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the NOCD Community

For all the HOCD suffered out there ? Today I’ve finally started to feel like myself again because I’ve realized that these thoughts came out of nowhere, they mean nothing. You can control how you react to them. They popped up out of no where and it reacted to them. You control how you react. Remember that the thoughts popped in randomly, and they don’t have to have any meaning or hold on your life! It’s definitely made me feel a lot better ?

I know this might be reassurance seeking but how do I KNOW it’s just ROCD. I feel so strongly like I need to break up w my bf and that I’d be happier if I was alone but I also know that’s just me wanting to get rid of the anxiety not necessarily get rid of him. But my mind keeps telling me I’m lying to myself and I don’t actually love him and it all feels so real and true. I don’t get what I’m supposed to do. I just wanna feel how I felt when I wasn’t anxious and I was so happy with him.

"ROCD" Can I ask your opinion on something? It's about some thoughts I regret about having when I first started my relationship with my ex gf. It was on the first week to two weeks that this lasted. I never had a partner before... And at the time, I didn't know these symptoms were ocd nor that I had ocd! It was before I was diagnosed (long before) I had thoughts like "am I attracted to her?" ; "do I deserve better?" ; "is she the one?" I felt so detached of my feelings when our relationship began that I felt miserable... But when I understood that I loved her, I felt so guilty for having those thoughts... I'm not a person that is "shallow" and cares about looks. In fact Ive liked people that others found ugly but I found really cute... I think I have different likings than most people... For example, I thought Zac Efron was pretty but I didn't ever had a crush on him, instead I liked better other characters like the brother of the "villain" of high school musical. I once thought she looked ugly in a Pic (it didn't kooked like her - she's much more pretty in real life) and at the time, I still didn't saw her a lot so I only had a few pics of her (we met online) but I didn't feel like she was ugly! Does it make sense? She was never ugly but I had conflicting feelings about her appearance. I was "obsessed" with this subject. I **felt** she was neither pretty or ugly! She was neutral! And it bothered me for sometimes finding her ugly. - I felt not attracted to her and it felt so unfair to her! But like I said, this was in the past! These thoughts were only during those first few weeks! She is beautiful! She is!.... I don't understand why I felt like that... And I was ashamed (still am ashamed) I felt that way, you know? I hated those feelings... I thought my brain was being unfair for obssessing over her looks, when she is super pretty and attractive. But back then, I had contradictory feelings and I didn't felt attracted to her because of her appearance... Which I knew deep down that my brain was tricking me... I wanted her since the beginning and I felt so miserable for having these thoughts... One day, just two weeks after we started dating, I thought about if I should breaking up because I didn't know how I felt about her! I was so scared of this new experience and I didn't know what to feel. I battle my mind so much because I didn't want to give up! Part of me knew that these thoughts were fear and something unknown (that now I know it was ocd) For the majority of the rest of our relationship, I always felt guilty about these early thoughts and I felt like she deserved better... I felt so guilty that I'd spend nights crying for being so unfair to her in my thoughts... That Id pray to God to not take her away from me... To forgive me... (and I'm not religious) Please know that I was never mean to her. After these 3 weeks of a Rocky beginning, I fell deeply for her... I was attracted to her, emotionally and physically... She is beautiful inside and out... I never had a body/face type so this would happen to everyone. But I feel so bad that it was with her... My question is : do I deserve forgiveness? And didi/do I deserve her?

Hi! I’ve been struggling with HOCD for a while now. It all started after a break up with my ex boyfriend about 2years ago, and I was so heartbroken that I decided I was done with men (lol), despite being attracted to them my whole life. I was scared for a while as I felt my attraction to men was gone, but I slowly forgot about it and moved on to have loads of crushes and heartbreaks. Now, it’s 2 years later and I have found the best man, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. For sure. And the HOCD has come back, it’s taking over every one of my thoughts. I can’t do anything without questioning if I’d rather be with a girl, which I know I wouldn’t. I’ve had really close girl friends all my life, and I have never had any feelings for them. Even now when I see them, I have no feelings for them as I am deeply in love. I fear I am in denial and I always will be, even though I have no evidence that I might be bi or lesbian. It makes no sense in my world, and I’ve always been into guys and crushing over guys but my HOCD has made me question all of it and it’s tearing me apart. I am so happy in my relationship and up until about a month ago I hadn’t even thought of HOCD again. Please can anyone help with methods to overcome this and go back to my normal life.

I've wasted the best years of my life 19-25 dealing with HOCD. time I'll never get back and live in regret. I just truly hate my life.

My HOCD is insisting that I have gay sex and that I'll like it, however I've previously always been disturbed at the thought of engaging in it. Idk wtf to do anymore. I'm so over it.

I'm starting to really doubt myself :(

I know I’ve been posting too much. But I have an important message for all my ocd sufferers: do not do ERP before bed. I wanted to do good, but essentially all that anxiety caused a ton of adrenaline so now I’m anxious about never being able to sleep again. I am panicking so bad right now. Does anyone have any advice? No reassurance, just advice. Everytime I lay my head down, I start to panic all over again.

i feel like i obsess over the slightest things that don’t even matter but i feel like life won’t function perfectly unless i catch every little detail.

i just saw a tweet on my timeline but i read it wrong and i read it as “he f*cked a rabbit” instead of “he f*cked like a rabbit” and for some reason the first thing i thought to my self when i read it wrong was “oh so it’s common” and then i took a step back and was like “wait why would i think that? does that mean i think beastiality is okay?” and now i’m really worried that i agree with beastiality somehow and i’m really scared like why would i even think that??? im NEVER EVER had thoughts about beastiality before

I’ve done 4 days in a row with 0 reassurance!! ZERO. I’m kicking butt. It hurts so bad and it’s so hard but it’s worth it. I’m gonna beat this and continue to not give into reassurance because it feeds it. I’m gonna win eventually

For the sake of honesty: My therapist said I don’t actually have OCD. He says basically I have perfection/control issues, and am so afraid of making a mistakes that I ritualize to keep from doing something wrong. I thought that if I *didn’t* strictly meet DSM criteria, it meant there was nothing wrong with me, and that I had to do/avoid all the things my mind told me to. To make it more confusing, my sister who was diagnosed with OCD thinks I have it, and a different therapist who has OCD herself thinks I have it. That said, I’ve come to view it more like a spectrum, and a maladaptive coping mechanism. But, I wanted to throw this out there, because I felt a little dishonest, and wondered if maybe y’all would rather I not be in this community. That said, I know what it’s like to check locks, stoves, ovens, faucets, lights, garages multiple times, to ruminate to make sure I haven’t made a mistake, to worry if I don’t wash my hands enough I will make other people dirty or defiled or dead, etc. I use the principles of ERP (well, try to) and find them helpful. Thanks for reading.

I’m freaking out. I have relationship ocd and for the most part felt like I was doing better but yesterday was my 21st birthday party and I was already scared of drinking cause I felt like I was going to do or say something bad while being drunk. I went kind of hard on the drinking yesterday and ended up blacking out. When I woke up my boyfriend told me what happened and he told me that I called my best friends boyfriend, my boyfriend and that absolutely triggered me. I tried to go around it and he’s like “no you said he was your boyfriend” but he told me he didn’t take it too personal. But now I’m having a mental breakdown cause why the hell would I even say that. So many questions are going through my head and I just want to cry my eyes out.

Hi all, So this weekend I went away with my partner and friends. Friday night I guess I was being spontaneous and took more then the recommended dosage of an edible. Long story short yesterday I was not “present” at all. I was in an out of this high state. Extremely uncomfortable. My anxiety shot through the roof and my body went into complete panic attack. Today, (Sunday) I am still feeling distressed. I feel high still, not alive and really anxious. Is this common worn people who have high anxiety/triggered panic attacks? I think I’m more scared of the outer body I had all day yesterday and not feeling alive.

I just need someone to talk to. I feel so alone and scared and I’m constantly triggered and I just want to stop fighting this daily battle

Regarding false memories, do you think deep down we know they’re false and just struggle because we can’t prove it? Sometimes I’ll think of a real memory,something that I don’t feel that great about but I just somehow “know” it’s true. I think there in lies the difference. Not looking for reassurance but wondering if others have noticed this ?

I have a very strong obsession of wanting everything I do(even though I am doing it privately and no one is watching,everything I think of to be known and recognized by every people I know and people I see as I pass by.and as a solution since this thing isn't realistic my mind start to think about not doing anything usefull when get severe to the extent of not eating so that to make sure I did noting not recognized by others.as u can guess this thing is making my life a mess.can anyone help me??

I'm so sick of this I have real event ocd And I ruminate from the minute I wake up I've discussed on here befor e about one memory I have but now I'm getting another about touching my dog down there, it's not very clear but I feel like I might have tried to rub him in some way to satisfy him. I was an adult and I just cant justify this I cant get my head around if this actually happened but it feels so real And if it is real why did I do it. I'm just so sick of this.

If ERP is supposed to work for any OCD theme, no matter the content, why is ERP actually focused on the content. I understand the therapy method of experiencing your intrusive thoughts/not doing the compulsion, but I'm having a hard time seeing where ERP follows this method.

tried to watch porn as an exposure and now I just feel guilty and like a terrible person