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the NOCD Community

I’m now fearing that my last post may have been too much. now I’m back to ruminating.

How do I give myself motivation without giving myself reassurance? Myscores are getting better, but everytime I notice I’m not thinking about my OCD, it feels like my brain tries to move the finish line and thinks of even scarier thoughts. It kinda gets to a point where I feel overwhelmed and very sad. Some days I just feel too exhausted. Like im just tired of it. I’m trying my best to work on exposures that terrify me with my therapist. Am I doing too much too soon? Or am I just too far gone to get better?

Hi! I’ve been in therapy for 3 years now and this is my first time with ERP. I’m both terrified and excited. I’ve suffered from OCD since childhood and nothing was done about it. Now at age 32, OCD is running my life. I know I’ll make it through somehow - just not sure how or what it will be like. Creating a life worth living is the goal. If anyone wants to share their experience with me, I’d love to hear it. 💚

I just got broken up with because I am depressed and it was over text. My anxiety and ocd have been awful and he said that can only be an excuse for so long so now I’m going insane. I am so sick.

I have struggled with ocd my entire life until I realized what it was and why I was the way I was. My psychiatrist is trying one more medicine because we have “exhausted” all other options which is making me lose hope. I’ve been on many medicines since 8th grade and now I just feel hopeless, she said after if this medicine doesn’t work I should do TMS therapy which freaks me out. The medicine she is prescribing me is Anafranil? Guys I’m so just lost right now

I am feeling really scared lately, as my ocd has twisted triggers a bit for me. I keep having intrusive thoughts while feeling happy or I feel happy afterward, which TERRIFIES me. I have had SO-OCD/HOCD for about 2 and half months now. I just really want to know if anyone else has experienced intrusive thoughts in this way. I also can get really anxious at some specific people in general (namely people I find attractive (not in a weird way) or gay people/lesbians). Is this normal for people with SO-OCD/HOCD? I haven't had ocd for very long and only recently started ocd based therapy, so I dont know much yet.

Am I the only person who feels uncomfortable when they read words like “manage”, “cope”, or the decision to claim ownership over OCD? I find it to be so discouraging and it doesn’t align with my personal beliefs of what’s possible for me. I understand these are medical terms. But I don’t want to manage symptoms, I want to transform and transcend. I’m not sure if that makes sense, but I’ve been finding it hard to find like minded people in this community. I joined a group call for a moment. Someone expressed that they want to feel like themselves again or feel normal and the host said “I don’t think that’s something that’s possible for people like us but we can manage or cope” I’m paraphrasing of course and maybe I misunderstood. That’s possible, but when I heard that I had to click off. I will be myself and be what I feel is “normal” to me. I hope I’m not alone on an island with this one.

can someone pls help me understand this? ive been in therapy for a couple of months, I have really bad OCD. since 2024 I worry about having cheated on my gf with a friend of mine ( who I don't talk to anymore because of this situation). at first I was like nah it never happened, then I grew more confused and then more certain. now most of the time I feel like I really cheated and that there's no other explanation. the only thing that confuses me is that I met this friend in 2022 and until 2024 I don't really remember thinking I had cheated, but I also feel like it can be explained by me not really realising the seriousness of the situation or something like that. this whole thing is kind of complicated so I won't delve too much into the details. my gf knows about everything and she doesn't believe I cheated, she thinks I have really bad OCD and that's that. she decided to stay with me and asked me to not bring it up again ( we talked about it MANY times) and to talk about it in therapy. and like, I am, but I'm really confused cus my therapist calls this whole situation "the cheating doubt" or "possible cheating" even when I said many times that I'm certain something happened. I don't really know what to do. does this mean my therapist thinks it's all a big what if, and that either things could have happened ( cheating or not cheating) and that my certainty is caused by OCD or what??? I don't get it I feel really alone

Just getting to the point where I’m beginning to accept that I have OCD. My psychiatrist recommended Vrylar to start and if I don’t like it, possibly Prozac. I have a lot of obsessive thoughts related to harm OCD and I think I have relationship OCD. I unfortunately just went through a breakup with a really kind boyfriend and looking back on it I realize how a lot of my thoughts were not lining up properly. I want to live a chiller life and heal for me and so I don’t push people I love away. I’m nervous about starting the Vrylar and not being able to socialize and have drinks out though. I’m also nervous the side effects like it making me tired. I’m starting on the tiniest dosage 3 days a week. I’m also considering starting other therapeutic options like ERP instead, but I think I need the meds too. Not looking for a decision to be made for me at all. I would love to hear some stories or tips on how to approach this process with positive thinking. And appreciate any experiences on Vrylar vs Prozac that you would like to share. Thanks!

Does anyone have a list or examples of “feared outcomes” for just right or perfectionism type obsessions?

This pattern has been happening for a bit My Brain will randomly notice traits and stuff about a fictional/cartoon character,then produce these feeling I do not want to act on The characters normally have traits I would find appealing, or they are random, and it gives these feelings of attraction and a crush I don’t want (I don’t want cause they are younger and that violates my values) If they were older, I wouldn’t care at all or would embrace it, but then cause their younger it makes me question myself And then I feel guilty cause “wym if they’re older??” But I know rn I wouldn’t want to act on it or anything. I just get guilty cause it notices stuff that I would be attracted to, but of course I don’t wanna be like that cause my values. And also cause the traits attract me but I don’t want the character or at least force myself to shove it away. Like it feels like a crush I don’t want to act on or pursue. I just get worried about these things. And then my brain notices or remembers the character and I feel a draw to it. So idk what’s happening and I don’t wanna say it’s intrusive if it’s not, so can someone help? So is this intrusive or no? I honestly keep going back hoping it’s intrusive when it’s probably not but idk But hopefully I don’t sound crazy or anything cause this is tiring and I don’t wanna seem like soem creep or anything

I feel like I’m running out of hope I feel like I’m growing emotionless, even though I’m crying. I feel like they’re emotionless tears. I keep having the thought “if you did it, you’d feel better” and it won’t stop playing in my head and I want to just be thrown in jail. I look back at old photos and think “where did this boy go?” “What happened to him?” And I’m struggling so much with my emotions and thoughts. I’m so scared and I don’t know if anyone else goes through this.

21 days until my birthday. I’m actually so scared and nauseous. I don’t want to turn 19 it really scares me knowing I will not be a teen after that, I can hardly articulate why exactly. It feels like I wasted my teen years and like a safety blanket has been pulled off. I graduated last year in May on the 19th and I really was just sad the whole time. I hate that I still miss school I really do. I miss navigating around the building and being surrounded by peers, when it felt like I was still young and a child. I still feel like a kid, I act like one and even look like one too. I also took a gap year after school because I was too depressed to think about anything but the here and now and whatever intrusive thoughts I had that day. During the summer I will be attending a pre college sort of thing and living on campus for a whole week alone. If I truly love it there I hope I can go and have time there when I am still technically a teen, the idea of being 20 actually makes me physically sick and I’m scared. Today I should be happier, I just was able to secure public transportation for people with disabilities to help them become more independent. The passage of time is my biggest fear truly.

I feel a bit anxious to be here, but I want to meet other people who have OCD. It feels really hopeless to me, I don’t feel like I’ll ever beat it. Sometimes I get spurts of hope, and think I should start therapy but then my brain tells me ‘I will forget something important’ and ‘I have to do what I do in order to keep everyone and myself safe’. I don’t know where or how to start, and I don’t know what to do.

Did anyone had weird experiences with their cousins when you were younger? I remember having this weird experience with my F cousing when we were both 13, and it's eating me alive with guilt and I just feel like I shouldn't exist

I’ve had Harm OCD for a few months, it was pretty much on set. Lately my intrusive thoughts are like “You want to” or “I want to” and each time, I get anxiety in my stomach and feel like I’m gonna cry or just break down. I don’t know if it’s OCD or not but it’s making me so sad because I’ve NEVER harmed anyone but these thoughts are scaring me and making me feel guilty and like I’m a monster deep inside. Does anyone else have these thoughts or is it really only me?

Want to know if anyone can relate. Have you ever had someone who minimized how bad you were feeling. You tell them and they reply with “just pray” or “just get up outta bed and start your day and you’ll be fine”. “Just gotta think positive”. For a long time I had that attitude too. Just keep going and I’ll be fine. For the first time I understand what it’s like to do what you can but still be down in the dumps for months. Comments are appreciated.

TW: Animals When I was younger , two situations make me feel so guilty and disgusted. I had harmed a gecko and two rats. This was 6+ years ago and for both of them, I cried and felt so guilty after situations. I hadn’t thought of events until just recently and it caused my OCD to spiral. I haven’t harmed an animal since and I love my pets but my mind races and gives me anxiety of “What if you do this to your cat?” “What if you did this to your dog?” And it’s been bothering me due to the online things of like “if you harm animals you turn into a killer” and it scares me, giving me anxiety when I see them walk into the room. What do I do??

TW: Checking I have a huge problem with checking. When I’m triggered by something, I tend to always grab my phone and start researching and spiraling for hours on end about that one thing. Usually it will feed into other things I worry about, and the cycle repeats. For example, I’m awake now because I’ve been up for the last 3 hours being paranoid about a Quora and Reddit post I made a while ago asking for advice. Constantly fearing that people sharing them are making fun of me, worrying about the comments and dislikes. I also tend to get in my head about rude comments. I made a lot of spelling mistakes in my Quora post, and people were coming at me kind of rude because of it, and it has me feeling extremely self-conscious, worrying that other people will find out it’s me and make fun of me. Anyone have any advice on how to stop checking so much and to learn to sit with uncertainty?

I never realized how bad my ROCD was until I started NOCD. For as long as I can remember I’ve been obsessed with how I’m perceived and what people think of me. I ruminate on any mistakes I’ve made and I assume the worst from everyone else. I compare myself to other people in every way imaginable and I envy people who have a sense of self, even if they’re vastly different from me, because I don’t think I’ve ever had a sense of self. I think my whole life I’ve lived for other people’s approval. I feel really crazy and weird for thinking this, I feel like if people truly knew just how much stock I put into their opinions of me they’d be weirded out. I wish I could let go of the need to be liked so badly. I don’t like myself and it makes managing this difficult