Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I peed 4 times today and I feel like peeing again now too. I'm scared that it's diabetes because ik its a symptom. I'm very anxious

This is my first time ever making a post or even talking about this in general, but I just want to vent i guess. For years ive been dealing with gerd/acid reflux, it has me constantly burping all day everyday and causes severe stomach pain at some points when it comes to my meal timings. Recently though, it’s like I can feel its effects more intensely. It’s been causing pressure in my chest, a racing heart, and other odd sensations within my body that Ive never had or noticed before. Earlier this year I literally had to call paramedics after a gerd flare up caused some weird pain in my chest. Of course my habit of searching up every little symptom ended up sending me into one of the most intense panic attacks I’ve ever had :( I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack and I made the call. Even after getting the all clear, my brain wouldn’t stop spiraling and I had my father contact many of his cardiologist friends and even got a second ekg because I was convinced something was wrong with my heart. There is nothing wrong with it, it’s just gerd! And nowadays, even though I KNOW that the odd sensations and feelings of discomfort that I feel are very likely caused by gerd, I can’t help but feel like something else and more serious is going on, and I enter this rabbit hole of looking up new conditions and diseases that I manage to convince myself that I have that I most definitely do not have. I zero in on normal bodily functions like breathing, heartbeat, the sensation of swallowing, etc and the more I focus on them the weirder it feels so I start to panic and am forced to do breathing exercises to calm myself down quite often. It has been so stressful to my mental health this past semester and the anxiety messes with my sleep! At times I find myself unable to sleep due to my body jolting awake as I fall asleep and feeling a sudden rush of adrenaline. Of course I searched this up too (I’ve really been trying to stop searching up symptoms, but I can’t help it sometimes) and found that my nervous system being stimulated due to my anxiety contributes to these jolts! So im essentially stuck in this loop of feeling slightly unwell, getting anxious about it, trying to figure out what’s wrong which then makes me more anxious, and then ruining my sleep which results in me feeling even more unwell. I’m so tired of this, I just want to be calm and worry free :( I will note that I have been seeing doctors and am working towards seeing a proper gastroenterologist! I just wanted to let out my frustrations about how I currently feel and see if maybe someone is going through something similar. Now im just rambling at this point but I also got all 4 of my wisdom teeth out last week. If you’ve ever had a tooth extracted, chances are you know about the risk of dry socket. This week has been so bad with me being paranoid about getting it, even while I’m already past the risk window! I keep checking my extraction sites and every little spike of pain causes me to worry. I’ve limited my diet to liquids and mush, and as a foodie it’s been so difficult to deal with. Im so hungry all the time now and I just can’t wait to be fully healed

The themes that are playing out right now: Real Event OCD, Moral OCD, POCD, Health OCD, Pet OCD, ROCD, Existential OCD, and that's all I can think of right now. (And these are the themes that are playing RIGHT NOW, not all the ones that I have. That'd be great if that was the case.) Real Event OCD: I'm ruminating over the past actions I've done with my ex as a small teen and I'm mad at him + middle school events, I also am freaking about going to school in the future soon when breaks over because I have to see familiar classmates again and last time I threw up because of it. + Events of hypersexuality during when I was young and curious. Moral OCD/POCD: Social media, freaking about past socials and messages (also relates to Real Event OCD) and ruminating since some accounts are completely out of reach + some I may not know how to terminate ever. + worried about if I accidentally said something messed up and scared of future and digital footprint, Epste*n files news are not making me feel good at all, etc. Health OCD: Everyone is sick and I'm sorta worried for myself and them. + Scared of usual illnesses and stuff. I'm also anemic and that's flaring a bit so that sometimes freaks me out. Pet OCD: Last post explains it more but basically I'm nervous for my dog sometimes, he's adorable but sometimes a demon. Rocd: I have no boyfriend (for reasons, + ocd makes it worse and also I'm demi) but this is more for friendships and that's a lot to explain but basically I have occurring thoughts and wondering whether if it's falling apart or not. I'll most likely explain it more sooner or later. Who knows. Existential OCD: Fear of aging (not because of physical but mostly due to fears of future, what people will see me as, I don't want to let go of childhood ever.) I was dissociating a bit yesterday and now I feel a bit sick. I hope my mood goes up later again, there's a LOT more to say but that's enough for now. --- What am I going to do about all of this stress and bad thoughts? I'll freak out internally but physically I'm going out to buy some cool snacks because it's still break. 😤 I mostly posted this to sort of let it out, and maybe for some who are freaking out major time on many things, me too we're all in this together. <:")

Okay, so this is not 100% just OCD, although it has been triggered quite a bit and I do need some advice from you guys if that's okay. -- So for starters, I have a 3 year old corgi and he is both great and sometimes another thing. I love him a lot and what I say doesn't mean that he's a bad dog, but sometimes I do feel a bit worried. For this year we decided to include my dog in for presents as it's Christmas and it was a really cute idea- both a blanket and a giant bone and we knew he'd love it. I love giving him stuff but there's a problem, he's also very protective over his things and I feel sometimes stuck for when it comes to his behavior. On one hand, he knows how to sit, twirl, stay, be gentle, paw and tricks- he does it almost instantly when a treats in hand but when there isn't he sometimes struggles or just doesn't listen at all. He also hates when people go into my room and jumps and bites them whenever that happens- sometimes even treats don't 100% work. Anywho, we gave him the gifts and he LOVED it, we were all super happy- and he was instantly all over it.. everyone was laughing and enjoying the moment, although knowing his protectiveness I did feel a bit skeptical, I tried testing the waters by touching the ends of it and petting him and he didn't do anything. UNTIL.. when he ripped a chunk out- I decided to get closer and tried to pet him and take the piece and he snapped and barked at me/growled. My dad instantly took notice and got up in concern for me- he scolded the dog and tried getting the piece of bone, my dog barked at him again and growled and my dad wasn't having it so he put him back in his spot (like his.. border thing? If you guys know what I mean- not a crate hut something like that) and he kicked the piece to the opposite side and took the entire bone away. My dog barked and snapped but he still listened. -- After that I tried to laugh it off, my parents said that he really needed to learn to respect which I agreed and felt at least a bit better that we were all in the same page, but I still felt uneasy and now excused myself for the night. -- I love my dog. I never want him to go away and I see him as my baby- but I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. He loves cuddling when he feels like it, he gets along with people and other pets in public, pet groomers love him, he's not a typical aggressive dog.. but he does bark when I jump around or stim, he barks when dancing is involves, he barks and jumps whenever someone tries to get into my room like I said earlier (which I HATE since I used to invite my sib to hangout there a lot) and my parents sometimes go inside to pass me something, he whines whenever everyone's out and he's very clingy, he whines when it's late at night and I want to hangout with my sib or he barks, (he also has a "bedtime" for himself so that checks out), and then there's the overprotectiveness over new toys he gets and stuff like that. -- I feel scared as well. I love him to death and that's why sometimes his behavior stresses me the heck out. My mind tells me that he'll one day snap and bite me or someone else really bad- or that he'll get more aggressive later on and that it's too late due to his age. My intrusive thoughts tell me that his behavior will lead to someone putting him down or something like that happening- that he'll run away since he doesn't listen sometimes and something awful will happen to him. That people will see as a horrible person or an animal ab*ser (I am NOT a perfect owner and sometimes I feel like I suck at some stuffs- but I really do try my best. : () But he's NOT an aggressive dog.. but I DO believe that he may have some aggressive traits. -- So this is where I ask you guys for help- or at least some advice.. what can I do for him ? Is there any useful tools that I could get for training ? What training tips is useful for these kinds of behaviors ? Anything. Just what can I do ? Let me know please !! I really do love him just UGH sometimes I just get so stressed about it. (Also if any of you guys have your own stories- let me know about that as well ! 🥹)

Some notes I thought worth sharing as I've delved into my OCD patterns with my therapist (and myself via journaling). Perhaps like others here, I oftentimes view my thoughts, ruminations, and OCD behaviors as simply pathologies. They just exist, I don't know WHY they exist, and they're simply "part of the condition." There may be value to this line of thinking, but I am also gradually understanding that my OCD patterns developed in response to specific traumatic life events. For example, I am a former binge-drinking alcoholic. In 2023, I had my first ever panic attack while driving while I was severely hungover. I thought I was dying of alcohol poisoning. One terrifying ambulance and hospital trip later, I was mired with horrible shame and an utterly terrifying fear of alcohol. My brain had learned that alcohol -> panic attack -> shame -> I'm a terrible person and I've failed. This is a big part of where my health anxiety stems from I've learned. I want to control what goes into my body to ensure I'm maximally healthy so I never panic again. Moreover, my brain learned to demonize alcohol and shame me HORRIBLY for ever indulging in it again. Drinking alcohol -> I'm a terrible person. Both these things in conjunction began a patter of OCD behaviors trying to perfectly optimize my food and drink intake while also feeling deeply afraid and ashamed for still wanting to eat junk food and drink booze. Point is, there is a root to this OCD. My ruminations and checking are not just "parts of a disease" they are an effort to assure I never have a panic attack again, and avoid behaviors that lead to feel intense shame (drinking booze). Similar thing happened recently after a traumatic relationship. She and I loved each other dearly, but I was constantly crippled by feelings of anxiety and feeling "less than" her. This again culminated in INTENSE shame, fear and anger directed at her (which fueled the shame cycle), ruminations to always "solve" my anxiety and be the "perfect" boyfriend who always made her happy and solved all her issues. Even after this relationship, I have ROCD behaviors and ruminations about family members and friends sometimes. My brain DESPERATELY wants to know that I'm "enough" and to avoid all behaviors it irrationally views as "shameful." Queue feelings of fear towards social interactions, which then reinforces the shame for wanting to avoid anxiety inducing social interactions. My point again is, these don't seem like meaningless compulsions and behaviors. They may (or may not) stem from genetic factors, chemical imbalances, etc. Who knows. But my OCD behaviors have pretty clear beginnings and they are PROTECTIVE measures that my brain learned to keep me safe from health concerns and fear. They aren't simply useless things my brain does on repeat. My brain is smarter than that and so is yours. They don't do things for utterly no reason. I am not a therapist and please do not take any of this as more than food for thought. You may also find that there is a deeper reason behind your behavior than you think. Happy Holidays, everyone here is "enough" just as you are and I feel your struggles. I hope you all can find some peace :) I need some peace and love too.

I was at work the whole day and ate before going but now im back home and I haven't eaten in 6 hours, I feel so dizzy and my heart is beating super fast. Does anyone else also get this? My eyes are really blurry too. Is it diabetes? I'm very scared

Hi everyone! I’m new to NOCD and OCD as a whole. I started therapy with NOCD this week. As of 3 weeks ago, I learned that most of what I’ve been struggling with the last year (possibly longer to a lesser degree) has been OCD. I have a question about how you all experience OCD and if there can even be varying experiences. Since February, I’ve been experiencing what I’ve called “episodes.” (I learned recently that OCD actually has another term for it, called flare-ups.) Basically, I’ve been having these episodes of intense physical sensations, extreme looping thoughts, and just feeling/thinking things that I normally do not. My episodes have been based on one or more themes (sensorimotor, health/mental health, harm, to name a few.) They’ve been so severe that I can’t work when I’m in them. They’ve lasted from a week to about a month or two. My last one was 3 weeks ago and that’s what made me join NOCD. Since learning that what I’ve been experiencing is OCD, I actually have felt a lot of relief just knowing there’s a name for it. I haven’t had an episode since learning about it. I know it’s still only been 3 weeks since my last one, but feeling this type of relief has me a bit leery. Maybe I am not that educated in it yet, but is it normal for OCD to come and go or is it something you experience 24/7? What do you work on with your therapists when you’re not actively in an episode?

Considering not posting because looking at my feed and it looks like a lot of people are struggling right now. My mind is telling me that I caused this because when I first got onto the app a month or two ago my feed was a lot of wins and overcoming, then I posted about struggle a few times and now it’s all struggle. And sure, maybe I did do that. And maybe I didn’t. regardless, what I’m ACTUALLY coming here for is a question and maybe seeking a little support/knowledge (if anyone has it in them—maybe it’s the holidays too? I know they can be so hard for many.) Sometimes, not very often, but sometimes I have these thoughts that absolutely fill me with horror and dread. It’s usually about something that is a big fear of mine, and I’ll have a thought or cluster of thoughts and then something in me will shift from “what if” to “this is definitely real and imminent.” I think I know the answer, but is that OCD? Because often times the what ifs can be easy to ignore, because I don’t know, but then my mind comes up with all of this “evidence” followed by a gut or bodily sensation, and that combo tells me the I’m basically (correctly) predicting the future. What happened tonight was a new level of worrying about my brother and his family. I worry about my brother having ptsd and the ‘what if’ he doesn’t treat it or what if it gets worse and we “lose him” (psychologically) and then how that will affect me and his family and our family and then I decide I need to go into a career in therapy so I can handle it or prevent it even, and since I’m directionless and careerless now anyway and interested in that as a career and he does genuinely have PTSD, why not do this? So I guess…why not do this? Is it wrong to make a decision like this? Is this ocd, and if it is, what’s the nuance where ocd and real logic and common sense overlap? I realize this is something I should bring to my therapist, and I will, but this community has been really helpful in just providing comfort and support through shared experience. And now…I just realized this is post is probably a compulsion, what I’m doing right now. The dread and horror felt so bad that I came here because it absolutely does make me feel better and sitting with it felt unbearable. And now posting feels wrong, because I do feel better lol But I still want the advice and, now, maybe an objective view on if it seems like I’m currently posting an ocd cycle in real time. This is hard.

(EDIT: Just to clarify; i don’t currently have a therapist through NOCD, this was in person where I live.) Has anybody had a really bad therapist experience that made your OCD symptoms worse? I’m in the middle of a horrible flare up of ROCD, and my therapist who helped me find out I have OCD left last month. I had an appointment with my new one today, which I was looking forward to. I go to the appointment, and the first thing she tells me is, “you’ve been in therapy quite a long time… what exactly is it that you’re looking to happen?” and just something about her phrasing felt odd. She said, “I’m just unsure what to do with you, help me get a better understanding.” So I tell her I want help managing my OCD, and I very quickly open up about my ROCD because i was dying to externalize it. Very quickly I also start crying, she said she isn’t used to people crying in the first session, that ut usually happens after a couple. After explaining that I don’t want to break up with my boyfriend but I’m fixated on persistent intrusive thoughts, she gives me a funny look and says she’s never heard of ROCD before, that that sounds like anxiety or self sabotage. I told her that ROCD is categorized by constant rumination, googling genuine doubts vs anxiety, checking feelings, etc. She said, “Oh, so you always do that when relationships are ending?” Hearing the phrase relationship ending triggered me and really fed my OCD’s voice, because I don’t want this relationship to end. She then asks if I have any other things I focus on and I told her I have health OCD and explained to her the constant googling of symptoms. She said, “you’re a teacher, surely you know not everything you see on google is accurate. That seems like it’s making you more anxious.” I said that I know that but I can’t make myself stop when I get anxious. All in all it was just awful, and really made me question everything.

To start off, I have not been professionally diagnosed with OCD as of this entry, but I have MANY symptoms that align with different subtypes of OCD. After looking into OCD, I can recall multiple things in life that are affected by my OCD aligning behaviors. The first time I remember having a big episode was when I was around seven years old. I don’t remember every detail of it, but I remember the horrible anxiety and looping thoughts that came with it. I had stolen a $1 pack of hair ties from a Save-A-Lot when I went grocery shopping with my mother. After getting home, I felt so disgusted and guilty about it that I hid under my bed having a breakdown for hours. I had convinced myself that I just committed one of the worst sins to be and that I just booked a one way ticket to hell. This thought and the feeling that came with it left me unable to function, but I was scared to tell my mother that I stole. Eventually, the crushing weight of my soul’s fate won, and I told my mother what I had done and why I was so scared. I don’t remember how the situation resolved, but I believe my mother was able to convince me I wasn’t going to hell for it as long as I asked for forgiveness. Ever since then, I would get intrusive thoughts about disappointing God every so often. Usually, I was able to talk myself out of obsessing over it, or I would distract myself from it. That was until I turned 14. Now, this episode didn’t really “feel” like an episode at the time. I didn’t have the insane impending doom or constant panic that wouldn’t calm down for days to weeks at a time. In this episode, I hyper-focused on my faith and being a better Christian. That sounds like a good thing, right? Well, of course it is… except my brain took the opportunity to create some compulsions and mental obsessions. I remember I became terrified of cussing or “being mean” to anyone, because I was fearful of upsetting God by being such a sinner. Now looking back, I realize the urge to do better should have came from a place of conviction and love for God, but it mostly came from guilt and fear. Time went on and I slowly fell back into my “normal” every day ways. I actually had reached the point, after a couple years, of doubting that God was real. I became agnostic and went on with my life doing typical teenager things, until another crisis came when I was around 17 years old. This one did have a specific trigger, which was an intense car accident. I was on the way home from school in the wintertime, I believe November. I was pushing 80mph, driving like an idiotic teenager, when I hit something in the road that caused my tires to pop. I had lost control completely and football spiraled into the woods for about 30 yards. It looked very bad, but I somehow walked out of it without even a scratch. This absolutely petrified me, and I went into another existential spiral. It started with me refusing to leave my house because I was convinced something would essentially fall from the sky and kill me if I left the house. After obsessing over that for awhile, it spiraled into thinking about what happens when we die and if we really just dissipate into nothingness, or if we do go to an afterlife that lasts forever and ever and ever. Both sounded terrifying to me because I couldn’t accept just becoming nothing, but I was also fearful of existing forever, because I was worried I would do something bad in the afterlife to make God mad and I would be sent to hell. At this point, my parents attempted to take me to a therapist. I’m not sure if she was attempting ERP, but she didn’t make what was happening clear, so I was terrified. She had me put on some headphones while playing a noise and she told me to think about my fear as intensely as I could, which freaked me out badly since I didn’t understand what ERP therapy was (if that’s what she was trying). Anyways, I never went back to her and decided to just rot on the couch watching Netflix to avoid any thoughts, until one day my brother helped break the cycle. He walked in the house, looked at me and said, “You’re so fat you’re going to have a heart attack. You’re coming to the gym with me.” To which I did, and after a few days of exercising I felt much better and shifted all my focus onto the gym. This episode lasted for less than a month, I believe. All was well with that for a few years. Then, here it all came back about two years ago, and I believe I was around 23 or 24 years old. This was also in the wintertime. Once again, the terrifying thought of “what happens when I die?” came back for me. It had me distressed almost 24/7 to where I felt shaky and anxious all the time. I could barely function. I tried seeking therapy and the person I talked to said “have you tried just not thinking about it?” which irritated me very much, as the problem wouldn’t have existed if I could have simply done that. I believe around this time I was diagnosed with bipolar, but I feel as if it was a misdiagnoses due to the lack of evaluation. My doctor attempted to put me on antipsychotics, which just made me feel horrible. I stopped taking those or talking to anyone and decided screw it, I’ll try to handle it myself. This was when I started confiding in my brother and his wife, and they reopened the door to God for me. I started reading the Bible with them and going to church with them, and I had realized that God wants you to come to him out of love and not fear/guilt. A lot of things I was taught improperly at a young age had been corrected through this journey, and I felt as if I really understood the love and peace that comes with a relationship with God. After a few weeks to a month, I was coming out of this episode since returning to my beliefs as a Christian had given me peace. This episode lasted for a little less than two months, I believe. All was well and I was living my life in peace, but slowly started drifting away from reading my Bible and going to church, so bam, here we are now. I’m now 26 years old and I’m in another existential/religious crisis. This one started at the beginning of November. I had been vaping for a while but suddenly I got this thought stuck in the back of my head that my next hit could be my last, because I could get popcorn lung and die. This freaked me out enough to make me cold-turkey quit vaping. Well, a couple days later I started having extreme anxiety with chest pain and arm pain so I was convinced I was having a heart attack. I went to the ER, and all my scans and tests were normal. I followed up with my doctor and all my labs were normal other than slightly elevated cholesterol and low vitamin D. I was hoping this would make me snap out of it, but then my brain caught the thought of “what if I die in my sleep and my 4 year old son is stuck here with my dead body for days at a time until someone notices I haven’t shown up to work or taken him to his dad’s?” And I completely lost it with this thought. I was petrified to go to sleep, and it was even worse on the nights I had my son. I became terrified of sleeping, which has resulted in me sleeping less even though I’m already struggling on 3rd shift. This spiral went on for about two weeks when the religion based intrusive thoughts started. My brother was watching a sermon while I was at his house, and a statement the preacher made had triggered me to think I wasn’t bearing enough fruits as a Christian, so God was going to write my name out of the book of life. So, I was spiraling on both of those thoughts for a while. I have since gotten the religion one to slow down, but the fear of dying in my sleep had spiraled into general fear of dying young, or even at all. I was feeling a tiny bit better when I saw my doctor and he prescribed me adderall and buspar. One day after starting the adderall, I started my period for the first time in five months, and I feel like that combo completely ruined what progress I had made. Now I’m stuck in a place where my brain is telling me “you’re gonna die anyways, whether it’s tomorrow or in 60 years, you’re going to die so everything is pointless and you might as well give up and sit here rotting in thought until that day comes.” I HATE this thought. I don’t want to feel like life is meaningless and pointless, but my brain is keeping me imprisoned. I’m at the point where I can’t eat, sleep, or even function half the time. I’m stuck in a never ending panic attack and it WON’T STOP. I stopped taking the adderall a few days ago but had to go to the ER because the panic would not stop. They gave me an Ativan, which helped for a few hours, but the panic had come back by the next day. They’ve prescribed me some other stuff to start soon, and some hydroxyzine for immediate relief. The hydroxyzine isn’t really doing much so I’ve just been stuck in a state of panic. I’m terrified to be alone so I’ve been staying with my dad and his wife. I tried to sleep at home alone today and woke up after just three hours freaking out. I’m now at work, planning to leave early at 10pm and I’m so exhausted from not being able to sleep or eat. I will probably go back to my dad’s house in hopes that my body feels safe enough to get at least SOME sleep. I don’t know if it’s the exhaustion, but I’m feeling extra discouraged today, feeling that there’s not a way out of feeling like this. I feel so stuck and miserable and I hate it so much. I cannot stand being stuck in a constant and never-ending panic, but my body just won’t give me a break. Also, the intrusive thoughts have me slightly scared to try the new medication I got today, so that sucks. So, yeah, that’s where it’s all started and where I am with it right now. I have other symptoms of other subtypes, but nothing that’s completely taken over my ability to function in the way the existential and religious thoughts have.

I really need some help, I haven't been able to eat again. My theme has recently moved from fear of being drugged to fear of random severe allergic reactions and it's even worse because it CAN happen, so it isn't completely irrational. I've even read that it's common. I have food 0 allergies and never have, but I do have seasonal and sometimes dogs gives me hives only where contact was made and with certain dogs. I stopped eating pretty much everything, no dairy, no nuts, no fish, no wheat, no eggs... Nothing. I'm running out of things to eat and losing weight like crazy as well as working a hard job. I need some reassurance, I cannot let this take over and starve. My fears/questions are: - Can you really develope a severe allergy overnight with 0 signs, even after eating that food all your life? - If so, how rare is it?? Is the risk as great as getting in a car wreck or as great as getting struck by lightning. - If anaphylaxis is so common, how do people eat so much without any kind of fear or anxiety?? Let it also be known I am scared of medication, so it's not like I can just eat and pop a Benadryl. I really really need some help and reassurance. I don't mind staying away from nuts and seafood, I know they are both severe triggers... But milk, eggs, and wheat being a trigger is stopping me from eating pretty much everything. That's what a mostly need help with... I need more safe foods. Please. Right now how I'm eating is getting a bowl of food, taking a bite, waiting 20 minutes and checking for signs, and then if there's none... I keep eating. That would work, right? A small amount won't be enough to send me into full anaphylaxis but it would give me the signs I need? I know I could consult an allergist and get a test, but they don't book until months out... I can't go that long barely eating. Please.

Ahhh 2nd post in a row last time for today I promise ! "<: ) but this post is different than the last and more so of stress and OCD anxiety . I feel super dirty and scared about the future, right now Real-Event OCD decided to punch me and remind me on things I did as a really young kid and when it came to hypers3xuality.. and stuff that I feel just super uncomfortable thinking about and the lack of self awareness I had at that age and especially when I was around other family members at any point of day. Eugh.. (those thoughts specifically are REALLY getting to me- I feel like a disgusting and awful being.) but there's also reminders of the things I went through as a young teen and the stuff I did with my ex at the time- the things he also made me do which now makes me really upset . I don't care if we talked recently, I was nice throughout but deep down I still don't feel healed . : ( And POCD too, now years later passes by and I feel like despite all the support I had from family.. all the good things I had and I overall had an amazing start of childhood- but I feel as I ruined it all . Thanks to OCD, thanks to hypers3xuality, thanks to the people I hung out with . : ( Thanks to my dumb choices . And I'm scared to grow up, I don't want to grow older and I sometimes feel like I revert back and it feels horrifying. I don't understand why others are excited about their futures I dread it so badly. But now that I feel that way, my mind tells me that I'm a creep because I want to stay young forever ? And I have other themes play out, health OCD isn't stabbing me at this current moment but it is poking at me . I feel super dizzy, my head is pounding from the stress and I feel not panicked, not angry, I'm not having an emotional outburst or anything I just feel dissociated and a bit scared . : ( I have finals tomorrow and I still need to study for that . --- I wish I could just hug everyone who's struggling as well or is listening right now <:,) I'm trying my best to not get into another full on episode- I'm using good coping mechanisms such as drawing and listening to music . I am trying my absolute best but it's so hard and it hurts both mentally and physically.. my head hurts so bad and my thoughts are going haywire so I at least want to vent this out despite knowing there's nothing else I can do to ease it unfortunately .

I currently am having a mild headache and of course, I am spiraling about aneurysms, stroke, tumor, etc. I am trying really hard to distract myself but the more I do, the worse intense things are starting to feel. I feel more pressure, more anxiety, sweating, and it doesn't help that I have been googling non-stop. Does anyone else notice the worsening of sensations/symptoms when their brain starts going?

To anyone who seeks the deeper message that you're reading, I'm bout to keep it real continue on to where I'm leading. Plant a seedling deep as your demons garden of eden, after you sown go before you know it, you're reaping. The problems that it's growing slow, maybe it is just a ruse, greenery ain't showing how could it with what you're going through? Mental issues blooming unprovoked undiagnosed, getting by at most within your vision line no sign of hope. It's a parasitic cloud, Taylor made a shade of Grey diminishes from time to time but never fully fades away. Like a song stuck in your head it lingers on everyday you say this process has a point? No fucking way. Maybe I'm just lying to myself denial piled in myself the truth revealed when I'm sitting here rhyming to myself. Burning in me like a wildfire hired for my health until I brake the guise I'm crying out for help! Ruminating on this several hours seven days up out the week, never coming close to answers that I'm setting out to seek. Shackled down by the jury in my mind that can't decide which way to sway, by the time that I arrived I wasn't free. I'm imprisoned by this system till I Conquer this disease I'm hanging by a metal thread connected to a copper lead. Depression, OCD, anxiety disorder? Please. Time to cut the crap at last and admit that the act is me. If anyone has read this any would like to read the second verse, let me know and I'll post it.

Sleep is becoming my biggest issue. I think being on fluoxetine has definitely helped but since the dose is high rn (80 mg) I think its definitely exacerbating my sleep issues. Ironically, I am so tired of being tired 🥲

Has anyone else ever feared being bipolar? My postpartum was smooth until I hit 4 months pp and then it quickly went left. I woke up one morning and had a panic attack which changed everything. I started thinking I had cancer, my heart was going to stop at any second, had a DVT, literally every physical illness. I was constantly googling my symptoms, etc. I was fine for a month and then I feared going crazy and losing my mind. I believe I had DP/DR which didn’t help. I couldn’t eat, lost so much weight and etc. I’m now 16 months pp and I fear that it all stemmed from being bipolar? Not sure why I think this but maybe because when I’m really anxious I get irritated and then I’m ok when I’m distracted. When I’m not tired or can’t sleep I fear it’s mania, when I’m happy I fear it’s mania, when I’m not anxious I fear it’s mania, etc. everyday I’m anxious about sleeping and if ill be able to sleep and if not then it could mean mania, etc. has anyone else had this experience?

I’ve been having so many sleepless nights lately. I’ve always dealt with insomnia from rumination, but now that I’ve stopped smoking weed to fall asleep, I’m realizing how much it was covering up. My brain literally will not turn off. It is not even conscious thoughts. It is like my subconscious is running in the background while my eyes are closed. It feels more like I am stuck in meditation than actually sleeping. Last night I got maybe thirty minutes of real sleep. My body is so used to this that I still get up when my alarm goes off, but I am a zombie the whole day. I tried to lay back down around 8 a.m. for just an hour, and when I opened my eyes it was 8:52. I was not actively thinking about anything. It is just this quiet mental noise that keeps my whole body restless while I am praying for REM. Melatonin does nothing for me. I tried it again and it did not change anything. I am honestly scared my system is out of sync, and part of me keeps wanting to go back to weed because at least I slept. But I am trying to stay sober and clear headed, and I also have this dental implant so I really should not be smoking anyway. Just needed to get this out. If anyone has dealt with this level of insomnia, what helped you? I am struggling.

Hi all 👋 I’m posting out of curiosity—would anyone like to share their experience with Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) therapy? I’ve heard very good things (low side effects, high chance of positive results, once a year treatment cycle) but would love to hear personal stories about your experiences too (both good and bad welcome!).

I had a very bad dentist experience in 2020 and have not been able to go to a dentist since. Its not a phobia, I dont think. It really feels like my OCD. I ruminate, then avoid. Something bad will happen if I go to a dentist again. Im not sure what, but of course Ive imagined every possible thing over and over and some of the scenarios are so outlandish I know its my OCD. I also stopped flossing after that and have to distract myself with something in order to be able to brush my teeth, so sometimes a few days go by before I can get myself in a frame of mind to be able to brush my teeth again. Just related subject matter sets me off: I run through what happened again and again and run through all the bad scenerios that could happen -when I brush my teeth or something related comes up,etc. Like I had to leave when a kid showed me where her tooth fell out and I realized over an hour later that Id just gone out to my car and sat in the parking lot ruminating over it all. So all that was a perfect storm for a dental emergency, which is why Im going to dentist on monday to avoid sepsis. I can't be the only one who's had a situation like this: maybe not specifically the dentist, although I feel like that might be kind of common, but something where you HAD to go somewhere to do something that youve been avoiding HARD -there is no way to continue avoiding this. But I had to take the day off from work to even get myself to a place where I could call and make an appointment. What are some things that have helped you get into the headspace to go do something like that -and to keep from freaking out while waiting? And I feel like just laying eyes on the stuff in the office is going to trigger me big time. Im worried I'll get there and won't be able to go through with the appointment and I really, really need to. I mean, I was trying not to say it because it bothers me so bad i feel like saying it might be bad for someone else with OCD reading this: but how the heck am I ever going to be able to let a stranger touch my mouth?

This is my first ever post on here, because honestly my anxiety over my health has gotten really bad. Ive had really irregular bowl movements as of thanksgiving and that’s about it no pain , no weight loss, no change in appetite, no blood , etc. My Brain is still trying to convince me that I have some horrible disease that’s going to kill me. I have an appointment with my doctor today at 9 but I’m do scared and anxious. I can’t fall asleep because I’m actually stressing out and my brain is telling me if I fall asleep I won’t wake back up. Honestly I’m struggling really bad and if anyone relates I’d love to hear how you calm yourself down or what makes you feel a little bit better because I haven’t been able to leave my house or panic attack free in about 4 days. Anything helps 💕