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the NOCD Community

I struggle so much with my past, particularly the way I behaved and the people I associated with towards the end of high school. I know that as a kid, and I was under 18 at the time, we all make poor decisions or do things that are wrong. I can’t stop ruminating though, and have a hard time letting go of the past. I know concretely, that who I was back then, is NOT at all who I am now and that I am in all honesty, disgusted by my past mistakes. Does anyone else deal with real event OCD and struggle with rumination? Especially feeling like they don’t deserve happiness or love because of their past?

How do you deal with contamination OCD that is centered around your own bodily fluids? It is weird but I worry about coming into contact with any of my own vaginal discharge or blood. I have specific rituals where I only change my underwear and pants in the bathroom and then wash my legs afterwards. I wash my hands like 10 times up to the elbows after using the toilet. I also disinfect after I use the toilet. I hate this and it makes no sense to me but I can't help but do it.

Hey guys, I just had a bad panic attack at work and ended up having to leave before it got bad, idk what triggered it but I started having these terrible intrusive thoughts and fantasies about being gay and it’s been happening for almost a year and it drives me crazy I really am starting to get on the good path in life, I’m 20 and working a nice job and it’s just hard when these thoughts come in, I am not gay and really never want to be ever I love girls and want it to stay that way, idk what to do it genuinely drives my head insane, how do I sit with these thoughts my mind, it’s so hard and just very powerful especially when anxiety kicks in, :( please help) thanks

I don’t know what I’m afraid of regarding my so ocd. I know I’m afraid of losing my identity and I fear judgement from others, but what if it’s something else? What if I’m homophobic and that’s why? I know better and I know so ocd is an identity issue, but I feel like the exception. I try so hard and I know I support everyone and love everyone. I educate myself and I talk to younger teens about their sexuality (mental health mentor) and I have no problems or judgment with them. I can’t wrap my head around why I struggle to accept certain parts of my so ocd and my scrupulousity automatically attributes it to homophobia. Like the idea of being on a spectrum is scary to me even though it didn’t use to. There was a time I used the idea of being on a spectrum to conquer my so ocd and it went away for a while. I was perfectly okay with it. Now I’m not and I don’t know why. It’s like my ocd feels that if I’m not perfectly one thing then it’s a threat to my entire identity and I know it’s not. I know it’s not a big deal and it shouldn’t be that scary, but it is. It scares me that it might be homophobia. It’s hard for me to accept the uncertainty of me being a bad person because I really don’t want to be. I don’t know what to do.

in need of some advice here! one of my biggest compulsions is checking whether or not i am attracted to everyone i come across. seeing as this is an immediate reaction, how can i use this to my advantage? how can i treat it as an exposure instead of a compulsion?

Oh wow, now that I think about it I’ve experienced many different themes of OCD throughout my life but I’m not sure if they were extreme enough to be considered OCD. Right now I’m dealing with HOCD and it’s making me very depressed and isolated but here are some things that I’ve experienced in the past: Years ago (when I was VERY young, maybe around 10) I remember going through this phase where I was constantly washing my hands so they were clean to the point where they had that white dry skin over them and they were irritated. I also remember this one specific incident where I was making a sandwich for my younger brother and I put the bread on the bare counter. I then remembered that that was where we also put our chicken eggs and I suddenly thought “what if my brother gets salmonella?” I tried to continue making the sandwich but I started crying and threw it all away because I didn’t want to be at fault if my brother got salmonella. I truly felt awful and angry at myself because I wasted the food. Another incident (I don’t know if this could be real event OCD) was I remember a while ago some girl on social media posted an anonymous message thing where you can leave anonymous messages for her to read and for some reason (I have no idea why) I left some hurtful messages behind. A little while later, I started thinking “what if she kills herself because of them?” “What if I get blamed for it?” “What if someone hacks the anonymous messaging service and reveals that I sent them?” The guilt ate away at me for so long to the point where I messaged her and told her that it was me that sent them and I apologized. However, that was not the end of it. Two years later I remembered the incident while I was on vacation and I felt so sick and awful to the point where I felt like I didn’t deserve the happiness I felt during the trip because I did that. These feelings were very intense during a car ride but then they kind of came and went during random parts of the trip. I mainly avoid saying hurtful things to people in general because I know that if I do my brain will spiral out of control with thoughts such as “what if they hurt themselves because of what I said?” Or “what if they try to hurt or kill ME?” I don’t know if this is extreme or debilitating enough to be OCD, though.

Hey guys, anyone have moral/scrupulosity OCD? I have obsessions in which I remember things that I feel my boyfriend may think were “wrong” and worry that if he knew he wouldn’t love me anymore/I wouldn’t be good enough for him, so I compulsively confess things to him. However confessing to him is really hurting my relationship- he doesn’t want to hear all the little things I obsess about. Anyone have any advice on sitting through this? It is extremely uncomfortable not to confess and I often have full blown panic attacks.

Need some encouragement today. Im 48 and just started experiencing symptoms of intrusive thoughts in March. Then had an anxiety attack. My first. In April and sense have need hyperfocused on my breathing. I know its automatic. Now I have constant stomach aches due to anxiety The breathing is the worse There is no need for me to focus on that In feeling like gonna lose this battle. I'm tired. Everything was good in life in March. Although I have been under stress. Have I gone insane.

Scared im attracted to woman and dont wanna be so im blaming hocd :(( Im so scared im doing that

Any advice for someone who feels like they missed their teen years due to OCD and Social anxiety and doesn't want to lose their 20s too?? I feel so lost. I haven't worked and would like to but I feel like any place I could handle with my anxiety wouldn't want me. And i don't know how to go about making friends or possible relationships. Any tips?

Help! A kid I used to be friends with liked my selfie and it’s very awkward because I think he used to be a customer of mine on onlyfans. I wanna block him but we used to be friends and I can’t get him out my head and I love my boyfriend. Help me

i was on vacation with my family for the last few days and i didn’t really have too many bad thoughts and i felt like i was doing okay. now that i’m back home my rocd is in full effect and i felt like i wasn’t excited enough to see my boyfriend when i first saw him or that i didn’t miss him while i was gone. my feelings feel so numb and i don’t know what to do but i cry at the thought of not being with him. i’m also scared that maybe im just scared of hurting him and that’s the only reason i’m staying but i also know if we did break up i would be really upset. it’s all so confusing in my head and i don’t even feel much anxiety anymore with the thoughts because they’re so constant. i kinda just needed to vent so anyone who read thank you very much. i don’t know what to do.

Feels like im a lesbian and like the thoughts

I HATE THAT I OPENED UP TO MY FRIEND ABOUT MY OCD SO MUCH, she’s always invalidating me or telling me I need to see her therapist even though I told her I don’t want to because she’s not an ocd specialist but I can tell she doesn’t even think it’s ocd. Then she just told me that if intrusive thoughts are left unchecked it’ll develop into schizophrenia because I’m hearing voices but I just don’t know it???? I really regret opening up to her now I’m freaking out that I’m going to have psychosis

tw: dp/dr sensations does anyone with depersonalization / derealization ever be in the middle of doing something literally anything and then an intense “whoosh” feeling of feeling unreal. and then suddenly you’re hyper aware of yourself and you’re surroundings but at the same time feel extremely separate from reality. for me, it feels like a really really intense high without wanting to be high. at its worst, i can’t even recognize my own family members and my childhood bedroom feels foreign. it’s difficult and triggering everytime, i’m trying to cope better with it now but it’s still challenging. can anyone else relate ?

I'm convinced I have borderline personality disorder, I think it's an OCD thing and now I'm watching videos on BPD which my therapist told me not to do so now I feel like a failure. By the way every couple of weeks or months I see some symptoms I have in common with mental problems and then start researching and taking online tests. I can't have so many mental illnesses can I? It must just be OCD playing games with me.

((TW: POCD)) I matched with someone on tinder who’s 18 and I’m having serious anxiety about it because they just turned 18 last Saturday and I’m about to turn 22. I know it’s legal and I shouldn’t be worrying but it does make me uncomfy. I’ve had people lie about their age to try and talk to me years ago and it makes me feel really fucking gross even though I blocked them immediately. I’m so against talking to minors it’s insane.

One of my themes of OCD is POCD and I’m always obsessing about how someone becomes a pedo, were they born with it (and if they were born with it then what exactly caused them to be that way, is it genetic, is it due to childhood abuse/neglect? My OCD tries to constantly rationalize how they happen to have those sort of genuine attractions… and it starts to scare me that there isn’t an answer as to how people develop those attractions

Wow, image ocd is hitting me hard. And it doesnt help that all the woman i’m asking out are rejecting me. I feel so ugly and depressed. And i never saw myself as being ugly. And i keep making fake scenarios in my head of me being rejected or shamed by woman and cant help but feel frustrated as if it actually happened. And dont get me started on rumination. I keep ruminating about whats wrong with my image? Is it my face? My weight? My clothes? UGH, woman nowadays are so shallow

Is it possible to have a theme not bother you as much anymore or if not at all? And is it true that OCD is worse when you’re really stressed? I’m currently under a lot of stress and have suicide OCD. But even when I’m not necessarily feeling so stressed it still bothers me. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to live and enjoy my life when my brain is constantly thinking about suicide when I don’t want to die.. I’m so scared and just feeling somewhat doomed that this obsession is gonna take over me.. I just need some hope