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I got prescribed hydroxyzine for anxiety recently, and I just tried it for the first time tonight. It makes me really sleepy, but I'm known to fight tiredness and the anxiety still persists. It's just frustrating. I'm already on a mood stabilizer and an atypical antipsychotic for bipolar disorder, but my anxiety is still high at points. I'm so so tired a lot of nights, but can't sleep because either thought spirals or general anxiety keeps me up. I know I've barely given it a chance, but it kinda just feels like I took a benadryl and I feel like I need to make another appointment with my psychiatrist to see about something else. I also feel like I need something that isn't just to use as needed and instead handles persistent anxiety. I can't use SSRIs, so has anyone here had good experiences with non-SSRI medications for persistent anxiety?

Today I was scrolling through Instagram reels and saw a video that briefly looked sexual to me, even though it wasn’t. I see a man and a women you know ( sorry I don’t want to give to much) and I felt a sensation that was familiar and it when me and my boyfriend were really close and intimate. While that imagine was playing while I was like also watching reels the guy and girl kept automatically switching to a girl and girl. The switch felt intrusive and unwanted, and when it happened my heart dropped and I became scared and upset. I noticed that the images felt very vivid and immersive, almost like I was “there,” and I still felt that sensation which made me worry that they meant something about me. It played in the back of my mind or when I’m like read comments , or telling myself that “I don’t like girls , I like boys “ repeatedly, and while it intrusive thought I can feel that sensation that felt familiar sensation and it makes me feel so sad and mad because was that sensation for image? And sometimes I wonder did I see the girl and guy?then i get worried if I was lying to myself and making excuses . I started questioning whether the thoughts felt like me and whether they meant I secretly wanted them, even though I didn’t want the switch to happen and it upset me when it did. Recently I’ve also noticed that I sometimes feel “normal” or emotionally flat during these thoughts instead of panicking like I used to. This confuses me because I worry that feeling normal means I secretly like the thoughts or am accepting them. I also notice that intrusive images can automatically insert girls into situations where I normally imagine my boyfriend, and I become afraid that this means my true feelings are changing. I feel confused because the thoughts and images can feel real, vivid, and personal, and sometimes my body reacts or I become hyperaware of sensations. I often question whether these reactions mean something, and I find myself worrying that I’m discovering something hidden about myself.

Hello to everyone reading, this is my first post so please bear with me. Quick brief about me: I always have struggled with anxiety and mental health. I could never figure out why I handle things a certain way and why I obsess over every little detail; past or present. Until recently my doctor had begun talking to me about OCD and how she recognizes the traits and similarities she sees in me. It made sense to finally put a word to what has been the reasoning behind the way I think. I wasn’t even sure if it was OCD at first. I thought I was just overly sensitive. I’m still trying to navigate this all. This post is long but please I hope whoever is reading this will give me a chance. Anyway, my OCD is based around the subject of health and pregnancy. Specifically, tokophobia (fear of pregnancy and childbirth) and just generalized health. It all started roughly 1 year ago. I was diagnosed with a pituitary macroadenoma. A non-cancerous tumor of the pituitary gland. After of not having a period for a year I was able to seek treatment however I was under the care of a doctor who was inexperienced with my condition. As I began to take medication to shrink this tumor without the use of radiation or chemotherapy, I started to slowly get my period back. I would like to preface that I was deemed infertile throughout the duration of this who process. My sexual life had remained intact with my fiancee and all seemed to be ok. The only problem was my doctor did not tell me I would eventually become fertile again. I was prescribed a horrible birth control that was too much for me to handle (my body does not respond well to added hormones) needless to say I will admit I was at fault for keeping up with them. I was never instructed on how to protect myself. After one event I found out I was pregnant. After tears, yelling and screaming from my Mom; she supported mine and my fiancee decision to terminate. My decision is as followed: 1) I have a tumor that I am trying to treat, if I continue with the pregnancy I would have to discontinue usage of my tumor medication. 2) I am struggling to find work, I have not even $10 to my name. I am supported by my mom and also my fiancee whom he barely makes minimum wage. 3) I am not healed from past trauma. I feel like I need to justify my decision only because I know termination has become such a political topic and in no way means am I trying to offend anyone. For me, I had to choose this route because I was not mentally, financially and physically fit. I would go into detail but the process was smooth yet traumatic at the same time. Flash forward to my appointment with my new endocrinologist. She had reviewed my scans during the duration of this process and during a visit she said the following: “If you continued with this pregnancy I would have had to take you off of this medication. The tumor would absolutely grow because of the pregnancy. Given the size and placement of it on the optic nerves, you would have gone blind and I would have to perform surgery to try and save your eyes.” I belive this is where it all started. Now here I am a year later. I have a new OBGYN who actually performed the procedure and placed me on an amazing birth control. This pill has actually stopped my cycle all together. I am now 1 year without a period. Which actually in a way doesn’t help my OCD. This time around I am taking it the same time everyday on the dot. I use condoms as well even though sometimes my fiancé doesn’t want to and he always pulls out minutes before he “is done”. We always try to do a “no condom time” once a month only if that makes sense? I trust the medication, I trust my doctors, and I trust my fiancé with withdrawal. I have never noticed anything inside me after these encounters. To reiterate, I take the pill same time everyday and have not missed one pill. I skip placebos and go straight into a new package. I am ware that birth control is an effective form of protection with perfect usage, that condoms are just another added form of protection. So why am I getting this fear that every time I have sex without a condoms that I will end up pregnant? I feel like I am reliving this whole nightmare. I keep obsessing over the tests so to speak. Sometimes every month, I will get a “phantom period”. I will get all the PMS symptoms such as headaches, acne flare up, bloating, nausea and slight cramping. But there is no blood on the account of the birth control pill. During these times I go into panic mode. I obsess over every little ache and pain and think “Omg this was similar to when I was pregnant…could I be?” The only way I feel like I can snap myself out of this is if I test via blood or at home. In the past couple of months I have spent well over $400 on pregnancy tests. Tests that I keep for days and days and look at everyday. I start to feel like what if the result changes past the time you’re not supposed to ready them anymore. I will get a flashlight and shine it behind the testing site and see if I can see another line. I’ll even go as far as using a magnifying glass to see if I can see anything. So far, nothing. Every single test negative. But when I’m like this I can’t stop. I want to stop but I don’t know how. My fiancé has agreed to now use condoms exclusively with the birth control; that he doesn’t care about how it feels for him he just wants me to enjoy sex and feel comfortable. Though even with the condom usage I still feel afraid and think of the “What ifs?” I never ever want to experience what I went through again. I’m afraid of pregnancy and the idea of it. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready but in the meantime I want to just heal and be me. I want to stop this obsession over tests and bloodwork. It’s hurting my finances, my relationship with my fiancé and the relationship with myself. I want to enjoy life and not worry about testing. Please, if anyone out there can relate or give me some advice I would forever be appreciative of that. I’m sorry if this triggered anyone. I don’t mean to offend anyone as well. Anyway, thank you for reading. I’m kind of a chatter box, I’m sorry this is so long.

I struggle with the same things every day and I pray before I do something like God help me not to fail or whatever and then I feel like I do. I struggle so bad with my eating I want to eat for God and be healthy and then if I eat a certain amount of the same thing then that’s a sin for going over the serving or if I had say bread for a carb and I wanted chips later I already had my carb for the day or if I just have a random snack cuz I don’t need it then it’s just mindlessly snacking and only eating when necessary. Then I had dinner tonight and I was like okay help me have self control and I did. Like I didn’t keep eating after I was full but I was pretty full then was like okay I’m done. But then a little later I was like well I kind of want another bite and I shouldn’t have. Like every day things like that I feel guilty after cuz it was my own desire. Like I didn’t need the extra piece even tho I wanted it. So now I’ve been full and feel like I can’t sleep cuz I ruminate abt this every day. But then I eat healthy but then feel like I over eat when I get full and I hate being full. But then love to eat so then I just try to be strict so that I don’t have to fall in to temptation. Does anyone else struggle with food like that? Then I will see my reels are like how to stop being in the same cycle of sin and what to do if you’re stuck and then I just spiral cuz I just can’t in my brain. Like why does my brain think everything is a sin? It must be If I always feel guilty after

Warning: Mentions of ROCD and POCD I never post here anymore because I didn’t feel the need to, but a week ago, I broke up from a relationship I should’ve let go of a while back but wasn’t ready to accept that it wasn’t working. I’ve been reflecting on how I acted in the relationship before things ended, and it has lead to painful realizations. I get intrusive thoughts of whether I’m a good person (partner), whether I’m a sexual predator, whether the love in the relationship is true or not, and when in a relationship that had forms of intimacy in it, there were more times than I could count where I just wanted my head to shut up. I know that reassurance seeking is a compulsion and I have abused that to a fault. I kept asking for reassurance about multiple things like whether she loves me, whether she felt assaulted by me, or if what I did 2 years ago would be considered cheating. She reassured me even if it didn’t help, but I craved that temporary comfort. It was to the point where I was confessing things that when misunderstood, lead to more harm than good. There were times that I said that reassurance doesn’t help me but then Id come crawl for more after. I became quite contradictory when it came how I wanted my needs to be met and other things. I didn’t fully realize that me constantly opening up, confessing, and not properly coping with my anxiety lead to emotional pressure on her end which made her exhausted. She is a human being, not an outlet for my shitty mental health. I am also an incredibly insecure and self deprecating person, which also exhausted the relationship. I gave up easily and talked down about myself alot and it’s just not a good thing to be like when being with someone who loves you, when you don’t even love yourself. I ruined so many moments this way. Dates, phone calls, intimacy, and because our mental healths clashed so much with each other I ended up confusing love for anxiety and worry. Even if I was better about these habits or had changed sooner, I know things wouldn’t have worked out. The spark between us was dying for other reasons and the relationship wasn’t working out. The guilt of my immaturity and emotional dependence has turned me into static. Not because I miss what we had, but I held onto the hope that things would change and that I could’ve been a lot better. I even have therapy but I don’t think I talked about this enough to have found a way to cope. The feeling is painful and the only times I’ve been truly happy lately is when I’m drunk as of recently. I’m not drinking constantly but it’s the only time I feel truly loosened up. I know that change is possible once I find the right coping skills and change my behavior patterns, I’m not even going to try for a relationship until I’m certain that this behavior won’t be a reoccurring issue. I became a version of myself I hated in that relationship. I have a lot to work on, but I feel hopeless right now and I just can’t forgive myself.

18+ only I was on reddit looking for something safe to the m*sturbation to but everyone kept breaking my rules and being in disgusting subreddits and I got worried about someone's account that was a year old and said they were 18 so I reported it (Didn't see anything) and then I got really scared about someone's body on redgifs and reported them to be safe and had to check their tos and got worried the site wasn't doing enough so reported the site to ofcom. At one point when I was looking at someone's instagram, I pressed back and it sent me to the home page and I saw a kid in something to do with Palestine, obviously it wasn't anything bad, it was entirely normal but it was still triggering and I had to wait 3 minutes before continuing to look for someone safe. OCD is really messing with me and saying I saw really bad things without realising and that I did nothing when I know it's not true. One person I was suspicious wasn't safe and checked their account to confirm my suspicions turned out to immediately not be safe and I reported them even though they weren't doing anything bad, just broke everyone of my rules and I got worried they were infantilising themselves. I finally got to someone I thought was safe, they weren't in any weird subreddits, they had multiple sites that require a verified age so I thought they were safe and did the compulsion but OCD is trying to tell me otherwise and I'm worried, they used the same site that's like embedded into reddit that I was worried about earlier and of course, I wasn't going to check their account there because I didn't want to go back to the site but now I'm scared they broke my rules too and put like "teen" in their tags or something despite looking like they were their late 30's I just want to be normal, I don't feel attraction, it's always just OCD messing with me and I have to shift it to something safe.

Hi! New here. 👋 This is my first post so I am nervous, but, literally everything makes me nervous so why not just nip this one in the bud. 🤣 I have severe health OCD and I’ve been in a panic flare for about a month now. Any bodily sensation/pain, numbness, tingling, lump, bruise, my brain catastrophes it as cancer, MS, ALS, stroke, tumors you name it. I was on Prozac for a long time and it helped so much that I thought the smart thing to do was to get off of it cause I was “better”(it wasn’t and I wasn’t). Now I have to get back on it and my brain is panicking about the side effects and anxiety I will have while my body gets adjusted. Anyone related to this? I’d love to speak with people who struggle along with me, I have no one in my personal life that has this. Thanks! Happy to be here!🩷

How do you know when to advocate for yourself at the dr VS when it’s just health OCD? I used to go to the hospital in college cause I’d get anxiety and think I was having a heart attack or once per month - I didn’t realize how much it was until I owed like 5k later. Earlier this week I went to urgent care cause I had a bad uti and they took a urine sample and sent it out. Feel better but now I have blood clots. The front desk told me I don’t have to worry about it since the culture was negative but I’m worried cause I’m still feel fatigued /lightheaded/dizzy and still peeing blood clots. They said to go to the ER if I’m nervous but not trying to pay thousands for them to tell me I’m fine. How do I know what’s real and what’s OCD? I also always almost pass out after a hot shower, working out (standing up too quickly ) and the dr told me I need to download a meditation app. Is that something I should try to see a diff dr for another opinion? Or is it ocd? Essentially, I can’t afford my compulsion of going to the ER lmao so maybe I’m just seeking reassurance now? Who knows lol

How am I supposed to sit with the uncertainty that I might have done a terrible thing? How am I supposed to sit with the uncertainty that I might lose everything I care about in my life? What do I actually do? I know I’m now supposed to get reassurance but if I could figure out this one event and see what I actually did then I think would be free from OCD. Any tips?

I had a Christian ocd coaching/anxiety the other day but I feel bad cuz I feel like I’m searching and searching for answers if the same questions I have but when I should really look in the Bible and I’m looking to all other sources for help cuz I feel like no one truly understands my topics like they do but I feel like so heavy about them that they must be true and that you only find true satisfaction in Jesus but I always feel stressed and when I try to do fun daily things with my family or making plans I feel like I’m running away from my problems and don’t know how to have a normal balance cuz even when I’m doing fun things I’m stressed. And I’m trying to find comfort in my family and activities. And I’m not spending enough time with God I’m always rushing everything and wondering what I’m doing next and tmr and God says not to worry about that and then will try to go day by day but I feel like I can’t ever rest or be present in the moment cuz I just love to go go go. Always so nervous and I love the be still and know I’m God but it’s like I’m never still. And I’m afraid of so many Christian things but I can’t just ignore truths I’m afraid of or that are happening in real life

Hi everyone, I would love some opinions on this topic. About a month ago I had went to inpatient care for my mental health. Got my diagnosis of OCD, I always figured I had it though my thoughts kept telling me I didn’t of course. When I came home I explained to my fiancé that I have OCD and it contains a lot of intrusive thoughts that I struggle with. He seems to be very understanding. Beside all of that, the other day I was talking to him about a video I seen where this woman admitted being a P*do and there was comments under that post mentioning POCD. I know deep down they are two separate things, but when I mentioned it to him he chuckled in disbelief when I mentioned POCD, it was a slap to the face because I know OCD is very misunderstood so I shut my mouth. Other than that, he is always on his phone when I talk to him and then I gotta repeat myself, he never plans dates, or give me his time. I have expressed myself multiple times of my needs and I feel like they aren’t met. I wish he would take the time to research about my diagnosis so he can support me better but i don’t know. What should I do? I feel like our relationship is not doing well.

Just needing some support right now. ERP is so much harder than I ever thought

I'm a male, recently turned 20, and I'm currently in the process of trying to heal from my first real pocd spiral. Well, I'm assuming (and hoping) that it's pocd, as I've never been formally diagnosed. It's been going for about a month and a half, and I've been trying some at-home ERP and such. The effect has varied from day to day, but I feel like my baseline anxiety is decreasing as the days go on. However, I do understand that I could just be experiencing burnouts in quick succession, so I was wondering if my current experiences could be explained or at least be common among those with my suspected subtype. Regarding that, there are a few questions I have for anyone who comes across this post. It could help me and potentially others not feel so alone in their dread. 1. Does pocd sometimes feel like a separate personality trying to overtake your body? Sometimes the intrusive thoughts take the form of a voice of contradiction that seemingly wants me to give in to the intrusive thoughts. On top of that, there tend to be brief moments of excitement whenever an intrusive thought appears, but I am quick to consciously correct that feeling, though that correction may be a compulsion. 2. Is the healing process meant to feel like your agreeing with the thoughts when in actuality you don't? It gets confusing and uncomfortable to just let a thought so vile run around in your head until it tires itself out. Not to mention the physical responses you may get from the thought that make you feel like you want to be a bad person when you really don't. 3. Outside of professional therapy, how long does it usually take to heal from a lengthy spiral? As I've said, I've never been formally diagnosed, and I have yet to go to therapy to get a professional opinion. So it has me wondering how long this process will take because, dear god, I hope it isn't a super lengthy process, because I don't know if I can handle going through all of this again. I likely have more questions, but these are the ones I could think to ask for now and feel the most important. If anyone with experience in this topic has information to share, it would be greatly appreciated.

Ok so I want to stop cleaning and overthinking but this morning I had an accident in my sleep and this is embarrassing as I was sleeping on my couch in my living room the couch is faux leather I think I was a bit panicked so I showered put my clothes in the washer and got a cup of white vinegar and water and a microfiber cloth and wiped the couch down I did note I smelled the couch did not smell like urine I think so maybe none got on it but idk after I wiped the area I was sitting (not the whole couch) and threw the cloths in my hamper and then used the bissell little green machine and ran it over the couch it was my first time using it so when I filled it up it leaked on the floor and this freaked me out and I am scared I got it on the carpet and then when cleaning the couch (where I was sitting) the water did leak onto the floor and carpet and this worried me because I think I just got urine on the carpet I shook the feeling off it was probably nothing and then I got the liquid on the machine because it sprayed and got on it and this bothered me too but I tried calming myself then I cleaned a corner or the foot rest next to the couch not the whole surface because I thought I do not think anything got on it it should be fine and water fell down again probably on the side of it and I did not handle it and I stopped cleaning and the top of the foot rest was left kind of wet like it was visibly wet but I wanted to hurry up and finish it because I did not want my dad waking up. I put the machine away after rinsing the brush of it off but I do not know if I did a good job and I emptied the tank but did not rinse it out enough there was still black water droplets in there and maybe a little more in there but I was scared of contaminating the bathroom sink and I was also using paper towels from the kitchen to help clean stuff up in there and I am worried the kitchen is contaminated and I dropped another brush I was using clean on the floor and just picked it up and put it away and I did not clean the floor despite the brush being used to clean up other urine messes but it was dry and so I just told myself it was fine and throughout this I was dripping water on the floor and I am hoping it was clean water (I may mop later) and I texted my uncle who is coming over today and is bringing his kids who are toddlers and they like sleeping and laying on those couches and I told him and he said “everyone has accidents just clean it up and move on” and I went to sleep to try and calm my mind and I wake up realizing I want to clean more and clean the furniture in that room just to ensure it is fine but I am worried the machine is infected because I want to clean the couches and the pull out bed’s mattress and the carpet to make sure it is safe and clean but I am so worried about the cross contamination because I am using a standard bissell cleaner it is not made for pets or urine but I am hoping it cleans just fine but I am not sure I need some guidance what do I do.

Hi, I had a memory or thought (im not sure which of sexual abuse when I was a child) I remember this popping up years ago and paying no attention to it, then it came again I then thought have I dreamt this? Did it happen? For months now my ocd has been through the roof and when ever I try to think of this I cant gain anymore memory and it feels hazy. Im going crazy thinking was I abused or is this false memory? I cant go on like this. I also have massive mum guilt for allowing my daughter to stay around my parents house ( this hasn't anything to do with the person in the memory) and its now eating me up thinking what if she has beem abused by someone when im not there. My question is can your brain and ocd make up a completely false memory that hasn't happened but u think has this happened to me and wonder if its true?

last night. Didn’t go well with me and my boyfriend. I was trying to explain to him to keep it short and simple that our communication has been very silence and I feel disconnected in the relationship when we don’t communicate that often and also we haven’t been really seeing each other that much and it made me realize that it’s something that I really don’t want in the relationship is to feel disconnected into somehow fix things by deactivating my Instagram account. In this case he took it as that means you don’t wanna be with me you threw away three years of our relationship and it made me feel bad because I was trying to communicate to him on Ways We could fix things but the only way that he told me that if I can fix things is for me to go over there where he is instead of him coming to me so right now he still has me on social media. He still has my number. He still hasn’t taken pictures down. And I kinda hid mine because now we’re just in a standstill. He took it as a sign that oh I can’t force you to stay in a relationship where you feel disconnected. I didn’t mean it as disconnected meaning oh the relationship is done for but disconnected meaning also in communication wise and also in a way where we don’t see each other that often is how I felt disconnected because I felt lonely like he doesn’t want to see me anymore

During my last session we talked about a trip I’m on and all the things that could go wrong. Getting sick was one of the things and that’s exactly what happened. Here I am 3 days in to an 8 day trip unable to sleep and breathe and buying Musinex from a gas station. Exactly what I feared would happen ….

Where in the body do you feel anxiety? For me its my stomach and its really bad today. My cpn told me she feels anxiety in her throat. I find it interesting how people feel it in different parts of the body. My stomach feels like a washing machine and its tight. The total opposite of relaxed

OCD affects everything in my life. Even this post. OCD is saying I’m trying to trigger people by posting this, and it can be convincing. Everything I do is laced with ocd. I can’t explain my symptoms well to my therapist because of ocd. There is compulsion on top of compulsion, combined obsessions, meta ocd, and more. I don’t know why I’m posting this. The point is that I feel I’ve tried hard to do ERP and can’t, because of how severe my symptoms are. I can’t easily explain it, but if someone was able to live as me for a day, they would understand. I tried meeting twice a week with an ocd specialist, and we got nowhere and didn’t even scratch the surface of the ocd. OCD is in my life all day every day. Different obsessions over and over again. I have tried a lot of medications and they have all done nothing (I’ve had no side effects from them either). I strongly think this is a very rare case where there is something neurobiologically that is preventing me from getting better. I am probably starting TMS this week which I hope does something. I think I may need surgery for this cause of how prevalent it is. Part of the reason I’m posting this is to keep ocd at bay. It is literally so bad that just to get through things, I have to sometimes do compulsions to be able to function at college/work, because I’m non functional without it. I try to limit compulsions, but when I need to do them to function and get through the day, sometimes I don’t have much of a choice. I hope I can find something that works

Think all the way back to when you were little. What was your first genre of OCD? I believe mine was Health, but it also could’ve been safety. I’m not sure lol. I’m curious what yours was!