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the NOCD Community

Hey Christians! I’m currently listening to Christian music when honestly I’ve been so distant from God. I feel like I’ve let God down and I’ve been so angry because of what I’m going through. I don’t know if this is just OCD or what but while I was listening to music, my mind is trying to convince me that God is saving me from being a p or something like that. What the heck! I’m hoping that that’s just an intrusive thought. I pray to God I never have been or never will be a horrible monster. I have goals in life. Plans for my future and I feel like this theme is going to ruin that for me. I tell myself the enemy is a liar but yeah that makes me feel like I’m lying to myself to so I don’t know what to do. I don’t even want to read my bible or worship because I feel like everything gets worse when I do that stuff or even pray. The more I get close to God the more downhill everything seems to go. It’s weird! I love God I do but I’ve prayed and prayed for a miracle and I feel voiceless or hopeless at this point. I feel like I’m shut out or God doesn’t hear me. I don’t know if anyone related but if you do or understand please just send a little prayer. I’m losing hope 💔

Wouldn’t hocd go away on its own after 10 years?

My friends often call me an alcoholic. I’m one of the only people in my friend group that actually drink, (the rest of them smoke) but i often get mad and stressed when they tell me that. One of my biggest fears is being an alcoholic. My father abused alcohol and is why I don’t drink often, only with friends. Though they often joke around and call me an alcoholic which makes me feel so stressed. It is one of my biggest fears to be an alcoholic, and to hurt those around me because of it. My father isn’t a bad person, but I’d never want to repeat his mistakes and it terrifies me to think about doing so. I’ve told them I don’t like to be called that but they continue to do so. It hurts.

Hocd Idk what to do, i reached out to a therapist last week and he even lowered his rates to help me but i havent given him a reply yet its been 4 days, i already feel awful. I just dont think its ocd and im just gay and if its not I dont see the point in seeking help but I also cant function, struggling to do daily chores, sleeping, eating and looking like crap for months, waking up everyday hoping I find some answer or something changes and then I can make a decisive decision. I really think i will be gay even if I do ever recover but for now Im stuck and want to be out of this miserable state.

Hi guys, I’ve been wanting to get a septum piercing, but I’m aware that the person doing it will likely be tattooed and stuff, which I find really attractive and I’m scared that I might just be doing it to be in close proximity to one of these people. I have cheating ocd and I have a horrible groinal response whenever anyone goes near me which makes it way worse and convinces me more that I’ve cheated when I’ve been near people. I get thoughts like: do I like this? Am I standing here because I want them to be close to me? So as you can imagine the idea of being that close to someone who I will probably find attractive is very distressing. I also tried to “figure it out” and when I asked myself “am I doing it because of that?” My immediate response was “that’s a big part of it”. Is this just OCD getting in my head and twisting my thoughts? I genuinely don’t know what thoughts are my own anymore. I ask myself questions like “would I still be going if I didn’t find them attractive and didn’t have this groinal response?” And my immediate answer is no, but I don’t know if that’s my OCD or my genuine response. I love and care about my boyfriend so much and I don’t know what to do. What also concerns me is that I often want to do the opposite of what I’m stressed about. For example, if I am worried about going to the shops because I’m scared of people being near me for the above reasons, I want to go to them more. Am I some kind of sexual predator or am I just trying to resist against compulsions? I can’t understand myself.

Anyone else feel like it’s so real.. like the thoughts and feelings. Feels like I’m in denial I hate it

A reminder to everyone on here reading through other people’s posts looking for reassurance: put your phone down! Close the app! I know this feels like the most important thing in the world right now, but you’re just continuing the obsessive compulsive cycle. Listen to music, or go for a walk, or read a book. Do something that isn’t trying to prove or disprove whatever your fear is. I’m betting you’ve done this a thousand times before, and I’m betting that you still don’t have a satisfactory answer. What makes you think that this time will be different? I’m writing this to myself as much as anyone else; I just went down a reassurance rabbit hole, triggered by reading a post on here.

Why do I feel like I’m going through something different to everyone else on here. I used to relate to everyone’s posts so much and now I just don’t. Everyday gets harder but none of it makes sense, I genuinely feel my sexuality has been altered by OCD. I was perfectly happy and content with my life and then bang the ROCD and HOCD kicked in like a huge brick coming to ruin everything. And the worst part is it makes me feel so convinced, like I want it, sometimes I can’t even tell if it’s made me happy or depressed, sad or angry, anxious or excited. I feel like I’m in the deepest denial

I hate fighting whatever this is… I am so mentally tired…. I keep comfort eating…. Which caused so much weight gain.. My friend yesterday tried to trigger me saying break up but I didn’t react to it. It’s bc breaking up and saying not in love over and over again made me numb to it… I’ve dealt with a decent amount of ROCD for over 9 years with lots of intrusive thoughts. But what I am feeling now doesn’t feel the same… it feel too different some how… I know ROCD won’t be the same way each time I understand that… but why can’t I just be hap out and choose to love him… I know we have certain issues we need to work on but I don’t wanna give in to whatever this is. Even if it causes me depression. I know l love him. That’s why I don’t wanna give in.

Does anyone else constantly question things they said in past conversations and worry that they come across wrong and feel like they need reassurance that another person doesn’t hate you? For example: Tonight me and my friend has to have a tough honest conversation about boundaries and it went well. But tonight I decided to text her and just thank her for that conversation and for being honest with me about everything, and now I’m freaking out that that text was too much and she’s made at me for texting that even though it was a good text but I’m afraid that she interpreted it differently and thinks I hate her or that I’m being rude and inconsiderate or bombarding her and a bother. That convo about boundaries was hard and I just wanted to text her as a reminder that I love her and was glad we could have a talk but now I can’t stop thinking about it and she’s likely asleep and can’t respond and I need to go to sleep I have an early morning.

TW POCD I’m praying to God for help. I’m so sorry if I’ve done anything wrong it feels like I have and I’m so terrified I’ve turned into what I fear. I don’t want to be a monster. I don’t want these thoughts or weird feelings. I never have and never will. Most of my intrusive thoughts are about my niece or my family and I would never harm anyone. I would do anything to make sure they are safe. I feel like I don’t even deserve family, love, happiness, food, care, friends. I feel so disgusted. I feel distant from God now. I’m so angry and I keep asking God why me? What did I ever do to deserve this? I need help. I’m crying out for help. I don’t know if I can handle it. I got a horrible intrusive thought the other day and I felt so weird because of it. It was strange and scary. My mind keeps telling me I was aroused by it and I don’t want to be. It can’t be true. I’m crying as I’m typing this. I need a miracle. I would do anything to make this all go away. I feel shattered. I’m so sorry 💔

I’m so scared to accept uncertainty because what if it’s maybe and not maybe not…I’m absolutely terrified

All throughout the beginning of 2020 OCD did not exist in my life. As soon as August came, I've been getting OCD thoughts and I remember how it all started 100%. I never used to worry about ANYTHING in the past whatsoever and now I find myself worrying about anything and everything possible. Does that mean my worries are all irrational? Especially with things in the past? Not trying to look for reassurance. I just want to understand how this works. How can ERP get rid of it? I just don't know how.

I recently had pregnancy anxiety which lead to what if I don’t actually want to have kids with my partner. I think I do or I really hope I do , but I think there’s a lot I want to work through by myself and as a couple first and also we’re just too young and have our own issues to work through before we have kids. So of course my mind questions if I actually want kids with him

Hello, anyone have experience with Prozac? I’m on 20 right now, was started on 10 initially, very uncomfortable and anxious. I know I’ll need to up it but also need to give it some time, only been on it a few weeks. Anyone find that it really helped them and at what dose seemed to be best. My ocd is intrusive/ distressing thoughts. Thank you

Does anyone known what subtype this is and what I can do about it? So as a kid (Very young) ONCE I kissed a relative to practice kissing now OCD is calling me incest even though I had no sense of that at that age. But other than that, ocd is saying that any future relationship I get in, if me and the girl I would be dating kiss it would mean nothing because I did that. Its targeting the "first kiss thing" and so its saying since any future girl I date wont be my first kiss then it means nothing. I doesn't help that at a young age my mother used to kiss me goodnight (I believeaalot of peoples mother have) for some odd reason OCD is also attacking that.

Hey everyone. I’m feeling really down today. I got off of my medication because I couldn’t really handle the side effects, but as expected my anxiety levels are back and I’m Pmsing on top of it. I feel defeated today, and for those of you who have gone through this theme I would really appreciate words of encouragement. I don’t often feel bad for myself but today im just upset that the reality is that I have to deal with a mental disorder for which there is no cure and causes deep emotional distress for dangers that may or may even happen. It’s hard to go to school and constantly be thinking about my orientation when I do have to pay attention to class or at the very least my friends who don’t know what I have to deal with everyday in my mind. Anyways i would really like to hear from someone

Hi guys, I’ve only just installed this app, so no idea how to use it really! But I thought I’d share. For context I believe I have cheating OCD. I’m currently ruminating about whether or not to go out tomorrow, with my boyfriend and his family, for lunch, because I find his dad handsome, and even though I was planning on going before I started to stress, I suddenly had the thought “am I just going because of his dad?” Which is something I’d never do but the OCD makes me doubt myself. I also have a phobia I would say that stems from my cheating OCD of being in close proximity to people, because even like a brush from someone will make me think I’ve cheated and I did it on purpose. So I’m terrified that, if his dad ends up close to me, I’ll tell myself I leaned into him or whatever and feel awful about it for months. I always tell my boyfriend when I think I’ve cheated and according to him I never have, but I still have doubts over even that. As I’m writing this hes at a nightclub that I would’ve gone to with him if I wasn’t so afraid. I don’t know what to do. Should I go?

Hey everyone, Back in 2020-2019ish I messaged these boys who I previously “did stuff with” . Before me and my bf dated . I think one of them messaged me about homework so I tried to help (he is also friends with my bf still). So I was just trying to be nice. And the other one I was friends with for years and I told him about my boyfriend and then he messaged me about dogs and about how he was sorry if he was mean etc etc. I don’t remember my responses but I’m paranoid I sent them something inappropriate and it was wrong . A lot of people think texting people from your past is bad in relationships and I’m obsessing over this too. But I think I was just trying to be nice at the time and didn’t think much of it . My boyfriend knows all this and he does not care .

Okay I’m literally so anxious right now. I was watching porn and Before I continue it’s something that I am for sure going to stop. I am a Christian and I have felt convicted by the Holy Spirit to stop viewing it so I am no longer viewing it. But the last time I viewed it I was scrolling through videos and you know how the videos have a thumbnail, well as I was scrolling I panicked because I think or thought I saw a child on one of the thumbnails. I panicked and scrolled passed it and just got off of it all together. I’m afraid this means I viewed CP. I would never want to do that. Is there anyone that has experienced something similar? I’m trying to sit with the uncertainty. Just feel like I’m a really bad person.