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(TW is for POCD and discussion of pedophilia) Tl;dr I did actual bad things as an older child and young teenager, idk whether I even have POCD or I'm just actually a pedophile I'm questioning if this is OCD or I'm actually a pedophile. And I know everyone with POCD thinks that but I think I'm actually the odd one out. My POCD interacts with real event, specifically stuff that I did when I was 11-14. I had a fetish at that point, or at least I think that's what it was bc idk what else to call it. It wasn't sexual to me or didn't seem that way at the time, but I think that must have been the enjoyment I was getting out of it bc there's no other explanation. And I would write stories related to this fetish about kids way younger than myself without seeing anything wrong with it, bc again I didn't see it as sexual. And look up images related to it as well (not CP). But it's a relatively common fetish, and it's pretty obvious that's what it was. I really don't see how I could write that off or pretend it's ok. I would do literally anything to change the past but of course I can't. Ever since realizing the stuff I wrote was bad I panicked and that started the anxiety and it's spiraled to the point where now I think I'm a full on p, and idk whether it's true. I don't want the intrusive thoughts, but sometimes I worry I do, and now I get groinal responses to everything, not just thoughts but real people as well. The groinal responses only started after I read a reddit post that said that's the way to determine if you're really a p. I try to avoid children, I avoid everyone because I don't feel deserving of human interaction. I have absolutely no desire to do anything to a child but I'm scared I must be repressing it bc why else did I do the things I did when I was younger? I can't move on from this it seems. Idk if I deserve to. I'm not trying to ask for reassurance I just can't do this anymore, I can't do ERP if I'm convinced I'm actually a p, because why would I want to stop being worried about something that's actually worrying? Please don't be scared to tell me if you think I'm a pedophile I want to know. I want to know what you do if you can't trust yourself enough to try to heal?

I can't stop comparing myself to others and wishing for things I don't have. I don't recall this ever being a serious problem for me. Where is this coming from? On one hand I know it's going to make me miserable, but on the other hand I feel like I'd be lying to myself by pretending or ignoring the fact that I want more. I try writing in a gratitude journal, but can't help but thinking other people have better things to write.

i barely thought about it all day. barely did any compulsions. barely felt any anxiety and barely ruminated. i thought this was ocd??? shouldn't i be more worried??? i don't feel like this is ocd anymore :(

was doing so good for weeks, i felt i had control over my emotions & i wouldn’t let the thoughts bother me. suddenly tonight they’re attacking me so much & grossing me out & i keeping getting waves of anxiety & uncomfortableness run through my body & i wanna cry & scream & just have a normal brain. this is torture, pure torture. i cant express how frustrated i am that these intrusive thoughts even cross my mind because they’re so far from who i am & they just don’t stop. i feel like my skin is crawling & i am just overheated & grossed out. i am crying & at the same time i feel numb because i don’t know what else to do. :( i thought i had such a good grip on it, i was positive & now i am just suffering again like old times. i would never think these kinds of things, i would never want to, i would never be what my ocd tells me. i just want my life back.

What does recovery for harm OCD look like?

I told my new therapist I have HOCD. I told him I am sexually attracted to men, but I had a couple gay fantasies and got aroused at them when I was a teenager. He then said I should watch/read about people being bisexual. Why would he he say that? Trying to say I might be bisexual? Is that normal for an OCD therapist to do that kind of thing?

Could this be rocd? In April of 2020 I had my first run in with rocd because I obsessed over it I was in love with my boyfriend, then it switched to does he love me, then retroactive jealousy and even real event ocd. In December I got really bad sexual orientation ocd , with the core fear behind it being that I’d have to leave my partner and that our love wasn’t real. Finally after months it’s calmed down but I’ve slowly noticed myself obsessing over our relationship again since June/July. We’ve been long distance for 10 months since he joined the military which naturally brings its own doubts and fears but I believe my ocd really amplifies that. I also worry that the “spark” isn’t there and that I’ll only feel one with women even though I really don’t want to be with a woman at all. I follow this with compulsions such as checking my feelings, listening to songs I know make me think of him, reviewing past memories, reading old messages, etc. I also obsess over whether or not I’m truly attracted to him and whether or not I’ll still feel the same when he visits again next month. It’s really been getting in the way of my relationship and making me feel less enthusiastic. I don’t want these doubts and fears, the only thing I want is to be sure of the love for my partner again. The only thing that makes me think this isn’t ocd is that there’s no anxiety, well sometimes the thoughts make me cry and they cause me distress but after months of anxiety with sexual orientation ocd they just run wild in my mind. Could it be ocd even without the anxiety ?

Adults only! I had a horrible intrusive thought last night and it’s bothering me so much. It was about doing it with two family members and I feel sick! My mom and my grandma. They mean so much to me. I would never want such a thing!

Hi everyone, I’ve been struggling lately and been reading up on all the different types of OCD and reading others posts have been comforting to me that I’m not the only one. Here’s what’s been going on lately: My boyfriend and I were together for 5 years consistently. Broke up for 2 years but we’re still on and off but remained single. We are now back together and suddenly I have been obsessing over the things I have done in those 2 years that may have been disrespectful to my boyfriend. My boyfriend forgives me for everything but I can’t stop obsessing over every detail. I am trying/forcing myself to remember every bad thing I’ve done in 2019. And once I think of something I obsess over - why would I do that? What was I thinking back then? We’re those my true feelings 2 years ago? Is that how I feel now? And when I think of something I feel the need to confess to my boyfriend. These thoughts and questions make me have tremendous guilt and feel like I don’t deserve the relationship we have currently. I’m new to all this and have an appointment with a psychologist next week. Any advice until then?

I’ve been struggling with OCD as long as I can remember and I’ve built up a very good tool belt of ways to cope, but I barely find any information or coping strategies for somatic OCD. The worst somatic OCD is when I feel like I’m suffocating. My brain hyper fixates on my breathing and no matter what I do I rarely ever feel like I got a good breath. I take so many deep breaths to the point my chest will hurt from it or I force myself to yawn because for some reason that also “helps” but it’s really just a compulsion. It lasts for up to months and months at a time and I feel like I’m going insane. I can’t focus on anything or even enjoy spending time with my friends, significant other or just enjoy any activities. I also have Health OCD so I start self diagnosing myself with health issues when the somatic OCD starts and it feels like I’m drowning in this crippling thought process lately. I’d love to hear about anyone’s similar experiences and how you found peace and how you coped if you’re willing to share.

I have a date Thursday with a guy I went to school with and it’s giving me a lot of intrusive thoughts. I don’t find him extremely attractive (although I haven’t seen him in about 4 years), but his personality was always amazing and he’s seriously funny, so thought I’d go out with him to see how things go. However because i don’t think I find him very attractive at the min (only been speaking online for a few days) im now scared this is a sign I must be gay as I see women all the time that are pretty :( Im trying hard to say whatever to the thoughts and go on this date anyway even though everything in me is saying to cancel just incase

it’s getting worse. i’ll try to phrase this in the best way i can. i came across something on tiktok that was so horrible and triggering and now i’ve been up all night feeling panic and guilt. i tried counteracting the intrusive thoughts with thoughts of my own that align with my morals because i thought it would make me feel better and provide me with some relief knowing i’m not a bad person, but it only made me feel worse bc now my mind is trying to convince me of doing otherwise and i haven’t slept. i just feel so worthless and like i am a terrible person and that i don’t deserve happiness. i’m also pmsing, often my symptoms are worse around this time. i feel like i can’t talk about my struggles to anyone because i’m scared they won’t understand. i really don’t want to be having these thoughts and overanalysing my every action to find some sort of proof that these thoughts are true, it’s only destroying me. i’m so scared of being a bad person. i wish i could stop feeling like this. it’s been this way for years. i feel like i don’t deserve love and that it would be better for everyone if i kept myself away. i just feel so sad and afraid. i honestly don’t know what to do to make things better.

I’m so scared

Hey, 2 weeks ago i had Self harm ocd,(Its my first month of ocd ever i think)It all started with an anxiety attack i felt all weak AND with bad symptoms but i didnt realized the OCD ay that moment, so i started treating my anxiety doing exercise and eating better, like a weeks ago my anxiety dropped a lot but i started having the thoughts of harming myself, but It lasted like 2 weeks because i started to lose fear AND accepted inwont do It never, so i was getting better with that ocd theme i almost controled It so i thought"Great so i might now start my life normally again" but BOOM! Bcs of a fkng comment ok YT about ocd that i read different types of ocd puré, i saw pocd And HOCD AND many More, AND i didnt took them seriously, because at that moment i was having the Self harm ocd, but the day after inwas walkong with my brother in the hood doing exercise, AND i saw a kid but at first i didnt cared, but idk why i remembered the comment and started thinking "why i looked at that kid?" But i kinda controlled it, and forgot about it, later un the might i was warching the olyimpics(giros swimming) with my Mom and Dad,AND i was all normal but then there were ones that were 14 ir 15 idk, and i remembered the image i had earlier AND the thought ñ, AND at that moment i had a little groinial, but i got that scared that i went to my room and searched about pocd and a lot of info that later affected me, but i was only scared, so i found the groinial response video AND i found that a lot of people had It, but the problem Is that for me to not feel it i started stretch the legs all might to try to supress It o couldnt sleep, what Is worse Is that the days later i had groinial AND tingling all day even if im not thinking about it, i have It all day, AND Its terrible bcs i dont know ir im getting aroused or not because i have the constant feeling all day even if im not thinking about it, i got so sad AND i talked about It with my Mom she got a little scared but i explained to her the ocd and i went to the therapist but she didnt knew what pure o was so It wasnt for much help, but now im going to another therapist that It is supposed to be into OCD, so idk what will happen, i hipe i can hey help bcs the constant physical sensation is awful, Since i was a kid i always liked the girls from college or older, i never felt attracted by a kid so idk what to do( sorry for my bad english im not native speaker) My question Is How to stop the groinial AND tingling even if im not thinking about It?pls ,

This post is going to be kinda long so I don’t really expect anyone to read the whole thing. I just wanna get this out there because it’s very prevalent in my life right now. In the nicest way possible please don’t use this post as a preaching opportunity. I want there to be a god but I’m agnostic, and frankly becoming more atheist the more I get into science. Tied into all my other OCD fears (worrying about lifespan, never achieving goals, etc.) is this need to have a higher force watching over me, even in a world where there is no sure justice for those who do good. And no guarantees of life after death. Accepting the uncertainty that there’s even a possibility of some higher power seems like a stretch in itself. I feel like it’d be foolish to simply have hope; because those who know the most about our universe seem to believe that there isn’t anything out there. The way I understand things (and this is just my personal take, not the gospel truth or anything) is that we have evidence against the religions of the past, but no evidence FOR some higher force. If there’s even a possibility that there is some higher form of consciousness, who’s to say they care or know about us? And there’s no guarantee of an afterlife, or that whoever out there is able to make it happen for us. It just sucks especially because I’d been catholic all my childhood and always thought I’d be able to see my parents again after they die someday. And even now I’m still searching for hope and coming up with nothing. Even in my early twenties life is beginning to speed up and I don’t have that time buffer i once had as a child; where i could just hope that things will go right someday without having each day be faster than the last, and each year feel like a mere month. Death is on my mind, and I really really want to be a kid again. When i tell people this they say “don’t we all”…but when i say it i truly mean that i have this intense craving to be small again. Everything sucks right now and hope is quite scarce.

im super scared right now i think im start to be delusional. i had this thought and it won't get out of my head "your sister wants to kill you" and i can't tell if i believe it or not i don't believe it because it's just simply not true there's no logic behind it but why do my emotions just feel like i believe i believe it. this is my biggest fear what is going on i don't believe it. it's so not true idk what to do right now

do groomers/pedophiles realize what they did wrong and feel guilty about it?

!!TW!! Venting (not in the sus way) I’ve remembered something I did to my dog when I was around probably 11-12 and I feel sick. Like ever since yesterday I’ve had a headache and I feel like I’m gonna throw up. I feel so bad. I wish I’d have never done that. Which leads me to something else. Lately, with all the things I’ve remembered doing, I keep thinking “Why haven’t you killed yourself already”, “You should’ve done it when you had the chance”, and things along the lines of that. I feel that because of the things I did I don’t deserve to live. I feel so close to doing it. The reason I think so It’s because I couple of months ago I had already sent a date for when and It’s creeping up. I’ve already give my mom important things away and I haven’t been eating much because I keep getting the thought that I don’t deserve food and I only eat a couple of snacks or whatever my parents give me. I’ve become emotionally numb and only feel the slightest emotion around my family and pets. I don’t want to do it, I really don’t, but I no longer feel like I deserve to live. I stopped crying because I found out my sibling can hear me from their room and it has caused me a headache. I don’t know what to do anymore. I wish I never did any of the things I did. Even if I stopped doing them I still feel disgusted. I’m sorry this was long. I’m not seeking reassurance. I just wanted to vent.

Hey guys. This is a semi long post but if anyone of you could read it and respond it would really help me out. So if you saw my earlier post about me and my dad falling out, this is an extension of that. Im just not sure how to interact with him i asked for an apology and he refused saying if i want to hold a grudge thats on me. He’s gone back to acting as if everything is ok and i don’t know if I’m comfortable with that. I still live in his house, drive the car he makes payments for, and use the phone he also makes payments for and until i get another job i rely on him for food at the moment. What i mean by this is he takes care of me. Earlier today he asked if me and my brother if we could come out of our rooms and spend time with him in the living room and i just don’t know. its obvious that he goes out and tries to engage with others because at home his own family wont. My mother is the same, now shes started branching out and trying to find people to spend time with because me and my brother don’t usually like to hang out with her or my dad or even each other. My dad has usually been the social butterfly always hanging out with people, and now so is my mom. my dad and mom do seem a little closer for it now. Anyways my mom is in Africa for a bit visiting family and my dad has been out the house for basically the whole day hanging out with friends or new people (at least kinda new to me) ever since she left(past two days) and idk im tired of feeling guilty but also tired of feeling like a bad person and daughter but also tired of feeling put down by my dad. I know this was a long one but if im upset or don’t get along with my parents how should i interact with them if they dont change their ways or they know i dont like some actions they take?

If anyone wants to vent to me, you can <3