Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I’ve done therapy in 4 others places, this being my 5th. It’s truly unfortunate how difficult it is to originally find the right therapy. First several therapists just thought I had an issue with being gay and didn’t tell me about OCD. My first three therapists we’re great people, with big hearts, but couldn’t serve me much beyond normal talk therapy. Then came my first OCD Specialist. It worked okay. I got better-ish. But they were 3X the price of my current treatment here. My therapist here, has helped me gain at least 50% more results, so far (session 6), and for 1/3 of the price of other services. In business, things become better, faster, more convenient, etc. that is exactly what has happened here at NOCD. They are serving a massive market without price gauging their eyes out like the existing other specialists. Here at NOCD, they are serving a wildly underserved portion of the market. I can’t imagine all the disenfranchised people who couldn’t afford the right service, finally being treated for affordable rates. Best thing? It’s an in and out program. All of my other therapists said OCD is chronic, and will need to taken care of over life. They wanted my $$$!!!!!! They fed me Lies lies lies and wanted my money. NOCD wants you healed and on your way, so you can live life and they can help more people. I would invest a lot of money into NOCD. Maybe I should. Let me know!!! Love y’all, be safe. And do your exposure exercises. I’m doing flash cards everyday, with verbiage that says “I might (insert fear)” or “others might think...” doing it everyday voluntarily helps push the scariness away and I feel more like old me. With Love, Brock

I need to try and go on a walk in a bit bc I haven’t in days but I’m terrified to leave my house. I’m terrified I’m a danger to people. POCD going off so badly. Just triggered because I was reminded of things I was shown in hs. I feel like I’m a horrible person for seeing them. But there’s one part of it that really gets to me that I feel I can’t even talk about. I don’t know. It haunts me so much.

I’m having a meltdown! Help! I have been reducing my reassurance lately. I went from 250 to now like 20 times. Huge jump in last month. But I feel absolutely awful still because it’s ERP and it gets worse before you get better. I’m so on edge so the slightest things trigger me. I’ve been having a horrible meltdown for an hour screaming at top of my lungs. I just want ERP TO Work!!! I’m putting in so much effort. I believe I’m getting closer but these meltdowns are horrible. Hopefully it’s a good sign that erp is working because the ocd is mad. Anyone else experience this in ERP? It’s such a huge change and I want my life back so bad! During this meltdown, my ocd has told me that I’m never going to get better and I’m scared.

How do you manage spikes? I’m a female who suffers from HOCD. I was reading the book “Brainlock” and I got to the section of Reattribute. Doing another task to counter giving into my compulsions. I decided to take the extra step and do ERP on my own by looking at images of lesbian couples. I’m finally getting treatment after 6 years of dealing with it off and on. More “masculine” lesbians trigger me the most. I was able to stand looking at the images for awhile but I could feel my anxiety at basically 100% but I kept going. Then I felt like I actually liked the images. I didn’t have a groin response but there was a jump in my chest, a emotional response. Like, I was genuinely attracted. Like the attraction was there and my mind was confused and disconnected from my body. I had never felt this way before. For two days now I’ve dealt with a feeling of anxiety sitting in my chest. I don’t want to eat or sleep, this is the lowest I’ve ever gone. My body feels like it wants that. I haven’t been to sleep and when I do, the thought is waiting when I get up. I feel like I may actually want this and when I try to accept it, my mind won’t let me. So then I’m sucked back into fighting and I feel like I set myself up when I should have avoided it. I see my new therapist Monday, but if you’ve experience this or know any encouraging messages that can help me get through it till I see them, it would be great.

I guess I'm gay. This is it. Im attracted to both men and women, but I get a stronger sexual reaction to women. I dont want to be gay. I'm with a boy who I love, but now I'm scared that I love my best friend instead of him. Before hocd I had no feelings for her at all. I dont want to have feelings for her. Before HOCD I didn't think I was gay, but because of comments that I saw yesterday it feels completely true now. I'd like to identify as straight, but that feels wrong because if I was healthy Id most likely want to be gay, right? I hope that isnt true. I'm not allowed to identify as straight because that's just proof that I'm in denial. I'm deep in denial. I want to die. I need help. But I can't afford help. I don't get a sexual response from looking at either gender now, which is very distressing because checking no longer works. I don't want my boyfriend to leave my life. I dont want to stop being intimate with him. I love talking to him, holding his hand, and hugging him, and kissing him and having sex with him. I'm scared I'm only with him for reassurance now. I dont want to get help if that means leaving him, but now I'm scared that's because I want to be straight, not because I love him. The most fucked thing about this is when I first developed hocd it was when I was going through puberty. I'd be terrified that I'd accidentally look at a girls boobs or butts, not even because I had the inclination to. It started from there and for some reason I got the shit end of the stick and it developed into being true. Have I convinced myself that I'm gay and I'm really not? I've been dealing with this so long I honestly have no idea. This bothers me so much because it's all about sex. What the fuck does sex have to do with loving someone? Love is not sex. I fucking hate societies view on sex and sexuality. I'm scared that if I dont react to these supposed feeling for my friend then they'll haunt me for ever. I dont want to lose my boyfriend.

This is gonna be another long one sorry but i need to vent again. The past 2 days have been pretty good i’ve had some intrusive thoughts but i didn’t focus on them and i just allowed them to pass but tonight it’s not that easy. I’m fully convinced at this point that i’m literally bottom of the barrel and just a terrible weird person and now i’m thinking back to previous thoughts wondering if they were even intrusive thoughts or if some things i think it do are even correlated with ocd and it’s just who i am as a person. i just wish i wasn’t me. like a day or two ago i had an intrusive thought or at least that’s what i’m categorizing it as because i’m not sure. basically i was in the shower and i thought to myself that this would usually be a time i would have an intrusive thought and i feel like i made myself think of one. i didn’t agree with it enjoy the thought but i made myself think of it because i guess i thought that would be something that could have popped up into my brain any other time and i was kinda surprised that my mind didn’t automatically think of it if that even makes any sense. So i don’t know if it’s an intrusive thought because i thought of it on my own but the thought was also similar to intrusive thoughts i’ve had in the past, i’m really trying to make this make sense sorry. And i feel like it was hard to move past because the thoughts involved my sister and her bf snd ughh i just feel so gross and terrible for thinking that even though i didn’t have a groinal response or anything it’s just the worst when my thoughts involve other people. Another thing also is i was watching a tik tok and this girl was doing a storytime about how she was driving and found a dead body that was covered with a blanket on a bridge and watching the video i felt fine until she mentioned the position of the body saying it was laying on its side with its legs curled up and then it seemed like i had a groinal response and it was really unsettling because that was something i literally didn’t expect to trigger me in any way so now i’m thinking i’m some creep that is attracted to dead bodies and it doesn’t help my situation that i used to watch a lot of crime shows where there were killers who were into stuff like that so it could be possible that that’s who i am even though that actually gross, but what if i’m in denial about who i really am and all these thoughts and things are really just how i feel and i keep on labeling it as ocd. I kept on going back to the video to rewatch that part to see if i’d hace the same response and sometimes i did and sometimes i didn’t but who knows if that’s because i was actively trying to avoid a response it if i just didn’t feel any type of way and it was dumb to do that honestly because i know that’s it’s a checking compulsion and it didn’t even help me in the end to figure anything out. i feel like i’ve been questioning myself a lot lately because it’s hard having these thoughts and responses a lot and just brushing them off because these are real things bad people feel so i could actually just be a bad person that has yet to evolve or come to terms with who i am. i really just want to be a normal girl and live a normal life but it’s so hard when the thoughts are running through my mind telling me that this is who i really am. i really want to get a therapist and just vent and talk about every single thing going on in my head so i can get just an ounce of clarity because i can’t keep on telling myself they’re just thoughts because my mind is a part of who i am and if these thoughts are do frequent would that just mean it’s who i am.

Do you guys get flashbacks to your childhood and think about how that might have contributed to your OCD? Sometimes I get false memories of me, enjoying staring at some girl. I hate these flashbacks and mental images. I've never looked at a woman in any way other than aesthetically, but with my flashbacks, I feel so uncomfortable and scared. For example, I was rewatching a few ASMR videos to help calm some stress down and suddenly I got a thought of me in the past watching these videos and how I enjoyed watching the lady. I vividly remember that I only watched ASMR for the soothing sounds, not the person doing it. Can OCD and false memory OCD have some type of correlation? (I'm a female btw)

I saw a lot of stuff today dealing with HOCD and I’m someone who once identified as a lesbian. But I’ve been questioning it as of late like what if I’m bi. Those things don’t necessarily cause me that much distress. In ways it does but not the same as the obsessions of “what if I’m straight”. I don’t know if it helps at all but being gay or being bi whatever I am I can tell you it does not look the same distress as what you guys face. I have been on the end of the spectrum where I’m like “what if I’m straight?” Before and THAT caused me extreme distress. So yeah I can tell you actually being a sexuality and your ocd making you confused and distressed is not the same.

me and my bf got into a small disagreement cause he kept leaving me on read and it made me anxious and he said he doesn’t do it purpose but now i feel bad for even bringing it up and my mind is making me blow this out of proportion and is like “this must mean u don’t wanna be with him. this must mean ur relationship is bad” ughfhdhhhh

I am a Protestant Christian, and I fear that I might be in the wrong religion and might go to hell. Is it possible for me to overcome this obsession in a way that still allows me to believe in absolute truth, I.e. that there is only one right religion? Because I would rather continue being OCD than give up the exclusivity of Christ’s claims.

I wish I knew how the future would be. I’m scared of my harm ocd and intrusive thoughts and more. I’ve been fighting this for 6 months and everyday is a fight. I hate feeling alone cause my family doesn’t understand and I hate knowing I make them worried about me. Day to day is hard at times. The last 2 days I’ve been stuck in a hole and seems I can’t get out of this. I’m scared about sailing again and if my thoughts will follow me.

The recent thread on HOCD and people then coming to terms with their sexuality is so triggering/confusing ? it kinda counters everything you learn about how arousal and groinals don’t necessarily mean anything

I need some help. I finished therapy not too long ago, exhausted every ERP exercise me and my therapist could think of and I still feel like shit. I feel like a fucking freak. My therapist said that usually after therapy OCD just won't be there for a long time and it's still here. Infact it feels like I'm slowly regressing. Is this normal? I need to talk to people who have finished OCD therapy. I had therapy for 6 months with some of the most gruesome exercises. I don't have money for more therapy, I don't want to get on meds and I just want to be OK. I've been accused of being my worst fear on this app like 4 times so be really careful with what you comment, please.

I’m afraid to ask this, but is it common for OCD to present as a fear of wanting to do something bad? I’ve had thoughts like “maybe I do want to”, “just do it”, “that sounds like a good idea” and so on. These thoughts are unwanted, but it makes me really confused and scared because I used to dismiss thoughts by saying I know I don’t want to do that. Has anyone experienced this? I’m afraid to treat this as OCD because they feel more real..

For anyone who struggles with “just right” obsessions and a lot of compulsions are mental ruminations, how do you practice exposures? So far I’ve mostly talked to myself for exposures but it hasn’t felt strong enough, so I’m also considering recording myself and listening back to it (as much as I don’t want to listen to my own voice!) what do you guys do?

If the brain develops neural connections when we think of stuff repeatedly, wouldn’t ERP be counter intuitive and make people believe our thoughts? can someone explain how that works?

Anyone dealing with one thought for a long while? Like a month or 2?

my mind is making me feel so guilty for all the shit i put my boyfriend through when it comes to my mental health

I'm broken. I'm at the point of a panic attack, and I'm so angry I just want to smash everything in my room. I was getting better, everything started to make sense. I realized how these irrational fears made no sense and I was facing them, one by one, and winning, constantly proving to my mind she was wrong. My OCD grew branches on sexuality and spirituality. As a Christian and spiritualist, I thought that if I watched porn, I would bring some kind of low, negative energy to my computer and that would cause it to burn out some pieces. There is this whole vibrational thing going on, and also demons or evil spirits that are attracted when you do something of "low vibration". And for Christianity (at least on the majority of churches) masturbation, pre marital sex and most sexuality things are big no no's, as they fall under the category of promiscuity. With my computer being my only way of distracting myself, with games, TV shows, social media, home schooling and artworks, this became a no no for me. I got to the point of not masturbating at all for months. Any time a sexual urge would appear in my mind I would pray for God to take this temptation away from me, because I "knew" that somehow if I gave in, I would infect my computer with this low energy/vibration and cause it to malfunction/die/burn out some pieces. After a few therapy sessions and also talking to my mom about this (she is very open), both her and the therapist said one thing has nothing to do with the other. This was just another trick of my OCD to make me feel guilty and afraid. Okay, I decided to follow their advice. It made sense. I watched porn this morning, to try price to my mind she was wrong, and guess what happened in the evening? MY KEYBOARD STOPPED WORKING. Not just one keyboard, I had a reserve one and it also doesn't work! I've just spent hours trying to fix it but for nothing, and I have essays to finish for tomorrow, and it's holiday here, so I won't be able to find a technician. And then there is the weekend... But not only that... No. That would be too easy. My bedroom lamp also burned out AT THE SAME TIME, which stands just by the side of my computer. Now, what are the chances of that?! I had this lamp for several months (and also the keyboard) and never had a single problem. What the fuck is going on?! I'm laying on my bed in complete darkness wanting to punch something while I just laugh of this nonsense out of complete rage.. I'm broken. My emotions are all fucked up now. This will probably be another night with insomnia. I was facing my obsessions, putting them to test one by one to show my unconscious mind that these irrational fears were not real. I had to pray constantly and compulsively before each exam, several times, or I wouldn't perform well on it or God wouldn't bless me. I decided to stop, and put things to test. This week I did two exams and I didn't pray in any of them, not only once, and I got max grade. That was the light at the end of the tunnel. My fears were unfounded, they were beginning to crumble and I was starting to conquer them. But then this happens. What are the chances? Is it REALLY just coincidence?! I don't know, I'm just tired and I don't know where to go from here or how to proceed. Can anyone share a light?

I finished my 8 sessions through NOCD app. My anxiety, depression scores lowered by half. I'm more able to expose myself to my fears now. And I do not panic as much as I did when I started the therapy sessions. I would definitely recommend therapy to anyone here. It does take a lot of work on your own, and meds with therapy is much better. Consider it if possible.