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I have harm ocd and I have found the exposures like just literally sitting with uncertainty is soooo uncomfortable! Anyone else deal with this?! Will it ever get more comfortable to sit with these awful feelings?

I recently got broken up with, this has been my 4th brake up this year with the same person I've been with for 3 years, I've my time of being with her I was cheated on about 4 times and we brake up but she be the on leaving me I wouldn't brake up I'd try to get to understand why and comfort her, I felt I knew she loved me and jjstvwas action out out of trama from transitioning MTF and from her past partner cheating on her, and bc if this it really made me obsesse over her an what she was doing and constantly checking my social medias for annomanouse txt form people I didn't know and checking her fallowing or her PC to get on her discord,bc of then it course me a lot of pain, there be times I find nothing and felt I should just trust her and so I'd let my gard down bc everything was good when then I'd feel it's all too good to be true and that something going to go wrong and it got the point she found out I www on her PC and she changed passwords for that and her phone and told me I just wanted to manipulation and control her when I'd ask her to not talk to someone or tell her I didn't want her friends with someone she talk to like that (as in flirty) and I couldn't understand why she wouldn't respect mento block people I didn't like her taking to but I'd do it for her instantly and the resin she does it would go back to when I wouldn't block my ex before her bc her bills were in my name and we had to stay in contact to pay those bills,and I later block her once we got that situation taken care of so it shouldnt have kept being a issue to her after, and when we have fights and she say we can't fix the relationship and she always blame me saying I always lied and was a bad partner bc I was a lier but I lied once over hanging out with a friend and she lied a bunch and cheated a lot so it hard bc I felt like I was the problem like I was always fucking up an so I'd be careful tip toe around and find ways to coap but it was all in healthy tell I decided I'd go back to art and drawing again bc it was hard to when my art wasn't appreciated at all and she choose to appreciate the girl I told her to block art over mine and it made me so jealouse and hateful over her art thinking it was bad when I believe all art forms are good but bc I grew to hate so many random girl I just couldn't help my self butbid always keep the thoughts to my self and it made me feel like such a bad person and like people will find out I'm actually a bad person when I don't feel like i am and when I'd slip up and decide to be mean to my partner now ex she call me a bad person when I was just givjng her the same passive aggressive treatment and tone she give me It's all hard and I miss her but I feel also happy I'm not there anymore bc she really didn't treat me well and now I don't have to worry about if I'm going to upset her from me interrupting for me forgetting to change my tone for me blanking out or dissociating, but I still feel lonely and like I want the cute relationship stuff but I also don't feel ready for the emotal parts of a relationship so I've avoided trying to get to close to people or downloading apps bc I want to for once focus on me.

I feel so stupid when I get this way but I have a friend (best word for it, more like an acquaintance) that I sort of have a crush on (eww gross I know) and I introduce them to one of my best friends and now they’ve befriend each other. My best friend doesn’t know I like this acquaintance, nor does the acquaintance know that I like them and they do not like me, so I have absolutely no claim to them or right in feeling however I do but often find myself feeling jealous when they talk to each other. It doesn’t seem that they’re interested in each other either, but sometimes I worry, but it doesn’t matter because me and said acquaintance have no romantic involvement whatsoever so I really shouldn’t be having these feelings. I think I’m a bit obsessive and possessive and there’s no reason to be, we’re not a thing and never will be. I feel this way when said acquaintance interacts with virtually anyone else who could be of potential romantic interest to them. How to stop feeling jealous?

Anyone else’s SO-OCD just super sticky? Like I’m so tired of thinking about it. I’ve already told my head that I’m staying in my relationship regardless, and I’ve done the “maybe, maybe not” but it’s just trying to beat it to the front of my head. Makes me then worry that’s it’s real if it’s this persistent and strong!

Looking for advice on how to handle in a healthy way something that I just realized has become a miner obsession. I was diagnosed with OCD a month ago, which came as a complete shock to me. During the diagnosis when I was supposed to think of names of people I could turn to in a crisis, only one name came easily, Laura. Ironically, I have received massive support from two people I didn’t anticipate being supportive: my husband and a coworker, whom I reluctantly included on my emergency plan. But Laura has not been supportive in the way I had hoped. We’ve always discussed life’s big and small problems with mutual support, but I masked my worst OCD worries, so she really didn’t know what I was going through. But now she seems disinterested. I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive because of ROCD (one of several themes I have), or if she’s just so unaware about OCD that she doesn’t realize how big this is. Whenever I mention it, she sounds bored. The. She switched topic to something minor in comparison. I don’t expect the conversation to be all about me, but I want to feel heard. Last week she was texting me about a relative whom she suspects is autistic, saying “that means navigating life for her is harder than for you or me.” Now, is she had said “most people” instead of you or me, I would have agreed. I have close family members/friends who are autistic and am very familiar with the struggle. But specifically comparing that to my struggles triggered me. I responded with “I know you weren’t trying to minimize my experience, but hearing ‘she has a harder time navigating life than you or me’ was unexpectedly painful for me. OCD has actually affected almost every part of my life in ways most people haven’t seen.” She accepted what I said, saying that since I looked normal people assume I am. The. As I was Sharing statistics about OCD, she turned the conversation to a movie about Alzheimer’s. 🤷🏻‍♀️ We talk every Sunday morning. I told my husband our conversations are getting more awkward as she doesn’t seem interested in my OCD, and that’s such an overwhelming part of my life that I struggle to think of anything to tal about. So now, how to handle this in a healthy way: 1. Keep going as I have been, mentioning my OCD in conversation but also trying to think of other things to talk about? 2. Confront her on how I feel about her lack of support and suggest she learn more about OCD? 3. Tell her I need to cancel our weekly phone calls until I move past this initial overwhelm with my OCD diagnosis? We’re scheduled to talk in about 90 minutes.

I did my ERP assignment which is reading without rereading and looking at the space before the first word to make sure I am starting from the beginning and also the space after the last word of the line to make sure I got everything before going to the next line. I think I misinterpreted information because I didn't read something twice. At first I thought it was ok but started experiencing symptoms of anxiety from the doubt. Now I am convinced from the anxiety and doubt that I misinterpreted it and have high anxiety almost to a panic. I don't know how to process this and move on. The anxiety won't go away until I resolve this. I don't totally understand ERP yet and how you can just deal with the uncertainty and move on. Not happy with my therapist right now because he cancelled too much. He knows that this theme is a 90 SUD score. I don't know what to do? Does anyone have this problem and could help? I took a Klonopin to relax; I went to sleep for a little and woke up in a slight panic. Coincidentally the anxiety followed me into my dream before waking up and taking a Klonopin to get rid of some of the symptoms. Please any advice.

Hi, I’m new to knowing about OCD and what it truly is. I think i have ROCD or relationship OCD. Last night I got into a panic attack because I thought my boyfriend used to be porn addicted. He wasn’t but he didn’t immediately reassure me. And then he didn’t know I needed it and I got into a loop. And then it like hurt in my chest and i genuinely felt so mad and all I could think abt was him doing it. And watching other women naked and master baiting to it. And thinking abt it over and over again made me break down and I cried until I had a panic attack. I’ve had other break downs about thoughts of my boyfriend going to a strip club. He said he doesn’t think it’s cheating and he doubles down on it. But how could he think it isn’t! And it goes in my head over and over and over again. Why doesn’t he? Does he wanna go? If he ever did would he think it isn’t cheating?? And no matter how much he reassures me it makes no difference. My boyfriend is always reassuring me and it never works. Only for a little while and then the thoughts come back and it loops and grips onto my brain. And it won’t stop. I lose sleep at night because of it. And when I was a kid I did too. I would lose sleep thinking abt getting kidnapped or raped or murdered. I still do sometimes. I had to move rooms my freshmen year from basement to upstairs where everyone is so I was safe and didn’t get kidnapped or if there was a fire I wouldn’t die in a fire. With my relationship OCD I also need a certain amount of reassurance until it feels right. Like he has to kiss me a certain amount of times. And say I love u until it feels right. And if he doesn’t it feels like it has to happen. And that something bad will happen. And with my thoughts I feel like I have to constantly ask my boyfriend if what I think is true. And for him to say it isn’t and to reassure me. I also because of this get constant thoughts that I’m unfit for this relationship and that I need to leave him because this isn’t fair to him. And it won’t stop! I know it isn’t true but it’s starting to feel like it is. Because why should he have to deal with this when I get so upset over so many little things he can’t control. I get so upset over things that happened before we got together that are just human nature but it feels heartbreaking and I keep seeing it in my mind and it loops over and over again and it ruins happy moments for me. I don’t know if any of this or none of this means I have it. But if I’m being honest it’s impacting my life more than I would like it to. And it takes my brain over and my bad days are too bad. And it’s impacting my relationships and how I treat my boyfriend just because of my thoughts. I don’t know what to do. If u think I have it please tell me. And what I can do to help me. It’s taking over my life and it’s becoming unmanageable.

I analyze every feeling i feel and im so tired of it. Really. Im so envious about others who can experience feelings of love, crushes etc. There is this one men and i finally started to feel a bit normal, like myself, i thought that maybe im in love or maybe it’s a crush because i felt intense feelings. Anyway….it can be only a platonic love. But why am I so scared to call it platonic? Im scared that lesbians can love men in platonic way. That this sign is not enough to prove me that im straight. I have a lot of stuff on my heart. I mean why my ocd is stuck on these things about relationships, love, feelings, sexual orientation😞😞 i dont want to be with girls. But still it always makes me believe that im just a lesbian who is forcing themself to love men? Im tired. I feel like somehow im envious of those women who can normally fall for men. I have to analyze every feeling. Everything. And why one day i feel like a normal straight women and next day i feel like the biggest lesbian in denial? One day i have such a strong sexual imaginations with guys, even my body reacts to it….and next day i feel nothing. Like im not interested in men. Why is this…

For the past few years I’ve been struggling with an intense internal conflict surrounding my sexuality, identity, attraction patterns, and my relationship. What began as occasional doubts turned into constant overthinking, emotional checking, fear, guilt, and confusion that now affects how I experience both myself and my partner. A major turning point was a series of recurring dreams involving women that felt emotionally significant, almost like an “awakening” or subconscious revelation. Even though the dreams themselves were not always deeply sexual or romantic, they made me fear that I was secretly lesbian and had been unknowingly living a lie. After that, I started constantly analysing my past relationships, attraction, fantasies, and emotions looking for certainty about who I really am. I’ve realised I’ve had a repeating pattern in relationships with men. After around 2–3 years I begin losing sexual intensity and emotional excitement, feeling disconnected, uncomfortable, emotionally flat, or like something is “wrong.” Instead of understanding this as attraction fluctuation or emotional burnout, I automatically interpreted it as evidence that I must actually be lesbian. I would spiral, detach, leave, or obsess over my sexuality, only to later become attracted to another man again and repeat the cycle. At the same time, my attraction to women has always been genuine and emotionally meaningful. I dated and flirted with girls secretly as a teenager because my Christian family would not have accepted it. Attraction to women often feels more emotionally intense, exciting, emotionally charged, or like “fireworks,” whereas attraction to men has generally felt more stable, grounding, emotionally safe, and consistent — but less intense. I’ve had over 100 experiences with boys/men and often moved quickly from one relationship to another, rarely staying single long. During long-term relationships with men I sometimes downloaded lesbian dating apps or flirted with women, which later became “evidence” my brain used against me during periods of doubt. My current relationship has complicated everything further. My boyfriend is 11 years older, has a lower sex drive, rarely pursues me sexually, and we only have sex around once a month. Over time the relationship became emotionally safe but lower in erotic energy, novelty, and excitement. Because I seem highly responsive to intensity, desire, pursuit, and emotional charge, attraction toward women became associated with novelty and excitement while my relationship became associated with pressure, guilt, emotional monitoring, and fear. Now I constantly monitor my feelings toward my partner. If I don’t immediately feel romance, desire, or warmth when he touches me, my brain interprets it as proof that I no longer love him or that I’m secretly gay. I often feel emotionally numb, disconnected, avoidant, guilty, and terrified that I’m deceiving him. At the same time, when we actually do have sex, it usually feels genuinely good and connected, which makes it difficult to believe my attraction to men was never real. I strongly relate to concepts like bisexuality, “bi-cycles,” Relationship OCD (ROCD), and Sexual Orientation OCD (SO-OCD), especially the compulsive checking, fear of uncertainty, mental auditing of the past, and constant need for certainty about my sexuality. Learning about attraction fluctuation and obsessive thought loops gave me temporary relief because it helped me realise attraction is not always stable, equal, or emotionally loud across genders.

18+ only I keep having groinals after seeing things I feel like I have to report (Like a minute or so after), for example, someone was calling out One Piece's massive problem with s*xualising characters that shouldn't be s*xualised and they posted an example but it was really disturbing and borderline really bad from what I saw for a split second before reporting it because even though they meant well, I felt their point could've been made without having the image there. Sometimes, I'll be on the toilet and scrolling on my phone, sometimes looking for something safe, sometimes just browsing social media, and I'll be itching or have my hand near my privates or be stretching my f*reskin because it gets tight and it helps with it and I'll see something normal like a meme or something with a kid and like quickly whip my hand away even though I wasn't do anything wrong and OCD has twisted this into me doing something horrible and sometimes this happens during a checking compulsion looking for something safe (Again nothing bad obviously) and I'd freak out and it'd just reinforce the compulsion. And sometimes if I've made sure someone is safe, my hand will start the m*sturbation/checking compulsion without me wanting to and doesn't stop when I want it to, it's never happened with anything bad but things I'm personally against (step-fantasy stuff or titles having the word teen 🤮🤮🤮 sidenote but it's insane that's allowed) would be overlayed on the screen or just people I haven't/hadn't cleared due to a bug that was just permanent when you exited full screen. Sometimes I'll randomly do the thing of stretching my f*reskin involuntarily when doing the ya know compulsion even though it's not a s*xual thing and OCD is messing with me. Maybe it's a compulsion but I don't know why, it doesn't alliviate any anxiety or anything I also have to repeat if I accidentally brush my privates or any weird body things. I clench my toes pretty often and sometimes it tenses my privates too. Or constantly looking at people inappropriately without wanting to like someone was rightfully calling out Lolita and Lolita aesthetic and someone posted examples (Nothing bad) but I saw that one of them had like the Tumblr caption/tags and needed to read them and then accidentally looked at them inappropriately and I hate it so much. Or just seeing entirely normal ads with kids and freaking out about them and it sucks. One thing that popped into my head just now was that I keep learning just how evil people I thought were trustworthy were, I remember a lot of people s*xualising the characters from Resident Evil Village, especially the tall lady and her daughters and I got reminded of this seeing someone play resident evil and now I'm terrified that they shouldn't have been s*xualised and I unknowingly did something wrong, the consensus seems to be the daughters are 19-23 but I'm scared that's not true because some random website said otherwise although they've got a lot of things wrong and mentioned concept art that doesn't exist so I don't think they're trustworthy but I think I thought the characters were adults at the time and now I'm scared that I was wrong even though they look like adults but what if I was wrong? (This wasn't recent, I'm freaking out something that happened a while ago, as with most of this stuff it's just popping back into my head now) Does anyone have similar experiences?

Ok gang, I’m calling all and any that can help. I have so-ocd, 29 now, started at 11-12? But I’m having a really hard time of catching compulsions My thought process will go something like this. “You’re gay” Me- ok maybe maybe not “See your in denial” Me- well ok, then i start thinking about the proof that proves to my feared outcome of gay Then i go back and forth about things that point to both, In really having a hard time cutting compulsions and being present for my fiancee She is very supportive but.. i need help thanks!

First post on here in a long time. I’ve been doing really good with my OCD after a couple years where it’s been bad. The last time I was done here was 2021 when I was struggling with my religious OCD. I remember feeling really scared and feeling really panicked but after many life events that occurred, I’ve been able to beat it and my relationship with God has become peaceful and I am proud to say I am no longer a sufferer from religious OCD. However, I now struggle with relationship OCD ironically enough. I have this issue where I’m scared I make my girlfriend feel bad by accidentally saying something “bad” and that she’s gonna get tired of me because of it or because of all my frequent apologies and reassurance seeking. I also get scared of the idea that my OCD is ruining my relationship or that i’m just ruining it in general even though I know logically there’s no signs of it and she’s even told me that she loves me so much and understands me and validates my pain. She’s even told me that I can’t ruin the relationship and when I have episodes like this she just wants me to be okay and she gives me a space to struggle and gives me compassion and care and is a really great girlfriend. We kind of have a complicated history with some traumatic moments that I won’t get into that also is a reason why I worry so its kinda hard to juggle the two truths now of who she was before to who she is now which also is making this a little harder. Sometimes when I bring those things up about the things she did, I worry that it makes her feel bad and that it’ll make her leave me too but I never try to bring it up in a blamey context but more in a healthy conversation once in a while context, but sometimes i get really emotional talking about it which makes me afraid that me crying about it will put her off and hate me or feel like we shouldn’t be together. It’s just a big mess inside my head really. It’s like a big mix of trauma and OCD together that has created a hypersensitive monster in my head. She understands my OCD and my mental health struggles because she is Bipolar as well and has been healthy after taking medication but I’ve been struggling because i’ve been unmedicated for years and I can’t afford medicine. My OCD is not debilitating to the point where it was years ago when I struggled with Scrupulosity, but this still bothers me a lot and makes me have bad brain fog and anxiety. Our relationship has been very peaceful as of recently and has been making me really happy and she’s been really happy too, but my brain is ALWAYS trying to make me hyper vigilant and be on the look out of maybe something bad is gonna happen and that I can never get too comfortable and it makes me never be able to enjoy her in the present moment which makes me feel worse. She has been a anchor for me during my OCD and she’s been here through everything but I guess i’m just scared it’s gonna get to a point and she’s gonna leave and that it’s gonna be my fault and that i’m ruining everything with this. What can I do to let go of the uncertainty and anxiety? And what can I do to have peace? Has anyone else experienced something like this? How do you cope and how can I let go of that feeling that i’m ruining everything and that she’s gonna leave or do something bad or that she secretly hates me and wants to leave me? Any advice would be great.

Before I started this journey, it was horrible. The lowest I have ever felt in my life. In a short few months, NOCD has made me realize I have the strength to overcome the bully that is OCD. There are still days that are hard, but I think back on what I was like before and I smile because I see the improvement. Everyday is a battle and it gets tiring, but you can take your life back. Whether you are in NOCD therapy or not, I believe that you can make it. Patience and self compassion will be your best friend throughout this journey. If you fight the voice inside your head saying you can’t do it, there is nothing you can’t do! OCD HAS NOTHING ON US!!

I’m stronger than I would have ever imagined. My relationship with OCD (relationship OCD to be specific) is so much better, and I am getting to learn who I am all over again. I am a better friend to myself and others. I feel much more authentic. This is how I was able to do it: I committed to doing my exposures for 21 days, and it definitely had a large impact on my journey in becoming an OCD conqueror. I also attended session twice a week for an hour. Additionally, I am on Lexapro 10mg. This did not help me with anxiety much, but it definitely helped with my mood and happiness.

Currently experiencing an episode that was triggered by a panic attack, that was triggered by an intrusive thought. I have this intense fear that I’m going to go crazy mentally and lose my mind and like hurt someone I love from me going crazy. I fear that’s gonna happen and that I’m just going to lose everything. It’s even worse because im a mom so that ignites my mental compulsion even more. It also kinda saddens me, i cant believe i even have such a silly fear that consumes so much of my thoughts…

I have been with my partner for 12 years, and we have a fantastic kid together. We bought a house and moved cross-country almost 2 years ago, and my partner switched careers and doesn’t make enough money to contribute. In that time, I’ve been working myself to the bone to make ends meet and begging my partner to find something more lucrative. He keeps saying he’ll do something to contribute more financially but he doesn’t. He’s a great partner in other ways but I can’t stop thinking about everything he is and does that I don’t like. Hyper-fixating on his flaws like he’s not as smart as me, he doesn’t make enough money, he doesn’t do enough around the house, he’s on his phone too much, he doesn’t cook healthy meals, he’s too lax with screen time rules with our son, etc and so on. It feels awful all the time, and has been this way since we moved. I’m miserable. But is this ROCD or should I actually leave someone who doesn’t pull their weight? I can’t imagine leaving and upsetting my kid like that but I feel like I’m dying in a life I hate with a person who doesn’t respect me enough to change. Is this true ROCD? Or have I convinced myself I’m crazy when I’m not the problem? I genuinely can’t tell.

I’ve been struggling with rocd since I started dating my boyfriend I love him more then anything but recently my ocd has developed a new theme wich is me having to dig up anything from my past (old friendships) (past relationships) and tell him about ever past convo I had with a guy friend or a guy I’ve had a convo with well we were dating or any mistake I’ve made and if I don’t tell him I’m convinced I’m a liar or a cheater and then feel horrible guilt everytime he says he loves me and I carry this immense sense of guilt that won’t go away till I tell him. Today I told him about a past incident that was like 2 weeks into us dating(we have now been dating for 4 months) and I keep feeling like I didn’t tell him the full story and I’m a liar and a cheater i keep trying to rember every detail and feel horrible that I am now remembering things and not telling him even though he constantly reassures me that I’m not but I’ve been sitting here for hours with that immense sense of guilt but I have nothing to bring up to tell him so I cannot feed my compulsion and it’s so hard I just want to know it it ever gets easier

How do I read the Bible in depth? I feel like I don’t know how to have deep understanding and idk if it’s cuz I don’t spend enough time with Him or I’m not understanding but some people just know and can feel God so close to them then I worry I don’t know enough and I know there’s a lot of deep spiritual stuff that’s happening in the Bible and the Bible should be our first source but all the world stage things and everything has a deeper meaning but then in the Bible idk how to correlate and you would think that it would be easier to if u are awake and have ocd. Does anyone else struggle with this?

From when I was younger, I always labeled boys as crushes. It wasn’t like I was just doing it because I felt like I had to, at least it didn’t feel that way. I would get excited to see them, nervous around them, and I wanted them to think I was pretty or funny. A lot of the guys I liked were confident, funny, or had that kind of personality that made them stand out to me. Sometimes other people would think a guy was weird or not cute, but I would still like him because I liked his confidence or the way he could light up a room. I would want his attention and I would feel something when he noticed me. As I got older, I still liked boys and liked flirting with them. I kissed boys at parties and sometimes it was fun. But I also noticed that when a guy liked me too much, got too clingy, or gave me the ick, I would pull away. Sometimes I would think I could do better or I would pick apart things about them. But then if they moved on, I would miss them or feel jealous. There were guys I wanted attention from, like I would get nervous to see them out, want to run into them, and show my friends or my mom because I thought they were cute. So there has been real excitement with men, but also a pattern where I can pull away, get grossed out, or start questioning everything once it feels too close. With my boyfriend, it feels different because there is history and comfort. I have known him for a long time and we were on and off before we actually dated. When we first kissed, it felt good, but then when he got too clingy I pulled away. When he ghosted me and got popular and started getting with another girl, I was really heartbroken and jealous. I wanted him to see me again and I wanted to prove I was good enough. Then later we ended up dating, and we have been together for years. With him, I feel safe and comfortable, almost like family but also not just family. We hang out, cuddle, watch stuff, laugh, and I miss him when I can’t see him. When we are good, I want to talk to him all the time and be around him. There are times where I think he is hot or funny, and there are times where thinking about marrying him one day makes me more turned on. We have sex, and a lot of the time I am into it, I get wet, I orgasm, and I can be focused on him, kissing him, looking at him, or how it feels with him. Sometimes I have responsive desire, where I may not feel super into it at first but then once kissing starts I get into it and want it. But with him, it also goes up and down. Some days I feel like I love him and want to marry him, and other days I feel neutral or like I don’t want anything to do with him. Sometimes I get the ick from things like bad breath, facial hair, or just random things about men. Sometimes when he expresses love or wants me too much, I feel weird or uncomfortable and I don’t know why. Sometimes I feel like I have to remind myself that I love him or that he is my person, and then I feel more attracted again. I also worry sometimes that I am only with him because he is familiar, or because he is comfortable, or because I am scared of losing what we have. But at the same time, the relationship has had real feelings, real attachment, jealousy, comfort, sexual moments, and wanting him in my life. With women, the feelings are more confusing and sometimes stronger in my body and most of the time it causes panic. I notice women’s bodies more easily sometimes, especially boobs, butts, waists, or lesbian sex. Lesbian porn or fantasies can turn me on faster and stronger than thoughts about men, and sometimes the orgasms feel stronger too. Sometimes it feels like I can imagine what it would feel like with a girl, like grinding or being touched by a woman, and my body reacts really intensely. Like for example I was watching lesbian porn ribbing and was getting really aroused. But it was stressful because I don't want to be that but I felt like I was sorta enjoying it cause the arousal and orgasms were really strong. Like I wish I could feel that strong of arousal for men porn or fantasies. Idk if this is from fear or adrenaline. Sometimes I feel frustrated that I react that way, but the frustration itself can make the arousal even stronger, and then I keep going because it feels good even though it also scares or confuses me after. Like I want to be straight and I'm okay with being a little bit like with a preference for men. But being bi with a preference for women or lesbian scares me. Like I don't want to feel this but like arousal itself feels good. I also feel warm and emotionally close with female friends. Sometimes hugging them, being around them, or getting affection from them feels intense in my body of just excitement. Sometimes making a new female friend feels exciting, almost like a crush feeling when making a new friend but it's not a crush, even if I don’t know what it means. I can feel drawn to the way certain girls talk, act, look, or carry themselves but then that makes me scared because idk if that's admiration or attraction or maybe false attraction. Sometimes I feel like women feel more real or easier to connect to emotionally cause like my female friends. I also notice that I can feel more excited around girl friends than around my boyfriend only sometimes, but I don’t know if that is attraction, friendship, comparison, comfort, or just the way I am with girls. So overall, I have felt real things for men. I have had crushes, nerves, jealousy, flirting, wanting attention, kissing, and wanting certain guys to notice me. With my boyfriend, I have felt comfort, love, sexual arousal, orgasms, attachment, wanting a future, and also doubt, icks, and pulling away. With women, I have felt stronger physical arousal, curiosity, emotional closeness, warmth, and reactions that feel intense and hard to understand. It all feels complicated because the feelings are not only one thing. I have had attraction and connection with men, especially my boyfriend, and I have also had strong arousal and emotional intensity around women. I'm terrified I'm a comphet lesbian, late in life lesbian, bisexual with a prefrence for women, bisexual and will develop I prefrence for women, or will get fluidity and become a lesbian.

Anyone else have a dual diagnosis of OCD and autism? I've known for years that I have OCD, but was just diagnosed last year with autism level 1. I am trying to unravel and untwist the tangled threads on my brain and just wondered if anyone else out there can relate! I'm a 53 year old female and just starting the process of therapy for OCD/autism and coming to grips with why I've always felt so different and really struggled with loneliness and isolation my whole life.