Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hi guys, I’ve only just installed this app, so no idea how to use it really! But I thought I’d share. For context I believe I have cheating OCD. I’m currently ruminating about whether or not to go out tomorrow, with my boyfriend and his family, for lunch, because I find his dad handsome, and even though I was planning on going before I started to stress, I suddenly had the thought “am I just going because of his dad?” Which is something I’d never do but the OCD makes me doubt myself. I also have a phobia I would say that stems from my cheating OCD of being in close proximity to people, because even like a brush from someone will make me think I’ve cheated and I did it on purpose. So I’m terrified that, if his dad ends up close to me, I’ll tell myself I leaned into him or whatever and feel awful about it for months. I always tell my boyfriend when I think I’ve cheated and according to him I never have, but I still have doubts over even that. As I’m writing this hes at a nightclub that I would’ve gone to with him if I wasn’t so afraid. I don’t know what to do. Should I go?

Hey everyone, Back in 2020-2019ish I messaged these boys who I previously “did stuff with” . Before me and my bf dated . I think one of them messaged me about homework so I tried to help (he is also friends with my bf still). So I was just trying to be nice. And the other one I was friends with for years and I told him about my boyfriend and then he messaged me about dogs and about how he was sorry if he was mean etc etc. I don’t remember my responses but I’m paranoid I sent them something inappropriate and it was wrong . A lot of people think texting people from your past is bad in relationships and I’m obsessing over this too. But I think I was just trying to be nice at the time and didn’t think much of it . My boyfriend knows all this and he does not care .

Okay I’m literally so anxious right now. I was watching porn and Before I continue it’s something that I am for sure going to stop. I am a Christian and I have felt convicted by the Holy Spirit to stop viewing it so I am no longer viewing it. But the last time I viewed it I was scrolling through videos and you know how the videos have a thumbnail, well as I was scrolling I panicked because I think or thought I saw a child on one of the thumbnails. I panicked and scrolled passed it and just got off of it all together. I’m afraid this means I viewed CP. I would never want to do that. Is there anyone that has experienced something similar? I’m trying to sit with the uncertainty. Just feel like I’m a really bad person.

I need help! Does anybody ocd obsessed with thinking?! MY BRAIN WONT STOP. Thoughts won’t stop coming in. EVERY SECOND. HELP! It’s taking away from my life!

TW POCD Adults only Really depressed today. This is probably tmi but I’m on my period and I think it’s making things worse I don’t know. Still upset about an intrusive image I had the other day that felt like I was turned on by it it felt so real! I’m just really upset 😭

I’m terrified because I read that someone was able to hide their psychosis from others so what if my psychosis related intrusive thoughts I keep to myself are actually me going crazy??? I’m really scared rn

So like roughly 2 years ago early on to me and my bfs relationship . I told my girl friend at the the time that she should get with my boyfriends friend. I did this to be nice. So my other friends made a blanket fort and I was there and the girl was there and the guy . They got real friendly real quick . And I was on the farish right laying or sitting idk which . And my boyfriends other friend was laying all the way down drunk as a skunk and throwing up. So my bfs friend and that girl started making out. I don’t remember but she asked me to cuddle I think I did but I was complaining I was cold. And when they started kissing I got up and left . I’m convinced I cheated or did something wrong 2 years later .

What does acceptance mean/ feel like? Because to me it just scares me and makes me feel like I’m giving into my OCD thoughts.

Can OCD get to a toxic stage where you’re almost annoyed that your thoughts may not be true? A bit like Stockholm syndrome?

18+ content So I was watching adult content until a random thought of my friend came out (guy). I'm a hundred percent straight and I know these thoughts are nonsense but boy why did it happen? Ever since my friend came out my brain started telling me what if I'm gay? The last time i met him there was this awkward tension. I didn't know how to look at him and my mind was all over the place. Are you getting a groinal response? I accepted the thoughts and said yeah I'm totally gay and I started punching him as I always did. The thoughts went away but like I said before, an image of him came when I was watching adult content....

I wish my mom would just let me make mistakes in school so that I would actually be free from OCD. I am so obsessed with perfect grades and perfect attendances, and when I try to do exposures, make mistakes on purpose or try not to ruminate on a mistake that's already been done, my mom scolds me and says that she's dissappointed me me and that I need to be good enough and that one mistake will haunt me forever, and I believe her, even though I know that's not true. I don't care about perfect grades or perfect attendance, I just care about learning and having fun. But I'm convinced that something bad is gonna happen if I miss a class for fail one test, just because my mom says so. Even though I don't give a shit about grades and all, I just be perfect, ruminate, check, because if I don't mom will try to belittle me and say that I'm not good enough for her.

I was given one chance at this life and I threw it, i just cant see a normal future, dont even know what my normal is supposed to like now, slowly rotting away

Recovery from schizophrenia/psychosis OCD. I am able to live with this uncertainty after knowing these facts. If your parents or siblings have schizophrenia, the chances of you getting it is still less than 10%. And it also helped me after understanding the misunderstood stigma around it. About 20% of them recover even without medications as they age. And about 60% of them reach remission through medication and treatment. Even though it might be debilitating but recovery is very possible. People who have psychosis, 33% of them never have it again at all. The rest who do with treatment and therapy it is highly recoverable. When having a Psychosis episode, most last only till few days and in rare cases few weeks to few months. You can still lead a normal life thanks to current treatment and medications that were not available in last century hence that is when the stigma took root. Who knows what the future holds, we might even find a cure or even higher effective treatments. So don't worry about thinking you might lose your sanity or something. The fact that you can question if you're losing your sanity is more than enough to prove that you are not.

For the past few years, my past has been weighing on me heavy. I can't move on when I haven't addressed the past, and waiting for my past to address me is the most terrifying thing I could wait for. Whether or not everyone else moved on, and whether or not all the mistakes can be explained away, it still happened. The anxiety and paranoia I feel everyday at the thought that I've been such a mean and awful person is actually killing me. Not to mention the anxiety I feel towards thoughts I can't even control. At my big age, I don't think it's right for me to continue staying home without a job. Especially while my mother continues trying to scrape up everything for the family. But I can't let go. I can't. Sometimes I even feel like it's better for me to sit here and punish myself for the past, than to open a new chapter and try to be better. It's so hard to try and convince myself that death isn't a way out. I don't think I could do that to my family, especially my mom. I don't even think I could do that to myself. Trying to find a job compatible with my mental and physical healts is overwhelming. Staying around my family is overwhelming. I even asked my dad if I could stay with him but he wants me to go to school if I do, school is a huge trigger for me not to mention, it's hard. I need to remind myself that my life means something, but when I find something it morphs right front of me. It morphs into something that isn't a meaning. It just becomes a fact with no importance attached to it. I'm constantly hopping from one meaning to another. Even going to a hospital seems like it's not a choice. I'm trying so hard to get back to therapy but like everything, it always stop. Something flukes in the routine and I just stop. I don't know what to do, but I don't think I can afford to just sit here. Is there anyone out there who went through something like this and could lend some advice?

Can anyone tell me some exposures that have proven effective for Religious OCD? I am struggling to come up with some. Thanks.

I need to vent. Or just write this all out somewhere to people who are compassionate and non-judgemental. One of my biggest triggers is being lied to, being deceived, or being naive with my trust. The most important person in my life lied to me today. I just found out. He lies about little things when he’s scared of getting in trouble but I thought we had finally established trust and put that in the past. But I messed up too. I asked for reassurance to soothe my anxiety this morning. He reassured me but still, I was so anxious. I felt like he was lying but thought maybe my anxiety was just going nuts. I ruminated and obsessed all day. I finally felt better….but then anxiety took over again. I snooped something I wasn’t supposed to. And I found out that he lied. Of course, when I confronted him, I had to admit I had snooped. We both got angry. We both messed up. I know all of this sounds bad because I’m being vague. The thing he lied about wasn’t anything he wasn’t supposed to do. He said he lied because he didn’t want to hurt me by telling the truth. There’s nothing wrong with the truth, and what he did didn’t cross any boundaries in any way. But he lied. And I let my anxiety start a fight. I’m not saying it’s my fault he lied. But I messed up too. He doesn’t understand why I can’t just let these things go. Why I always need to dig and dig and dig. I can’t explain it in ways that make sense to a rational mind. No one gets it. Now to move forward again, I know I have to give up one of my biggest compulsions. The snooping. It’s only hurting me so much and hurting the friendship I value most. I’ve taken a small step but I can’t fully commit. I don’t know what to do. I’m still so triggered and anxious by his lie. I’m spiralling so much about it and at the same time, trying to take responsibility. I can’t figure out who is right and wrong here. I’m tired. And I’m thankful to anyone who read this.

I’m having a really hard time rn :( I feel so terrible idk how to explain it anymore it’s like this feeling isn’t right like idk I just feel like I’m changing.. :/ and I hate it bc I don’t want to like ugh I feel like I’m saying things that come out as out of line or ppl look at me weird for saying it idk I feel like I’m being judged on or that I was for something I said and. I hate that I feel so lost in my identity and morality and just everything I used to value and just my morals :( and. I feel like I’m gonna cry bc I never asked for any of this to happen to me.. and I feel like it’s all my fault bc I caused my own trauma but when I tell the few ppl that I trust abt it they said that I was only a child who didn’t know any better and I really didn’t but I just feel like my child self is a shame yk.?

In the past, 2 years ago, from a fake account, I used to seek reassurance. There I met a random stranger who was depressed. We talked. We were very sweet and kind with each other. I even flirted with him and played with his feelings. He asked for my pic and I even sent him. He then posted my pic in this story and that scared me. I told him to delete it and he did. Later on, he said he was imagining stuffs with me in bed. Which scared me. Later on, I told him I won't be able to talk to him anymore. I even sent him a random Instagram girl face and said it was me and made many false stories... And then .. he said... HE THREATENED ME THAT IF I LEAVE HIM, HE WILL EITHER KILL HIMSELF OR OTHERS! I maybe replied like he was joking but then he said, something like, do you think I'm joking? He was so serious.. I think I then blocked him. Then...next day.. his account was gone.. PLEASE HELP ME I AM SCARED CAUSE HIS THREATS ARE SCARING ME TO DEATH. THE WAY HE THREATENED ME IS SO SCARY. HIS WORDS WERE SO SCARY AND MANIPULATIVE. I'M SO SCARED. WHAT IF HE DID THOSE THINGS? PLS PLS HELP

Guys, I’m done, I think I might end it. I made a post where I was asking for reassurance, it got taken down because of it. But now it’s making me think even worse of the event. I think I’m just gonna set a date and just end it. I hope you all heal though, I can’t take this guilt anymore.

I’m having a panic attack in my car I just got home from work and I don’t want to go into my house crying but I don’t want to drive around either. I’ve posted about this before I know it’s a compulsion but I’m so scared. I had an intrusive image the other night about my little niece who’s 11 it was very graphic and scary and I had the image when I was reading a romantic sexual story which I should of known better because I knew it was going to be triggering. I already felt something because of the story itself it was adult content of course I would NEVER do anything like the other. When the intrusive image came up it was very vivid and as soon as I got it, it felt like I was turned on by it which deep down I know isn’t true but it felt true. It’s so hard to explain how it happened because it’s kind of blurry to me now but I remember it felt like my heart rate went up but it didn’t feel like anxiety I guess but after it happened I immediately started crying because it was so scary. People on here have told me it’s ocd but it doesn’t feel like it. It feels so real like I was actually turned but it can’t be. I refuse to let it be true. I love my niece so much. I’ve helped her with bath time when she was little and never had a problem but now I had intrusive image it makes me have problems? I just don’t understand. I feel so guilty it’s consuming. I feel like I’m a monster and I deserve to go. I would never want it. I feel so dark right now and so terrified. I pray to God to help me because I just can’t handle this. I would do anything to make this pain go away. This just isn’t right.