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TW, POCD I feel like a .... pedophile. I don’t think I am. When I was really young (11/12) I was under very very very little parental guidance. My parents divorced, my mom worked all nights and I took care of my siblings. Unfortunately I was introduced to porn at that time, if there is one major regret of my life, clicking that first link is it. I got addicted, maybe because it was Taboo or interesting? Idk why. I watched in front of my younger siblings. They never had any clue what I was watching, I never involved them at all. It is worse, sometimes I would engage myself (in secrecy) with my baby brother in the room. Still they were absolutely clueless as I was in a different area or the bathroom, and completely covered while they watched the tv obliviously in a different area. The worst part for me is I knew it was wrong but didn’t understand WHY it was wrong. I used to think, “if my mom caught me watching I’d be in so much trouble.” But it never once occurred to me why is it wrong for a person to do this, why could this be harmful to your siblings even if they never knew or never find out, how will this hurt your heart for the rest of your life? Like honestly it is the worst to live with and a major part of my ocd obsessive cycle is to confess and I’m scared of confessing. I’ve already confessed to my mom, my partner, I’m scared I won’t feel satisfied until I confess to more people. But people won’t understand what mental state I was in, what cognitive state I was in being 11 and the family dynamics that left me largely in charge and unsupervised at those times. I’m sorry I just need to CONFESS I guess

I have been dealing with scrupulosity since I was around 12 it usually revolved around my family but has spread to my everyday life. I like to write, to draw and to think up stories to write down. For the past six or seven months I have been obsessed on and off worrying that God doesn't want me making up stories or even imagining things including my future. I keep having these thoughts that say "You don't love God more than this." Then I have a feeling that makes we worry that I don't. So the thoughts go back and forth "do you love this more than God?" I say "of course not." Then I get a feeling that makes me feel like God wants me to stop thinking and just try really hard not to actively think so I find myself praying reptively be to figure out if thats what God wants. When I ignore it, I feel like I am disobeying God. I feel like I will end up loving writing more than God if I don't listen. The ocd keep asking me if I would stop imagining stories and writing and drawing forever if God wanted me to and I tell it "yes," I have stopped for several months before this but I don't want to if I don't have to. This is a horrible obsession and when I fall into it and realize what it is, I feel like I cannot carry on drawing or whatever because I messed up too badly and God will be angry at me if I do. I keep worrying that I secretly don't care what God wants I regards to my hobby and I would just keep on doing it anyway, of I really cared I would stop as soon as the ocd made me feel like it was Him, but deep down I know that isn't true. Why is this so hard?

my harm ocd came back very strong today. I was watching a movie with explosions and the voice in my head said “do you think that is beautiful? Is it beautiful? It’s beautiful. You like explosions?” And it’s terrible cause my brain keeps telling me I like explosions but I don’t think I do but it’s saying it’s cause I like people dying?? I feel like I’m going crazy. And Sometimes I’m accidentally a little rough when picking up my little dog and he doesn’t squeak or anything but I keep thinking I’m hurting him and I’m nervous my nails must hurt him or that I’ll accidentally hurt someone with my nails even tho they aren’t that long so I’m going to cut them. Anyone else with this? Help

Im scared bc I’m worried I’m gonna hurt him so Is me worrying that showing I don’t actually like him. I’m just worried but I think it’s cuz he’s so nice he’s different then who I’ve been with my brain isn’t use to this

Major trigger warning for pocd! I gave into my compulsions and started googling again. I know, I know, I just f*cked myself over. But it was hard to say "maybe I am" this time. And I saw someone on reddit try and justify pedophilia by saying "it's just bad in society's eyes, we don't have a moral rule book" and I started freaking out, because my ocd said "well if you're a pedophile, it's like they said, theres no rule book." And all of it DISGUSTS me. How could someone try to justify that? How could someone try to justify the thoughts that have plagued me for months? I'm terrified that my ocd will try to justify it everytime I have an intrusive thought and I CANNOT handle the anxiety. I'm 16 and I feel like I won't be able to see Christmas let alone graduation. What are your experiences and how have you coped with this?

I am in hell. I am afraid I am going to hurt my cat because things aren't sanitized enough or because the things I use to sanitize will poison her. ☹

i’m unsure if i have ocd, is it an ocd thing if i want to perfect everything i do and see others do? for example when my mother makes her bed and she doesn’t align the pillows in a perfect line it annoys me, same with me i cant sleep before i align my pillows and blanket symmetrically.

I’m so happy that this last week or so I’ve been feeling the best I have been since my OCD onset. I feel borderline normal now finally. I wanna let you guys know it’s possible. I mainly struggle with suicidal OCD along with some other themes and before therapy it was screaming at me every waking moment and now I get some intrusive thoughts here and there but it’s easier to let it go by and it’s quiet now. It’s doable!!!

Hi all, I have an ERP question. I have POCD and I am terrified I would enjoy harming a child, particularly young girls. When I practice exposure I get several things: fear, dread, negative talk AND the big one, a very intense, very real groinal response. I often obsess that if get rid the fear/anxiety, I am left with the thoughts and the grional response. Which You can imagine I fear. Like, the only thing that separates me from a pedofile is my fear, why would I get rid of it? Regardless, I still experience some relieve after practicing exposure but I am left with a groinal response that stays lingering all day and eventually becomes a trigger. Anyone else experiences this? Any suggestions to work trough this in ERP?

Does anyone else get triggered by unexpected or unplanned occurrences? I always get triggered when my husband says he wants to order food when I was planning on cooking. Or like we have to do an unexpected curbside pickup tonight and I'm getting so anxious. I just feel like anything unexpected could happen and I wont know how to handle it. (I have contamination ocd by the way).

Death anxiety is so draining

help , I in 13-14 years masturbated on furry, but then forgot. I had these thoughts again a week ago. am I a zoophile?

⛔️ HOCD and loss of identity ⛔️ I’ve completely lost my identity now. Before I knew who I was and who I wanted to become; I was like a completed puzzle. Now I feel like someone’s smashed my puzzle, I’m scrambling to find the pieces and when I finally start to refabricate the picture, it seems to change and I don’t know what it’s going to be anymore. I’m starting to believe my thoughts. In fact, I often get confirmation thoughts that say “you are ___.” Despite the fact that these thoughts cause excruciating headaches that can last hours - days, a sense of disgust and uneasiness and little crying episodes I feel lost. Recently I’ve had intrusive thoughts asking me whether I’ve come out yet. I’ve also seen several TikTok posts jokingly saying that you’re gay if you watch. All of these things have made me believe that I am yet I don’t want it; I don’t want to touch them or be involved with them romantically or physically. In fact, I find it repulsive. Yet my mind tells me it’s denial and the disgust is what accompanies the denial I’m feeling. It’s so distressing to me. Please help. I don’t know who I am anymore. I know who I want to be but my mind and my heart are fighting with each other. A little bit of guidance would be nice.

??? hi @holley. Let's talk here rn. Hope you see this :D

HELP! I just saw about four videos on my cup claiming that everyone watching is gay and it’s made me anxious because I’m scared as it’s called the “for you page.” It makes me so distressed. Is this telling me something? I hope that it isn’t because it makes me so uncomfortable.

TMI/TW for mention of masturbation . . . Just did some intense exposure therapy. I pleased myself and didn’t let the thoughts and images stop me. My anxiety is skyrocketing. I feel like I did something wrong. Trying to reclaim my life by not letting my intrusive thoughts stop me, but it can be so hard and shameful. I want to be able to be sexually intimate with people, and this is the first step towards that. Anyone who can relate?

I’ve been having issues with my medication for a while now and I think my mom has something to do with it. My mom didn’t even like the idea of me going to therapy because I should “just get over it”. She also doesn’t accept any of the diagnoses and tries to play doctor saying “well I think you have this-“ and she won’t let me tell her that she’s not qualified to do that because she’s a nurse who worked in pharmacy for like a year which in her mind gives her power over my psychiatrist. She also doesn’t take me seriously because when I was a child I had a tendency for overreacting as children do, but this has branded me for life so now no one in my family takes me seriously. I told her I had intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and all this stuff and she kinda just shoved it off as being overdramatic. Anyway, for a long time I would only get one month doses of medication and then suddenly “your psychiatrist didn’t redo to the prescription and I talked to her and she keeps denying it”. I believed that..until I talked to my psychiatrist who I haven’t seen in months largely due to my mother and I brought up the medication and my psychiatrist was genuinely shocked that I haven’t taken it in months and that she had no idea because she hasn’t heard from us. I don’t even know how to feel at the moment. It’s makes sense that my mom would do that considering how she feels about the whole mental health situation anyway. Plus she had a lot of reservations concerning this medication. I just don’t understand why she would go as far as to lie and make me quit medication cold turkey. It was a really hard time for me when I ran out because “it couldn’t be refilled”. I feel hurt.

i cant do it anymore. why wont this ever end? i thought i was getting somewhere and now a whole new theme on top of it. why cant i make this stop :(

I feel so immature and dumb going through this at 23 years old how is it that one minute I’m fine and now I’m this

Hey guys. I told my parents that I sometimes have negative thoughts and the conversation didn’t go well. I get bombarded by them at times. Now i feel like if i have a negative thought about something/or reason for doing something, I can’t do it anymore and if I would want to change that negative thought or reason and make it positive that it wouldn’t work. What should I do?