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BIG TRIGGER WARNING! sometimes i feel so lost and hopeless after i have intrusive thoughts that my mind goes straight to suicide. it’s so scary, i feel this overwhelming guilt and shame because my normal brain says “why would my brain come up with such horrible thoughts???!” like i know OCD is built to trigger and IT DOES, but after when i have a moment of settlement, i feel so much hatred towards myself that my suicide OCD is triggered and it says “you’re horrible, you need to die” and all these horrible thoughts...it makes me feel sick inside, i’d never SWEAR on my soul ever hurt a child or want to think these intrusive thoughts, i don’t know where they come from, they just pop up and it feels like fire ants in my brain like i want them to stop but they don’t. i am crying when writing this because it sounds so insane, the last thing i want is a child to be hurt or anything, but my OCD says such horrible things and i feel so alone because i feel like no one else’s OCD is this bad and i am so isolated and alone. i don’t want to die, but when you have such gross evil intrusive thoughts, you feel like it’s your only way out....sorry if this was way too much to take in, i just wanted to let this out because it’s such a horrible overwhelming weight on my chest and i have no one to talk to about this. I HATE this disorder so much and what it has done to me.

Does someone in here has harm ocd and would like to talk ? I need someone that can i relate to. I have been having a lot of intrusive thoughts and need someone to help me please !

Nothing left. Feels like I never had OCD. Nothing left except the thoughts. Afraid ERP made me worse. Afraid that I lost females forever. Squandered my therapy. I suffered for a long time and I was finally feeling like I had hope. But I lost that too. It just feels like denial at this point. Fml...

My OCD is generally around my health. It is hard for me to differentiate between what is real and what is OCD. I have a skin condition (HPV) and it’s truly not bad at all although my OCD theme is very focused on it. I’m in constant fear that it will get worse, spread or ruin my life some how. Does anybody else have health anxiety OCD? Or OCD about contamination? I feel like it’s really difficult to combat my OCD at times because there is a level of rationality behind it. I do have the skin condition already that I’m worried about so my OCD has “evidence” to make me more worried about it. Does anybody else have an OCD theme that is hard to differentiate between what’s real and what’s OCD? Sorry for the long post but I’m very interested to hear more about your experiences!

this is a vent, feel free to scroll. i can't do any other compulsions. nothing works. im sick and tired i just want to sink into the floor and d*e. i can't answer all these questions. i just want to return back to who i was half a year ago when ocd wasn't even a word in my vocabulary. i don't know how to deal with this anymore im just praying it's ocd at this point. my mind is like a messy room i can't even enter because of the fucking junk that's in there. i can't trust my own self, my mind won't let me trust anyone either. i was my own guide but now i feel like i need a babysitter or I'll go insane. i didn't know it could get this bad and i wish i had gotten professional help already but, that's not even possible when your mother “doesn't believe in mental illness”. im sick

i personally do not have OCD, but my boyfriend has ROCD and it’s really taking a toll on us and our relationship and i’m not sure how to stop getting upset over his negative thoughts

After a morning of unwanted thoughts I got really triggered by a picture while doing ERP. Now it feels like it all true and it's all denial at this point....😭😭😭😭😭

Hey guys. My name is Wyatt Stevenson. I have been struggling big time with Pure O OCD, and I have to say this has been the most difficult time of my life. I don’t think anything will ever be as difficult as this was for me. I was suicidal for a while because of it and yes I know that’s selfish but I feel so much guilt from the HOCD because I am deeply in love with my girlfriend. It sucks because I know my reality but it’s like this subconscious villain screwing with me all day. I’m getting better but this has completely ruined our romantic side of our relationship. We are stronger together than apart and this is hopefully just another challenge we can conquer. Any advice on how I can give my girlfriend peace even tho she is along for the HOCD ride? Please someone respond I have been struggling so much.

My biggest triggers for myself are my past and how I looked/didn’t try at all and was always a “tomboy.” Like I look at myself in pictures and think I knew then and looked gay. Then at the same time I get thoughts “you didn’t know in your past because you didn’t have a boyfriend until you were 19” like I only think I’m gay now because I get rocd like thoughts in relationships as well. Also, sexual stuff. I have always been super aroused and wanted to get off to lesbians kissing, porn, erotica, fantasy, etc. that was my go to. I get more aroused thinking of that than straight sex and makes me feel like I would rather want it with a girl because of the stronger response. Like I would enjoy it more with a girl than a guy and only don’t want to because of suppression type things. I have no desire at all to try or do anything with a woman at all, but these are my biggest hurdles. I’m making scripts about it, looptapes, and even started to watch certain tv shows I know have these scenes in the show but I still can’t bring that fear down and it’s always there. I don’t know what else I can do? Patience? It feels like I can’t get over it because I am certain/convinced I’m gay now.

In the last few weeks I’ve developed extreme death anxiety to the point where it’s all I think about and I can barely function day to day. I have a therapist who’s telling me to do cbt for thoughts but I don’t know how to. Can anyone give me some advice on how to manage this extreme fear? I want to st least live as normally as possible but right now I can’t.

Plz answer this !!

For those who are on medication, roughly how long did the increased anxiety last for when you first started taking the medication?

Hey, can anyone give me some advice? I stopped my SSRI sooner than I should’ve (I can explain the circumstances in the comments), but I think I’m having withdrawal symptoms. For a week now I’ve had vertigo-like symptoms, some nausea, eye strains (like blinking and moving my eyes side-to-side), and difficulty concentrating on work. I thought at first it was side effects of my first COVID shot, then thought it was motion sickness or “cyber sickness” (spending too much time looking at my phone, work monitors, and tv). But the timeline of when I stopped taking it matches up when I first started feeling symptoms. Any suggestions to work myself out of the hole I foolishly dug myself into? I do NOT want to go back on it, I’d rather try and tough out the symptoms, if possible, so I can be free of medications in my body.

SOMEONE please respond. I don’t know If this is intrusive thoughts but my sister compared me to a person appearance who is not soo good-looking and I don’t mean this in a rude way. Then later on she started saying she’s joking but my brain already believes her? I’m literally panicking thinking I’m ugly idk what’s wrong with me. I start to believe anything. I’m so insecure about my self already and feel like I look like a catfish cause I use makeup and filters but still its still me right? I hate this what do I do. Idk why I believe her now it’s my brain making me think that way :(

Does anyone have OCD friends in real life. How does that go for you? Is it helpful? I’m just curious as I haven’t ever met someone with OCD in real life or at least not that’s open about it

Just saw a post on Twitter about how fancying make celebs doesn’t mean you’re attracted to them as some people only fancy them because they’re unattainable, and all the comments under it were saying how this is how they found out they weren’t straight. I’m freaking out a bit now because I get such huge crushes on make celebs :(

I don't feel like I have ocd 😔

I’ve had a lot of OCD episodes in the past but these ones are especially disturbing. I had the thought a while ago bc i saw a funny video and i thought i wonder what it feels like to have a penis( i am a woman) and then my brain went bezerk and said “ omg what if ur transgender.” and then i met someone who was trans and they were talking about they have always just known. and i started getting scared and i began feeling like scared of “what if i don’t like being in my body? what if i’m trapped in a body i’m not supposed to be in?” it took me a while to get over it but i did. then it started nudging it’s head back into my brain and i kept imagining what would it feel like and i like feel like i imagine what it would be like. then i saw a stupid tik tok of how a trans person tried to pee standing when they were growing up and i think i tried that when i was literally just a dumb kid, and it made me scared like holy crap what if i am like that. and it’s making me so scared it’s even causing me to be uncomfortable with my self and i just can’t deal with it. I have undiagnosed OCD i struggle w HOCD, ROCD, POCD, Pure-O, and a lot of intrusive thoughts.

So it may sound stupid, but I can't really decide if it is false memory ocd, or not. I have a cat. I got her recently. Sometimes, if she push my hand with her nose, I get a tingle in my groinal area. It is not strange for me, because if anything push my hand, I get that tingle, it's some kind of nerve thing, I get it. But that's not the thing that disturbs me. I heard from some people, that they enjoy riding a horse, because it is pleasurable for them down there. And the thought came, that what if I enjoy when my cat push my hand with her nose. I know, that you can enjoy your groinal response, but not enjoy the thing that caused it, but I still felt really anxious because of that. One day I patted my cat's head, and there was these intrusive thoughts, so as compulsions, I put my hand on my cat's nose. I felt the tingle, and then I don't remember exactly what happened, but I remember that maybe I enjoyed it, and the thought came that I wanted to do it again, but then I was like "it's my cat which causes it, so I don't want to do it". And I didn't put my hand on my cat's nose, just a little bit later as a compulsion, and I didn't get the tingle (fortunately). After that, I got a panick attack. I know that probably my ocd is playing with me, but I really fear, that I enjoyed it. I know that I'm not into beastiality, it's really gross, but I fear, what if I really enjoyed that feeling at the moment. I feel like a bad person, who don't deserve anything in her life. I can't study, because I think I don't deserve it (I really like studying), I feel bad for the people who loves me. I also one of the top students in my country, and everytime someone says "oh you are a masterpiece" or "you are a miracle, a really good person" I feel so bad, that I don't really deserve it. I have so many plans in my life, but I can't accomplish them, if I have these thoughts and I can't love myself. I don't really want to be a bad person. So, any idea, how to feel better, how to accept myself? Thanks if you read it.

Relapsing so bad... I wish I could just disappear forever