Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hey my Christian/Catholic friends or anyone who wants to read this, if you’re going through a hard time during this pandemic remember our creator and our savior, Jesus Christ, is with us all the time. Use this time we are getting to pray to him for forgiveness and protection. I’m struggling with Harm OCD and Religious OCD, it’s really hard to pray with those intrusive thoughts coming in and out but I gotta stay strong. You’re loved, even if you don’t feel like you are or even if your thoughts say otherwise. Stay healthy, stay safe, and stay home. Oh and tomorrow is Easter! Even though we can’t go to church we can still listen to worship music :)

Suicidal OCD or Suicidal Ideation? I feel like I’m not going to survive for long. I feel like the anxiety and pain is going to overwhelm me and that at some point, I will get mad and take my own life without hesitance. I’m always anxious and I like to stay in my bed most of the day without doing anything at all. I always want to talk to the closest people to me and share these thoughts so that they could give me reassurance that I won’t do anything to myself. Sometimes, I get the urge and start feeling that I’m about to do it right away and that something is completely wrong with me. I feel like nobody understands me but ever since I’ve began research, I can relate to alot of the symptoms of self-harm/suicidal OCD. I can’t feel interest in the things I’m doing because there is this constant anxiety and pressure that doesn’t go away. I don’t think I’m going to stay alive for long and I keep praying that I don’t take my own life away or that anything saves me from this.

I have sexual orientation ocd but i am genuinely a lesbian and my ocd centers around me worrying about being straight/ attracted to men. Is there anyone else here like that?? Should I even post in this topic?? I don’t want to trigger anybody but this obsession causes a lot of problems in my life and I know that within the lgbt community, this sort of self doubt is common even among those who don’t have ocd at all.

About this time last year my partner was out on a night out and didn’t come home till late. I was worried so rang him multiple times and no answer. About half an hour after I stopped calling he rang and was super apologetic. He was drunk with friends and they’d decided to smoke some weed (he’s not usually a big smoker) and he said he was just really high and had t noticed his phone. He then came straight home. The next day he said he felt really bad because he knew I was worried about him - after he apologised we resolved it and forgot about it. A few months later I had a huge ocd spike where I thought he was cheating on me / into someone else. It was triggered by a rough patch and him having a new friend he took to a party - which I thought meant he liked her- but actually there was meant to be more of them and she has a bf she has just moved in with and seems very loved up. It almost cost us the relationship, as I became so obsessed I would question everything and he couldn’t handle the constant questioning. He proclaims his innocence and has spoken with my therapist. I saw the texts with his friend and they were very platonic. On a side note, at the same time I decided to confide in him something that upset him a lot. He chose to forgive me from keeping it from him. But this added another layer to the issues as my ocd says he won’t tell you the truth because you didn’t tell him. What if he wants to hurt you back or thinks you don’t deserve to know the real truth after what you’ve done. Now my ocd will pick up on random stuff, recently I keep thinking about that night he didn’t answer the phone. I didn’t understand how he could miss all those calls, if I ask now he gets annoyed and upset. He said his phone was on silent and he told me he was very drunk and high and came home afterwards. I know it’s my ocd but I was cheated on in the past and I’m so terrified that I’ll believe someone again and it’ll all turn out to be a lie. I’m so scared how I could ever trust my instinct if that happened to me again. My bf is trying to help me overcome those theme but because it directly attacks him he’s found it hard. He says it’s okay to questions things I’m worried about and it’s okay to ask if things seem weird or I’m uncomfortable but the obsessive questioning has to stop. He said he’s given me answers, they’re not going to change and I should make a decision. It’s so hard to know what’s something I should be concerned about and what isn’t. I don’t even know what theme this would be, rocd? Paranoia? But it’s so intense, I find it so hard not to burst into tears if I can’t ask questions and I can’t see clearly what’s normal and what’s not.

Looking for some feedback on experiences people have had using Paxil for OCD? Did u experience many side effects at the beginning? If so, for how long? I’ve heard it’s one of the worst SSRI’s for weight gain has anyone else experienced this?

I’ve had hocd for a while now ... I feel like I’ve completely lost interest in the opposite gender.

Hi All, I hope this doesn’t sound too pathetic what I’m about to say. So my current psychiatrist is a brilliant doctor and he’s been my provider for 6 months now. Throughout those 6 months, we’ve been through a lot together emotionally and medically. He was basically my rock or crutch for lack of a better word. I was heavily leaning on him for mental and emotional support. Sometimes we were on the phone having long conversations several times a week and out of the kindness of his heart he did not bill me for any of that extra time. The communication between us have simmered down since earlier this year, but yesterday during our session he concluded by saying point blank that I’m not to reach out to him unless it’s an immediate life-threatening emergency. I knew this was eventually going to happen cause he’s my doctor, not my dad (although I think subconsciously I have created him into a sort of father figure). But hearing him put it so bluntly like that hit like a bag of bricks and I’ve been super depressed since last night. I’ve been acting out sexually and I had been doing good the last few days with that. I feel like I have lost a life line that I was totally dependent on. And now that we increased my Prozac again, I’m worried that the Prozac will increase my anxiety and technically that’s not a life threatening emergency so I can’t reach out to him, even if the anxiety is unbearable, which it was last time we tried increasing my Prozac. So I’m not sure how to effectively cope with this. My mood has been just awful since yesterday. I’m just tired of feeling depressed and I wish I wasn’t so emotionally dependent on other people to make me feel happy and secure with myself. I’m not asking for any type of reassurance, disproval of my anxiety or for someone to tell me what to do. I just want some support and if anybody maybe has some suggestions for coping skills and strategies for this particular situation I’d greatly appreciate it. I’ve already tried the following: •Going on a walk. •Listening to Music •Listening to lectures from some online courses I signed up for. •Attending a 12-step meeting via the phone I still might try either reading a book or meditating. But I feel that these distractions won’t make the emotional pain I feel go away. What I need is to figure out how to deal with this feeling of rejection from my psychiatrist that I’m feeling. I know he didn’t mean it come across that way. I know my thinking is incredibly distorted. But I’m just not sure how to cope with these emotions and feelings. Thank you and sorry this post is so long.

Anybody else’s ocd get so complicated that you can’t even comprehend the thoughts in your own head, don’t mind trying to explain it to a therapist

I've been wanting a job for a while now but have bad social anxiety. A job called back and I'm so nervous even though I need the money. Anybody with social anxiety relate? What do you do to calm yourself down?

I just need to speak up about something. I am scared. I am scared that one day there’s a chance that I may leave my boyfriend/ husband because I realize I am gay or bisexual. The thought of this makes my throat tighten. That would change my whole plans and it is so heart breaking to me. And for some reason my brain goes “but maybe then you will be also happy with someone else” like wtf no I don’t want that I do not want that at all and I don’t know why my brain is trying to rationalize something that I don’t want because when there’s something that I do want my brain just turns it into a bad thing. I am scared that this is a possibility,, my brain is filled with “what if’s” and these what if’s just make me even more anxious and it makes me so entirely sad I don’t want to be gay. I don’t want to be bi. I want to be me and I feel like I will lose my identity because that is not who I am. But my brain keeps trying to tell me “well you aren’t these things because you’ve never given it a chance“ maybe because I am attracted to men??? Like why isn’t this enough? And I feel like every type of OCD theme I have had is something that in the end hurts my boyfriend and maybe it has targeted him because he is so important to me and I care for him so much. It’s just crazy and I don’t like it at all. And I feel like I keep torturing myself with these thoughts instead of living a happy life like I used to

My cousin said to me in a conversation "you're the person that is the most moral" "you are the one that will definately go to heaven" "you have never sinned" I have moral OCD... And I instantly felt like I'm living a lie , like in my teen years I watched porn and I also had the most horrific intrusive thoughts so I feel like I've sinned with my thoughts alone and all the worried I've had. I feel like I've sinned and I'm tainted and that I'm living a lie :(

Does anyone with HOCD have a SO/boyfriend/girlfriend? If so, does it affect your relationship and how do you deal with it?

I'm really struggling to understand if I need an OCD therapist or Sex therapist. I have an OCD therapist currently but my problem is avoidance of sex, feeling inadequate, anxiety about performance, and it seems ERP aimed at my psychological ED is making things worse. if there is an OCD advocate that reads this could u advise me.

Could someone give some words of support please? I just saw a tiktok where a lesbian said she liked boys from 9-11 grades and became a lesbian in 12 grade. It is a bit concerning to me but im just accepting the thoughts and telling myself I'll be ok since I know deep down I'm not. But the thoughts are just so overwhelming suddenly that I can't even eat my dinner right now peacefully, every bite is like a spike and every thought that comes is making me cry.

My biggest fear is losing my emotions and thinking “what if I was a serial killer” and honestly that’s the worst thing you could think right? But then I compare and have other thoughts like NO ONE THINKS THIS WAY BUT ME. Then I sometimes laugh at how silly it sounds. But when it takes over it feels real. Let the anxiety pass. Don’t think other themes make people feel different. We all experience the same pain. It’s debilitating. And I thought I should share one of my dark thoughts with you guys.

Okay I am lost about compulsions/ reassurance. I don’t know when I am making a compulsion (they are usually mental) sometimes I notice the compulsion and I label it as a compulsion so that I stop doing it which does happen but sometimes it’s so automatic. What should I do? I just feel like everything can be a compulsion right now and I don’t know what to do. Like literally telling yourself that it is ocd or it is just a thought is a compulsion. I am scared that when I get an intrusive thought and ignore it that is also avoiding the thought. So I don’t really know what to do

I have a serious question. So when it comes to OCD, do you say ANYTHING POSITIVE to yourself to recover? Literally ANYTHING that you think makes you feel better? Examples include praying, positive affirmations like I can do this, I won’t focus on those thoughts etc, distractions like exercise, feeling your senses, escaping by watching videos or games, even meditation? Are ALL of these a form of reassurance? Because that’s what my therapist just told me. If so I’ve been lied to my whole life.

How to deal with ocd (intrusive thoughts) and sexual relation... I can’t even touch my boyfriend belly anymore ?

How can I cure from eye blinking OCD ?

Hi everyone I am currently suffering from HOCD and ROCD (those being the strongest) I have been trying so so hard to overcome this but I sometimes feel like I am in square 1 all over again. My intrusive thoughts have gotten the best of me but I think it is time to overcome this obstacle because I know I am strong and I know I will not give up. As for HOCD I got triggered and started questioning myself... I know I am straight and I want to be straight but the fear of being bisexual/ gay I’d always there (there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay/bisexual) but this is just not me nor who I want to be. My ROCD has been with me for a bit longer but I have managed to calm it down... I am so so scared to leave my boyfriend and I want to be always certain that I will choose him no matter what. (There is an OCD pattern... always wanting 100% certainty) I wish to get some wisdom as to how to overcome these things so that I can live a better life. I do have some questions so if anyone has some wisdom for me I would love that!! I sometimes feel as if my unwanted intrusive thoughts are a type of compulsion... like for example every time I see a girl now I have to say “oh I like her” (even though I know I don’t I feel like I have to say it) would it be healthy to stop the cycle and rewire my brain to stop myself from doing this? When I am not feeling anxious should I bring up a negative thought that causes me distress so that I can have better progress or should I leave a certain time of day to tackle my thoughts so that it doesn’t consume my whole day? Thank you so much for reading this!!