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the NOCD Community

So it's been 7 days since my last post and I'm back. I've been feeling mostly good, little more relaxed compared to before and it felt decent giving myself a break from the usual things my mind ruminates about or any compulsions I might have urges on. There were days where I felt completely okay with my mistake and other days where I kept saying myself for it. Days where I felt I was allowed to make mistakes in order to get better, but other days that make it seem like because I made these mistakes I'm an idiot or an awful person because no one else would possibly make the same mistake I made. Tonight was one of the more bad days. I know you need bad days to have good days to balance out of course, but I'm getting all confused again. It's hard to talk to people about this because they'll quickly realize that I'm repeating myself over my mistakes in the same way my mind thinks of the same think over and over and over and over again. Though I don't blame them. I guess that's the one thing I'm stuck on much like before: The quest for certainty. To be honest, it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't think about it so much because deep down I do feel that my mistakes were mistakes and they aren't things I want to go through again or see someone else go through. I don't wish that kind of thing on anyone at all. Every single time my mind goes back to the mistakes however, I can't help but feel I'm in the wrong and I don't deserve any grace for the things that happened, even though I didn't plan any of the mistakes. I just want to let go of these thoughts and accept that I messed up and made the mistakes I made and move on back to how I used to be before the pandemic.

Feeling especially triggered today. I feel like no matter what I want, I always automatically sexualize women. It feels like an automatic compulsion but I know that before this theme of OCD, I never used to do that (or at least recognize that I was doing it?) I know a back door spike is a sign you’re getting better, but I feel so defeated and can’t see myself being able to move on and pursue a relationship with a man (or even a woman if I’ve been in denial this whole time). I don’t want to end up alone but I feel that’s the direction I’m headed

Ok.. ok made the mistake of looking up soocd on twitter to see if anyone else I follow suffers from it and all I got were people saying it's fake and just homophobia... I am so anxious right now. I know it's not true because even lgbt experience soocd.. but god.. that triggered the hell out of me.

This isn’t ocd related but I would really like some help. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about two and a half years and I have some problems. -She never texts back and says it’s cause of her ADHD (I do believe her) but this is a problem because I need to just talk to someone through the day -I am always the one who has to make plans -I always compliment her always call her a beautiful angel all that stuff but she rarely compliments me -I just don’t think I am getting the appreciation I deserve -I know she loves me but I feel like I love her a lot more Overall I love her and I want to marry her but I just don’t know what to do. It’s depressing to stay in a relationship where it feels so one sided. Idk if we should take a break or what but it’s just hard. If anyone has any advice about relationships at all please tell me.

Has anyone else had racism themed ocd

Someone please help me 😢 I’m having what I think is a false memory of me cheating on my boyfriend by kissing someone else On a night out a few days ago. This sprung out of no where and I kind of could’ve guessed it would happen as I have had a lot of false memories in the past month and I fear them. Now, this is something I would never do because my boyfriend is my entire world I can’t explain how much I love him. It is breaking my heart having these what if thoughts, and it’s breaking my heart to picture him heartbroken over this. I wish I could figure out how false memories happen. I wish this horrible mental disease never existed. I feel like I have completely ruined my life

Me yesterday: having intrusive thoughts and getting anxiety Me today: not freaking out about my thoughts for five minutes My brain: YOU DONT HAVE OCD ITS ALL REAL YOU HAVEN’T HAD AN INTRUSIVE THOUGHT IN DAYS Me twenty minutes ago: oh no, I haven’t had an intrusive thought in a while, maybe it is true :((( Me now: wtf 😂 It’s so weird how ocd works. I need to get some humor out of it 💀

I'm a Christian and I'm struggling with OCD today. Ugh. Its attacking my morals, my beliefs, my hobbies, everything.

hi friends, i was diagnosed with ocd within the past month, and it was completely unexpected despite me always having a lot of intrusive thoughts, obsessive thoughts, and some compulsions. my ocd doesn’t manifest in the stereotypical way we see on tv, with all of the physical compulsions, and i had no clue that ocd could exist without those types of compulsions, so it took a while for me to really start understanding myself. i know that exposure therapy is the best thing for ocd but i’m legitimately terrified about some of things i would need to do. like there’s some stuff that i don’t think will bother me too much and would be helpful, but some of my thoughts make me feel so anxious that the idea of sitting with those feelings makes me not want to even try. the fact that i also have adhd makes it even harder to be motivated to do something i know will feel awful. i’m in therapy currently and just started medication and i’m really excited to be working on this because even though i’m terrified, i feel like it’s the first real step i’ll be taking towards helping my brain. i’d love to hear some reassurance from people who are doing exposure therapy, or even just tips people have for dealing with obsessive thoughts. this is all really new to me and i’m already noticing a bit of a difference because i’m able to remind myself “this is ocd, this isn’t a realistic thought”, but i would really appreciate any other advice!!! i also keep having this thought that since i don’t have all of those compulsions and that my intrusive thoughts don’t (generally) cause me any long term distress that i can’t have ocd, but i know that’s not true. i’d love to hear from other people who have more pure obsessional ocd or people who’s ocd doesn’t follow the usual pattern. i’m really excited to have this app now and to start working on my ocd because i really feel like with the combination of my meds and my therapist and this app i’ll be able to feel better. thank you for reading!!!

I’m genuinely starting to wonder if I have ocd at all . It seems like I have such intense desire for the things I don’t want and no desire for men at all. Men don’t turn me on and I haven’t enjoyed being with them for a very long time. I’m genuinely starting to wonder if this whole time I’ve just been suppressing my genuine sexuality and pretending it’s ocd.

Hello I am new here, and I have been dealing with I believe postpartum OCD/anxiety. It’s been awful & exhausting to live with day by day... I’m excited to hopefully get the help I need with this community. The thoughts of “what if’s” “this could happen” (etc) triggers me so much. Does anyone feel like they have something worse then OCD and feel like they are going completely insane and deserved to be locked up? Tonight’s been rough for me.

Are there any Christians in this community that have HOCD? If so please pray for me. I’m so disillusioned and feel so alone without god and Jesus’ presence. It feels like I’ve been abandoned and alone. I’m so scared

Any Christians on here that struggle with POCD?

Thinking about relationships makes me feel so bad. At this point both men and women trigger this obsession with trying to figure out what my sexuality is. I don’t really want to date anyone, I’ve been okay with this for over a year, and it’s not like I’ve been completely detached from the lgtbqia community. Like, I know lesbians and other wlw and for a long time I thought I was like bi (I think I’m honestly more aro than I realized), and I haven’t thought much, but ever since I realized I don’t want to share my future with anyone it’s like my brain is screeeeaming that this just means I’m a lesbian, when that’s never been a thought that crossed my mind. It’s definitely been better for me lately when I started cutting out compulsions and all that, but I’m still undiagnosed and I don’t know for sure what exactly is happening to me. If I was a lesbian I’d accept myself, but it’s the fact that it feels SO BAD when I think about it that makes me feel like I need to figure it out even more. Like is it anxiety because I don’t like it or anxiety because it’s like internalized homophobia? And it’s like omg I need to figure it out otherwise I’m just living a lie and I won’t ever be happy. I’ll get flashes of anxiety when I’m just watching a movie or a YouTube video about a boy band I like... and it throws things from the lesbian masterdoc in my face about how I had crushes on fictional characters and celebrities and how that’s something that lesbians do because it’s ‘safer’ to crush on unobtainable men. And it just feels bad bc I know I’ve had crushes on guys that were my friends too but I also have a lot of trauma and I wasn’t allowed to date growing up so that’s what I did to actually explore romance. When the anxiety spikes it makes me feel as if it was all a sign. What’s worse is that I started looking to aromanticism before I read the doc and there’s this bit about how some lesbians think they’re aro bc they don’t like men but never explore their attraction to women either and it’s like ahhhh what’s the truth. I don’t know anymore. Not thinking about it makes me antsy, & the second my anxiety spikes it’s hard to do anything during the rest of the day. I don’t want to think about falling in love and having relationships, I miss when I was just living life in the moment. I miss not thinking twice about when I found a guy attractive, or even a girl. Like it just makes my brain hurt so bad.

i feel like the worst person in the world. im not asking for reassurance, but im sure people can relate. this shit is so hard.

Can someone give me advice on how to discern whether I find children attractive or not?

I’m so glad that we all have each other on this app, you are not alone, and neither am I! 💗 (feel free to comment how you’re feeling, I’d love to talk to you, but I will not give you reassurance haha!)

I need help knowing how to combat my food contamination fear. I’m afraid my food will make me have a panic attack and hallucinate like it’s drugged. :( how do I work around th is.

It's hard living every moment in a metaphysical struggle for your soul. It's ever harder explaining it to others.

My HOCD story Hello everyone. This is my first time doing NoFap and I’m nervous, anxious, and scared about my possible HOCD. I’ve had numerous girl crushes over the years and never once considered myself gay or bisexual in the slightest. But approximately 5 months ago, my friends called me “sus” for knowing a gay scene from the movie moonlight, and I have been nonstop questioning my sexuality and my identity obsessively. As the months went by, memories which I had long since forgotten had begun to suddenly re-emerge. I remember getting erections to everything since I was a child, but the two most terrifying instances of memory were when I had erections to the Incredible Hulk game when I was 8-9. Everytime the hulk took heavy damage, he would start heavily breathing, and I got an erection to that. I then found masturbating at the age of 11, to a woman masturbating, and continuously did so during 2 years, leading to masturbating to yaoi hentai three or four times when I was the age of 12-13. It was there when I got an erection to the gay scenes from the take me to church music video. When I first had a crush on a girl at the age of 13-14, I began to get erections to only women, masturbated exclusively to women for the next 6 years (I’m 19 now) and most importantly, never watched gay porn ever again. In fact I was so terrified at the notion of being gay, that I tried my best to get out of situations with men in large groups (such as the locker room and the public restroom). I never questioned my sexuality however, because I only fell in love with many women during elementary, middle, and high school, and had even dated a woman in my junior year. Flash foward to five months ago. Me and my friends were looking at Netflix and stumbled across the movie moonlight, and I knew the movie because it was an academy award winning movie, and the fact it was made by A24, a company that I love very much. Anyways, we stumbled across the scene in question, and I pointed out the movie to my friends and they in turn called me “sus” for knowing what the movie was and what the scene was too. I became terrified and reassured my friends that I wasn’t gay, but the thought became engrained in my mind and I have been obsessively going on every OCD forum I can to make sure what I have is HOCD. I don’t want to be gay or bisexual. I would never be involved with a man romantically or sexually, but all the memories and false attractions, groinal responses, and intrusive thoughts make me question everything and anything related to this mess. I do not have any hate towards the LGBTQ+, I only respect and encourage their right for love, equality, and opportunity. I don’t want to be gay or bisexual because it doesn’t fit me as a person. It doesn’t sit right by me and It makes me anxious and nervous. One more thing to add is that I was manipulated into sexually experimentation with my friend at the age of 12-13 that involved intercourse. It only happened once, we never finished, and I was left ashamed and disgusted by the act itself. I just want to know if what I have told you is an indication of HOCD and if so, what can I do to stop and prevent it?