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I just want to know who i am. This has gone on to long

I am so sad. I feel so hopeless. I am just so tired of picking myself up again. I want to recover. I've read so many books and gone to therapy. But I feel as hopeless as ever. I could just cry all day and not stand up. I worry that my OCD has turned into depression... I want to get better! But it is so frustrating!! Those feelings... I keep searching for a way to get rid of them, I can't endure them! I don't want to feel sad all the time...

A lot of the time this doesnt feel like hocd ? 😥

Hello everybody! So one of my big themes was a fear of the sky/ it’s size. I’ve posted several times about it on here, and nobody related but I’m still going to update because I feel like this could be helpful to any intrusive thoughts. So, because I had so many existential thoughts about the sky I had convinced myself I was scared of it. I know sounds crazy. So I started saying “I’m not scared of the sky it’s just my anxiety trying to cling on to something”. And that really helped me to not get this feeling of dread everytime I looked at it. For my existential thoughts I’ve been saying “I don’t need to worry about this, this doesn’t matter to me”. These things have been really helping me, I’m still struggling with it but I feel much better than I did a week ago. But, I do have a question. I can’t fully let go of this sky theme because I keep repeating words in my head that related to my fear. Like I used to think about how the sky was a giant dome and now all day my brain says “dome some dome dome” and I’m not sure how to cut it off. It will also just say “sky sky sky” and it makes me have to stop and reassure myself that I’m not scared and stops me from letting go of it. If anyone has any advice on this I would really appreciate it. Overall though I’m doing well with this theme, and I still have panic attacks everyday but the difference now is that I know I can stop them and control them and that they don’t have anything to do with the sky itself but rather my crazy brain. Hope everyone has a wonderful week and a great holiday if you celebrate :)

Anyone else thinking that the music they listen are for the opposite gender ?

I don't understand what we're supposed to do when we get an intrusive thought. There's so many directions to take according to therapy. #1 just let it be there and get on with your life #2 turn that thought into an exposure #3 do an overcorrection exposure & go above/beyond to make yourself anxious on purpose. I mean, which way is the way? How am I not to be confused? Everything about OCD therapy is super confusing.

anyone else so scared if the future? i hate hearing ab change it makes me so scared that in the future i’m going to be gay

I cant see myself with a woman in a romantic way....like in reality i cant but my mind keeps making me think all scenerios with girls and it feels so weird, i dont want it Im so scared i do It feels like i retrained my brain to think of girls yet i cant see them in that light when it comes down to it cause im not a lesbian nor do i want to be I wanna be with a man and boy crazy and find guys extremely hot without having to feel weird about it:( Does this sound like im in denial?

Does anyone feel trapped? Like almost impulsive, but not really you just feel like if something doesn’t change soon you’re going to actually go crazy? I feel so on edge, like nothing is changing I’m just getting worse and I know these things take time, but I genuinely feel like I’m going to go crazy. I can’t even just be sad in my bed like a normal depressed person. I feel like I’m so desperate for something to change and like I’m on edge 24/7. Not like...anxious though. Maybe a little anxious, but there’s no physical symptoms of anxiety.

🎄Good morning everyone! If you have Scrupolosity OCD, Moral OCD or Existential OCD I would love to help you! I can share with you my story and testimony. I hope it offers hope!! And to make you feel less alone. I am here to chat and would love to offer any help I can with this daily suffering. I am posting this every day till Christmas. Even if it helps one person it is so worth it! Thank you to everyone so far that has been in contact with me. Its been so great to talk together. 🎄

I am crying because i dont know who i am anymore and i dont know how this has got so bad after 16 years of copeing. I cant enjoy my family or the things i used to do. I just dont know what to do anymore it feels like im attracted to men but i dont want to be. I just want mt full love back for women 😥

I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost 7 years and now I’m wondering if I’ve ever even loved her. I hate this so much. I know I care about her more than anything in the world and I think she’s the most beautiful woman in the universe but I feel like she loves me more and I’ll never be enough. Lately I’ve been feeling horrible for thinking other girls are pretty or good looking and I don’t know what to do. My girlfriend is a Demi sexual so she doesn’t find people attractive unless she has a connection with them, hence she only finds me good looking. I want to be like that, I feel like that’s what she deserves. I’ve been trying to reprogram my brain to do that by not formulating opinions on other peoples appearances and it’s gotten better but I still struggle with it sometimes. She tells me things like “how could you find anyone other than me pretty or beautiful?” And that breaks my heart. I don’t want to think those thoughts. I feel like I’ll never be enough. I’m trying so hard. I also had a porn addiction and that caused a lot of trauma to our relationship. I feel guilty every single day. I feel like this would’ve never been an issue if I had never watched porn. I wish I could’ve been perfect to her from day 1. I feel full of regret and disgust for myself.

Does anyone else ever experience false memories with POCD? I’m currently struggling because I took my 3 y/o nephew to use the restroom at a restaurant (I also had to pee) and we shared the same stall. I know inside that nothing happened, but my POCD is now creating a false memory that I molested him or made him touch me. Please help :(

I have a child and Im seriously thinking about doing an open adoption due to my POCD also have also physically abused my son once in the past Wich is probably why I'm afraid I may sexually abuse him even though I absolutely do not want to nor do I think about him like that. But I feel it's best if I give him up just in case and never have kids. While I continue to stay sober and try to be a better person and continue to be in his life just always with someone else. If anyone else has POCD and does NOT want kids do to this reason but still wants a partner that is of age and still wants to help people and do good for the world but feels like they can never have a family because of pocd I'm here. I'm just looking for a guy who has POCD but actually does NOT want to harm kids and for that reason does not want to have kids. It's a lonly road and I know this isn't a dating site but I feel like in this situation it can help. I don't drink or do drugs I just want to get to know someone and settle down and not have kids. But still help people. I want to be psychologist to help people struggling with ocd and other mental illnesses. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life but I also don't want kids due to POCD. If anyone feels the same feel free to message me.

Ocd is such a crazy disorder. It has so many things that come along with it. False memories, low self esteem, depression, immense amounts of guilt, ticks, and so much more. It’s like constantly fighting a battle with yourself within the 4 walls of your brain. I’m quite literally living in fear and guilt. I’m scared I’ll be like this forever. I want to be happy and normal. Why me? Why us? No one understands how this affects us except for us. I know my friends and family try to be understanding, but they just don’t get it. It’s not as easy as just “chilling out”. I cannot control this bullshit. I am so uncertain about what my future looks like. This life feels fake. It feels like I’m just existing. Covering up the awfulness I feel. Just burying it because I really can’t think my way through it. Ocd has taken so fucking much from me. It’s taken my relationship, my sanity, some of my freedom, some of my personality, my physical body, and so much more. I can’t even do or watch some things now in fear of me being triggered. Progress is happening slowly but I am not patient. I’m sorry this is so long. I just need to rant. This disorder is so fucking hard to handle. I want to live again, but a lot of me is just so fucking tired of fighting. Part of me wants to just give in to the OCD and let it consume me. Just lay in bed all day and be guilt ridden and upset. Because that seems easier than constantly being at war with yourself. I am also just so fucking angry. Why me!!! Why??? I don’t understand. I’m glad my mindset has changed, but is this really what the fuck it would take for me to change? And now that I’m a changed person, can my past fucking STOP haunting me??? My ocd is such a liar. It tells me shit that’s not even true but yet I still believe it. I’m honestly just at the point where I need this shit gone. It’s been entirely too long of just simply existing.

There’s quite a few of LGBTQ+ people on this app- so if I may have some advice from those people 🥰 Does anyone know how to overcome internalized homophobia? It settled in right after I recovered from OCD, and it’s driven me to really low mental health. Any advice is appreciated- thanks so much 💚✨

does anyone’s intrusive thoughts ever manifest and not being able to get rid of a certain word? Sometimes when I walk past a black person my brain just repeats the n word over and over and it’s really distressing because it’s the last thing I’d ever want to say

Sometimes I am so overwhelmed that I look forward to this all ending and wishing Jesus would call me home to Heaven. Where there is no suffering, no pain, no tears. I feel no peace or ability to cope on days like this. And to think I have to continue life with suffering is so hard, but that I have to do it, it is an overwhelming thought 😢😢😢.. I just want to go sometimes so that the suffering will end.

Hello NOCD family! My name is Danielle... but my peeps call me Dani! Let me start by introducing myself. I am a 40-year-old Christian mother of three and wife of a wonderfully understanding husband. I have OCD and my themes have been ROCD, Sexual Orientation OCD and POCD. This year in early March I started having unwanted and intrusive thoughts that would continuously interrupt everything that I wanted to do in life. Shortly after I found the NOCD app and the program. I immediately sought out ERP and therapy. With the help of my NOCD therapist Tanya, medication (in my case) and ERP I can truly say that I’m living a better quality of life and each day is getting better. It is a very hard and sometimes tedious road. But if I can do it. I know you can too! I’m here for you all whenever you want to talk, rant, cry or just tell OCD to kick rocks!

Wife’s undiagnosed ocd turned into phycosis paranoia. Makes her angry and unbearable. Life is difficult because she’s refusing treatment as of now. Any experience helpful thanks