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My urge to get the last word in and confront perpetrators from years ago feels like an obsession now. I have too much time on my hands during this pandemic and it feels like I’ve gone mad. Even though I know it’s irrational I get an angry urge to confront men who have sexually coerced or taken advantage of me even though it wouldn’t do anything. It’s like I need the last word to tell them off for closure or to feel “just right”. Just moving on I think I’m “weak”. I would never actually confront them and filed police report already (which did nothing because technically I consented) but the urge is still there and I want them to suffer. I want to believe karma is a real thing but I keep feeling like life is so unfair. I just blame people like this for all my suffering and trauma and it’s hard for me to just move forward and accept that they are still happily living their life. I want to establish power or dominance somehow and my ocd keeps wanting me to tell them off to achieve this, which it won’t. Maybe it’s some pride and dignity thing. Idk. All I know is I need to find peace and move on somehow because anger eats up my life.

I feel like I’m losing my mind. I don’t know if I’m going through ocd anymore but the thoughts keep breaking every way I used to think and I feel so confused. I feel like I don’t know how to think correctly anymore and I’m scared because I don’t think anyone could every understand and help me. It feels like my brain is changing too much and I’m going crazy. The thoughts make sense to me and they make more sense everyday. I feel like all of the thoughts I’ve been having in the past months have been breaking my mind. I wasn’t too worried before because I was hoping it was just ocd and it would pass but I really feel like my head is totally screwed up. I keep getting thoughts that I should admit myself to a hospital but I can’t stop thinking about what could go wrong. I don’t even know if any of this is real or if my mind made up a story but that’s super confusing too and my brain goes and thinks about that all the time. I was going to share with my brother last night but it’s just the fact that I’ve reached the point where I don’t even think my thoughts are wrong anymore and if someone were to ask me if I was a danger to other I couldn’t even say with confidence that I wasn’t. I’m still friendly and empathetic towards people irl but it feels like in my head that something is happening and I’m going insane. And I feels like I’m only writing that it’s insane to lie and not alarm others and that really I believe these thoughts. It’s so much that I can’t write out because it’s too out there and I’m afraid a therapist would misunderstand. I’m afraid I’m just delusional in thinking I have ocd and I’m just trying to avoid responsibility for my terrible thoughts and there are so many other reasons I think something else is happening to me but I also don’t want to go down the route of psychoanalyzing why I’m thinking this way because I really don’t want to get deeper in it. Honestly a lot of the times I feel like I’m just writing in ocd terms because of all that I’ve read and I think I have ocd off of what others have told me but I’m been viewing things incorrectly like a hypochondriac so now I’m in this problem of I don’t know how to think. I try and tell myself again and again that I’m done with this and I’m fine but then my mind won’t let these things go because they’ve just affected everything so much and I feel like I’m so wrapped up in this story in my head thats scaring me. I’m still considerate and kind towards my family members but I feel so different. I feel so deep in thinking and my thoughts that I don’t even know if they’re intrusive or not are at the front of my head and I feel like I’m losing it. Right now i only do what I think is right in the moment but I can’t stop freaking out about how different mentally I feel from before and all the reasons I’ll never get better. I’m sorry for being so annoying, I just cant express any of this to anyone I know in real life, they’d think I was going crazy.

I told my boyfriend yesterday that I’m doubting my feelings and my love for him. We had what I thought was a huge breakthrough last weekend where he knew it was just OCD and anxiety and he said he would remove himself emotionally and realize it isn’t about him and I felt such a relief with this like wow he finally understands my mind and it’s safe to let him in. But when I told him yesterday about doubting my feelings he completely freaked out and gave me shit saying how he can’t get down the road and have me still saying I’m doubting my feelings for him. He said it’s been “3 or 4 months since I last mentioned this” and I’m like where have you been it’s literally the reason I’m getting help and it just happened last week so like????? He also said “yeah well I thought that was OCD and not doubting your feelings” and doesn’t realize it’s the same thing????? I’m just so beyond hurt. I thought it was safe to open up to him and tell him my thoughts and now I feel like we’re on two different planets like he didn’t even realize this was going on?? Should I just break up with him so I stop hurting him and stop feeling this weird numbness?

Does anyone get into arguments with their family members over nothing? It literally can be over food? And then they ignore me so it just makes me argue for longer and be more angry. I need to control my anger better but my period is due and I feel like shit in general which just isn't helping anything

Just talked to my therapist and he said that I'll have to accept that I'll live the rest of my life with that thought. Although it seems extremely unsatisfying, it may be the only thing that really works. I've been discussing my fear from every angle and every time I feel relief, the doubts come back after a short time. So I can't solve it. I can't forget it. I can't tell it because it probably will be a compulsion and it would only hurt my partner. But I feel so disgusted by myself. Like I am making my OCD up to not have to tell my bf the truth about my stupid thoughts...

"am I disgusting?" (24,f) OK, what I'm about to tell you might be a false memory because I don't remember much details on this and ofc I'm assuming the worse. Over a year ago (prior to april 2019), I used to have both sexual and Romantic fantasies with made up people. Unfortunately, I was already over 20 (21-22) and remember a fantasy about me being 16-17 again (basically still in HS) in a all-boys team of baseball. Why? I love baseball and such thing is not available in my country. 2. I love hanging with guys... They are so sweet to me and I usually get along with them. I'm gay... Ish. And I remember also putting another girl on the team, I think... But I don't remember what "story" I gave her and what age, nor her face, nor personality!! I can't be certain but I feel like I created aome romantic attraction between us and I'm not sure.. Today, I feel super anxious about it... Like "what if she was too young?" or "what if I put us dating?" I truly don't remember. I'm not even sure she existed. I have the slight memory she appeared in that fantasy a couple of times but I can't recall anything at all. I know this is silly but oh boy... I feel awful...

Is anybody elses ocd bad just as you wake up??? mine is and i hate it and sometimes it can ruin my whole day cause ill be thinking of that thought. Does anyome have any tips for not getting caught up and just letting the thouhht go?? 😢🤔

at this point i thought of ending it all. i can’t go to therapy, i’m trying so hard. i think i’m starting to develop self-harm ocd, since i’m having constant thoughts of hurting myself. my brain hurts. i don’t want to be with a woman. i want to get married to a guy but my mind keeps telling me that i don’t. i don’t even know what my gut is telling me anymore. it’s like my mind is hushing it out. i can’t deal with this anymore.

i am drinking and i am scared, every time i try and have fun my brain goes straight to my intrusive thoughts to make me feel super uncomfortable and i don’t know how to deal with them. i am so scared, i would never do what my thoughts tell me and it makes me so angry and frustrated. it’s like my brain is so use to being unhappy and uncomfortable that it can’t just let me live and let me think normally. i am so sick and tired of these intrusive thoughts. :(

i’m worried that this isn’t ocd because i don’t think i have many ocd symptoms before now. what are some common ocd tendencies in childhood (im 14 now, it started 2 months ago)? i had a period of time when i was little where i HAD to confess when anything touched my private part, my legs, chairs, seatbelts, etc) but idk if that’s ocd related. anyway what are some common ocd symptoms in childhood, and are there any symptoms that come even when you aren’t obsessing about anything if that makes sense? any help is appreciated :)

I'm really really scared that I might be transgender I don't know if it's ocd or denial can anyone please help

Ugh my brain is like recovering memories of intrusive thoughts and gauging my reactions like: Remember when you had a naked thought of that coworker who was like a month away from turning 18 and you were like “Eh thats not great, but she turns 18 soon and she’s attractive and lots of guys probably have thoughts like this” Well THAT PROVES that you are evil and gross, and after she turned 18, when you allowed yourself to have these thoughts, that was equally creepy because you had the first one before that and didn’t PUNISH yourself about it Like and i feel like i’m totally alone in this, like millions of women didn’t breathe a sigh of relief when Bieber turned 18

For times I was sexually coerced or taken advantage of, I look back and get angry at my perpetrators. Even if it’s years later, I get the urge to find and contact them and get the last word in to establish my power and dominance. I’m not going to, but the urge is there. Is this like an OCD thing to get “closure” and to feel “just right”? Or maybe it’s just anger issues? I sit here blaming them for my mental health issues and trauma and want them to suffer in some way. I went to the police for one years later and of course they say I consented I was just manipulated and they can’t do anything. How do I move on and feel powerful again without wanting to go off on my perpetrators? I wouldn’t actually have the guts to contact them years later and it’s not normal or rational but I just want the urge to go away. I have agoraphobia in my own city and I want to feel safe and powerful again. In my mind currently I think “if I sit here and move on without getting the last word in I am weak”.

I’m pretty sure I have false memory OCD on to op ZOCD and POCD. I’ve had a few memories recently that I don’t know if certain parts in them were true or not, they feel real but deep down I don’t know and it makes me anxious. Anyone with false memory have any tips?

*Recovery Update* Hey Everyone, a few weeks ago I posted some of my recovery story so far. I am about 75% recovered so far and many of you had some questions and concerns about your own OCD Journey. Firstly, I know after a period of time, your OCD starts to feel more real and convincing. Bare in mind, this is completely normal. Yes you read that right, NORMAL! RELAX AND TAKE DEEP BREATHS when you feel overwhelmed! Your mind is playing tricks on you. OCD is a bully, it has a lot of power over you and can easily trap you into believing its lies but you do not have to fall for it no matter how real it feels. No matter whatever the thought is, the fact that it is sticking in your mind and you’re obsessing over it is still OCD. The fact you may doubt it’s OCD is still OCD. It is a doubting disease. You will have lapses and relapses. You will have days where you want to throw the towel in and give up. You will have days where you want to do millions of compulsions. But ask yourself, where has reassurance got you so far? Probably in a worse place. You do not need to explain yourself to OCD. It’s not worthy of an explanation. You’re bigger than this B**tard. You’re worthy of fully recovering and getting back to living a normal life. You deserve it if OCD tells you, you don’t tell it to F OFF. Another tip I would like to give people is stay away from all forums as much as possible, this made me so much worse. It can become easily triggering and once you read another theme that an OCD sufferer has may trick you into that theme too. Depersonalisation/Derealisation is very common too. It is a defence mechanism when your brain has suffered too much stress/trauma caused by anxiety. Feel free to ask any questions you may have. I will be happy to help.

Is it possible to love someone to the point of where you feel really attached to them and cannot forget them and cannot leave but still not be attracted to them?

god im not sure which is worse like being afraid that im gay or that im asexual like i get so sad thinking about the fact that i may never have fulfilling sex or even great kisses or love and that i will die alone and that when i look back on my youth it will have been waisted my body will only be youthful and nice for a while and ive already waisted so many years but the idea of like okay i go on a date i go back to their place like what do i do from there? do we just make out immediately? that just seems weird to me like i want there to be build up to that and intense chemistry but i feel like now a days if you arent like full blown hooking up by the first or second date or at the latest the third then the guy starts to think youre weird and i hate that im like this like i wish i could just hook up with someone meaninglessly and not be all in my head because i do have wants and needs everytime i masterbate i feel reassured of my sex drive and my orientation and thats why its just always been easier to read erotic fiction and take care of my needs on my own but then i go if i was gay would it be easier to like be intimate maybe this is hard because im gay like its either asexual or gay or bisexual like there has to be an explenation for the way my life is and how hard intimacy and romance has always been for me i just feel like something is wrong with me something is broken but i want love i want sex but when i actually have to go for it i freak out even with making out... so many what if questions... what if my body is gross to them? what if im a horrible kisser? what if i want it at first and change my mind but they rape me? what if im bad at it? what if my breath is bad? what if they notice i have no experience and make me leave and humiliate me? what if i find out that i am asexual or gay while on the date? what if they like me more than i like them? what if i like them more than they like me? what if its just awkward and humiliating for both of us because i have no idea what im doing? i do want to have sex but im also extremely afraid of sex and intimacy which i hear is what asexual people sound like and that freaks me out because i dont want to die a lonely virgin i dont want to be asexual i do want connection and intimacy its just also the most terrifying thing in the world to me and im too old for that to be okay still... i just imagine that no one will be accepting of me at this stage in my life in terms of having sex... either i will be a fetish or i will be a pitty project or i will be rejected for being a freak i just honestly have no clue... and so ive always just avoided all of it all together but i cant hadle the loneliness anymore can anyone relate? when i read that other people with sexual orientation ocd still have relationships and sex i go okay well then yeah im definitely asexual or gay because if they can actually have those things and i cant then there is more than ocd happening here but then i go well i have death obsessions and pocd but my sexual orientation ocd its like well what if im just asexual or gay with pocd and death ocd like one is being in the closet and the other two are ocd and i just dont know the difference... can anyone relate? i guess im feeling pretty crap tonight 😕 has anyone gone to sex therapy? im feeling like a lost cause

As you guys may know I'm very paranoid about other people. At the moment I'm worried about my mom :/ and at this point idek what to think or feel. I'm not sure if it OCD making me paranoid. Or if it's something else.

You guys I need to let this go! I’m driving myself crazy over a dream. I don’t know how to let it go. I had a sexual dream while I was holding my daughter. It was about normal things and then i felt like I was about to have a sleep orgasm and then I started to smell her and feel her(because I was smelling her and feeling her, she was laying on me) and had a vision of pulling her into me, and smelling her head-then I jolted awake. I did not have an orgasm, and I woke up and she was asleep. But Im having this fear that would if she was the reason I was turned on to begin with in the dream? Would if I didn’t wake up quick enough? Would if I did actually go to pull her into me, and it wasn’t just the dream? I’m so disturbed and I want to let it go!!!! I wanna let it go so badly. As soon as it happened I said okay it was a dream, don’t ruminate. And then I fucked up and came back to it a few hours later and started to ruminate and now I’m stuck in the rabbit hole. Would if it wasn’t a dream? Would if I had some level of consciousness and knew what I was doing? Would if I enjoyed it? I’m having such a hard time! I just wanna move on from it.

What exactly would be considered false memory ocd? Would like let’s say, I was eating an apple at dinner the other night but I can’t remember if it was an apple for sure but my brain is saying “maybe it was a carrot” weird example but is that considered false memory ocd, bassicly then I can’t remember if it was really and apple or carrot??