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Does anyone else get memories suddenly from years ago that goes along with your ocd theme at the current moment and you are shocked how you forgot such a bad memory for years?

I need some advice folks. Because I’m conflicted as hell and lost in this. Me and my dad went through something stupidly mean. He’s a complete narcissist, and is rly competent in insensitivity. He’s been emotionally draining ever since I was born and gaslights me frequently. He has severe issues, (especially anger issues), and he’s refuses to fix himself. He always seems to snap and go off at me at the smallest things and it’s caused me great despair in my mental health, and gives me loads of anxiety. Now take in hand what happened with us last week. As of now, I’m unemployed and have been looking for work. And it’s been hard bc the job market sucks. With my depression, I tend to have an awful sleep schedule. I either sleep too much in the morning and stay up all night. And I’m really insecure about this fact because I know that my help is needed around the house. My moms patient with me about it thankfully. My dad says nothing, but I know he’s irked about it.. it’s very hard for me to get out of bed and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like that at all. So I recently got a new game I love (which is weird because I hardly play games on a consul lately —— Gaslighting Scenario #1: Dad (sees me playing): I guess that playing a game will make you wake up early, huh? *laughs* Me: Umm? That’s really mean to say Dad: Raises voice: How is that mean? I’m not lying am I right? Me: Maybe stop raising you voice and I’ll tell you Dad : NO I WONT because you say crazy stuff like that. Me: All I’m saying is you sounded nit picky. Dad: That’s how YOU see it Not everyone has your brain Dad: Next time I won’t say anything. I’ll keep quiet —- I was heartbroken. I couldn’t even play my game after. I left the room and cried my eyes out to my my snitting and crying. I was completely triggered and disrespected. For him to dismiss me and call my crazy and act like I was in the wrong for being offended: completely vile. I didn’t talk to him for days and when I did finally talk, he didn’t have much to say. I wrote my parents a letter explaining myself about my mental health status lately, I also mentioned how my dad’s joke was insensitive in the letter. Gaslighting Scenario #2: Dad: hey I read your letter Idk what help writing that letter does for you but I’m glad you got it off you’re chest Me: is that all you have to say….? — And it was useless words of no value after that. And he still seemed irked with Me. I’m really pissed that after all that, he didn’t even attempt to say sorry. He read my email letter, and I explicitly mentioned how his joke offended me, but once again he brushes it off like it’s nothing. Just a few days ago he sneaked a hug from me even though I didn’t want to fucking touch him. this man is honestly been nothing but a plague on my happiness and an interference of my peace. I’m still hurt and wanting to be distant with him I feel like if I move on, I’m smoothing over how he hurt me with such an insensitive joke. After all that, should I really move on from this debacle? Or should I stay true to how he hurt me?

I am super scared that i might be trans please help i feel i relate to their stories 😭😭😭😭

I think i always get some slight attachment for older women. I just always admired them, mostly authorities or i just simply admired them as a older women as a mothers or idk. When i was in high school i had this favorite teacher. She taught me for 7 years. I always felt that we might be somehow connected or that she will help me somehow in the future. When I was in my last year of high school she noticed me that i struggle with mental health, she was always there for me, she even hugged me and reassured me and ive always felt safe in her presence. I was always happy to see her and i think i might make some excuses to just see her and talk with her. So i think i got attached to her. The truth was, that we actually were somehow connected and she also brought be closer to God and she inspired me to become a teacher in the future. Everytime when we had to meet after school i was a bit nervous and sometimes i even wanted to look pretty because i knew that she will give me a compliment. I even said that I love her as my second mother. Sometimes i even thought of her as my mother. When she wasnt responding to my email or a message i strated to panic that i might did something wrong. When i started study my teaching major I even practiced with her at school and i didnt want to disappoint her so i tried to be perfect. Anyway, i have never had sexual or romantic scenerios with her. The only scenarios i had in my mind with her were those that I imagined her as my mother or how she huggs me and comforting me when something bad happens. I used to cry many times when i was thinking about her and I was thanking God that He send me a person like her. I’ve never had butterflies in my stomach around her. I’ve never been aroused in her presence. I’ve never had sexual fantasies with her. But i do get thoughts and doubts that “What if u flirted with her? What if u were secretly into her? What if u have crush on her? What if you love her romantically? What if she is your lesbian awakening?” It bothers me and makes me sad😔 She even kissed me once on my hairs, once on my cheek and I’ve never felt any butterflies or never felt in love and after that happened I wasnt even panicking because i knew it doesnt mean anything and that she only cares for me and nothing else. But im just scared that this is also one of my proofs that I’m a lesbian😔 People told me that this has nothing to do with my sexuality and this actually might mean that im just looking for a mother (i do have a good relationship with my mom so idk why this happens, but i sometimes feel like my mom she is more like a friend and not as a mother who understands my needs and feelings). Anyway, i somehow feel like this doesnt make sense and if i would be in love with this teacher then I would know it. I feel like its bullshit but i cant get over the fact that some lesbians actually had their lesbian awakening when they had a crush on a teacher even though i dont think what i experienced was a crush. 😔

Hi all! I have posted about this before and still not sure about what to do. I am struggling with the question of whether or not I should tell my partner (getting married this week) about the fact that I have OCD and my past experiences with it. And if so how? On the one hand, I think it would be good for them to know that I have this issue (to know me better, and basically strengthen our bond), but on the other hand, I am not sure about how they would react to hearing some of the past manifestations of OCD that I suffered with (mainly POCD and other sexual OCD - about 10 years ago now). My OCD today is mostly checking things around the house to make sure everything is safe - a more “plain” and “non-threatening” (to people without OCD) kind of OCD that wouldn’t be too challenging to discuss. I guess I want to share my experience but wondering if it makes sense to if I am going to leave out the more challenging (but also what has been for me the most impactful) stuff out. And of course keeping that stuff in the disclosure would carry risks as well. Looking online for expert opinions on this is a bit inconclusive. Expert opinions range from “don’t do it, it’s reassurance and these thoughts are meaningless and don’t define you”, through “you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to but it can be helpful”, to “you should probably do it, but maybe don’t share everything”. Any thoughts from anyone who has gone through this? Thanks!

I dont have ocd. I really dont. It feels like im actually a lesbian. I dont feel anything for guys. I dont know how to describe my feelings. It feels like i cant escape my body or my mind. I feel stuck. It feels real. It must be real. But i cant imagine that its real. But it feels so real like im actually a lesbian. I dont want to be. Today i had urges to come out. I feel depressed. I dont wanna live. I cant escape. I just have to accept that im a lesbian.

I am typing as I sit on the couch after a mental breakdown due to the frustration and fear I have with my Suicidal OCD intrusive thoughts. I know so much about why this is happening from therapy, research, and self help books that I feel like knowing this much about my condition is almost making it harder to recover. It’s like I feel like since I logically understand my problem, why can’t I change my response to it? I know logically that these thoughts are stuck in a loop because I have assigned meaning to them and am so scared of the concept of harming myself, yet ERP/CBT hasn’t yet helped much with my ability to tolerate the anxiety. I have moments where I feel good but the sense of impending doom and feeling like I “am bound to hurt myself” always comes back. At least for the last 2-3 months since this theme and OCD flare started. I don’t have any physical compulsions that me or my therapist have been able to identify except *maybe* researching too much. But other than that, my compulsions are all mental. However, I can’t pinpoint what exactly they are. It’s also important to note that I don’t avoid anything. I still use knives when I need to, I don’t hide them like others with this theme do. Yes they can trigger anxiety but I don’t actively avoid them or other items that trigger/have potential to harm me. When I do audio exposures (listening to my voice saying I am going to hurt myself), I hold a knife to my wrist to intensify the ERP, per my therapists request… and still the same or similar level of fear behind suicidal and harm OCD thoughts is there. Has anyone dealt with this and can help provide some insight as to what helped you? Anything is helpful here except negativity.

Anxious my husband cheated after ten years with a woman he was engaged to several maybe 15 years before I moved from the big city to a small farm town and they are around one another all the time and everyone told me even in our ten years of marriage he’s never gotten over her and he blames me for the cheating and when I quit my job due to stress and a child I was withdrawn and was crabby and not the most pleasant but I didn’t go out and look for someone to talk to at the bar down the street for 4 months like he did I took care of our family

Does anyone else feel resentment or scared of the holy Spirit after having Intrusive thoughts about him. I'm scared and I'm not sure what to do about it. I've been praying but I feel so insincere about it and I am scared that there is something wrong with me. I can't read the word holy Spirit without feeling angry or nervous or scared of what my mind is gonna say to him. I just want it to stop, but I also feel like I'm addicted to the bad thoughts and I am scared of myself and what to do.

Iam just scared and tired from having wetness to the same sex thoughts and feelings , i am so scared

Answer please. Does anyone else with intrusive thoughts feel like your addicted to them. Like I can't help but feel like I need to have these intrusive thoughts. Ik it sounds weird but I feel it's true. Like I keep getting blasphemous thoughts and I feel like I need to have them. I know I do not but I can't help but feel like I do. Can OCD do this to you?

Sometimes I fear if I actually love my bf or I jjst love who he is to me. I love our friendship and I love spending time with him it’s never draining the draining part is mostly my THOIGHTS I’d say but sometimes yk I think of how much he loves me and I don’t normally feel what he feels I think my honeymoon phase ended and he’s still going and I know love is a choice and before my bf wasn’t who I expected on my head but I did grow to except that he’s not perfect and that’s ok I can except that he’s different doesn’t mean he’s bad for me and sometimes I have other moments where I realize he’s like someone who’s I’ve always wanted I do suffer from SOOCD and ROCD so idk if this is it I don’t want to break up with him bc I do enjoy having him in my life aside when I’m not anxious I love being around him has anyone ever thought this or felt this?

Anybody else with intrusive thoughts related to religion feel like they are coming from you. Does anybody else feel numb to your thoughts and like u just don't care. I'm scared that I committed the unforgivable sin, I feel lost and scared. I can't tell my thoughts from my intrusive thoughts anymore. I can't feel any emotions to my thoughts. I'm scared God has abandoned me. I'm scared he cut me off. I'm worried about my thoughts. I feel numb and emotionless and scared. I feel scared and confused like God has Left me or something. I try to cry and I do but I feel nothing in my heart. I ask God to forgive me and soften my heart to him but I feel nothing. I'm scared that I am going to hell and be eternally separated from God. If anybody has had similar experiences or thoughts pls comment or if u even see my post pls give me advice on what to do I'm really scared and emotionless. I'm scared. I love god and the holy Spirit but idk what to do.

Is anyone’s anxiety and OCD worse while on their period? I was doing good this week but today I called out of work and am laying in bed feeling like shit with Pure/Harm/Suicidal OCD thoughts. Not to mention body aches, headache, and nausea.

Hi all. I’m still really struggling with harm themes towards my dog and I wondered if anyone else has had this happen. The images, thoughts, everything that I get - they all go against anything I’ve ever felt towards her. At all. But now, it feels like that’s my new normal - and my actual values, like loving her, not wanting to harm her, feel fake. I don’t know how else to explain it. It feels like I don’t care, don’t love her and wouldn’t be bothered by harming her yet I know that’s not true in anyway. But it scares the hell out of me. Like I walk around with it all day and have to remind myself why it’s not something I would want to do, vs the other way around! It is the worst thing. Am I alone?

Hello guys. I really need advice over here, my brain feels like it's in a fog. And I'm scared. I feel really angry and upset and indifferent towards God and it scares me. I feel faithless and concerned about if God is mad at me. I feel like I'm gonna lose control and rip my head off or gonna smash my head. I keep getting urges and uncontrollable thoughts and it feels all to real. I'm trying so hard to fight and pray, but I'm on edge I have no idea what's coming next. I'm scared that I don't even have OCD. I want to be sure I have OCD. My mind keeps saying I'm using OCD as a excuse for my thoughts. I feel angry on the inside and I'm scared what does this say about me. I'm really freaking out on a internal level. Any advice or anybody who went through this pls respond.

Does anybody else get really tired, like I mean to the point we're you sometimes just don't care. I feel like that right now and it's scaring me. I don't have motivation to pray or do anything. I'm worried that all along it was me and it finally came out and now I'm done for. I still get anxious when I feel the thoughts coming but I just don't have motivation to fight them. Or to pray afterwards. Idk if any of y'all have this happen but I would love to know.

Can anyone tell me usually why or when ocd first occurs? Is it trauma from childhood? Or do people randomly wake up one day and have developed it?…. I can’t remember the first time I started/developed it, but I must’ve been like in 5th grade… I come from a Hispanic household where unfortunately a lot of these households don’t “believe” in therapy or a counselor or mental illness’. I knew something was wrong with myself but I never knew how to express it. I just thought I was actually a crazy person & wasnt “normal” as others. Until this year I started seeing a therapist & he really made me feel like I was not alone. Due to insurance purposes I had to stop seeing him. I don’t think I’ve gotten better I’ve just gotten heard…but the only positive thing about it is that I can hide it very well now, a lot of ppl wouldn’t know vs in the past I had people catch me doing “weird” things. (Very repetitive stuff, fixing things, the list goes on & on). I had to learn to manage & “hide” what I was doing because my kiddos were catching on & would ask me what or why I was doing it, for example “repetitive stuff” lol . I really want it to go away, although I have managed my ticks & triggers, it’s still always in my mind, it stops me from having fun family time, stops me from doing my work at work or doing things or even speaking in a “normal” speed way. For example telling a story or when talking, I have the need to say every single detail, I get side tracked a lot & have to explain those details then it just goes & goes I take forever to say what ima say , it takes me a long time to get to the point like this whole post here it started with a question & now idk what my point was no more 😂 ps. I love making jokes about it to myself to keep myself positive, my close family knows and they’re supportive, it’s all love. I just wish it can actually go away I am concerned it will always be with me…

Does anyone else get really bad thoughts that attack the holy Spirit. I hope I am not the only one. These thoughts scare me because they come in all different ways they disappeared for about 4 days, and one day they came back and they are worse now than they have ever been. They keep attacking him, ever chance they get. I can't pray, go for a walk, or watch tv, or even talk to people without negativity towards him. Like my thoughts keep blaming him for everything, I can't get rid of these thoughts. What makes me sad the most is when I'm tired I can't fight them and my biggest concern is that it's coming from me. I'm worried about what the thoughts say about me. Do I mean to have these thoughts. I can't seem to be happy. I feel lost and scared that I have done something wrong to make God mad at me. My parents won't let me get therapy, I'm all alone. I'm nervous and anxious about my thoughts. And I pray but I can't find peace. I hope everyone who is going through this never has to go through this the way I am.

Hello all I'm a little bit of a wreck right now. Idk if any of y'all go through this but I would love to know I'm not the only one. My mind keeps trying to attribute all the bad things because of the holy Spirit. I would never say those things but I'm scared and confused. I'm scared I am pushing God away. Sometimes I get really scared because sometimes I don't care and it scares me. I'm nervous these thoughts are coming from me. And because of these thoughts I can't even thank the holy Spirit or feel safe. And because of these thoughts they make me doubt who I am as a person and it scares me. What if I'm asking for forgiveness and I don't mean it. What if I am doomed. Any responses would be nice I can't even cry properly anymore.