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Dude! I’m so pissed and upset. I went back to see when I first emailed a psychologist to help me and when I saw the date I realized what prompted me to get help. It was because I got an unsuspecting phone call at work from a girl I used to love and even though she didn’t know it was me until I sent the email and it had my name on it because she worked at a bank and I worked in insurance I knew almost instantly who was on the other line because all I felt was just a warm very happy to hear her voice again feeling but I knew I wasn’t right then and knew I needed help. But no one a year ago had room to fit me in and never got back to me which prompted me to get the self help and I just ended fucking up myself worst and it just makes me mad because if I was good I would’ve chased her I would’ve gone after her and now I’ve lost my chance and just feel depressed about it. I’m not sure if she was the one but I sure as hell would’ve liked to find out. I just had to get this out because it was in my head and I thought someone on here would understand how I’m feeling. Having HOCD, depression, anxiety, and trauma sucks and has prevented me from loving someone and has prevented me having friends. I know I’ll get better in a month or 2 but still I just needed to vent a bit.

*Trigger warning* I did something stupid and looked in the DSM at Pedophilic Disorder, and of course, freaked myself out. A lot of people always say you can tell your thoughts are unwanted because they cause you distress, but in the DSM distress is also listed for Pedophilic Disorder. Basically now I'm scared my thoughts actually ARE wanted. Of course, I was always scared they were wanted, but seeing it in the DSM makes it feel so much worse because what if? Any advice?

Hi all, I will try to make it short (and will probably fail). I had my first real bout of pure ocd 15 years ago (I was 15). It started after smoking weed and a sort of depersonalization episode. Back then I did not understand what was happening so I spent almost a year keeping things to myself. The first obsessions I had centered around not being able to tell if I was real, or in a dream which created acute anxiety, I was also afraid of losing my mind as I did not understand what was happening. When I finally talked about it to my parents, they sent me to a therapist but he only wanted to give me meds and I was against it so I had to find another way. Through research and from experience I developed an habit of blocking thoughts that I started to recognize as obsessions by saying "I know this is all in my head". The disorder came and went throughout the years, I had many different themes, homosexual OCD, paedophile OCD, BDD. It was insufferable until I recognized it as a new theme (partly because it was listed as one on wikipedia) and then after a few weeks of telling myself this was just the disorder morphing I started to get better. I got a lot better, I went to study abroad, had the best year of my life, met my girlfriend who is wonderful. I think for three years I barely felt any deep anxiety, at least nothing compared to what I use to feel. But things got out of hand some months ago, I think due to life stressors (having to reconsider my career plans, feeling mike a failure, money and relationship problems). I think I went through a massive depressive episode, I lost interest in my creative passions, I was too anxious to feel anything anyway. I got a bit better but what I struggle with now is kind of hard to shake. See music as always been my main passion and it helped me a lot to get over ocd in the first place. But since this episode, I started to develop a fear of not being able to feel anything, especially toward music. I have tried to treat it as OCD and expose myself to the fear, but I can't help checking my feelings whenever I listen to or make music which I think might be a mental compulsion. I'll just tell myself "oh see you aren't feeling anything" or "you are feeling anxious listening to this song that you use to like so that must mean you don't love music anymore" and it makes me feel really anxious because I feel like it is a part of me dying and of course I can't enjoy the music because I'm constantly judging my feelings. It's kind of tricky because it is not really a typical theme, which maintains the doubt that it might just be real. Although I sort of see it as somewhere between ROCD (the loved one being music) and health OCD (the fear of having damaged my brain because of anxiety and thus being unable to feel joy anymore) So does anyone as ideas about what I should do if I want to use ERP for this thoughts ? Try to accept that maybe I lost my passion ? And do they sound like OCD at all ? Thank you ! (And sorry for the long post.)

I’m so beyond upset. I’m trying to hold it together, but nothing in my life ever works out. I have to get my insulin refilled so I can pick it up. Noticed two weeks ago I didn’t have any on autofill at the pharmacy. Absolutely disgusting that I wouldn’t seeing as I go to my endocrinologist every three months and as a type 1 am insulin dependent. Call them to send over the order to Walgreens. Walgreens can’t accept it, says my insurance doesn’t cover it. I don’t understand how it can’t cover fucking INSULIN but have always had problems with Walgreens so fuck them and switched to CVS in target. They tell me they’re switching everything over and that they’ll call me when it’s done. A day passes and no phone call. Keep in mind I’m telling everyone this is a fucking emergency! As an insulin dependent diabetic you can’t just be off insulin until you get it. After hours of no insulin you become violently ill, by just 12 hours you have to be hospitalized, by a week death is a serious possibility. anyway fast forward and I became aware that I need to use my pharmacy at work and novalog instead of humalog. Call my doctors office tell them this is a fucking emergency and I’m fucking PISSED that I’ve been trying to get a hold of them for over a week and NOTHING, and now I have NO INSULIN. And to have the doctor call me back IMMEDIATELY. She tells me she will, that was at 4pm yesterday. It is now 6 am the following day and I have gotten no phone call. Luckily for me I found some insulin so I didn’t call back because I’m just so overwhelmed and tired of this bullshit. But now just realized my pod is going to die because I forgot to change the batteries and for some reason the whole devise shuts down when you do that and I’m going to need to change it, but I have NO INSULIN. How the FUCK can you call yourself a endocrinologist or someone who works in that office or fuck even a decent human being and not have the fucking decency to send over a fucking order for your patient that you are perfectly aware will die without the medication. I wish I could say this sort of thing has never happened before with different endocrinologists I’ve had but that would be a lie. I just want to be happy and stupid shit like this makes my depression spiral. Just been sitting in bed for days crying over this.

Does anybody have memory hoarding ocd?

Anybody married with ROCD?

Guys, how to distinguish the OCD thought and the real ones? ??

Is there anything such as suicidal OCD? This sucks because I’ve also developed bad depression ? I’m scared that I’m gonna lose control!

Hi everyone! It’s been a while! For anyone that doesn’t know me, I’m Daisy :) I’ve been a part of this forum since it first opened and boy has it come far! I’m 18 and live in Australia ?? I’m currently 8 weeks into an inpatient hospital stay due to the severity of my OCD. So believe me when I say, I’m very, very familiar with OCD and how truly horrendous it can be to live with. I just wanted to let others know that I’m here to listen if they need someone to vent to. Sometimes it’s hard to open up as an obsessive-compulsive because our thoughts are so terrifyingly intrusive. Our friends and family, although supportive, can be unfamiliar with the mechanisms of these horrific thoughts and how to approach them. Feel free to ask me anything! I’ve taken dozens of medications, seen many specialist and engaged in multiple different therapies. If anyone’s interested in life as an inpatient, I’m more than happy to answer some questions ? Hope you’re all wonderful ? d a i s y

Anyone else dealing with Suicidal OCD and want to chat? Xx

Guys I’m sorry I feel so defeated, I just want to give up. I’ve lost all joy and every thing that used to give me purpose to fight has lost meaning. OCD has stripped everything from me and I don’t know what to do. I hate feeling good and then feeling bad. This cycle is terrible

Was watching a show called atypical with my girlfriend the other day and one of the stars has a boyfriend but she starts getting infinite with her best friend who is a girl. Triggered me like crazy. I don’t have a problem with a couple girls getting intimate lol I just got spiked that her sexual orientation was then uncertain as she was sexually active with her boyfriend and still kind of experimenting with a female of the same gender. I’ve never experimented with a male and I don’t want to. I’m aware sexuality can be fluid and that’s scary. Im in love with my girlfriend and am Sexually active as well. I don’t want to leave her for anyone whether that be male or female. My intrusive thoughts always give me great anxiety when I come across situations like those presented in the show. The biggest thing I did was just accept that I can have thoughts and I don’t need to label them or judge them. I have a choice for what I want to do. I know who I am and what I want deep in my heart and I won’t allow intrusive thoughts to manipulate me. Just accept your thoughts as they are without black and white thinking and breathe. Live through your values.

Does anyone else struggle with trichotillomania and dermatillomania? I have since I was in high school and my trich has vastly improved since then (I used to have no eyebrows, eyelashes, bald patches on my head) but now that I’m in college my derma has gotten so much worse. Even just going to the movies can be a trigger for me. Does anyone have any advice on how to address these compulsions? Xx

Still suffering from pocd and its really kickin me around right now :( I feel as if due to the traumatic events that happened when I was young I can imagine the same awful feeling sitting in my stomach from events that haven’t occurred in the present. Just scenarios that play on loop through my head. Can anyone help ? I hate this

Does anyone struggle with depersonalization? I often feel like I am a ghost in the world. Ghost girl, Or detached from my surroundings. Wondering if this is common with other OCD heads ?! Hope u are all having a lovely weekend ! Try to take care of yourselves and focus on the positive:) we are all lucky in some way and everyone u meet us struggling so be kind :)

Does anyone else suffer with Sensorimotor OCD ? I am dealing with blinking obsession don’t how to accept the thought.

The main reason that I don’t want kids is that I don’t want them to live a life full of anxiety. I have OCD and my boyfriend has anxiety and PTSD. And even thinking about how stressed a child would be with mental illness in their family breaks my heart.

CW for food-related OCD Hi there everyone! I’m very new here and it’s nice to meet you too all! Please excuse the block of text asking for advice but I really hope it’s helpful to at least one other person. Has anyone ever had problems with food and contamination? When OCD gets bad for me, I cannot eat anything meat/dairy because the idea that they’ve been contaminated is just overwhelming. This is weird because typically I have checking and hoarding tendencies, rarely anything related to contamination. The first time it hit, I was eating ice cream and I was grossed out to the point I got physically sick. Now it’s back and it hasn’t dissipated in two months :/ I try to keep it to myself but don’t want to make everyone in my life miserable by needing veggie foods all the time/being skeeved out around meats. Has anyone else had this happen with types of food specifically? I’ve never tried exposure therapy, but are there any steps that have worked for folks to get back to eating normally? I don’t need meat, but I would love to be able to eat ice cream and cheese again. Thanks so much for reading to this point! -Kelly

Trigger warning?? I can’t go near anything red usually because of a severe fear of blood. Worried it’s there and blending in. If I see any marks on stuff thats red or messes of something red I would automatically assume it’s blood and avoid it/can’t clean it up. For the longest time I wouldn’t even wear red clothes. Still can’t do red lipstick or nail polish. Does anyone else have this? Any suggestions on what I could do?? Red, strangely enough, has been my favorite color for a long time and OCD takes it away from me

Question, does anyone else experience real life event ocd? Like they have a lot of guilt about events that happened in the past and can’t seem to move on from it. It is related to my suicide ocd and I wish I could just move on from the past but I have so much guilt for it even though everyone is telling me to move on! I read that this could be considered real life event ocd but am just wondering if anyone else feels the same.