hurt. I was accused of saying the two of them were cheating, when that hadn’t been something I had mentioned in months. He had originally kept her a secret, and had not revealed who she was, or her importance to him when we started dating. It wasn’t until I questioned his behavior with her that he finally admitted to it. Last Friday (the 20th) I went out to eat with the three of them to celebrate her engagement. She had gotten two meals, one to share with her fiancé and bring it home to him, and a steak for herself which was undercooked. She had sent it back, and despite the entire table sharing their appetizers with my boyfriend, he immediately offered her some of his food, completely focusing on her and insisting she take some. He then made a comment about “finding the best pieces for her” and this made me uncomfortable, seeing as I didn’t understand why this was not offered around, and his demeanor seemed very similar to how he would treat his significant other in this situation, and his tone and eye contact were all pointing towards the way someone would act with a significant other. After I expressed my feelings to her later on, and told her that I had no ill feelings or concerns towards her, she accused me of taking my anger out on her, when realistically I spoke in a calm tone, highlighting my uncertainty about my boyfriends actions, not hers. I later apologized to him in the car and had a discussion about it. I did not apologize to her until days later, due to the fact I was extremely sick during that period. I do not feel right about this situation whatsoever, and I’ve completely admitted fault and apologized for my behavior. But now knowing how he acted, I do believe he likely had feelings of some kind for her, or she chose to input nasty things into his head under the guise that I was aiming to ruin their friendship. We had been dating for a year then he proceeded to dump me, refusing to give an explanation as to why he did so. He continued to say it was “my actions”, however claimed he had proof, yet showed nothing. I tried to speak to him in person, and was told the only way I could have a conversation with him was if his female friend was there. I did not go to this meeting, feeling that I had already been ganged up on from the previous interactions. He used text fonts that were indicating he was angry, and again, accusing me of things I did not do. When I attempted to give clarification, I was immediately shut down and told “why would his girl best friend lie?”, as if I was one to lie to him. What’s bothering me the most about this, is how understanding he was of my OCD. He was accommodating, and actually took it into account. He was sweet, kind, thoughtful, and genuine, but in the last month switched to being a more cold person. Granted I blamed it on his MDD and autism, but this was something I had never seen before. I’m hurt. I’m confused. My OCD is spiraling in ways it hasn’t since I started treatment. I have false memory OCD and they knew that. I feel betrayed for the fact they used that as a way to weaponize my OCD and cause me extreme emotional distress about these things.

A rant. I’ve held such a grudge since finding out ocd goes back generations, I mean WAY back in my family and NO ONE seems to have done anything to help themselves before me, everyone I’ve talked to in my family either have brushed it off (do their compulsions or self soothed and had addiction problems, or worse) even at the expense of anyone around them, total disregard to how it affects the people in their life. It pisses me off so much because if I’d been helped with this in childhood or saw examples of how to deal with anxiety maybe it wouldn’t have spread like cancer into adulthood and I’d just be better at dealing with it than I am. It’s like I know how much it sucks but like wtf no one wanted to feel better. I don’t understand and it makes me mad when I think about it. Like as a kid dealing with your parent having a massive ocd flare up and they just are like haha it’s just my ocd is so fucked up. It was actually traumatizing, gave me trust issues and never feeling “safe”. And yet at the same time I guess its helped me to heal my own ocd flare ups because it helps me to think about how my actions could cause chaos in my own family now. Idk I guess this coulda been a journal entry but here I am.

is 18-20 okay? i turned 20 in december so i'm a late 2005 while the girl is 2007. i dont want to date her or anything, nor i think i'm interested, even though is nice sometimes to make people laugh. but what bothered me is the thought that I had randomly of the idea that this girl could pleasure herself at home and i had an automatic attractive-like reaction "oh cool" to that and it bothered me a bit, felt like a predator.

My stomach just hurts from the constant anxiety. I had like 30 seconds where I wasn’t feeling it when I woke up this morning but then it all just crushes me. I know I’m supposed to just “ride the wave” when I get the thoughts, but it doesn’t feel like a wave. It’s just a constant stream. Sometimes it feels like I’m not even having intrusive thoughts anymore but it’s just a constant shout of “you’re a bad person” so the anxiety kicks in. I don’t want this to be my life forever but it’s starting to feel like it will be

I (23F) have diagnosed MDD and anxiety and i have recently noticed things that I have started thinking could be OCD. I see a CBT therapist and we’ve talked about intrusive thoughts but not OCD itself. • I get disturbing images in my head (examples: graphic images of my cat getting hurt, one of my stuffed animals being thrown in the trash which makes me really sad, and other more graphic things — TW — like imagining papercuts in extreme disturbing detail, my throat being sliced, etc). To try to soothe these images I think of things that “cancel them out,” like a fluffy fabric on my neck instead of a knife. • When I was a kid (and still), I was obsessed with being “a good kid.” I remember telling myself “ok, being good starts now” and I would snap my fingers to start. I also always convinced myself that my mom didn’t like me, and it was so bad that it affected our relationship until I was a late teenager. • I can’t speak or have any interactions with people without thinking about how I’m being perceived — to the point where I lose track of what I’m saying and also backtrack and leave disclaimers like “I know I sound so stupid” and saying sorry excessively because I’m so afraid of being perceived as — and being — a bad, mean, messy, “unclean” (figuratively) person, which I am already convinced that I am. But this specifically has affected me so much and I have SO much anxiety over socializing that it’s unbearable because I cannot stop thinking about how everyone must be able to see how mean and bad and annoying I am. I constantly forget what I’m saying and stumble as I talk because I’m so in my head. And I leave every interaction wanting to text them and say sorry for how I acted / I’ll replay it over and over in my head. It has also impacted me in school (I’m a medical student), where my confidence is so low and I cannot answer questions asked by mentors/professors/attending physicians because I am so concerned with how stupid and weird and annoying and unbearable and pathetic I am. I have so many other things but I can’t fit it all into this post. I’m just not sure where the line is between anxiety, depression, and OCD. I feel like I align with a lot of OCD themes but I’m not sure. I am quite obsessive in nature though.

Recently I have been in full survival / anxiety mood and like sickness shortness of breath I know I never had asthma in the past and don’t have fyi it’s the ocd and the stress but today finally I was relaxing felt much better relaxed after a long time and my mom like we have a sofa like a big house and I did t feel like moving my dad was in a meeting and my mom was like my hand hurts like I sleep in my room ussuallt but I didn’t feel like moving she started being like her hand hurts and all and it’s frustrating because I started feeling stress especially after recently being under so much stress and finally I was feeling relaxed didn’t feel like moving I said few more minutes and I feel kinda stupid but I started when she wanted to persistently sit and the other end part of the sofa she was right there so I was pushing her a bit I know it’s wrong but I fwas feeling stressed and like it felt horrible you know like it’s a Friday I said few more minyrsx2 more Minnie’s I even suggested going in another room then she started scratching me then all of a sudden she tried to hit me and I kinda got scared and then not only stomach pain and chemically but thanks to her now my my left arm neck / back area hurts but it’s ok I didn’t break anything but it’s annoying because I am a dancer so I did dance class and am relaxing was doing homework and my mom is a housewife no hate to housewife’s by the way she toon my brother to class and all but I also went to school I’m 18 like she needs to understand it’s not easy like she was playing the victim she kept complaining ky dad and they weed acting like u was creating a problem when I was just trying to relax literally after such a long time 😡 like I get your in pain but I was there first and telling me get away from there is really wrong do you guys think I’m dramatic or is there any if my mistake I also kinda hit her with a remote which is really bad but however it’s important to understand I was minding my own business and then not only mental pain stomach pain that hurts like hell now my back neck area hurts really bad and when I tried mentioning about it they weee thinking I was being a bad kid then I threw the deodorant because it was just frustrating you know and then my dad started getting serious and ran after me by the way I had a happy childhood it’s just I feel recently my mom got addicted her phone she is not like before where she used to listen to my problems and my dad got busy to in work so this just triggered him and I feel bad because this was no where his fault but when I was saying few minutes and like you only have 2 minutes like girl it’s a Friday it’s not such a big deal I’m 18 not a kid they are still talking like I’m a kid and I also have a baby face on the top of it which I love but it’s annoying

I’ve had a strange week. Some family problems and then an interaction with a guy that made me kind of shut down. I’m extremely anxious because I’ve fallen behind at work and feel like my relationships are crumbling, like this gut feeling that things are only going to get worse from here. The guy I became online friends with through a mutual, he seemed nice and I’m always open to making new friends so we began engaging in conversation. I tend to make lewd, vulgar, rather classless jokes because it’s a part of my humor but not reflective of my actual behaviors or beliefs. I thought it would be understood that the innuendos were meaningless and I wasn’t actually trying to take part in anything of that sort but the conversation quickly turned sexual and I became greatly uncomfortable but didn’t know how to respond or who to tell. I feel quite lost in this situation due to my past, talking about it doesn’t help because people never understand unless they’ve experienced it. I didn’t want to open up about it because I feel it’s my fault and not fair to blame him or play victim, I should’ve shut it down as soon as I felt violated and set that boundary but I didn’t, I played along, I was complacent. I feel it’s mean and unfair to block him, perhaps he didn’t mean to make me uncomfortable and it was just a misunderstanding, like I’m not going to find every joke funny and that’s on me. But I don’t understand, I don’t think it’s harassment but every time I’d try to begin a genuine conversation it would ultimately revert back to him wanting to speak in that manner. I wanted a friend. I don’t know how else to feel other than it being a failure on my part, I feel disgusting. Worst part is that I disappear but seemingly none of my so called friends care. I feel like every time they’re struggling, even if I’m dealing with my own problems, I make an effort to reach out and ask if they’re okay so they feel loved and supported, really a bare minimum ask of friendship. Though, only one friend bothered reaching out. I don’t want to talk to anyone anymore because they clearly do not care. My relationships are surface level or are only of value when the other person can get something out of me. I’m tired of being used as a punching bag or a therapist. I want a friend that actually cares and sees me and gives me the support I need. And this isn’t me saying I’m some spectacular person, I’m not, not in the slightest. I’m a shit friend, I’m not doing well mentally ever it seems so I disappear but I do still try to ask, do try to make the effort of reaching out and letting people know I’m at least thinking of them and here when I can be… and they’re all receptive to that… so why is it that nobody can do the same for me? Maybe I’m just being dramatic and everything that has occurred this week isn’t anything. It’s my fault, it always is. That’s just the truth. No wonder nobody else cares, it’s hard to do so when the person is so unstable and unreliable.

I first turned to self-help literature centered around New-Age spirituality last year during the worst mental health crisis of my life. I have found tons of value in Bhuddist practices in particular around staying present, practicing self-compassion etc. As is often the case with OCD I was OBSESSED with self-help, loving myself, understanding the nature of life and reality, healing, loving, staying present. I am certainly an obsessive person, whether it's been goals, passions, exercise (which are perhaps healthier obsessions lol, pleaaaaase let me get some of those back), or the many intrusive thoughts and urges, this aspect of my personality has been here for awhile. I've developed various obsessions related to religion, spirituality, and existence since last year. One of the most distressing last year was the ever pervasive thought that I NEEDED to accept God and Jesus into my life. For context, I've been an agnostic or pure atheist all my life and still would consider that true. That was a horribly distressing few weeks, believing I was a sinner, I needed to repent and pray to Jesus. False urges, horrible shame, you name it. Miserable. Recently an arguably even worse theme has arose as I have contemplated my existence, and realized that I didn't choose my body, my mind, where I was born, who I was born unto, etc. On the one hand, this really helped free me from some guilt! Why judge myself so much when I really didn't choose who I am in the first place? I still think there's value in that line of thinking to release some shame and guilt around being who you are and having the thoughts you do. But now my brain is just in la-la spiritual land all the time. It's embarrassing to even write these as intrusive thoughts but my brain is stuck in loops about how I just want to love people and "become one" with them. My brain is convinced my self doesn't exist, that I'm not real, it's all an illusion, and that the only thing to do in life is love and become one with others. Nothing else matters to my brain. Not my job, my health, my passion projects. My opinions don't matter. It's all just peace and love baby! But in the worst way possible. Queue all the urges to just disregard everything and becoming a spiritual sage, paragon of peace and love, fuck everything that isn't peace and love. Horribly distressing honestly, despite the positive and uplifting quality of these thoughts. And my brain is convinced I can't go back. I can't unsee what I've learned that "I don't exist and my self concept is a lie." I have to accept this new me according to my brain. From a Bhuddist perspective I'm sure many would say "great job progressing on the path! You're finally realizing the truth!" To which I would reply: fuck the truth, this is causing me so much distress that I am dissociating and crying all the time and I just want my old self and ego back. I just want my normal human worries about how much money I'm making, if I like the way I look in my clothes, etc. I want my wildly imperfect humanity back. I want to live in the real ass human realm again, having fun, being silly and irreverent, spending time with people I love WITHOUT the disturbing urge to just disregard myself completely and "become one." Give me Taylor back :( Prone to pride and ego and insecurity, but a good person at my core. Someone who chased their dreams to feel good about themself and prove something to the world, worked out and was a health nut, was so driven and passionate each day and CONFIDENT to the point of a little arrogance for sure yes, but what's wrong with that? I was never hurting anyone doing all that... Someone who engaged with their love for games, anime, and music and found an identity that felt true and secure in all of that. Someone who was perhaps too rational and logical and a little heartless, but never out of malice. But nope. Gotta reject the human realm. It's all peace and love baby! If this is what healing and loving yourself is like then I never would have done it. I would've stayed my wildly imperfect self, in my own little world of worries and passions. I crave that again. Fuck the self doubt. Fuck these existential thoughts and urges. Let me be my confident, logical, playful, humorous, arrogant and insecure self again. I'm sick of the thoughts that nothing matters, my opinions don't matter, the only thing that matters is love and peace. Give me my old self back :(

I’ve struggled with ROCD or relationship anxiety the whole relationship with my husband. The fixations have varied but have mostly been picking apart something about him (I don’t like spending time with him, he’s boring, he’s too blunt, ect). My OCD is now using that against me to show that I couldn’t have possibly made a good choice. We’ve been together going on 7 years and I really had a good grip on my RA mostly from 2022 halfway through 2024/first part of 2025 maybe. I still had some times, but it wasn’t as constant. We got engaged in 2023 and got married in 2024. Anyone else relate?

In the past 4 months I’ve lost 5 friends. In October I had 3 best friends (one for 4 and a half years, one for 13 years, and one for 2 years). I decided to stop being friends with the 2 year friend because she would be passive aggressive and mean to me, but when we were talking and trying to work through it, I felt like she wasn’t putting in a lot of effort to repair things bc she would take over a week to respond sometimes. My best friend of 13 years cheated on her partner with someone I was seeing and then after some conversations I realized the person I had been seeing had been lying to me about their intentions with our relationship and I felt taken advantage of. My best friend and them got officially into a relationship and I told my best friend how hurt I am about everything and we haven’t talked in almost a month. I thought she would try harder to try to work through it. Two friends I wasn’t super close to but had been friends with for one or two years just stopped texting me and slow faded out of my life And then I made a mistake that hurt my best friend of over 4 years and she hasn’t talked to me for over 3 months. She said she’s going to reach out soon and she wants to talk about things, but I feel like there’s a pattern of people not caring about me very much and not prioritizing me, even when I thought we had a really strong and close friendship I’m having a really hard time not spiraling into fears of there being something wrong with me or that I’m going to keep getting rejected and be alone forever and I want to reach out to all of them and beg them all to be my friend again. I want to ask for reassurance but I know I’m not supposed to. Maybe if anyone has any similar stories that they could share to relate or could just say something kind or supportive that would be great. Thank you