Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I would like to get to know you all better so feel free to tell me anything! How did you find out you had OCD? What made you all join this app? 😊

I want to beat my OCD because it’s starting to affect my way of life and messing with me hanging out with friends and loved ones. Does anyone have any good recommendations with helping get rid of intrusive thoughts?

I've been wondering this for months: Is it possible to have ROCD if you've never been in a relationship and hardly/don't experience romantic/sexual attraction? Personally, I love daydreaming and writing about romance and love and even sex. However, if I so much as *think* someone might be interested in me, I internally freak out and get very nervous/scared of what might happen. Even if someone holds my hand, puts their arm around me, and god forbid- *asks me out*- I immediately have the intense need to get away as soon as possible, and to break down and cry out of fear. I'll start shaking and intensely worrying about said person showing interest in me. I just get so scared of embarrassment and upsetting people that I need to get away immediately. How can I keep going with it if I never seem to feel any amorous attraction to people? This doesn't stem from any history of abuse; I'm not sure where this comes from. I never had crushes growing up, I still don't feel attracted to anyone, I don't date (nor have I ever dated), never had a desire for a relationship at any point in my life until very recently, and never felt the need to seek one out either. I'm a very lonely person and wish I could have a relationship, but I'm so terrified of the concept of it in reality. That's why for the past 7 years, I've identified as aroace, but for about 2 years I've been constantly questioning if I *actually* am. I developed a crush on an unattainable guy, and didn't want him to know I was aroace, because what if someday, by some miracle, he actually liked me back?? I didn't want him to think the door was shut and locked. (He does know I'm aroace and has been supportive of it) But what if in the future it turns away other extremely rare people I feel interested in? It feels like a lot of social anxiety, and a lot of fear of upsetting people. What do I do if I suddenly don't want to talk to someone anymore? What do I do if people tease me about having a partner? What do I do if I don't want a second date? What do I do if they try to kiss me? What if I'm being too nice? What if they know I'm faking? How do I know if I'm attracted to them? What does that feel like? How do I say I'm not interested without looking like the bad guy? How do you even date someone? How does that work? It's going to be so embarrassing if my parents find out— I'll never hear the end of it! All these fears form in my head the SECOND I think someone is interested in me. So after realizing I have OCD, I wondered several months later if this fear and avoidance surrounding relationships/attraction might be tied into it somehow. I think a lot of times about how I might just be broken, and how I'm just incapable of feeling romantic love for other people. I wish I wasn't like this, and I wish I could just experience those things like someone normal for my age. I always said that never having been in a relationship is a good thing, because I don't have any mistakes to regret, but the older I get, the more I go back on that word. I just keep getting lonelier, but never feel any interest in anyone. At this point, I don't think I'll ever have someone love me, because I can't seem to NOT be very upset by people showing interest in me. Am I just incapable of actually liking anyone?

My rocd is more partner focused, my partner has made a handful of mistakes that have hurt me/made me lose some trust (not cheating though) My ocd picks up on lots of new things to worry about, but when there isn’t something new to worry about it allllways goes back to this handful of things my partner has done and I ruminate despite having a lot of answers. Maybe it is because of the uncertainty that I don’t know every little detail? A lot of the reason I think my ocd comes back to latch onto this handful of things is OTHER PEOPLES opinions. Like I’ll see in a comment section “this is a red flag” “leave if they do this” “you cannot trust them ever if they lie” etc. and my ocd likes to bully me with these sort of comments and play them in my head so I panic/ruminate. Is constantly going back and fourth with this handful of things my partner has done a sign of my ocd attacking me because of the uncertainty? And is it blowing it out of proportion? I try and tell myself that no relationship would exist if there wasn’t making mistakes/ doing things wrong & forgiveness. If everyone left from a handful of mistakes big or small there would be no long term relationships is that true?

Ok so I'm 21 and turn 22 in August. Btw this might be a lil bit of a read but it'll be nice tho. So I have diagnosed Anxiety, CPTSD, and Bipolar 1 disorder. About a month and like 2 weeks ago I started having some really taboo intrusive thoughts. I've always been highly aware of myself and so searched up "Sexual intrusive thoughts" on Google. No wait before that I searched if intrusive thoughts were a symptom of Bipolar disorder. I came across a lot of articles about Bipolar OCD comorbidity. Basically a lot of people with bipolar are more likely to have OCD. I was like "wait what?? OCD?!? On whooooo??" Mind you I was thinking of the stereotypical OCD you see in movies. I was just thinking I don't have that so how? So in one of these articles it talked about the types of intrusive thoughts people with Bipolar OCD comorbidity can have and one of them were sexual and religious intrusive thoughts. I was blown away. I then searched "Sexual intrusive thoughts" on Google and realized holy shit I have OCD..oofie. I then went down the worm hole of obsessively searching all things OCD (which lol I found out was a compulsion searching and all) and realized I've had OCD for a while. Since I was a small tot for real for real. I've always had Pure OCD, but realized I have contamination OCD when it comes to being in and out of the shower, I used to but not anymore would always check if the stove switches were off. I've always thought about harm coming to my family and myself and would think up entire scenarios in my head for literally no reason. I obsessively think to the point where it physically tires me out. I get severe anxiety and literally will lose my asshole from just thinking to much. I've seen a lot of people comparing it to being trapped in your own head and it exactly how I feel. The things I hear, and see tend to trigger intrusive thoughts for me but especially the things I hear. I always thought noise cancelation headphones were for those with Autism but I find myself wishing I had a pair these days. I usually use music to drown out my thoughts and take me away from the world but once I stop listening all the thinking and thoughts come flooding back and I'm once again trapped in my own head. So yea idk. That's my sitch of a wation. If you relate or have feedback drop a comment. Also like share and sub to my YouTube channel. Hahaha nah jk I don't have a YouTube channel 😂 TL/Dr have a bunch of other mental stuff just realized I may have had OCD for the longest.

I became concious of my OCD when experimenting with hallucenagenic drugs back in 2020 during covid and the lockdown (yeah, horrible idea). My anxiety spiked for what seemed like the entire year and I developed a panic disorder. I didn't know it was OCD at the time. I went to a psychiatrist and got diagnosed only with panic disorder. Eventually, I saw a therapist and was diagnosed with OCD, but I couldn't afford to continue seeing him. I also wasn't sure yet that it was true that I had it, or perhaps wasn't willing to accept it yet. My method of managing it for the past few years became to keep myself busy and not think about it. This year, I realized I was running from the fear when it brought me to my knees and made me feel the way I did in 2020. Now I'm here and ready to tackle this once and for all.

A different type of title, I know. ☕ ☀️ Little bit of a read, but hopefully adds some positivity out there by the end. Here's the thing, I used to get up EVERY morning with excitement and experiment with different types of coffee or flavors. It was a joy to just make it. I would never mind if I made a bad brew, just learned from it. It was an activity that made me happy, arguably a routine that made me whole. Since being diagnosed with OCD (rOCD sub category) 3-4 weeks ago that morning activity fell apart. It suddenly became hard to get up, followed by a longing to "go back" or like a "last saved point". Long story short, tragically the French press that made me feel like "me" lost its glitter and glam. All the stresses of rOCD and happiness ROBBED me of experiencing this small and simple joy in my life that isn't even the focus of my ERP. Over the last few weeks I have been feeling better after taking my first few sessions. Healed, cured, completely treated? No. Absolutely not. On the journey to recovery? Yes. Absolutely so! So what does this French press have to do with anything? Well, I'm making a point to try and reconnect my happiness by making it today, even if it doesn't always feel comfortable or "the same." Why? Because I'm making a stand. I'm refusing to let OCD try and live IT'S life when I want to live MY life instead! I don't want it to win, nor do I want it to take any further steps in telling me not to experience happiness. Especially ones I used to enjoy! I'm GOING to make that French press coffee as soon as this is posted and BELIEVE I can have a good day. I don't care if I fall down, relapse, get stressed, have anxiety, get into an argument, panic, have intrusive thoughts etc. etc. etc later today OR if I already did have those things happen! All that matters is at this moment I go do what I WANT to do, not what OCD tells me to do. I'm going to make the French press coffee because that's what I LOVED doing. WHAT'S THE POINT?: If there is something that you used to appreciate doing no matter how small or big and it brought a sense of identity or peace - you don't have to let OCD tell you that you can't do it. Even if it may not feel the same anymore, I know deep down I like making French press coffee. I'm tired of having OCD anxieties ruin that morning routine. Maybe there's something out there you did for peace or fun before OCD took hold of you? Just know you're not alone. I'm not a doctor or anything, just a man trying to get back his life and wants to fight for it. Don't be afraid to try and reconnect some of that positive "former self" that brought peace to you. If this resonated with you, I hope you find your strength to do that small but meaningful thing that makes you happy. You can do it. We can do it. Thank you. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go make that French press coffee. ☕🙂

I was diagnosed with ocd right as I lost my insurance and was no longer able to seek therapy. I am now trying function with this diagnosis all on my own. But its starting to harm my relationship with the love of my life. I am constantly worried I am going to get cheated on, or that he will leave, or that I will cheat or die or he'll will die etc... you get the point. All of this is unfounded and I know this but I can't help but be riddled with doubt. I was hoping to get some tips as someone new to this on how to manage the intrusive thoughts or build up those structured routines everything keeps telling me I should have. I've started doing research but some help would be appreciated. Thank you all for your help!

hi all. I was diagnosed with ocd a few years ago. back then, I primarily struggled with HOCD and Health Anxiety fueled by obsession. I still struggle with both here and there, but I mostly was able to cope with them and don’t struggle as much anymore. I am newly in a relationship, and it is getting kinda serious. This is my first serious relationship after my short lived marriage (don’t get married at 18 for the love of god) and my marriage ended due to my spouse cheating on me, like a lot. we are about 3 months in, and for the first 3 months I did a really good job of regulating my emotions and trusting him. but I’ve hit a wall. I find myself daily obsessing over all the ways he could possibly be talking to other girls/cheating. I constantly check his snap score and when he was last active on Facebook (compulsions, yippee 🙄) even though I have never ever found even the slightest proof or information to make me believe he is doing something sneaky. It is getting to the point where I am having nightmares every night about the moment he confesses he’s been cheating, and I feel the initial shock and absolute heartbreak. This scene repeats for hours until I wake up, feeling empty and sad. I don’t want things to be this way. For myself, or him. He is a great guy and I really do see a future with him. But I have never ever dealt with this subtype before and could use some guidance on dealing with these intrusive thoughts in a productive way.

looking for someone to chat with maybe?

can ocd make you feel stuck like if there is no way out and make you have the thoughts sometimes when ur with a certain friend or parent and then the thoughts will come like “what if i hurt myself and wonder what so so and reacts” then i’m like oh my gosh they would be so devastated i’m trying to sit with thoughts and sit with the anxiety and im rlly tired right now i’m trying not to do compulsions.. but sometimes the thoughts will tell me to “do it” and it’s like urges then that’s when i tense up does this happen??

Hey I’m new to this, I’m a 20 yo female, and I’m pretty sure I’ve had ocd since my childhood, but it’s gotten worse has I’ve gotten older. I never really understood my intrusive thoughts and always felt so sick and uncomfortable when I’d have them. They took a turn many months ago when they became more often and more intense. And I started doing some research on them and came across ocd (which I always thought was just when people don’t like to be unorganized and are like perfectionists or something) but as I was reading different websites and seeing how many types of ocd there was I noticed that I related to most of what I was reading. I still haven’t been officially diagnosed or found a therapist yet but I’m working on it. The past year has been the hardest with my intrusive thoughts. I’m mainly bothered by my pocd and I feel sick to my stomach whenever I get an intrusive thought about a child. I absolutely love kids and would never do anything to hurt them it physically makes me ill when I think about it. (If anyone has any tips to deal with this please reply😭) I think I have an idea to why I have those thoughts. I didn’t have the best childhood I was sa’d at 4&9 by 2 different people that were supposed to take care of me, and I have this horrible fear that i could be like them and it makes me feel so incredibly sick. I was also way too exposed to s3xual things as a child, my family was way too open about s3x growing up like I’m talking adults in my life thought it was okay to openly talk about it to me when I was 6/7 like it was normal. I wish I could explain more but this is already way too long. I’ve only opened up to a select few people about this so this was extremely hard for me, I’m literally fighting for my life… Thank you to anyone who cared enough to read this all the way through I appreciate it so much.🤍

Does anyone else feel like they are walking on eggshells being super careful about every interaction with anyone but their partner? I feel like I have to monitor what I say/how I react if I ever have an interaction with someone of the opposite gender who isn’t my partner. For example, I end up feeling so guilty for finding another person of opposite gender funny? And my brain attacks me and says I should only find my partner the funniest. And when I’m not currently ruminating/ doing a compulsion I can literally FEEL it searching for something to latch onto and it’s so exhausting

Since my ocd started i feel really weird, like i’m faking my hole life and i’m not the person i know i am, it’s really strange and it’s making me feel like i’m gonna lose control cause i’m not being myself… i don’t know how to explain it but it feels like i’m constantly fighting and every single thing means i’m gonna snap and hurt someone i love

I’ll be on TikTok/instagram scrolling and suddenly there will be posts like “if he does this he is probably cheating”….”this is a huge red flag and you should leave”…. “No matter how loyal he seems there will always be another girl”….etc. these posts trigger me very badly and lead me to checking memories and my partners past mistakes and I panick when videos talk about stuff my partner or I have done… and the comments are even worse :( it’s always people sharing their stories and saying “not to trust him if he___ blah blah” and it sends me into a spiral of searching if my partner is bad. Are people on TikTok just saying things for attention and scaring people or is it all true?

I’ve been recently mulling over past and present memories/feelings when it comes to my creative process and every time i start something new, i am an anxious spiraling mess: constantly checking the first ugly stage of a painting over and over again thinking i’ll eventually like what i see but i never do (that is until i start painting it again). i bet all artists deal with feeling like an imposter but with every new painting, i don’t trust myself it’ll be good, even though it takes time for a painting to reach the “good” level. i’m just curious to know if anyone else has OCD and is also a creative person, just too feel a little less alone in this :’)

I don’t even know if I love my own boyfriend anymore because of my OCD, I want it all to stop…

My OCD has gotten better, at least as good as it can get, but my depression has been awful lately. I take 100mg of Zoloft, and I feel as though I’m going backwards. It’s helped my anxiety a ton, but it feels as if it’s made my depression worse. I spoke with my PCP, and she recommended adding 75mg of Wellbutrin. I’m picking it up today. I’m hoping this can help me. If not, I’ll switch everything and start taking Luvox. It’s so annoying trying to find the right meds when you’re already struggling. Anyone else taking Wellbutrin in combination with another med ?

You guys are like my family so I just wanna share something positive!! I did my therapy, and visited a family member and their new place. I was gone for a total of 3 hours !!! (I’m agoraphobic and have panic disorder) And I did well!!! No panic attacks!! No OCD !! I’m panicking now that I’m home which is weird but I’m adjusting to it. It’s so weird that I’m able to do it but I’m so PROUD OF MYSELF!!! I used to be terrified to leave home and go anywhere without panicking

it’s been almost a month since i lost my best friend from passing i’ve been having ocd and anxiety since january tho.. it’s gotten worse since she passed but my ocd has flared up from sleeping issues because i’m on my period but i recently just met this guy last week and we kissed and cuddled he is rlly sweet and i think i like him but a new theme flared up because i’ve been heartbroken in the past and i’m trying to take it slow because i wanna see it if it works out eventually with each other but my thoughts are throwing me off “what if i don’t like him like that?” and our height difference kinda threw me off a bit and i told him i have ocd and anxiety but i haven’t been rlly diganosed with it i just know that’s what i have… but i told him how i feel and it’s just getting me anxious then my scide ocd thoughts are flaring up with it.. like “what if i hurt myself because i’m not gonna make it because everything is just going absolutely crazy rn and so fast rn” and i’m on vacation rn at the beach and i’m just very anxious.. but i have a therapist but she told me u have to have a psychiatrist to know if im diganosed with ocd but everything has been so anxious and yk it just happened meeting this guy he says that he is here for me it’s just idk what i want… but yesterday stuff happened with him and i said this on a group chat with him, his brother, and my friend who is also talking to his brother.. but this message i sent and it got out of hand because his brother and him were upset i’ve just been going through so much and i closed it off because i’m not ready for a relationship.. “ok i’m just gonna type this out ik u guys are busy which is completely understandable… i’m gonna start with this.. yk i’ve been going through a lot with anxiety and ocd and losing my best friend a few weeks ago… my thoughts and feelings have been absolutely confusing to where the point i don’t know what i want… i just felt like this went too fast and i do want to apologize about this.. i’ve been through heartbreak too… i have rlly bad commitment issues. i don’t want to be the reason that i’m hurting you bc i’m not that person AT ALL. i rlly care about u and i think ur an absolutely sweet it’s just everything went way too fast.. and it’s putting me through stress after stress.. i just don’t think i’m ready and just need to know u more as friends first. then see how it goes… it’s just everything is so overwhelming and i’m truly sorry i don’t want anyone to be upset with me. i still wanna hang out out and do fun stuff.. i just think it’s too early to be thinking in a relationship rn bc we just met and it’s confusing my feelings and stressing me out too.. and the other thing is ik ur here for me and i’m here for u.. it’s just im afraid that my issues will effect on u and i don’t want that to make anything worse and i’m not here to hurt anyone so i hope you guys understand and i rlly rlly want this to be fixed” he was upset and it’s been a week and i should’ve said something sooner but NOW we got it worked out just to be friends to see how it goes and it’s in gods hands yk? but now but i don’t think his brother likes me.. so the plan was gonna still for like me him his brother and my friend we were gonna hang out and she told him and he doesn’t think it’s a good idea so me and him are just gonna hang out so i don’t think his brother likes me bc he doesn’t want his brother hurt which i’m glad he is looking out for his brother but i feel like his brother thinks i’m gonna keep hurting him and i was like it’s in gods hands yk? i just don’t understand i feel like i’m always disappointing everyone and my scidal ocd thoughts are flaring up with what ifs and my head feels weird my eyes hurt and IM SO TIRED and i’m literally at the beach rn and i haven’t told my dad or my mom what’s going on yet.. i’m just trying to enjoy my vacation it’s just been hard from going through so much traumatic stuff… :( i just want to know my self worth first before i even think to get into a relationship and i just don’t think i’m ready and again ik i should’ve said something sooner i was just caught up in the moment thinking i could do this but i’m not :(