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the NOCD Community

Hiya, I've just found this app... (not quite sure how it works or will even help at all, I bloody hope it does cos I've tried so many ways to live with this-here goes) I have suffered hard with unwanted thoughts, counting, repeat, repeat etc for over 25 years now and the majority of that I self medicated with Alcohol until my health is at risk from the juice. Now I am sober and f**k me- my OCD is at an all time high and it's horrible as u know. I wondered if anyone can relate to where I am at. Lee

Is there a link between PTSD and OCD? I was m*lested when I was eight years old by my older best friend at the time, I was showed adult films and flashed by an older family at a very young age, that was when I started acting out and my behaviour changed completely. 1-2 years after the event, I began to display OCD symptoms though at that time I had no idea what OCD was. We ignored the symptoms for years which gradually got worse. I thought it had gone away after I had moved, I thought I had gotten better but the worst was still coming. I moved again and by this time my mind has pushed my trauma to the back, I replaced those memories with the good ones and forgotten all about life back home until I moved again. I hadn’t been talked about s*xual assault, m*lestation or any of the above because my family is extremely religious and don’t discuss those subjects so I had no idea what happened to me was not okay I thought everyone’s friends did this to them. This was around the time I attempted, but failed which I am glad I did, though nobody knows about it. Once I started researching and hearing other stories from people who went through the very same thing as me as a child it opened my eyes. It also brought back flashbacks and intense emotions I had never experienced in my life. I’d get them on the bus ride home, in class, at home, I’d get triggered very quickly and easily. The flashbacks have stopped for now, though I still haven’t told anybody about the friend who violated me. That’s when my OCD began developing into what it is today, and I went to see a therapist and turns out I had it. Sometimes I wonder if I would’ve told somebody maybe I wouldn’t have this. I don’t like thinking about this or talking about it’s been on my mind for quite a while.

Hi, I just wanted to ask if anyone experience any of these symptoms/thoughts/feelings? It’s like I always doubt that I have OCD, it’s like I experience something inside (thoughts and/or feelings), always fear based, but it’s like I feel I cannot explain what is happening inside me at the moment of the crisis, and then I start to search in the internet for the symptoms. Every time I feel like I experience an anxiety attack but not a panic attack, not with physical symptoms. Tremendous feeling of fear that something wrong with me, and that I have something else, another mental disorder and I always search in the internet to check which symptoms match what I feel at the moment of the crisis. I experience something like this at the beginning of my OCD when I felt that I may I had schizophrenia or that may I will loose my mind. But this time is different its not about getting crazy or loose control but more like if I may be a bad person. I fear that I may be a bad person and I constantly feel that may I have NPD or BPD or PPD and several, not to suggest that people that suffer from these disorders are bad people in the contrary they also suffer. But my thoughts keep persist to make me feel bad about myself by telling me that may I suffer from another mental disorder, that I am bad person and that may I hurt someone psychologically not physically. I feel like that I have fear and intrusive thoughts and feelings about mental disorders. It’s like fear about mental disorders no physical illness. Based on be a bad person without even know it. I don’t know if any of these really make any sense. I just very confusing and for me and maybe i cannot explain it with words. Thank you for reading, if anyone can relate with any of these, please let me know because I am trying to understand how to cope with all of these.

I want to start having kids. My husband and I have been together for almost 9 years and I think it would be perfect to start trying this year (probably once this corona business is over) but I am scared for some many reasons. -will I be a good mom/stable mom? -will I make good parental decisions? -will I feel excitement or will I be emotionless? -will my intrusive thoughts take me away from the moments? -will I be able to handle it with my mental health? SO MANY questions I ask myself. I’ve always wanted to be a mother. So I feel like holding off having kids because I don’t want the experience to be tainted by my ocd ?

Hi everyone. I’m new here, just installed the app. I have suffered from all different types of OCD since I was about 12. I’m 21 now. When I was 12 I suffered from harm OCD and feared that I would kill/hurt myself to the point that I got so confused and actually thought I wanted to die. I had no idea what OCD was when I was 12 and it was terrifying. I couldn’t even bear to say the word “suicide” without having intense panic. This went away and it doesn’t bother me anymore, but I am now suffering from ROCD (relationship OCD). I’m in a very happy and healthy relationship, but I have this nagging feeling of anxiety and my brain telling me I could be happier if I was single and I’m lying to myself and don’t actually love my boyfriend even though he’s everything I’ve ever wanted. I get panicked when I think of how I felt when I had this crazy crush in high school on this boy who never liked me back and how I don’t feel that strongly toward my boyfriend. I start checking how turned-on I feel during kissing or sex and start panicking to the point that I go numb and don’t feel anything at all and panic more as a result. I’m in constant doubt that it isn’t ROCD and that I’m just lying to myself, but I feel so strongly in love with him when my anxiety dies down and so I get so so confused. Has anyone else been through this? Sorry for the long post.

Hello there, Just wondering if anyone has had a real difficult time letting go of a past relationship? I’m talking I’ve been anxious and depressed for two year after I was broken up with. I obsess and over analyze what I did wrong and or keep reliving when we first met and how good thing were. I’m seeing a therapist and she helps but doesn’t really give me ways to help stop these thoughts. I’m wondering if I should seek a new therapist who will be able give me tools to help get me through this. Thanks!

My OCD focuses severly on ethics and morals. I struggle with this so much, and I feel like nobody else in the world understands what I go through on a daily basis. As a teenager for 3 or 4 years I watched porn, when I got into my 20s I educated myself on it and found it to be unethical (for many reasons) so I stopped watching it but the shame never goes away. I turned vegetarian when I was 14, but now I've turned vegan and the fact that I still consumed dairy makes me feel ashamed and I'm scared in future I will cause indirect harm to animals by accidentally consuming animal products. Same with makeup I own that I've recently found gets tested on animals, that is evil and I want to throw it all away. Shame follows me everywhere and in the eyes of normal people I've not really done anything wrong, but personally my own morals dictate these things as equivalent to crimes. Even though consuming dairy or viewing porn online are perfectly normal things people do everyday. So in return I have this feeling that I need to be punished as I may have caused indirect harm through these actions. I dont know how to even rationalise this so I can continue living normally again. This prevents me from living normally because I feel like I'm a bad person and that I dont deserve to live happily.

Hello ? I am new here and wanted to introduce myself since I believe this must be a very "private" space and I really need to talk right now. I haven't been diagnosed with OCD, however, I have been convinced that I have it since I was around 17y. What made me start to wonder that something could be wrong with me was my need to repeatedly do things and that it always needed to be in even numbers. Example: If I had cooked I had to check the hoven 4 times, it could not be 3 or 5 because it's odd but it couldn't also be 6 because for some reason I don't like that number, if it failed I would have to check it 8 times (and so on and so on). I started to notice more and more stuff as the years went by and the worst one for me I will refer later in this post. Fast-forwarding to yesterday and jumping many other symptoms that I started noticing during the years: I was on TikTok and a video of a girl talking about what OCD really is appeared in my FY page and I got scared about how much that was me. She talked about the intrusive thoughts and that has been my nightmare since FOREVER!!! I was always afraid to talk about it because I knew it was not normal and it makes me feel like I'm a murderer, a pedo, violent, an abuser, literally everything that is wrong in this world when I'm 120% sure that I'm not. One time I wanted to run to the middle of a road to save a little bird how is it possible that now I'm thinking about "what if I stabbed my dog?"??? When I have these thoughts (which constantly happens all day) I fell like my brain is separated, the best way to explain the feeling that I have is like if someone inserted a usb pen in my head and I'm trying and fight and to stop my brain to download it or like if I’m being possessed and I’m fighting those demons. I feel desperate and anxious and the need to touch things so that I can come back to reality or something. Another thing that happens when I have these intrusive thoughts is that I have this "superstition" that I always do. You know how people say that when you say something bad or that you don't want to happen you need to knock 3 times on the wood? Well in my country we basically have 2 versions of that superstition: one is that you need to knock 3 times on the wood and the other one is that you need to knock 3 times on the wood and say something like "that the devil is blind, deaf and mute". Since I get so afraid of these thoughts and there are 2 different superstitions, I do both whenever I think about something bad. But then I get afraid that by doing it 2 times I'm voiding the one I did before so I keep on doing it for several minutes until I want to rip my hair off because of how desperate I am. Maybe this is not OCD but I have already scheduled an appointment with a psychologist/psychiatrist for today for me to understand what is wrong with me. I know I'm not a monster but I can't stand anymore feeling like one every single day of my life. I want to be able to look at people and not think about the worst scenarios, I want to be able to wash my dishes without being afraid of holding a knife because my mind will think about stabbing myself or someone I love, or even to stop wondering "what if I'm a lesbian?" when I am more than sure that I'm not and that I love my boyfriend. Honestly, I can't stand this feeling anymore, I have so many trust issues and I have become my biggest fear.

Do you guys feel like your brain just has to find something to be anxious over? I just feel like once I talk myself down from one thought, it immediately goes to another and I’m just in a never ending loop of anxiety.

A friend of mine, a friend that I really like is acting strange, something is happening with her. We both got a lot of problem and have mental issues such as depression and anxiety, but she often is telling me that she take way too much meds and some meds that can cause coma or lead to death if in high dosage. Ive already did this in the past, because of the intrusive thoughts and became really bad in my wealth, it really hit me hard. Shes looking suicidal, and Idk what to do. Ive been there too. And what makes me worried even more is that I dont know why she is like this and she dont tell me the reason. I think I am started to be affected by it and also my anxiety is making me obsess a lot of things... Idk wha to do :(

Does anyone else do this? Judge people? I find myself doing it a lot and feel like a truly horrible person because of it. It also makes me a hypocrite as well because if someone were to judge me I wouldn't like it. I've been trying to better myself as a person but find it hard at times. I just dont feel like it is fair of me to assume or make judgements of people when I sometimes don't even know them.

Whenever I look at baby photos and stuff, I mostly like looking at the ones of myself and become uninterested in ones of other people. I feel so narcissistic about this and I fear it adds to the evidence that I have NPD. What do I do?

If intrusive bthoughts distress you, it might be a sign that imaginal exposure should be part of your game plan to beat OCD (and some other disorders). - But how do you do it well? That's the important question. I looked to an article from the OCD Center of Los Angeles for guidance. Then I used their key points to create a script of my own. Here are my seven take-aways: - 1) the EVENT is the beginning of your story. 2) next describe the SHORT TERM RESULTS of that event. 3) finally, wrap up with the LONG TERM RESULTS. 4) tell your story in FIRST PERSON (aka, use the word "I'm to describe yourself) 5)tell your story in PRESENT TENSE, like it is happening right now. 6) MAX IT OUT!! write your script to be as distressing as you can tolerate without doing compulsions, avoidance, and reassurance. In my script, I chose to have the vet say the things mean things my OCD tells me. 7) READ IT OUT LOUD. According to the article, they suggest a minimum of thirty times per day. Eeek! But recovery is worth it. The article includes two examples One is a sample script for harm OCD symptoms. The other is for sexual orientation symptoms. They're very detailed and we're really helpful in writing my script. - What topic could you write about to make your OCD cringe? - Here is the article link: https://ocdla.com/imaginal-exposure-ocd-anxiety-4847

i feel like the only way out is to break up with my boyfriend :(

I keep asking myself why I did what i did. But there is no answer. the guilt and shame is killing me. not sure how much longer i can do this

(tw) just washes my hands three times in the last five minutes - it’s literally becoming addictive and because of lockdown i can’t really turn to anyone anymore. i don’t want my mum to worry about me any more than she is.

Bi ocd Anyone here who fears they might be bi? Most people here are scared that they are gay. Anyone here, who still like opposite sex, but obsessed about same sex attraction? This is weird, but seeing so many people losing opp sex attraction makes me feel I am the odd one out. Like I should have lost opp sex attraction if I were straight and had ocd. Maybe I am bi and have ocd bcz I can't accept my sexuality. I don't need any reassurances but if anyone is here with bi ocd nd willing to talk

I hope you all had a good day today. I have been feeling so alone recently, wish you all the best if you have been feeling the same.

With being at home I’m struggling a lot lately, being home constantly Is really hard. I have both pocd and rocd, so I haven’t been able to do my usual erp (being around kids at my work) and I’m constantly around my boyfriend so I question EVERYTHING I think and do and worry about everything relating to our relationship. I feel trapped not only in my house but also in my head. And my ocd is usually only sex related, but I’m obsessing about the virus too as I live in New York and it’s really starting to get bad here.

I’m new here. My son who is 10 is developing OCD rapidly, I feel like it’s getting worse. I don’t know how to help him. He keeps washing his hands . He is afraid of touching everything. His hands gets irritated and starts to develop rash but he never stops. When I encounter him he gets rigid or starts to cry . He makes his brother clean himself or his hands again n again too which annoys and frustrates him which eventually cause them into serious fight. He is developing other miss behavior too. How to start with this thing ? I’m afraid if he doesn’t get help , it will get worse with age .