Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Americans: I am from New York and want to make a new start somewhere else. At first I moved to Dubai for a year to escape some ocd and PTSD/bad genera memories from New York. Now despite that New York is becoming way too expensive to live in and the crime rate has shot up because of pandemic. Where are nice places to relocate to in the US for a 27 year old woman?

I literally feel an ‘exclamation mark’ in my stomach every time a pretty girl does something funny. It’s something I’d be attracted to in a guy but now I feel attracted to it in girls. I hope it’s false attraction.

I’m having an extreme anxiety attack help. I was on the iPad which is connected to my moms phone and I went on to my Spotify (web player) I wanted to listen to the moana sound track so I looked it up and accidentally pressed the result under it which was a podcast titled something like “daddy’s baby girl moaning” or some shit and now that is BOOKMARKED ON MY MOMS PHONE. And she has it blocked so you can’t delete history and it pops up as a tab anytime you look anything up and I’m so worried she’s going to see it and think I’m weird or something like how am I supposed to explain that story and I’m doing compulsions and she’s going to hate me I’m so scared. And then I looked up aton of stuff to make it go farther down in the history but of course it’s still there and still pops up when you look up certain stuff and Now it looks more suspicious even tho I didn’t even mean to look it up in the first place what do I do.

vent below- so i’m going to be as transparent as possible ever since this started about 3 months ago in may. i felt tortured sometimes i still do. one thought sent me into a spiral of questioning everything. a thought so disgusting it made me stop eating. i didn’t want to wake up and i couldn’t go to sleep i would drink some nyquil for nights on end to try to sleep and i didn’t care what it was doing to me because i just wanted to sleep and do nothing but sleep. i didn’t even want to wake up and sometimes i still don’t. i couldn’t understand why all this was just happening to me everything that i was so sure of and felt safe with became a blur. from one day to the next to months. and i would isolate myself from days on end and keep my distance from family members because i was just so scared of myself and i would cry about it and no one understood what i was going through and they still don’t. i don’t have a diagnosis but i know that something is definitely going wrong up there and lately i’m trying to cope with it better and do the best i can and eat and wake up and try to sleep earlier and be the best person that i can be and i know that it’s super scary feeling like you aren’t you and suddenly it’s like you’re a monster on the inside that no one sees but i promise you that you aren’t. day by day i believe in all of you that the sun will shine a little brighter and the pain will numb bit by bit. crying for days on end was living hell and living was what i didn’t want anymore and sometimes i still don’t but it’s a working progress. find the strength in yourself. treat yourself with kindness and love because you’re the only one who understands at the end of the day the hell that your mind might put you through. try to overcome it. i know it hurts and you want to feel the way you did before all this happened and maybe somehow you can feel the way you once did and not obsess over the things you’re feeling or thinking. to just feeling peace with yourself. some families or your family might not understand but i believe in all of you and what you’re going through and what you’re fearing is valid. you’re valid and you can handle all this. take it day by day. no matter how much anxiety you might feel. even if it feels like fear is consuming you sometimes. you’ll survive this and overcome many more things because you’re strong. so be you and be brave. you don’t have to talk to your demons alright.

hi! so I have ocd (I thinks never been diagnosed). I keep thinking about something I might have/ might not have done in the past and Im worried I will go to jail in the future for it. I cannot do anything now because im obsessed with the thought of “why should he be happy if im just going to go to jail”I basically cannot watch any YouTube anymore, hang out with friends, do well in classes because im like “what’s the point if im just going to end up in jail and lose all of my riends anyway” Backstory: I was involved in findom which is where men feel submissive and decide to give money to others in return to be hurt, humiliated, blackmailed..etc. I also sold lots of feet pics. I stopped doing this 3 months ago. I was worried at first about hurting them even tho they’re the ones that hurt themselves. Then I got worried about blackmailing even though it was consensual and they asked for it. I have recently gotten into the scary thing of like “omg what if I blackmailed and it was not consensual” or “what if I threatened someone and they didn’t want it” I’ve been FLIPPING about this and can’t do anything with my life because im sooo flipping afraid. I’m almost positive I blackmailed someone for money and I was like “I’m gonna post ur real name and address if u don’t give me money” and they would give me money

My ocd is making me think against my boyfriend who is the best man ever. ? At some point he was battling depression and he used to get angry at me but later he regretted for shouting at me and now he is over depression, he told me that my love helped him get through depression. Why can't i do the same. He is giving so much of love to me. Why can't i beat ocd. My mind is telling me that he used to behave like that when he was in depression that's why you developed rocd. I read a post on fb about emotional abuse and now my mind is thinking maybe that was emotional abuse but he is never Abusive to me. Why am i thinking against him. I am very scared I'll ruin my relationship with him. He supports me very much. He is tolerating me and my thoughts from 4 months. He is the guy every girl would want. I literally didn't give a fuck about our pasts when i was normal. Why am i obsessing over our pasts. I want to get out of this i cannot afford therapy please help me. I want to marry him. How can i improve my relationship.

Big TW // bugs & checking this seriously set me off years ago and I don’t want to start an obsession for anyone else on here about this so be warned . . . . I have this SEVERE PHOBIA of bed bugs. 5 years ago I learned about them after seeing bad hotel reviews, and it turned into this severe obsession. I never had them before but (TW!!) I have learned everything there is to know about them and how easily it is to get them / how hard it is to find them and how they are the hardest to get rid of. This beyond terrifies me. 5 years ago I would be up all night for about two months with the lights on compulsively checking my bed seams, and my arms / legs If I ever got an itch, u would only sleep once the sun came up at around 5am and I would need to play a certain type of sleep music so I wouldn’t “hear them” (as if that was possible ?) It took me so long to get past the obsessing, now it’s just a background phobia that only heightens when I go to travel, etc. Fast forward to now. I’m Home and I just found five small bug bites in a perfect LINE on my inner thigh. I haven’t worn shorts outside of the house for a week or more but I do wear shorts only to bed. I know beg bugs are the only known bug that bites in a line!!!!!!!!! I am FREAKING OUT. I don’t know how I’m supposed to sleep tonight. I fear I’m going to fall back into the whole sleep-with-the-light-on until 4 am and keep checking and lately I’ve had enough insomnia as it is, I don’t want to make that worse. I took a melatonin which I hope helps but I normally have pure-o, so I don’t really know what’s helpful to do with this situation. I already checked my bed and couch just to see if there were signs because this is a very unusual bite pattern and I already know it’s the only outcome there is on google?. But other than the bites, there were no other signs thus far. I always have other bumps on my legs from ingrown hairs but these five bites in a line are DEFF bites. I keep thinking maybe the other ones I just brushed off bc I thought they were just itchy from not shaving bc I have sensitive skin. I asked for reassurance already and took a lot of pictures of it and researched images and facts again. Nothing i didn’t already know. I know that it’s time to stop the compulsions with asking and researching. I already checked two places but I didn’t check “fully” or other places I should check but I’m tired and I’m trying to stop myself here from OVER doing the checking. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to sleep without constantly *thinking* about them now. Any distraction methods or tips?

So I scheduled an appointment with my therapist when I was suicidal and now I’m super embarrassed to tell her anything tomorrow

Anyone get super anxious when change happens or making a big decision? (Tattoo specific question) Mine might be minor but I have anxiety about wanting a tattoo (or more) one day. I really like them and would like to get some, but it makes me nervous to do so for a couple of reasons. One is the opinion of my parents. Even though I’m 24, I still live at home (happily I might add) and they (especially my mom) don’t like them at all. I’ve made choices in the past that they didn’t agree with, like color my hair a bunch, but I think maybe because hair can be changed back and a tattoo really can’t that that part gets me? Two is how I’ll react to it. I normally like change but I don’t tend to react to it well which is an interesting predicament. For example I normally have brown hair but I went and got it silver blonde once because it was something I really wanted for awhile, but it was so different that I broke down crying thinking I made a mistake even though this was what I wanted! I got over it eventually and then I liked it! So I’m afraid that if I get a tattoo that it’ll hit me what I did, even if I do like it, and just break down again (so annoying honestly). I’m also indecisive about it, as in the type of image or words I want. I’ll have an idea and just sit on it for months at LEAST to make sure if it’s what I want and I end up changing my mind. Lately I had an idea I wanted for over a year and I still like it, but I’m still nervous I’ll change my mind again and regret it. I also am worried about changing my look so drastically. I see images of people with super cool tattoos on their arms and legs and whatnot and I’m in awe they look awesome! And I’d want some too! But then part of me feels like I’d be someone I’m not, even thought it’s been something I wanted for actual years, if that makes sense. Any thoughts or opinions on this? I feel like once the virus has lightened up and it’s safe to do more things it’d be cool to maybe get one on my birthday, starting off small, but I don’t know!

Any advice on when to disclose my OCD to a new significant other? I don’t view it as defining me but I don’t want to drop this information too late into the dating process. Thanks

I don’t want reassurance I just want to vent, I genuinely cant tell if I’m a good person anymore. I feel like I’m just pretending to be one at this point because most of my thoughts are weird / gross. I know they’re not real but because my ocd strives from my senses it feels like it is / the fact that I pay attention to them even when my ocd isn’t really messing with me makes it even worse, like I’m okay with it and I’m just in denial. I don’t really know what to do anymore

Question about delayed obsessions. Tonight I did my groceries and wiped them all down (contamination ocd) and washed my hands and arms before heading up to shower. As I dried my arms on the hand towel I was feeling really calm. I debated putting the towel in the wash but I was feing confident and said "nah, just deal with it, Cat". Now three hours later I hate that I have been washing and drying my hands with the same towel and touching my phone. I am working really hard to not sanitize my phone. I'm in bed with it now just trying to sit with it. I plan on just sitting with the discomfort. The towel was used on clean hands and fomites are not the major issue with covid 19. Cdc guidelines and no more. My question is, why was I so confident in the moment but three hours later am having the obsessions? It makes me feel like I have to do compulsions even if I think I'm fine because later i will regret not doing it. What's up with that??

My gecko died, I knew it was coming, she's been sick for awhile. It's still horrible, but I don't feel emtionally sad like I should and my thoughts seem worse. I cried some but I felt empty like I do now....I don't know how ocd related it is but i really hate I'm not feeling how I should..

Hey guys. I'm a young teenager living with severe ocd. But my family tend to make fun of me for it. I have mainly the thoughts, over thinking, and perfectionist. But they won't let me get help. I have SPD. (Skin picking disorder) which has tagged along with my ocd...and I've been doing it for awhile..the worst its ever been, was when I peeled my thumb skin all the way back and u could see everything bc the thoughts said "if you dont than you wont be able to tell if u still have control, who knows u could take this pen and gouge someones eye out" typical thoughts. I just need help..coming to terms with my ocd..and informing my family that it's not getting better.

I’m so tired . Why does my brain want to destroy me ?

Ugh I just saw a tik tok that was like “I always admired women never liked them and now I’m bi” and my anxiety spiked fuck this I was doing so much better

please help. This is so urgent dunno what to do it’s every thought hi! so my friend has ocd (he thinks, never been diagnosed). He has recently told me about this and I want to do something to help him. He keeps thinking about something he might have/ might not have done in the past and hes worried he will go to jail in the future for it. He cannot do anything now because he’s obsessed with the thought of “why should he be happy if he’s just going to go to jail” he told me basically he cannot watch any YouTube anymore, hang out with friends, do well in classes because he’s like “what’s the point if he’s just going to end up in jail and lose all of his friends anyway” can someone point me in the right direction to how I can help him??? Backstory: he was involved in findom which is where men feel submissive and decide to give money to others in return to be hurt, humiliated, blackmailed..etc. he also sold lots of feet pics. He stopped doing this 3 months ago. He was worried at first about hurting them even tho they’re the ones that hurt themselves. Then he got worried about blackmailing even though it was consensual and they asked for it. He had recently gotten into the scary thing of like “omg what if I blackmailed and it was not consensual” or “what if I threatened someone and they didn’t want it” he’s been FLIPPING about this and can’t do anything with his life because he’s sooo flipping afraid. It’s gotten him to the point where he doesn’t wanna wake up :/. I’m gonna forward this link to him so please make responses OUT TO HIM. He doesn’t wanna post to reddit for private reasons. Thank you! Thank you!

I find myself doing things to face my fears, like for example kissing my daughter, holding her, being very physical with her. But I am overcome with doubts and second guesses about my motives behind those affectionate gestures and the feelings they provoke. They provoke feeling in me and it’s not sexual arousal but it is a good feeling. I feel then bad for kissing her or whatever the physical touch may be. But I do them anyways as a form of not giving into the compulsion of avoiding physical contact. But then I start to feel guilty for having an emotion, and start doubting what emotion triggered me to be affectionate and physical with her...I’ll do things like be extra affectionate to try and stand up to my ocd but it ends up making it worse because I feel guilty and gross for kissing on my daughter. Like last night I was experimenting with being super affectionate and not letting my ocd get in the way of being affectionate. I ended up kissing her on her cheek and neck and nibbled on her chin, in a very affectionate, playful way. I did it in front of everyone and it happened really fast. And immediately I was worried I did it out of an intrusive, sexual feeling I was having. I am now ruminating in the action. Why did I nibble her chin? It’s the same as when people kiss babies feet right? Is that sexual abuse? Why would I put her chin in my mouth? What was my motive behind that action? Am I sexual deviant who can’t control her actions? Not seeking reassurance just wondering if anyone can relate.... I keep replaying the event in my mind and it gets worse and worse with each replay.

What is “real event” ocd?

Somebody with tinnitus ocd can help me understand