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My OCD is strong now I need someone to talk

I’m sobbing so much . Idk what to do anymore about a situation. I can’t tell if I’m being irrational or not . 😭😭. Ik asking for reassurance is bad but I’m genuinely wondering if a situation is a concern or not I can’t tell . I had posted it a few days ago . About pocd about my bf .

When I was about 14 I discovered masturbation. I was watching (more like listening honestly) to kink videos. I began to discover my thing for vore and just general obesity. I discovered "digestion" sound videos. Its hard for me to admit, but a remember a few of these videos being simulated roleplays of vore, involving children, and the sounds of babies crying. As well as videos of pregnant women. Im assuming these fell under the "pregnancy kink" since those were the labels and titles. I can't quite remember what my logic was, but I continued to watch these videos. If I remember correctly I would just try and ignore those specific noises. But I also remember that after moving away from those videos i began to convince I was enjoying it, specifically for those noises. I felt I needed to confess. I called my best friend at the tine, and my then partner. And confessed. As though i did enjoy it. Both looked uncomfortable but told me they were proud of me for sharing and proud that I didnt engage with that anymore. Looking back now as someone in their 20s, apart of me feels revolted, and that what I was engaging with was indeed...CP. But another worries this is some kind of ocd thing. That im not...a pedo. I also have a severe paranoia about others finding out, or the two people I told telling others. Its to the point where im even afraid to admit this event. It eats at me I put false memory ocd because I genuinely don't remember if I liked those videos at the time, but I know for sure that I confessed as if I did.

Does anyone know any exposures for harm ocd and isolation??

ive been struggling with really bad OCD for years by now. ill be as brief as I can. at the end of 2022 I had a friend who I was really close with, I didn't know exactly how I felt for him ( I talked it out with my gf, she told me we could break up if I wanted to and I told her no), at the time i chalked it up as OCD symptoms making me feel confused about my feelings for him, which was even more confusing since I'm a lesbian lol so I started questioning my sexuality as well. we would make tons of sexual jokes and we were really affectionate and we cherished eachother a lot. after a while it passed and I knew I saw him as just a friend, nothing more. now, in the summer of 2024 I abruptly started wondering if I had cheated on my gf with him, I couldn't remember ANYTHING at all and to make matters worse it wasn't about physically cheating but what my intention was when we would make those sexual jokes. I reread all our old texts and I concluded I never cheated, even tho I still wasn't a 100% sure of my intentions I couldn't remember anything. I told myself I shouldn't have made those jokes because even tho I didnt cheat I didnt find it appropriate that i acted like that considering how confused I was, I told my gf everything and she said it was okay and it wasn't a big deal at all. still, I kept feeling extremely anxious, even if I couldn't find any proof of wrongdoing. with time I still couldn't find any solid proof of cheating, but I started having a weird hunch/intuition that something DID happen, I just forgot about it. at the end of 2025 I started spiraling completely, I felt more and more convinced I had cheated and I had suddenly remembered I had bad intentions in two specific conversations, even if I didn't remember it all before. then I started calming down a bit, and then I got worse again. after a while those two specific conversations ( which I talked about with my gf) didn't make me feel as anxious anymore, and I found another conversation with a much more solid memory of a bad intention surrounding it. so now this is basically where im at. I do feel really convinced I cheated most of the time, but I do find the timeline really confusing. like, I don't think ( even tho I'm not a 100% sure ) I remember feeling guilty or ever thinking I had cheated before 2024, so, if this memory really is true, it would mean that I would have cheated in 2022 and COMPLETELY forget about it/ suppressed it in the span of a couple of months ( since I don't remember feeling guilty of having cheated in 2023) to SUCH A DEGREE where I couldn't even remember it in 2024 when I actively looked for a bad intention, only to remember it at the end of 2025/beginning of 2026. or, it would mean that I just didn't understand I was cheating, I didn't realise I was making a terrible mistake, but like it would mean that I'm a really dumb person and sure ok I don't think I'm that smart but then again why didnt I remember it in 2024 when I first saw that conversation?? I just find it confusing and kind of weird but the memory seems so deeply real to me and I feel like I straight up remember it happening idk. but like I can't really remember feeling guilty at the time, but I do remember a weird sensation, but like it wasn't there at first I had to think about it a bit, and like it's been so long so it's completely plausible that I just don't remember anymore. i find it genuinely possible that I forgot about all of it just to remember it like four years later. I don't know, this is so confusing to me but it also seems like the answer is in front of me and what makes the most logical sense ( considering I have a memory) is that it happened, point blank. my gf thinks it's all OCD and that I didn't cheat, i haven't talked to her about this last situation, she specifically asked me not to and to deal with it with my therapist. I stopped talking to this friend but once I did explain the situation to him and he said it's clearly my OCD. idk

Idk if this is a ocd theme but it's something I've been thinking for years and I have this doubt about it. I luv Elvis Presley a lot and I can't help but feeling that sometimes I don't deserve being a fan, like, sometimes I feel like I'm not THAT obsessed with him and that I need to be more and more obsessed with him in order to be a true fan. That feeling worsens when I forget things about him that everyone in the fandom knows, I have thoughts like "You're just a poser" "you shouldn't be in this fandom" It's not that of a big deal but it bothers me because it makes me feel so false (?) :/ Does anyone have this thoughs/feelings too with the things their love or with their hyperfixations? I'm curious to hear that I'm not the only one 💔💔(I'm sorry If this isn't ocd related, I just had the doubt)

It became a tradition coming back here once a year to read my own old posts. Actually I have changed a lot. I am now a person who has a job, goes to collage with straight A’s (trying for it this semester too) and is trying to live the Life to fullest by keeping the right people next to her. Meanwhile I still cannot get over some things you know? Its just so damn hard sometimes to live with OCD. When I was younger it was definitely worse. But now as a 20 yo it became kind of something that I can control but that still freaks me out you know? So recently i switched majors from computer science to business. Why i did that was because i was trying to get a job with 4 years of experience with coding and a huge portfolio but here we are nobody needs a developer when ai can do it. I was so stressed out because of it for months guys. Then after thinking for days and doing research decided that I am a pretty active person and wanna choose something where i can think creatively and grow. I chose business. And yet i had no idea that people lowkey make fun of that major lmao, what the heck? And it made me feel so hesitant even tho i was feeling relieved that i made a decision. Seriously just because a random stupid guy with his gf who don’t know who they are in this life and are in bio chem just told me that business is so cringe and i was like- well now everyone gotta be in bio chem or what like… but the worst is that it actually made me hesitant! And recently i have been so drained because of my exams and friendship break ups and getting a drivers license, and here is my dad complaining that “she doesn’t wanna do anything”. With my head and logic i know that i do a lot. I work and have my own money, i study, i try my best but it feels like people never get enough? With my head i understand that i am doing ok, but when a person close to me says something like that, pressures me into growing and “trying” when i just finally settled for some time and font wanna rush is just freaking me out actually 😭 and I am thinking about it the whole week now and i need a goddamn break atp. Whoever read this, thanks for your time!

Lesbian? I think…I feel like more of a trans man but won’t transition bc I’ve heard hrt can change ur sexual orientation (different story for a different time but I’ve wondered if denying myself of transition due to fear of liking guys might just be a huge compulsion) anyways, I’ve always found men gross and never understood attraction to them but now, I am getting tons of fantasies about men and lots of curiosity but I HATE it. It repulses me and makes me deeply anxious and upset, yet it turns me on. Like, I’ll get extremely turned on by fantasies of men and will get off to them but then afterwards I’m so bothered by that. It seems like genuine curiousity about what being w a guy is like but I’m not happy about that bc I find men so unappealing in terms of looks…Help me. I do not want to like men. I’m also not doing compulsions the way I used to when I had my first round w orientation ocd years ago which is truly freaking me out bc that means I’m rlly becoming attracted to men now. Before w my orientation ocd, it didn’t feel like genuine curiosity but now, it feels like I am actually curious bc when I fantasize I get strong urges to try things w a man but once I get off i realize I don’t truly wanna do that and I was just turned on. Idk what to do. I’ll be rlly not okay if my sexuality changes.

I just hope someone finds the time to respond... I genuinely feel so lost right now... UPDATE: My ex and I broke up nearly 3 weeks ago... so... the girlfriend thing is outdated... and I'm so exhausted... plus I got assaulted at my job as a caretaker by a member, my supervisor wants to fire me and constantly talks behind my back, and i have no one close who i can talk to... today I turned in my notice... my supervisor said "fantastic" and "talk to you later" in a clearly sarcastic and vindictive manner... im struggling with a lot... yesterday was my last day... and... everything feels... just... wrong... With my harm ocd hitting full swing... i find myself triggered by my pocd again... and i feel like a horrible person... i tried not to post... i tried to do what people told me... but right now i feel absolutely horrible... I genuinely feel so guilty... I cant handle the anxiety... Im doing horribly right now because I feel so so guilty about this... Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p3dophilic activity and inappropriately abusing and inappropriately messaging women and minors and abusing others and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... and that I'll be cancelled and arrested later in life because of all of this... I have genuinely never felt more alone in my life than this particular moment right here... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... (the 18+ HOCD situations were about 18+ graphic HOCD situations that triggered me immensely...) When I was 19, in an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person because of politics... I vented to her a second time because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I'm so genuinely triggered... I don't want to be a P or a MAP or a groomer or a bad person... I wanna be a good person who does good things for other people... I dont want to be arrested for any crimes... I just want to be a good person who helps people in the medical field... I only want to help others... the last thing I want is to commit any form of harm towards kids or teens in any way... 😭😭😭 And I keep getting intrusive thoughts of calling the 14-15 year old "cute" with her saying "thanks" on text... I genuinely find this so awful and disgusting...

This is my first time reaching out for support on this in an honest manner, I'm in my 20s and I'm only just starting to receive psychiatric support the past few months, but it’s been slow on any diagnoses for any of my concerns. I have a loved one (a QPP) in the hospital, and he has called me everyday. Today, he asked a favor of me to get another number for him from a friend, and then told me he was going to sleep. Afterwards, I found out he got the number from someone else right after.. my mind is going to the worst, but now that I'm in my adulthood & more educated, I feel like this might be a compulsion. Could it be? In our teens I would do this alot, I would always feel like he is "lying" to me and I realize now I may be making a bigger deal of something than it needs to be, even though it feels so distressing and worrisome.. I am realizing now maybe I shouldn't bring it up, that I could be seeking reassurance from him to encourage that compulsion, even though it would make me feel better for him to "fix it." Please help me identify this habit if you can.

Well for starters everything is kinda confusing me to me about my ocd. I think I suffer with every subtype, I love this app because it’s nice to see all this advice and learn things I didn’t know but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t confused by all the different opinions also. I severely struggle with religion (I’m Christian) and I’m sure I blasphemed god unintentionally out loud, it came out wrong I panicked and repented and asked for forgiveness. But I don’t know if anyone else has this but it’s almost like ocd just intercepted when I was talking and thinking? Like I was trying to say something but it’s almost like my brain froze or slowed down and then I basically said something blasphemous? It’s hard to explain unfortunately :( I already know that I’m going to hell and it panics me when people say “as long as you don’t say it out loud your okay” because there right I think, but the thing is I had religion forced onto me and now I can’t really ease from it, I’ve always prayed and believed in god but never religious. I’m obviously not a good Christian since I’m messing up a lot and I just blasphemed out loud and I can’t really reverse the effects it’s gonna do on my afterlife and it doesn’t help I have nightmares of getting locked out of heaven or going to hell, does anyone have any advice or opinions on a newcomer with OCD? :(

I have never been diagnosed with OCD but when things aren’t put away or things look and feel messy and dirty it send me into an angry and stressed state and this has only been within the last 5 years. I have gone to the doctors and explained everything to them and no diagnosis and they dismissed me. Everyone says I have it but I’m not too sure. Is this OCD? If so how can I avoid getting angry and frustrated towards my partner when things are messy and things aren’t put away in the right places?

Just popping in, it’s been a really rough 2 weeks for me. OCD is raging. Context: one of my main compulsions is confessing & reassurance seeking. Bc of this combo, talking / opening up to others about my obsessions can be tricky, bc there’s a fine line till it turns into me seeking reassurance :/ I’m feeling very lonely lately, I’ve been reading many posts on here about everyone dealing with their things. Thought someone might relate to how I’m feeling… the loneliness, the wishing it would just stop. The Not wanting to be the “mentally ill friend” so I don’t tell people what I’m dealing with But then I have no one when it gets bad. Just a silent battle. As we know some weeks are better than others. Hope anyone that’s reading this is okay <3

Long silence, then crying over something trivial🌷.

i feel like i have always been hyper focused? ig on like if people think im attractive. i have a bf so it makes me feel horrible like it makes me feel like iw ant to impress. and i mean i like when girls think im pretty too but since im not attracted to girls, my ocd does not focus on it. its the guys it focuses on. like i dont really act and try to get attention purposefully, like i dont dress up for men, but when i post a selfie where i look pretty i always feel like i am posting it for people to find me attractive. like if a guy likes the pic for some reason i feel good ab myself? also one time years ago i was in a gc w my female friend and her guy friend and i was out thrift shopping and i sent a mirror pic of myself. and at the time i didnt have ocd as bad but i was like you just wanna send that so he can see ur attractive but i kept telling myself “no thats not it idc if he does i have a bf” but i feel like i lied to myself bc i didnt want that to be true bc when i was single i did seek validation. but like if a guy ever messaged me to hit on me i never entertained it to get attention. and ive never like asked guys while in a relationship if theh thought i was attravtive or tried to get them to say it. its more so it feel like i want them to “think” it not actually say anything, cus if they did i would reject them.but then again one time i posted a tiktok i looked good and i was looking at the likes and i feel like i was specifically looking for the likes from guys or noticed the ones from guys more. ik im not a cheater or anything as i have never cheated. basically i just hope this doesnt mean i seek validation or attention because your partner’s validation anf attention shoulf be enough. does anybody relate?

I spoke to my therapist yesterday like I mentioned in past posts, I was unable to complete the testing but got the majority of the way through it. From what I've gathered, my therapist believes my symptoms are CPTSD and that a diagnosis of OCD would be a disservice to me as the treatment would only be beneficial in the short term. I do not think I agree with him. I do not have trauma surrounding every obsession I have, not even most of them. I can understand his logic behind some of them, but not all. He also seems to have ignored certain obsessions, focusing only on contamination and health related obsessions, and ignoring somatic obsessions/compulsions which are the ones that bring me the most distress and take up most of my time, which I emphasized to him. I understand CPTSD is complex and can show up as many things, and I do not disagree that that may be part of my mental health challenges, but I found his logic dismissive and wonder if I should seek a second opinion from someone who specializes in OCD.

When you get this badge NOCD invites you to look back on the changes you’ve noticed on your recovery journey and share them with our community. I want to share some things I’ve learned. I guess the change I want to share is I’ve done and am doing the hard things and can offer advice now rather than feeling hopeless alone scared and lost. I’m glad I’m still here if I’m brutally honest because at first I didn’t know what was going on and just knew I couldn’t continue to live like that. So thank you me, NOCD, this community, my wife and daughter, etc. First, you’re the expert on you - you’re the only one inside your body who knows what’s going on inside you - so advocate for yourself. I know trusting yourself at first feels impossible and with OCD is more complicated but it is a process so as you grow more confident know that you can change your therapist by contacting member advocates, your hierarchy - talk with your therapist, seek recovery information in support groups etc, medication under a provider’s guidance may need adjusting too. I thought these things were set in stone for a while but they’re dynamic and can change throughout the process just like you do. Second, when you reach conqueror status you’re going to have a lot of feelings and questions about it. For instance, I think we’re afraid sometimes to say feeling nervous about a big change is normal because we care about and don’t want to reassure each other. However I think it’s not ocd when it’s a normal thing to be nervous about, it’s human and it is a big change. OCD can latch onto it like anything else but being nervous isn’t always OCD. Remember to live in the gray not black and white. Third, living the B- (good enough not OCD perfect) ERP lifestyle is good for future you and to continue all the progress you’re making here. So when it gets hard ask yourself “is it worth facing the fear for you?” And I hope that answer is yes. I have come to think of it as a way of taking care of myself now as weird as it sounds (facing the fear). And therapists don’t all get trained in ACT but utilize the blog posts here like: https://www.treatmyocd.com/search/Value Because in my opinion ERP in it’s own without the values over fears piece is like climbing Mt. Everest without any climbing gear or a coat. Find your why for doing ERP. it helps you choose your values over your fears on those really tough daeys It’s been hard 2 take in this badge. I know it’s an accomplishment and I’m proud of myself. The reality is I’m having a bit of a spike this week so of course OCD has something to say about the truth and validity of this. It’s a little hard to take in also because I’m getting used to a new autism adhd late diagnosis and life stresses. But to myself and all of us I want to say congrats and keep up doing the hard work! “It’s a beautiful day to do hard things.” (Kimberly Quinlan) and like I learned from Mackenzie and Alex in support groups “you got this.”

My OCD has been horrible lately because I dropped out of college (it was a field I didn't want to be involved in anymore, and I burned out) and had to move back home after 8 years of barely surviving (I moved out at 16, which was a bad idea to begin with but I digress). One of my biggest themes is independence and doing things perfectly, so you can imagine how triggering my situation is. I'm slowly easing into taking university courses online at the moment and education is another theme of mine, so even more triggers there. I think I'm getting better at identifying thought loops, detaching from them and accepting uncertainty (or in my case imperfection and unpreparedness). Even if it's uncomfortable and scary I don't want to keep letting ocd control me. It burned me out once, I don't want it to happen again. The OCD has been so severe for about two-three years now where I get awful muscle cramps and heart palpitations from it. Even if I can disengage from the thought cycles I often end up with excruciating pain in my arms, shoulders and sometimes my legs. Sometimes it even turns into groinal responses and I start having stabbing pain in that area. The only way to make it stop for me is to fully uproot myself and go lay down in bed. I was just playing some games at my desk, trying my best to "I don't care" all the thought loops that kept popping up + gently focus on the game instead of whatever nonsense my brain was recycling. I managed pretty well all things considered, but the muscle tension took me out. If anyone has any advice on managing muscle tension in particular, I'd like to hear.

Hello friends! I am having a rough day today anticipating my therapy session because we have had about a week since my last on and I have not done any exposures in that time. I’m feeling very disappointed in myself and afraid of my therapist being disappointed too. There was nothing all that different about this week and making time for exposures has always been hard for me. Contrary to the OCD stereotype, I have very little self-imposed routine, either healthy or unhealthy. My days are structured almost entirely by external factors like work and seeing my fiance daily. Even my bedtime and wake up times are inconsistent and messy at best. I don’t know if that is caused by OCD or if I have other things affecting me, but not doing the things I intend to do (like exposures or other things that take effort and focus) makes me feel really down about myself. I want to know if anyone else has this issue and how you overcome it. I struggle a lot with doing tasks without stimulation (Youtube/TV) or external pressure, even simple things like getting ready for bed. I would love any advice you all can give on this!

I keep having intrusive thoughts about my sexuality even though I know I’m attracted to boys and I love my boyfriend. My mind gets stuck in loops like “Do I like girls? No, I like boys,” and sometimes I feel like I have to say the opposite thought in my head just to test my reaction. If I accidentally think the wrong word or the thought runs automatically, I panic and feel like it must mean something. I notice heavy chest feelings, lightheaded feelings, weird calm feelings, or less panic than before, and then I overthink that too. I start wondering if not panicking means I secretly agree or if I’m in denial. Even when I know deep down I’m not into girls and just think some girls are pretty or cool, my brain keeps trying to turn it into doubt. Sometimes the thoughts happen during good moments, like when I feel happy with my boyfriend, and it ruins the moment. I’ve even had dreams where I was testing myself. It feels like my brain is constantly checking, repeating, and trying to force certainty, and it’s exhausting. I want help stopping the mental checking, reassurance seeking, and intrusive thought loops because it makes everything feel real even when it doesn’t feel like me.