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my bf is a monster just bc he watch porn?

No offense but the idea of allowing your thoughts to run though your mind without resistance is complete and utter bullshit. It has made no difference in the amount of chronic sexual intrusive thoughts that run through my damn mind. I’m not a gay person, yet gay and incestuous thoughts run through my mind 24 fucking 7. It makes me sick to my stomach...all I want out of life is a beautiful wife and kids. Maybe i deserve this. Maybe I’m just helpless...

Been struggling with SOOCD for over a year now and it's been debilitating for most of that time. I'm at a point where it's taken over my life so much that I no longer relate to the self I knew before ocd. I feel like its literally changed me. I used to have a sex drive and initiate with my partner all the time. Now, the mere thought of any kind of intimacy with him leaves me feeling I'm doing something terribly wrong. I dont want to be intimate with him. I usually feel only discomfort when I do. My main compulsion is avoiding intimacy. I know that erp would be to engage in intimacy despite the discomfort, but how do you actually do that when it just "feels" wrong and like you're a fraud the whole time? How is that kind of exposure considered okay? This mindfuck has all just made me lose my mind cause I proudly called myself a bi woman before dating my now partner and it wasn't until ocd set in 2 years into our relationship that just the thought of being bi has fueled the ocd that I'm gay and in denial. Ever since, I havent been able to approach intimacy comfortably at all. Also just never having a sense of community cause no one ever talks about being bi or pan with SOOCD. But... we exist people! Just wish I didnt feel so alone in it.

I may have hurt my cat. Idk (I need guidance) I really don’t want to post this, but I feel horrible if I don’t. I made a mistake, and I don’t know if it is justifiable (idk if that’s the right word) or I am a bad person. This happened recently, a few days ago. One day after I masterbaited, I went straight to sleep for at least 30+ mins. When I woke up, my cat jump on my desk in my room. I think someone opened my door. I hate it when my cat jump on everything, so I went to pick her up and put her on the floor. As I grabbed her, I quickly let go. I forgot. I don’t know but I think my hands may have been contaminated with a dried small amount of YouKnowWhat. I then started panicking in front of my cat. I felt horrible. I felt like an abuser or a bestiality person. I hated myself. I left my cat alone and backed off. I just went back to bed and left my cat continue jump around. Sleeping it off didn’t help, I continued to freak out later on. I would never want to hurt my cat. It was an accident, but I always feel horrible about it. I even apologized to my cat, but my cat doesn’t understand what even happened or why I’m all freaked out. It’s just me who knows. And I feel like a criminal in hiding. I was afraid of abusing or hurting my cat before that incident, and now my stress levels increased. I told my family to never let the cat in my room, but they always open the door for her. I hate it. I’ve tried to stay away from my cat because I feel horrible, but my family keeps forcing me to take care of her and be around her. My family doesn’t know what happened and they don’t know why I am always against being around my cat. Sometimes I take care of her and make sure she’s safe, but I fell very horrible each second. He keeps meowing to see me when I have my door closed, but I just feel worse and worse. I don’t know if it was ok because it was a mistake or I am an abuser or anything evil. I don’t know what to feel. I feel like an abuser. I feel like I sexually assaulted my cat. I’m scared and I can’t stop thinking about it. Is this all just a mistake or something worse? I just need guidance with this. I’m lost, and I don’t know what to do with myself. If you have read this far, thank you. It means a lot. I hope you don’t do the same mistake as I have. Best wishes to you.

This thread is for anyone who wants to chat with me about their nerdy interests! I'm really into Nintendo games and animation. Would love to meet some other people here who can relate, maybe we can exchange our Switch friend codes and play online sometime! I know this app is for OCD treatment, but I really want to use this platform to connect to people and make new friends. We all know how difficult it can be to engage in conversation with others when we suffer from intrusive thoughts, believing they would hate us if they knew what goes on inside our heads. We're all here for the same reason, so that barrier of entry is gone. We don't have to worry about hiding our "deepest, darkest secrets" because that ice has already been broken. As someone who also suffers from social anxiety and spends most of my time in isolation (I only have one close friend I talk to regularly--I fell out with my three best friends in the past year, which has been incredibly difficult) I think reaching out and connecting with others is instrumental in my recovery process. So, this forum is purely for people who want to be friends and talk about our hobbies and interests! While I'm hoping to find some likeminded gamers and artists, I'd love to get to know you regardless of what your hobbies are, so feel free to share your interests even if they're different from mine! I hope this doesn't violate the rules of the app or anything, but I really wanna keep the discussion on mental health to a minimum in this thread, if possible. I just want this to be a fun space to share what we like! Exposures are an essential step in the recovery process, but that doesn't mean our goal should be all work and no play. Let's just enjoy ourselves here and tell OCD once and for all that we don't have to take everything seriously! Tell me what movies you like, what TV shows you're watching, what video games you're playing, what projects your working on! Just be sure to make it FUN!!! 😁😁😁

One thing my therapist told me when I’m having a lot of doubt and fear over false memories and real event is to tell myself how long I’ve been engaging in compulsions. This is pretty helpful as it helps you assess to not engage in further compulsions as the mind is so capable of making up new memories. Another thing is to use cognitive distortion strategies, like seeing the positives of that situation rather than the negative. Hope this helps and clears out some doubt for you guys. We have to accept uncertainty. Good luck y’all ☺️

can someone maybe give me some insight i may be missing here? i have lesbian fantasies and they always make me sad afterwards and i cry and breakdown. my main obsession is if i would have sex with a girl in the future or if me and my boyfriend broke up. like i don’t want to now of course like AT ALL and i also can’t say i know i would enjoy that in the future either because i don’t know how im going to feel in the future. i desire to marry my boyfriend and spend my life with him and rather than experiment with a girl. so my question is, i know it turns me on to think of these things and it makes me upset when i do and i base this obsession on the sole principle that i do have lesbian fantasies. if they make me so upset after why.... would i be worried about actually wanting to experiment? i honestly don’t know if i want to or not. the idea of that is hot! but the reality of it now just scares me, i don’t want it.

How do people stop ruminating thoughts? I really have been unknowingly ruminating for months and I need to figure out how to stop because I just dont get how to stop.

I had a intrusive terrible, evil thought about someone that really is causing me a lot of guilt and I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy because of this. I think it was an intrusive thought because it’s something I would never want or wish on anyone but the fact that I could even think of something so terrible made me question myself. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do. I tried praying about and talking about with my mom but it’s not helping. I’m freaking out and I just want someone to understand

So everything feels so real at the minute and my brain is making it feel like it’s not OCD and i’m but there’s two things that give me hope... 1)I told mum mum I was certain I had ocd back last September in order to try and get help because I knew I would never be fully happy or content until I was diagnosed, stopped doubting and knew the things I’d felt and thought weren’t real. 2)I’ve worried with so much over the last three years, over POCD, incest, beastiality, cannibalism, necrophillia, Being gay but then also being a homophobe, being a racist, worries about my band, stalker, rapist, Holocaust denier, animal abuser, women abuser and some others. Then not only that but I’ve matched so many symptoms many of which I did before I knew it was a symptom. Like how I would always get ho photos as to try prove I didn’t fancy someone only to find out months down the line it’s a symptom. I’ve dealt with this so many days, some worse than others. Plus all the research I’ve done on it all, so many nights wasted scouting ocd action, so many posts already in this app, so many ocd videos watched, so many article reads and self diagnosis tests. It feels so real at the minute though, I pray it’s OCD but my brain tells me it’s not and there’s no chance but then I think about all the possible themes I’ve dealt with and how much my experience has matched others I’ve heard. Anytime I’ve asked if anyone else has a similar experience with something they say they have. I’ve spoken to my mum about it and she understands. I’ve spent the last 2 hours maybe 2 1/2 tonight researching and reading. My hope and theory is that it must be ocd because if I am what I fear i am I would have never have told my mum I think I have ocd because I would have known that wasn’t true but no, I genuinely had belief, I know I did. I still have this but if hope because of the reasons I’ve listed but idk, it feels real. Most of my days at the minute revolve around me arguing about the thoughts all day and why it’s ocd until I take a break by watching YouTube and distracting myself for 30 minutes. Then later on I go downstairs to try feel better and ignore the thoughts but it comes in anyway and because I’m around people and can’t speak out loud the thoughts get worse so I feel worse and go upstairs and argue the rest of the night with maybe a few tries at relaxing and watching YouTube very so often. I mean the other night, I came down to the living room because if POCD thoughts to ignore them Because they felt real and stuff but then I got incest thoughts over my family which ended up upsetting me and causing anxiety and on top of that I got beastiality thoughts when I’d hug my dog and stuff. Even now my brain tries saying why the beastiality thoughts aren’t OCD and why the incest thoughts aren’t OCD. When I think of my experience I think it screams ocd but everything feels so real atm

I don’t even know if it’s ROCD related but I really really hope so, because I am actually diagnosed with OCD. I noticed a really bad behavior about myself. I love and trust my boyfriend 100% and I’m okay with him texting with his ex boyfriend. They are just friends. Since our relationship started, I felt inferior about everything. He has more experience, he is more beautiful, anything! Unfortunately I’m very jealous and he knows that, but what I just noticed is, that sometimes some of my sentences or questions are subtly imputing?! Like when he says “I know this place” I get the thought “he was there with his ex lover” and then I say “of course you know this place” or when he posts a selfie of him, I ask him “oh I bet you get a lot of dms” and both of us smile it away and I don’t think he really knows why I keep asking or saying this. I always get the thought that his ex boyfriends text him stuff. But I trust him and I’m fine with everything he does because he is the most caring and lovely person ever. I adore him and we also wanna marry soon… but earlier everything cracked and I was so overwhelmed when I realized what a bad person and especially bad boyfriend I am. I am shook and also now I can’t really breathe because I’m so disgusted by myself and feel like I’ve ruined the relationship now. 🥺

one thing with hocd that really trips me up is the fact that i’ve always felt ‘predatory’ (or feared i SEEMED predatory) when getting changed with my friends. like i worry when they’re naked and stuff. and i think this was before hocd too (but idk for sure when hocd began for me). i get turned on by big boobs and i do admit that. but that’s not necessarily a sign of me being a different sexuality, which i’ve gathered after so much reassurance seeking. it’s just i feel uncomfortable getting changed with other women because of it. and that predatory feeling makes me worry i can’t be straight

Can someone PLEASE PLEASE help me make sense of my POCD rumination spiral or help give me encouragement ? This theme is making life very difficult . Basically I constantly have thoughts as to not stare at people inappropriately, and this includes adults , but mainly children . I don’t think I’m ACTUALLY staring creepily but it’s a back and forth with OCD . It primarily targets my little sister . It’s like “oh you looked here or there “ all the time . So I avoid being around her . Sometimes I feel like I actually do accidentally be creepy . I’ve had three panicked attacks where I’ve glanced at her and then a computer screen back and forth for a few seconds . Like sometimes it’s her chest , or her groin and stomach . It’s not intentional , its just whatever’s on my eye level and what’s close to my face . But OCD keeps torturing me about it . I’m planning on accepting the uncertainty that I might be a traumatizing creep , and to just move on and live life . However I need encouragement from someone or some suggestions . I just generally seem to glance at people a bit more than usual , but no ones taken any notice . UGH. I need help

This is going to be a bit long so I apologize in advance. I don’t know what else to do. I’m so anxious and tired. I think I’m getting depressed due to my anxiety. I know I am because I feel hopeless. I’m 24. I’m going to be graduating in may and I’m so stressed out. I hate my job. I hate where I live. I’m scared about the future and what’s going to happen after I graduate. I hate my boyfriends job because it puts us at risk of catching covid again. And like everyone else covid anxiety isn’t helping. I was finally diagnosed with ocd last year due to a horrible flare up that was unavoidable. I remember when it happened I was like this is unbearable. This is the worst. I say that every time it’s bad. Well, of course it’s always worse the next time. That’s ocd. I was prescribed bupropion. It worked for a while. It was great. It kept my intrusive thoughts at bay. My ocd went into remission. I even switched to the XL. But due to my own irresponsibility in taking the meds right (ie skipping doses) it was slowly rendering ineffective. The last two months I noticed that my intrusive thoughts were returning mildly and so were my compulsions. I was lethargic and had no motivation. Still things were good until two weeks ago. I had taken my first dose for the first time in two days. I skip all the time surely this will be fine. I had the worst panic attack of my life at work. After that I’ve been anxious ever since. I was dizzy, anxious, random panic attacks, etc. it was like withdrawals. I can’t go back to work because I’m scared I’ll have another panic attack. I thought I was going to die and I know it’s because of the panic attack. My doctor tried to get me to taper but I couldn’t. I wanted off of it then. Throw in a bad run in with a Cbd/delta 8 thc gummy (don’t take this if you’re on bupropion it does some shit to an enzyme in your liver) and my anxiety is through the roof. A different doctor prescribed Effexor and told me to just quit the bupropion. I took 37.5 mg yesterday of the Effexor and I was so nauseated. My BP was 140. I had heart palpitations. It was a horrible adverse reaction. Called my doctor. He told me to stop it immediately and prescribed me lexapro. I’m fucking scared to take it after yesterday and the last two weeks. My ocd is through the roof. I feel like I could go out of control. Like what if I develop this illness? What if I get serotonin syndrome? What if there’s something wrong with my liver? What if covid ruined something in me? What if I have to go to a psychiatric hospital? What if I lose my mind? What if... I know it’s ocd at free range but I’m really starting to get depressed. What if this is how I’m like now and I can’t return to normal? I cry so much now. My emotions are all over the place. I started therapy again Thursday so I guess that’s a small step. I don’t have a good support system. I returned to my childhood home for a few days and it’s not that great. My dads way of dealing with it is yelling at me and trying to scare me to take my meds. My family wants to throw pills at it until it goes away. But my body hasn’t even cleaned out the bupropion and now I took that dose of Effexor. I’m not trying to overload my system. I’m so sad and scared. I want to be better now. I was fine just a few weeks ago. I should have taken the bupropion right and then got off of it properly instead of being lazy. Any advice is appreciated

I need to just learn to be okay with my sexuality. I have been trying to engage in more sexual contact w my husband, but if we shower together that alone isn’t arousing. I keep having sexual dreams about men and kissing and touching them but in the dream I feel bad and remember my husband. I was aroused by a sexual image of a woman today. I’m living all these worries at once: a.) I’m not sexually aroused by my husband and will never enjoy sex with him if his body alone doesn’t turn me on b.) I’ll cheat on him and that scares me c.) I must be gay and that’s why sex isn’t as satisfying. All of these things cause immense stress. Enough to where I redownloaded this app.

I have this new obsession of worrying if I’m subconsciously sexualizing women. I consider myself a feminist and and ally of women. My OCD has made me scared of objectifying women so much that I avoid looking at them now. If a women crosses my field of view I get anxious and worry if I was looking at them inappropriately. I also have a fiancé so it also makes me feel like I’m being unfaithful.

I feel like my ocd is vastly different from other people’s which makes me think that it’s not ocd

Does anyone relate? I have really bad schizo OCD.. and before I had a lot of other themes but because the schizo theme is current and taking over the other ones have kind of been pushed to the side and all I can focus on is becoming crazy.. Well these past couple of days have been bad and as soon as I wake up I have this like really uncomfortable feeling in my chest.. no matter how much sleep I get or if I wasn’t stressed before going to bed. Then another thing I guess since I don’t have thoughts about really anything else for the day (ex. What are my tasks today, I’m excited for this today, oh I’m hungry.. etc) my thoughts are kind of all over the place about my schizo ocd and then it’s to the point I have random conversations that don’t even make sense in my head or I hear family members voices in my head saying something but it’s like I know it’s all my mind doing it but it still confuses me why random thoughts I didn’t think pop up or why I’m hearing it in their voice but this only happens when I first wake up or if I’m falling asleep. Then once it happens my brain is like.. does this mean I’m going crazy and starting to hear voices.. idk it’s literally driving me crazy..

I feel like ever since i got diagnosed with OCD and my theme being HOCD, my brain is trying to tell me that is isnt and this is who I am, i try to accept the thoughts and just let them come in but then i get scared when i get "too relaxed" if that makes sense... i literally saw two guys on tiktok yesterday who i thought were good looking and my brain was like "stop forcing yourself" when i wasnt..I just want this to stop... i'm trying so hard not to do compulsions or any of that but it's so hard... especially in the morning i've noticed..

It’s INSANE how everything is triggering my latest obsession of being caught for Child pornography, despite not being a pedo. I was on YouTube , and there was a funny video of how dads mess with their daughters boyfriends . This person said that their uncle told their cousins boyfriend, “whatever you do to her I’ll do to you “. Then proceeded to lick the boyfriends face . She referred to the boyfriend as “the kid “, and said that the boyfriend never did anything with the girlfriend while the uncle was around . I think the person wanted to tell a funny story . But someone else said that the uncle had sexually assaulted the boyfriend in the comments after reading the comment . Since the bf was referred to as “the kid”, I’m obsessed with whether this is CP . In Canada , anything counseling someone to do some illegal shit with a child is considered CP. now , I constantly obsess over whether or not comments I see , things I see , are CP or not CP . UGH . Has anyone had similar themes . UGH