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the NOCD Community

Hi. I suffer from contamination ocd. I suffer from two chronic illnesses and, when I get sick (even from just a cold), it is magnified and takes an especially long time to recover. The ocd developed because I wanted to avoid aggravating my illness. I’m also very scared that what I’m feeling in my body isn’t normal and constantly wonder if something is wrong medically. I understand that with my illnesses (POTS and hyper-mobility syndrome), I feel a lot of weird sensations, but I’m always afraid I won’t be able to tell if something is going seriously wrong. I get a lot of panic attacks, wash my hands to the point of bleeding, and am constantly cleaning myself. I am tired of letting this control me, and I want to get better.

I have been clinically diagnosed with OCD (contamination, relationship, sexual orientation). I have to pick up my mother in law from the airport today and I am dreading it. I’ve thought about nothing else for the last 4 days since she asked me to pick her up. I’m doing it because I know it will be an exposure. But I am so worried she has been sick or currently has symptoms. My big thing is sickness that causes throwing up (emetaphobia). Anyone else?

Hello everyone, so I'm slowly starting to get better in regards to dating. My ex and me broke up cause I just ran away and he had issues too, but he loves me and I love him so we are currently fwb. The issue I'm having is that ever since we dated or I'm trying to get close again; my brain brings up my old ex a lot or another ex. I was wondering if anyone has ever had their OCD use thoughts like mentioning the old ex's name or something against them?

Anyone ever try Trintellix for their anxiety/OCD? That’s the route I’m on right now.

So does anyone’s OCD not let them calm down? Because maybe because I’m trying to figure this out too much, but I’m always thinking I have random words that keep repeating in my head. Please help me science.

How do other people deal with dissociation (mainly dpdr ), does anyone here experience that or is it just me? I'll talk more in a post laterHow do other people deal with dissociation (mainly dpdr ), does anyone here experience that or is it just me? I'll talk more in a post later

My harm ocd is so focused on my mom and dad. They're literally the best. Anyone else? Sometimes I flares up with others but not nearly as much as with my family. I feel like such a pos

Suffering from fears of saying a racist word. My brain will keep repeating racist words and I check to make sure I am not saying the complete word like a break in the word and then I get compulsions fearing I did say it for example was humming a song and worried I said the lyrics aloud so i would repeat to prove I wasnt saying it and it makes me worry for example losing my job.

Genuinely think I might have undiagnosed BPD I just don’t want that label because it sounds FUCKIN insane “Personality disorder” haha nope I don’t wanna be abandoned as it is, the label would ironically leave me vulnerable to people leaving for having no personality yknow, unless it’s considered a fucking DISORDER

Man I’ve had a tough 8 months, I have HOCD and it’s been hell literally hell. I feel like I want to be straight and that I’ve been playing a character my whole life (15. Years old). I’ve only and ever had sexual/romantic feelings for girls and I love it. But these pst days my desire for women and to have a gf/wife is like mehhh. I was so happy before all this and I just don’t know if I’ve been in deep denial and that I’ve been playing a character (being straight) but not have had a single damn clue or sign that I was bi/gay before HOCD. Now it’s like it’s created a fake reality and it’s like rewrote me past. I feel like I’m not myself and that I won’t be the same. I also saw Aaron Hernandez and that he was gay and his dad thought he was homophobic and stuff, he looks straight as hell. I just I just don’t know anymore. Fuck my life man like what the fuck all my morals and my true self I thought has been like removed. So sad for me

Why does life sometimes not seem real? Like I’m in a dream or something? Like I was thinking if I were arrested it wouldn’t matter cause life isn’t real. I know it is but it just feels like that. Is this me going crazy or??

Lost my relationship, and now I feel like I’m walling off into a hard shell. I’ve cried a lot, been depressed, and not saying much, and I guess I feel since I live with other people that I have to be ‘stable’ by now. But it hasn’t even been a month yet. How do I stop this hardening?

Four years ago I started dating my bf when we were sophomores in high school. I am now a sophomore in college. My bf has some issues and would randomly start ignoring me but as he got closer to me, he stopped isolating himself. In the beginning of our relationship we engaged in some sexual activity and sexting. I was not used to it at all having never had a bf or been exposed to anything sexual before. A couple times we did sex acts in bathrooms or in my house. These events were not forced but I really felt pressured to do them. When my parents found my phone full of dirty talk it was extremely embarrassing. So the reason I give this background information is that I think it affected me sexually. I am still with the same boyfriend and we have grown very close. He always tries to make me comfortable and feels horrible that I have been deeply affected by the texts and bathroom incidents. Now I tend to avoid sex as much as I can and have a low sex drive. Earlier in the relationship I also noticed kissing started to feel different and I don’t know if that’s because ocd was making me overthink but to this day I always think should kissing feel like this. Anyway so I value this relationship so much taut in high school I would feel very very guilty when I even looked at another guy. I would have to confess to my bf. Eventually I was able to break that constant cycle of looking at a guy or thinking about one and then guilt and confess. What came next though was the thought that maybe I like women. At first it didn’t bother me much but now it is much worse. If I look at a women I don’t always confess but feel like I am living a lie by being with my bf. What makes it worse is the evidence I use to reason that it’s true. In the last year or so I am obsessed with looking at how pretty girls are on ig wnd in real life. I feel like I notice them and their looks so much more now. Also the fact that I am not rlly into sex seems like evidence that maybe it’s because u like girls. My attraction for my bf has gone down a lot and it wasn’t always like that. The kissing is an example. It was great in the beginning and now I just feel like it’s a lie. I know reassurance is not allowed but can anyone relate. I feel like I’m secretly lesbian and I’m just comfortable with my bf and don’t want to let him go for that reason. But I love him and these thoughts are driving me insane. I also worry am I just blaming ocd and I actually shouldn’t be with him and that I’m gay.

Worked with Dr. Steven Phillipson and had the WORST experience. His clinicians are not properly trained or supervised. The clinician I worked with was a liar and manipulative. As a new clinician, I'm concerned about him working with other clients.

I convinced myself that this is not hocd but internalized homophobia

Anyone with autism or thinks they are or waiting for s disgnosis?

I went to the sexual health clinic and the nurse opened the swabs packages for me and I’m worried that because she touched the plastic ends of the swabs themselves I’m at risk of catching something by then inserting the swabs? I’m not sure how much of it she touched but now I’m paranoid incase the bit she did touch went inside me is this an ocd thought???

I fear that a word of phrase or song will endlessly repeat in my head. I know that this is kind of normal of sensorimotor ocd and I’m not alone... but I still don’t know what to DO about it. I don’t even have the word, phrase or lyrics right now, but I just worry they’ll come. It’s essentially just the fear of fear. I remember a couple weeks ago, I heard someone say the N word and I was so paranoid that it’d repeat in my head forever. Or even worse, I’d feel a never ending urge to scream it out. That scared me. It still does. My birthday is next week, and as silly as it sounds, I don’t want to be affected by this then :(

I apologised I always come on here with negativity... heres a change of pace, what helps you guys keep yourselves distracted? I like to play my switch, it's really helped me through life since my ocd became very prominent. LEGO worlds is an epic game I'd recommend the creativity is great for your brain and who doesnt like legos!

Does anyone else get sick to their stomach sometimes when they get intrusive thoughts? I'm at work and got caught in a thought loop and feel extremely sick.