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i just want to eat without feeling guilty. My ocd drains me mentally thinking i am disgustingly overweight just by having a meal. Will i ever be okay in my own skin one day?

Hey mamas! Please, I need honest feedback from the moms on here. I just had my first baby and I’m obsessed. I never knew I could love someone so much. My sweet tiny angel baby is absolutely perfect. Even when fussy at 2am with a blowout and my spit-up covered t-shirt. No complaints. Here’s the issue. I don’t think I love my husband as much as I love my baby. In fact, I suddenly started to struggle with even liking my husband most days. It’s like I had my baby and my brain said: “we got what we needed, thanks- now leave me alone”… I feel guilty because deep down I know I really do love him.. I think? No, of course I do. Anyway, I hate seeing him so down on himself for how distant I’ve become and how very NOT interested I am with *intimacy* currently. I can tell he thinks I’ve stopped loving him and I try not to be so cold.. between sleep exhaustion and postpartum hormones I can’t tell what’s real anymore. I’m scared we’re becoming roommates. But… what if I don’t have the “want” to fix it? What is happening? How long does this feeling last and is there something wrong with how much I love my baby?

i am starting professional therapy very soon but for now i need this to pacify me. i have an EXTREME horrendous fear of getting pregnant without knowing. for background, i have been dating this great guy for nearly two years and we’ve done everything but actually…have sex. im scared of it and he accepts that thankfully. yet…i have taken 4 pregnancy tests... i know. i looked back on my calendar and this has been happening for nearly a month straight so just think about how that treats my body haha. my main fear of how it happens is that he will have leftover semen and then finger me. i’ve dived DEEP into the biology and science of pregnancy and some of my brain understands like “you literally need to have sex to get pregnant” but the other half of my brain is like “mmm… but-“ and i feel horrible because it seems as though im not trusting of my boyfriend. i would love to take his word but theres always like a shallow doubt within me. anddd of course all the stress and anxiety delays my period even more!

does anyone else struggle with intimacy with ROCD and SO-OCD? sometimes it’s in the middle of it and I imagine a woman doing the things to me and it doesn’t completely turn me off but it won’t go away like it just is repetitive and I feel a bit icky during the moment since I just want do focus in my partner. it’s just so constant like how can I not pay attention to it, and afterwards I like am out of it and able to enjoys the little things again but the thoughts never fully leave, feeling like I’m lying to myself and partner yadadadada

i’m an autistic 21f and i made friends with someone who was almost 18f online (literally a couple months away). i didn’t think much of it at the time since she was almost 18 and was already in college, working, doing adult stuff and we got along really well. i live at home and am not in college or work right now because i am disabled and living off disability. so i’m very socially stunted. i was excited to have a friend because i was struggling with making online friends. we became pretty close friends and would talk all the time. we bonded over shared life experiences, opinions, fandom stuff, gossip, our art, etc. i never spoke sexually towards her, pushed for romance, or trauma dumped on her. we just had a really good connection, genuine friends. everything i’ve read strictly points away from grooming. then i realized it could look bad, and i stepped back slowly after i’d say 2/3 months of being friends with her. she’s 18 now after i mostly left. i am terrified because of all the discourse about adults befriending minors. i am so scared that i have harmed her or that i will get called out for it and lose all my friends and my art career online. that’s my ocd and it’s been KILLING me. ive barely slept or eaten. i’ve been doing compulsions for months. now i will never befriend another minor again, and minors in general scare me. i’m so so scared that just because i met her and treated her (mostly) equally before she reached that legal threshold that i have harmed her in some way. i’m considering deleting all my art accounts and never posting again. ditching all of my friends and my girlfriend even before they can leave me. i’m in erp now but it hasn’t quite started yet. this sucks. i just i wish i could go back and undo it. or that she was just a couple months older when we met.

Lately I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed and confused by my OCD symptoms, especially around intrusive sexual thoughts and sensations. I feel like my brain has been constantly monitoring my reactions and trying to figure out what everything means. I get intrusive sexual thoughts/images involving girls that feel unwanted and distressing, and the hardest part is that I start checking my reaction to them. I ask myself questions like “Do I like this?”, “What does this mean about me?”, “Why did that feel real?”, “What if this is a new feeling?”, or “What if this means I’m lesbian?” A big part of my OCD is that I don’t just have a thought and move on. I start testing and analyzing. Sometimes I intentionally replay an image, make it more vivid, or wait for a feeling to happen so I can understand my reaction. When I do this, the thought can feel very immersive, almost like I’m in a daydream or dream state. It can feel very real, and then I panic because I think that the intensity or realism must mean something about me. I’ve also been experiencing a strange physical sensation that is hard to explain. It feels like a lump or heaviness in my chest/throat, almost like needing to swallow a thick feeling. Sometimes it feels mixed with what I interpret as a sexual sensation, which scares me. I start wondering if the sensation means I secretly want something or if it reveals something about me. The sensation usually becomes stronger when I am checking, replaying, focusing on my body, or trying to figure out what it means. sometimes when I see a trigger, my brain almost expects a sexual reaction to happen, like I can feel that sexual feeling creeping behind me and I notice myself scanning for a feeling and asking, “Do I like this?” or “Am I feeling something?” If I notice any sensation, I panic and start analyzing it. Other times I feel numb, disconnected, or like I am not myself, which makes me even more scared because I feel like I cannot trust my own feelings. I have also been experiencing a dreamy or unreal feeling where I feel disconnected from myself or my body. It feels like I am in a fog, like I am carrying the feeling of a dream. My body can feel light but heavy at the same time. This usually happens after I have been stuck in a cycle of intrusive thoughts, checking, and trying to get certainty. My OCD also affects my relationship. I have a boyfriend who I love so much . He’s literally the most cutest and handsomest man ever and I care about him so much , but my OCD makes me question my feelings and whether they are real. I can have moments where I naturally think about things I love about him, like his silly faces, his funny personality, his nerdy side, his random fun facts, his technology interests, his unique walk, and memories where we laugh together. Then my OCD interrupts and asks if those feelings are fake, it’s like I’m Blocked from thinking off him and even when I read about stuff I love about him. I question if I really love him, or if I am forcing myself to feel something. It makes me analyze moments that used to just feel normal and happy. A recent example is when I was remembering a sweet/intimate memory with my boyfriend, and instead of just enjoying the memory, my brain inserted a fear that he would turn into a girl. Then I focused on the uncomfortable sensation and started worrying that it meant something about me. I felt scared and overwhelmed because I started thinking, “What if this is my new sexual feeling?” When I stop analyzing everything I can feel more like myself again, but then a new trigger can restart the cycle. I want help learning how to stop the mental checking, testing, and reassurance seeking because I feel exhausted from trying to figure out what every thought, image, and sensation means.

This isnt exactly an OCD thought, I'm feeling very sensitive right now. I am on vacation so my OCD is making me somewhat unstable, and I am already quite the sensitive person but I am able to move on decently well now and function like a normal person it when I have to but for background there is this girl who I have strong feelings for and have for the past two years and I told her I had feelings for her and it didn't end up how I wanted. From what I found out from a different source, she has mental struggles and is scared to get into a relationship. She has no idea that I have severe OCD because I hide it very well and so I falsely come of as a perfectly mentally healthy person that would be brought down by being with someone with mental issues. Anyways that is a very shortened background to show how this is a pretty sad story So like I said I am on vacation so I am out of my comfort zone and I have been on edge and generally feeling somewhat unstable all night. I am at a restaurant and I saw a fire in an oven and it reminded me of how her house almost burned in the LA fires a few years ago and most of her neighborhood burned down and that is making me very sad. She is such a sweet person and does not deserve any of the many things that she has had to endure throughout her life.

Hello, I’ve been diagnosed with OCD for about 5 years now. It’s bounced from topic to topic it feels like. The earlier topics were POCD and the fear that I somehow wanted to hurt family members if that makes sense. I feel like I’ve moved past those and sjnce then my mind has been CONSTANTLY ruminating on existential topics from things like free will to things like the concept of eternity, there was even a period in which I believed I might have been in a simulation for some reason. Rationally I know it’s probably OCD but Primally my fear takes over and I deeply believe these thoughts when I have them. Please, I dont have any specific request or anything just need help I don’t know what to do. Is this OCD? I might be looking for reassurance but at this point I don’t care I’m genuinely so tired and angry im a prisoner in my head

I call the hotlines for support but they’re not super familiar with OCD I don’t need help with the OCD (I mean I do but that’s not the support I’m asking for today) I need someone who understands the context

I keep feeling this pain in my right upper arm near my armpit, and cant stop thinking its a swollen lymph node that is caused by cancer. Plus I keep getting slight vertigo and am tired (totally not from the stress of moving, inconsistent sleep, or stress of always being anxious *sarcasm) its GOTTA be cancer like my dad had. I don't want to go to the doctor for nothing, but if it's not all in my head, I wanna make sure I catch it early.

i know from the title it might seem like this is a compulsion and that i'm just seeking reassurance and maybe that's what this is but i'm not too sure. in my past relationship with my ex boyfriend when we had sex for the first time, i told him to stop. i was right next to his ear so i just thought he didn't stop because he didn't hear me so i brushed it off and just ignored it. it was only afterwards he asked me if it was okay he had carried on even though i had told him to stop which obviously proves he did hear me and just decided not to stop. it was my first time having sex like ever so i wanted him to stop because it hurt. i'm asking if this is just my ocd or if it's real because i remember it so clearly happening but now im worried im just making it up to spite him and have just put it in my head, it's obviously a very serious thing which is why it's causing me so much distress. i don't know why id do that though because since then ive moved on, when him and i broke up i knew before then id have to talk to him about the things he done without my consent. idk it's just really stressing me out because it's a serious situation and even though i have no plans on taking further steps with it, questioning and doubting myself is driving me insane

this revolves around issues of consent and mentions intoxication - - - the other day i went out with my friend who brought his friend and she had taken 8 shots and i was sober except for hitting a thc cart and she was being really affectionate and getting in my neck and at first i thought it wasnt sexual but i think i liked the attention and i was kind of like smiling cause it was amusing/flattering but that was like 5 mins after meeting her probably more but it wasnt really long that i had been talking to her at that point that i was like fuck. and my smile dropped it wasnt funny i wasnt in a good mood and i was thinking about how im taking advantage of this girl. the whole night she kept telling me to let her know if she was making me uncomfortable bc i def wasnt reciprocating at all at least physically but i felt like 1) i didnt want to make her feel rejected 2) maybe something could happen when shes sober (idk if this is had) or if i get drunk 3) i just have a hard time setting boundaries in general and so like she kept doing that to me but i didnt reciprocate but i still feel disgusting i kept telling her to drink water and she is too drunk but i didnt outright say most of the time if i was uncomfortable i just said “maybe not right now” and i didnt tap her twice to let her know. i even asked my mom during it and she was like well she is responsible for herself and i was like hell no. but i went to her house to drink with our friend bc i felt left out but maybe i wanted to get on her level to do things (i wouldnt have. i hope not) i mean i DO hate feeling like the only sober person and drunk people annoy me most of the time so i did kind of want to put myself in their mindset because i wasnt enjoying myself being so in my head but they started throwing up so i got a lyft for me and my friend. i still feel guilty especially bc at first it was kind of funny to me but theres nothing funny abt someone out of control i guess ive just never been in that situation before. especially since im a lesbian. i feel even more predatory bc of that fact. shes also like maybe 7 months younger than me which i feel is a huge age gap. we’re both 19. i dont know if i did the right things. like i would only tell her i was uncomfortable if she asked. it kind of reminded me of when i stayed at my sisters like i used to do a lot and shes an alcoholic and 11 years older than me. and one time i was watching tv on her couch and she came downstairs i think maybe she was with her bf and she started being affectionate and kissing me on the cheek and it made me anxious and uncomfortable cause she kept being like i love you so much and like a bunch of stuff she says when she gets drunk about how i was her gift. it wasnt like in a bad way dw but i do have skin picking disorder and ended up getting my first skin infection as a result of that night. at some point in the night i started thinking about that. but now idk if im the one who takes advantage of others. like my sister was drunk too i could have pushed her away. idk.

My ex and I got in a huge fight over absolutely nothing which led him to block me and tell me to never return. With that, I accepted a date that a guy had asked me out on that I’ve known for years. We had a great time but didn’t do anything crazy. The next day, my ex unblocked me to ask why I didn’t care, blamed me for more stuff, etc. I was angry at first and wondering if I should see that other guy again (he’s very kind and attractive, but we didn’t exactly hit it off), but now I feel guilty. I still have love for my ex and he still loves me. Him blocking me was out of nowhere and after we confessed we still loved each other. Now I’m worried. I don’t think I like this new guy per se, but what if my ex decides to come back and I have to explain that I could have feelings for someone else? I don’t think I do YET but it’s possible. I’m completely stuck… I know hanging out with this guy again would be totally fun but idk if it’s worth it, and my guilt is leading me into a weird spiral of confusion and anger and anxiety. What should I do??

I did really bad, disgusting things when I was 12 to 15 years old. I don't know how to cope, I want to cry every few minutes when I remember. This isn't OCD overinflating a problem, or anything. Genuinely, if I were to repeat those same things now as an adult I'd be put away for a while. Some of these things involved people still in my life and they're either unaware, or simply forgot it ever happened, and I'm absolutely wracked with guilt any time they're around, because they seemingly still like having me around. I feel completely irredeemable, like it doesn't matter that I've changed, my actions were just THAT awful that I should always be labeled by these actions.

Never considered this a possibility until every recently when everything felt like it clicked. I had met my current best friend in Junior year of highschool, and we only became truly close during our Senior year and the following few years. She's been basically the only person I've associated with (outside a few buddies I had before graduation) amidst my depression and my life basically falling apart. I've done a lot of rumination over my handful of years of having her in my life, and the conclusion I've come to is that I've been absolutely terrible to her, despite the fact that she swears up and down that it's not the case. The first point of rumination is just all the times I've said creepy/perverted stuff to her, tried to engage with her in a sexual way, etc. There's been so many moments throughout our 4+ years of knowing each other where I would say something dirty/flirty in hopes something would blossom, and it was either so ill timed she would call me out on it, or she didn't really realize the implication. A handful of occasions I had been a bit pushy/trying too hard without really realizing it, but as I've grown as a person over the last few years I end up remembering and feeling gross about it. I'm also struggling with a couple of false memories, or at least, what I HOPE are false memories, convincing myself that I either have tried/wanted to touch her without her wanting it at some point. She tells me that I haven't done that and she would remember if I did, but I'm so scared that I've wanted to do so at some point and the thought horrifies me. I sometimes feel like I only ever became her friend for sexual reasons, or something. Something I'm horrified could be true. A point my mind holds against me often is how I'll video call with her when she's in a state of undress, and it's like, I'll want to do it more because of it? As scummy as that sounds? What makes it worse, is that I talked to her the other night about things that we often do together that in my eyes are an intimate thing, whereas she sees them as stuff she does with close friends. Showering on the phone, stuff like that. Which makes me feel worse for pursuing a relationship like that with her when it was never there at all. The second point is largely a byproduct of the first point, where I had often felt immense guilt over my previous actions and would profusely apologize and deliberately avoid her for long periods of time. She's told me that I've caused her a lot of pain doing that to her, despite me feeling like it's the right thing to do quite often. So despite everything I've talked about, like I said, my friend doesn't have any issues with me. She swears up and down that I'm too hard on myself, and when I ask what exactly she wants out of our relationship, she says she just wants me to keep being who I've been, who in her eyes, is her chill friend she can talk about whatever with and play games with. All of what I've talked about isn't even a factor. Something me and her have talked about is how she's pretty dense when it comes to social things, so part of me can't help but wonder if I really have been as horrible as I think I have been, and she simply hasn't had it click. I care about her so much, man. Maybe high school me was only thinking about sex. I don't know anymore. All I know is that even if I didn't care back then, I DEFINITELY do right now. She's such an amazing person and easily the best HUMAN I've ever had in my life. That's why this is tearing me apart so thoroughly. The idea that I've been so horrible to the only person who actually CARES about me at all makes me lose sleep.

i recently found out that i am pregnant (i am almost 8 weeks along and i found out when i was 4 weeks) which being pregnant has been a huge fear of mine for a long time and i told myself when i wanted have kids then i was going to adopt rather than go through pregnancy. fast forward to now, it has shaken my whole life up, i took a plan B to try and prevent myself from getting pregnant and i still did anyway. 😅 it has been a while since i have felt my OCD has been debilitating or lasted extended periods, but my anxiety/OCD has been running rampant since the day i found out, about many different OCD themes and my blood pressure has been elevated, but one in particular is me being TERRIFIED of Postpartum Depression or developing Postpartum Psychosis. (i grew up with a parent that developed a psychotic illness later in their life, to my knowledge it does not run in the family but neither does OCD and i have that, so) i am just terrified of pregnancy affecting me in a way i will never bounce back from. i have also been experiencing some health issues since being pregnant and i am just scared of what the future will hold since i am so early on and there’s a long way to go. i am afraid that i will go crazy, or ill be in a permanent mental health state i wont recover from. what if i cant handle pregnancy? what if i develop psychosis post partum? what if i feel like i don’t love my baby after i give birth? even though this was an accident and it is terrifying, i want to try to give my baby the best life i can. but i also don’t even feel that i am ready. idk. idek what the point of my post is but i am venting 😭

This is so insanely long I’m so sorry! But if people can take a look at this and give me their honest raw opinion that would be amazing thank you! - I feel I come up with new thoughts to continue to ask God for forgiveness - I can sometimes easily stop thoughts from forming completely and be present in the moment when I ignore the first few thoughts that pop up. - I want God to see that I am trying to cancel the thoughts out and not let them happen and be like God sees me trying to stop them. - it’s also so easy for me to not think so I’m like it’s 100% me conjuring them up and forming them cause I’m like wait I can literally just stop and I do. I can also easily imagine normal things in my mind of myself like wholesome things and I like switch it to insanity but I’m like wait Faith stop and then the heinous thoughts get triggered if that makes sense. I also feel myself honing in and like spazzing out like physically to reject the thought. It’s like I don’t want the thought but I conjure it up and feel no remorse or anything but then other times I get anxiety for like a split second and then easily move on. - I like taunt my mind to conjure up thoughts. - when I get frustrated or impatient the bad thoughts come back or I feel the need to say them to get something to work cause I get annoyed - When I get excited to maladaptive daydreaming I think a blasphemous thought to get out of the excitement and to not maladaptive daydream. I feel conviction to not do the daydreaming, but I ignore it and then ask for forgiveness after knowing that is most likely what I should not be doing, but I do it anyway cause it makes me so joyful and happy. - I’m like going back and thinking of people to take the bad thoughts out on. I’m like going down a list - I can think about a situation so normally sometimes, but then I remind myself I’m like wait I have to think about this sexually. - I’ll be looking to say something terrible and bad in my mind, but then I’m like wait don’t say anything at all like you don’t need to say a word or say anything mean and then I’m able to stop completely. - I try to get my mind going to like get my nervous system going to like become nervous, scared and to cancel them out to be like “wait these thoughts are not mine” like trying to prove something. I don’t want them to be mine but sometimes I don’t care if they are or not. - also feel like if something bad happens to me then all these things will stop. So I’m starting to think all these thoughts are me cause like I know they would stop probably.

I feel like my OCD was almost nonexistent during my 1st and 2nd trimester of pregnancy. Now that I'm in my 3rd I feel like it trying to itch to come back ..... my mind wondering more , spikes of anxiety from thoughts becoming more frequent..... still managing on controlling it better - but I can def feel it starting to creep. Anyone else experiencing something similar?

I had a stressful day today. Work was crazy and stressful. I had to conduct a last minute 3 hour virtual training...... Instead of doing it, I called in sick and took my son to urgent care. He was sick....... however I was really also finding an excuse to avoid public speaking as I previously had an embarrassing public speaking moment when I had IT issues during a training I was conducting. I was mortified. While at the doctor, my son ended up having a sinus infection, ear infection AND to torture me........... a chest xray which showed pneumonia. While I was at the doctor with my son, my jaw was hurting which was convincing me I was stroking out from stress induced raging high blood pressure, my face felt weird and my eyelids were twitching. 🙄🙄🙄 I said to myself "it is what it is...." as my therapist taught me and carried on.....Uncomfortably. 🥴🥴🥴🥴😱😱😱😱😱😱 In hindsight, I am sure I was anxiously clenching my jaw. Then..... I went to work because I wouldn't get paid otherwise..... and had to face the Director who was irritated that I refused to do the training. Some days I love my job.... other days I want to run for the hills. But all and all, I'm happy I took my son to the doctor and that I kissed my Director's ass so she couldn't bare to be irritated with me any longer. And I did all the shit I had to do. I'm on Day 2 of taking a new medication that literally sat in my house for over a year because I'm such a hypochondriac that I literally was too scared to take it... even though not taking it could create issues that would be much worse. And rationally, I know the pill is perfectly safe. Anyways, I took it !!! and I'm happy to report, I am still alive and kicking! Now let's see what ridiculous behavior I participate in tomorrow. But at least it's Friday! I have an action packed weekend planned, but I'm thinking it might just turn into a doing nothing in my comfy bed all weekend because the thought of actually seeing friends (who I adore) and being active (which makes me feel accomplished) actually just makes me want to dry heave. 🥴 If you actually read all of this, kudos to you. Because I got nothing interesting going on in my life🤣 but sometimes it just feels good to let it all out!

... Whether it was my specific intention to or not. I have no idea at this point. My mind is a constant whirlwind. I obsess over this literally every single moment of my day. It never goes away no matter what I tell myself. There's like, one big memory that keeps popping in, with a bunch of other "what ifs". All involving my nephew. The big memory in question is, at one point, my mom was forcing me to clean my nephew because she was busy, and I normally refuse to clean up children. I wasn't able to touch him to actually clean him, so I ended up putting him in the shower to try and spray him off in a panic, which didn't work either. I broke down and cried in the bathroom. But now I keep convincing myself that I did something bad to him. Accidentally or not. I keep getting an intrusive image of me touching him badly that I don't think is real, but I can't prove it. In addition to this, my mind just keeps asking "what ifs" "What if you enjoyed it when he'd climb all over you when he was a baby?" "What if those accidental touches and brushes weren't accidents?" "What if you're looking at him inappropriately on purpose?" My mind has pretty much turned every memory involving him into a POCD soup. I legitimately cannot tell you what the truth is. The truth I WANT is that I'm just overreacting, that I hadn't actually enjoyed or wanted any of these things. But my mind has so thoroughly convinced me I'm a monster that I can't calm myself down. What makes everything more confusing is that my nephew loves me, and my family doesn't see me as a threat to him, hell, they've even said I'd make a great dad, if I ever wanted kids. (Which I don't, regardless of POCD.) So now I feel as though I'm "lying" somehow. That I've put on a front to make everyone think I'm safe so I can do more wrong. Even though that's... Not what I want at all. I don't want any of this to be real. I just don't know what's real anymore. I don't think I had done anything wrong, but my brain keeps telling me that I'm lying to myself. Any time someone tells me I didn't do anything wrong I end up telling myself that they're lying.