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Hey y'all, I've been noticing a lot of people on here are religious. It's been years since I've been religious myself, and I'm just curious as to whether it helps and how it helps with OCD.

My symptoms have been getting worse the last few days and it flat out feels now like I’ve become this person and want to cause harm to my loved ones. Like I’m just resisting it. My brain is giving me sensations like I like that and makes me sad at the same time. I can’t tell if it’s anxiety or what or if this is what I want. When this started I knew I never wanted to hurt anyone and these thoughts were intrusive. Now they feel like they’ve become me. Please help.

I’ve been really struggling with urges, a constant numb feeling to everything that feels like I don’t care about things (like my beloved dog) who were the most important to me, and this dizzying pressure in my head that feels like it’s attached to the urges and I can’t think straight or control my own actions. But I’m also scared that since the thoughts are literally constant (they flip around to anything and everything then go back to their greatest hits) and I’m feeling like I wouldn’t care if I did them, they’re not intrusive anymore. Am I losing it? Having harm OCD I never thought could make you feel like you’re actually going to act. Not just be afraid of it.

All day today I keep getting this image popping into my head of myself slicing my dog with a knife and it keeps giving me this weird feeling that I want to/have to do it. Like it keeps popping into my head when I try to relax and ACTUALLY making me think I’ll act on it. Is this still ocd?? It feels like it would be satisfied if I did it. I hate this. I’m so scared. I had to do ERP with a knife today and it actually felt like I was holding myself back from just doing it. This is not possibly normal.

Hey everyone. I could really use some advice. I finally hit what seems to be rock bottom today. This constant, horrible urge to hurt my puppy. It’s everything. And it feels like I really don’t care. I have no emotions. I can’t think straight. I’m holding myself back from actually doing something because I know deep down in my heart that’s not me. It’s a physically paralyzing feeling that feels like I want it. I don’t know what the difference is between this and someone who’s actually dangerous and losing it. Everytime I look at her it feels like I have a flashback in my head or something and I see a movie/get an urge to just do it. It feels like I have to even though I don’t want to. But at the same time it’s like I don’t care. I hate this. I valued my dog’s life so much. And I loved her so much. Now I feel nothing. I don’t understand. I’m going to give her to a family member later and probably check myself into a psych hospital. It may be the last time I ever see her but I don’t think there’s another option.

Five years ago I met my fiancé and fell in love. At the time, I was a complete degenerate dating multiple women, but was looking for an opportunity to throw away that old way of living. After some months she said "I feel weird not calling you my boyfriend". This, In my mind was her saying she wants to be exclusive. I can't remember if this was the weekend after or if it was a weekend before but I think it was the weekend after: Someone who I never met, barely knew, found on Tinder from years ago, and whom I very rarely texted, texted me late at night and kept trying to steer the conversation in a sexual direction. I initially replied with short, generic responses. This worked for a little while until there was one one moment I remember where she said, "I wish you were here right now" and I said "Me too". I know you won't believe me, but in the moment I completely forgot I was then very recently supposed to be in a committed relationship. I messaged her afterwards and told her that I loved (Fiancé's name) and told her not to talk to me ever again. It was after that where I couldn't live with myself and reached out to my OCD therapist. This was almost 5 years ago. He related it to pornography and those old classified ads in the newspapers where you would call them up and pay by the minute. He said I did the right thing and told me to just never talk to her again and to move forward. I never did anything like that ever again, and I am marrying her in less than two months. Part of me doesn't want to hurt her feelings for no reason so close to our date, the other OCD part of me wants to confess. Any advice?

My problem is wrong coding, and perception. My subconscious mind get into wrong perception. I cannot calm my amygdala. Before this I can easily calm my mind. But I can not do it anymore. I do not know what to do. I am thinking of how to die everyday please help me

The harm thoughts about my dog have gotten very very bad tonight, and it picked a new theme. I’m INTENSELY afraid of the kitchen range and have this horrible urge feeling that I will put her on it. It keeps coming into my head every few seconds. I try to relax and it’s like “you’ll do this” feeling with that image. Or the “you have to do this”. I’m extra scared because I feel numb to her and I feel like I have to keep reminding myself why I wouldn’t do something so horrible. Has anyone else been here??? My body has this awful anxiety urge feeling and my legs are shaking, head feels weird, etc. I hate this. It feels like I would be okay with doing something so horrible. And when the thought plays out in my head it’s like my brain runs away with it. Please tell me I’m not alone. Is this normal? Should I send my dog somewhere else till this passes??? I tell myself you wouldn’t do that but it feels like a lie.

I wanted to actually take the time to post this. I promised myself that if my meds started working I would write on here to encourage others to take their meds and do therapy. I spent so many days crying over thoughts that I can see now are not true. I still have moments of overthinking and worrying but that’s normal for people like us and people in general. It’s almost like I can see a light at the end of the tunnel now instead of seeing only darkness. I have come so far from a few months ago even a year ago or when I first developed these ocd symptoms. I took a dna gene test which was like $200 but well worth it to determine what meds work best for my build up, the one I had been on and off taking from fears around meds was one of two that are meant to “work”. So I started up again on 10mg of Lexapro, slowly going up to 20mg, now at 30mg since the last few days. It’s been well over a month probably atleast 6 weeks. I definately noticed when I first took it on and off that I felt a slight difference but thought it was placebo. So I gave it a shot and have been so good with taking them at the right times too mostly. GIVE IT TIME!!! If a med is right for you it will work. You have to believe that though, even if it’s only a tiny part of yourself that can believe it may work… be realistic, it’s not going to just remove the thoughts entirely because we have a very complex disorder, but I do believe I will fully recover. I’ve also been seeing an ocd therapist, who helps me but I also judge for myself what exposures I feel ready for and also still can give into compulsions at times, and I also won’t do things that therapists say that I feel aren’t right for me, find what works for you! They’re just meant to guide you, but recovery is DIFFERENT for everyone. Just because something works for someone else doesn’t mean it will for you. I honestly find the thoughts less “sticky” and I can easily get out of them sometimes, or think more logically, trying to not reassure myself or asking for reassurance as much but also allowing myself dto deal with it in my own way and yeah sometimes I do still reassure myself like people without ocd would too, but I have cut back so much and I don’t even remember the last time I confessed properly to my partner. He understands me and has been so supportive and given me any type of reassurance in the past, so basically I’ve got all the answers already, but I don’t have to constantly remind myself of those things or prove every thought wrong. I can let things go more easily. I can think more logically. I can see more when ocd is trying to trick me. I know I’m not aroused sexually by the intrusive thoughts even if they’re images ocd creates and not real I know that if a thought feels intrusive it isn’t arousing me even if it comes at the worst times and makes me confused in the moment, I can bring myself back to reality and put my focus on me and my partner, I can enjoy sex again! Im still struggling at times but I never thought I’d get to this point even, it’s only up from here… I want to attach this image because I prayed and begged for God to send me a sign that only I would know which was a love heart but not in a text message, I wanted to SEE THE SIGN CLEARLY, I asked him if I would ever recover fully or always suffer like this and if I will recover and one day not even have thoughts like this or notice them if I did almost like background noise of stupid people with stupid opinions, then show me a heart. And he delivered this to me. You will be okay even when you feel like you won’t. You matter. Don’t let ocd define you, we’ve got ocd but ocd doesn’t have us… I’m working now, happy mostly with my life, have a loving partner and daughter I’m able to focus on properly now that I’m getting better, I have quit pot and been clean for about 3 weeks after being a stoner since 16 every day basically, which will only make me feel more clear over time, next step is ciggies to quit at the end of the month, I don’t even drink alcohol unless occasionally so that’s not an issue, I’m going to start working out and become my goal weight, going to find things I love to do and DO THEM, LIVE MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST. you can get here too. This is coming from someone who contemplated suicide time and time again but knew God had a purpose for letting me suffer this way , so I’m able to HELP PEOPLE LIKE ME. God bless you all and Jesus right now I pray for everyone struggling with mental health problems and I pray you can guide them to the right direction, the light and the truth that is YOU. That’s why I can finally see the light at the tunnel, it’s Jesus calling me home. God bless you all, amen. 🙏🏼🩷🩵💜

Hi all. I posted on here last night but please bear with me as this is going to be long. I really need some advice. I’m 24 years old and I’ve never had any history of severe mental health issues or violent tendencies. Minor harm ocd through out the years, and anxiety, but nothing severe. I’ve had my pup for many years at this point and never had any desire to harm her in any way - in fact, I’ve spent many nights crying into her fur at the thought that someday she won’t be with me anymore and valuing/cherishing her like my child. Then two months ago I got hit with a sore throat and triggered by a tv show on the same day. My minor harm OCD turned into severe violent images, thoughts, feelings, you name it - against my pup. When it started it was usually knives, and it always came with a feeling of “omg I would never do that!” anxiety and compulsions to make sure, etc. I started therapy, got psych evaluations, everything, all to be told it was in fact OCD. Then, it kept going and going and going - through ERP, through RP messages; nothing helped, and it came down to where we are now. I have constant, severely violent feelings and thoughts. Stuff I don’t even like to mention. I know they say don’t focus on the content, but…when the content is you cutting up your best friend or eating her, or any of the other horrific things my mind tells me to do…it’s hard not to. Constant, 24/7 “urges” or feelings staying with me that I would or want to do these things I find gross and had no desire to do. But now it makes me question that because it feels like something in me wants to. I’ll have a thought, get an “urge”, or hear a word or get triggered, and I get this sort of adrenaline drop/crushing/frozen feeling through my head and chest. It feels kind of like fear, but also at the same time like my brain is trying to fantasize about these things. Like it likes them. And I’m numb to her for the most part - I look at her and I get these weird things that she’s just body parts. That’s what I see. And why I’m getting so scared. I never cared that she had that and now it feels like I would just do something to her because of it. Whenever I’m around her, it feels like this strange aversion to her, like I can’t get close to her without seeing her insides. I get images of basically her guts. Or her heart, etc. It’s like I’m freaked out that she’s a living creature. And at the same time, the harm thoughts are so brutal that they make me cry, but I still feel like I’d do them. It also gives me weird sensations when I think about losing her like I’d want to? It’s like opposite feelings to everything I’ve ever wanted. I have no hope left that this will ever leave or I’ll get better or be able to keep my dog. The harm thoughts are SO much more violent than anything I’ve ever seen anyone describe. Is there any hope for me? Should I just give my pup to someone else? Is this typical harm ocd or am I a dangerous psycho?

I dont even know how to explain myself. Im 20 and I’ve never been in a relationship and one day i want to fall in love and be with someone. I really desire that and i want to love someone and i also wish i was a mother one day. The thing is, i always obsess about the thoughts of relationships. When i have a guy on my mind i always need to google stuff like “Signs you are in love” or “Signs you are attracted” just to know. When i think i might like someone i get these thoughts that “this is not it, you are just making things up etc.” I just feel so obsessed with it, like i always question if i can love, if i ever will be in love (i really want to), or the fact that some people at my age have a partner, slowly getting engaged or they are expecting a baby. Im scared that im just too old and nothing like that will happen to me. I just feel like urge to figure it out. Like who my partner is gonna be, if im gonna love someone. It’s hard to explain. I feel like i can not be just chill and live my life and not always focusing on these things. Then i compare myself with others and i feel like im broken because i feel like it will never happen to me. Then i even get thoughts that what if im aromantic. It also makes me anxious even though i dont think im one. Another thing is, that when this is mixed with SO-OCD its even more terrible😔 Sometimes when i have these thoughts about relationships and also so-ocd….i feel that my stomach is tight and i feel anxiety. Then i get scared that just because i think about relationships and i get tight stomach that must mean im just gay and denial and the thought about having a relationship with a men must be wrong for me, even though my natural thoughts are always with men. 😔😔 it bothers me. I feel like i will never be at peace.

I’m new here. I scheduled a call for tomorrow at 12:20 my time, and I’m nervous. I’m just tired of being this way. I’m 48 with an amazing husband and 7 kids and a grandbaby. I like to fish, laugh with my husband, tease around with my kids, love on my grandbaby, and learn to better love myself. I found this site by a pure happy accident tonight while I was searching for ways to stop dermatillomania. I’ve only struggled with that off and on over the years, but it’s particularly rough rn for no particular reason. Always a good time. I also severely struggle with arithomomania, and when the picking isn’t an issue the counting makes life extremely annoying. I’m really hoping this is useful because I’m rather desperate. If anyone has any positive stories to share I’d greatly appreciate it. TIA!

Hello everyone, I'm just now hearing about the various types of OCD. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 in 2007. I always suffered from anxiety since early childhood as I grew up in an unstable and abusive home between 2 households. I have insecurities with relationships both with family and friends. I tend to feel unworthy of love or respect which makes ppl take advantage of my efforts to make friends or ask for help. I wasn't shown much respect as a child which explains a lot of my symptoms of anxiety and depression. I feel like I was punished and blamed for not reporting my abuser as a child which haunts me to this day 50 yrs later.

Is it ocd or is it denial I don't get what ifs and I wasn't diagnosed with ocd I went to the pych twice and part me just doesn't want to be tru that I'm might be a p and using ocd just for me not to believe it. Im going to go again and if they say I am a p I'm going to end it because that's a scary thought and I'm also worried about my relationship with my boyfriend he is 6 years younger then me and I'm 27 and he's 21 I met him when he was 19 turning 20 and I was 25 turning 26. I'm tired and I don't want sympathy I just needed to type this out it's been getting on my nerves a lot and I think everyday of breaking up with him fear of judgement. He does act very immature I don't know what do with my life myself and the people around me and making friends is not my cup of tea everytime im around new people I feel like I'm hiding a big secret and I don't want to get close to anyone and just makes me feel bitter because people just be normal and not have these intrusive thoughts pop up and lm like why me why why me. And I just push everyone away I can't stand myself either I'm fat and eating is what really what makes me happy no one knows what I go through and I can't talk about it I'm afraid of getting shunned or that I won't get better and actually seek help that I know I need I've feel like I have no control over my life I'm 27 no job I don't have my own place my sisters are doing better then me I probably sound selfish I want to get better and it if is just ocd it would be a sigh of relief and I can work through my issues. I have more I want to say but this part of my truth

I dont know is this is sign of me being a lesbian or what but I feel like i can’t talk with my girl friends about guys. When i was young i used to, it was fun, talking about those things and talking about sex when we were pre-teens. But now I’m 20 and i feel like that im just not that boy crazy as other girls and i feel like im just left out of the conversation. When im alone and i do feel normal and my ocd is not spiraling i notice guys and i do have fantasies. I just feel a bit broken when i talk about guys with my girl friends. But i dont think im a lesbian. Sometimes i just know I’m not. But i’ve read many stories like “I realized I was a lesbian when all my girl friends were talking about guys and i couldnt relate”. 😔😔 Maybe this is all because of HOCD because i have it since 14.

Make you feel like you actually do? I’ve always checked my feelings to try and find my “real” ones and now…when I check, my brain runs away with the thought and makes me feel like I’d actually enjoy hurting my dog. Please help.

I had a lot of mental stamina before my OCD got severe and I often compare my current state of being to who I was. I especially do this with the recovery I experienced 2 years into ERP. I thought I'd never have to face that terrible suffering again. A lot happened last year and my OCD blew up in my face. It's been difficult, but in a different way than I experienced when first going through OCD. Rather than being moved by desperation to recover, I became apathetic, which scared me even more. But here's what I've learned for myself about recovery apathy and I hope someone finds this helpful, too, because I haven't heard many people really talking about it. - My apathy was actually overwhelm. I had fought hard to overcome OCD and the thought of having to go through that again triggered feelings of hopelessness. Really, in retrospect, I see that it was rooted in a desire to get out of the spiral immediately because what if this ruined all of my progress? - By expecting myself to feel better quickly, I became fixated on monitoring my internal world. I was checking every feeling and sensation I had, and using them to figure out how to escape. The more I did this, however, the more I lost touch with my actual needs and desires. - I began to feel ashamed of myself for slipping and losing myself. I kept telling myself I'd do xyz to get back on top, but either wouldn't follow through, the goals would be too big, or whatever I was aiming for was a means of neutralizing the noise, as I like to call it. When you try to neutralize OCD noise, it just gets louder. - My repeated "fails" and attempts to fix myself amplified my shame and feelings of apathy. I didn't know how to break free or sit with what I was doing to myself. I didn't even know how I was doing it. I felt like all of my OCD knowledge went out the window. - A year into it, I have started to learn that it's all the same. This is also OCD. The noise tells me that I can't get better unless I do x first, I need to pay attention to how I'm feeling to learn how to take care of myself, I need to analyze my thoughts and sort through all the uncertainty. At the core of all of these fear-statements is a little girl who feels unsafe. - I started a journal on my compulsions, opened up to people I trust, and moved towards discomfort. I feel anxious and don't know why? Huh, guess I'll color for a bit and use that as inspiration. I used to love writing but now it feels like an apathetic gridlock? I'll set a timer for 10 minutes and write creatively without editing. I'm scared of being weird at work and being so uncool I'm not well liked? Unfortunate, that's their loss because I'm pretty cool. - I work on building myself up instead of analyzing thoughts about whether or not I'm worthy or loveable. I reconnect to things I loved as a kid. I invite my body to relax instead of forcing it to because I choose to honor how afraid it is after being through so much stress and turmoil. I hug myself and imagine hugging that little girl, and I remind myself that I never need permission to be loved. I go to my fiance when I feel trapped or alone, and when he isn't around, I utilize empty chair exercises where I have an open discussion between myself and those lonely parts of me. - Essentially, I realize that acceptance comes from befriending and normalizing our experiences. Just because others don't understand or don't like us doesn't mean we must feel that way about ourselves. What we experience is just as valid as what anyone else goes through and we don't always like or understand them, yet they treat themselves well. Shame tells us we can't be kind to ourselves, rather we must fix something that's wrong in us. I've learned that the true exposure is to soothe the shame with as many tears, hugs, and hobbies as it takes.

I think i always get some slight attachment for older women. I just always admired them, mostly authorities or i just simply admired them as a older women as a mothers or idk. When i was in high school i had this favorite teacher. She taught me for 7 years. I always felt that we might be somehow connected or that she will help me somehow in the future. When I was in my last year of high school she noticed me that i struggle with mental health, she was always there for me, she even hugged me and reassured me and ive always felt safe in her presence. I was always happy to see her and i think i might make some excuses to just see her and talk with her. So i think i got attached to her. The truth was, that we actually were somehow connected and she also brought be closer to God and she inspired me to become a teacher in the future. Everytime when we had to meet after school i was a bit nervous and sometimes i even wanted to look pretty because i knew that she will give me a compliment. I even said that I love her as my second mother. Sometimes i even thought of her as my mother. When she wasnt responding to my email or a message i strated to panic that i might did something wrong. When i started study my teaching major I even practiced with her at school and i didnt want to disappoint her so i tried to be perfect. Anyway, i have never had sexual or romantic scenerios with her. The only scenarios i had in my mind with her were those that I imagined her as my mother or how she huggs me and comforting me when something bad happens. I used to cry many times when i was thinking about her and I was thanking God that He send me a person like her. I’ve never had butterflies in my stomach around her. I’ve never been aroused in her presence. I’ve never had sexual fantasies with her. But i do get thoughts and doubts that “What if u flirted with her? What if u were secretly into her? What if u have crush on her? What if you love her romantically? What if she is your lesbian awakening?” It bothers me and makes me sad😔 She even kissed me once on my hairs, once on my cheek and I’ve never felt any butterflies or never felt in love and after that happened I wasnt even panicking because i knew it doesnt mean anything and that she only cares for me and nothing else. But im just scared that this is also one of my proofs that I’m a lesbian😔 People told me that this has nothing to do with my sexuality and this actually might mean that im just looking for a mother (i do have a good relationship with my mom so idk why this happens, but i sometimes feel like my mom she is more like a friend and not as a mother who understands my needs and feelings). Anyway, i somehow feel like this doesnt make sense and if i would be in love with this teacher then I would know it. I feel like its bullshit but i cant get over the fact that some lesbians actually had their lesbian awakening when they had a crush on a teacher even though i dont think what i experienced was a crush. 😔

Hi all! I have posted about this before and still not sure about what to do. I am struggling with the question of whether or not I should tell my partner (getting married this week) about the fact that I have OCD and my past experiences with it. And if so how? On the one hand, I think it would be good for them to know that I have this issue (to know me better, and basically strengthen our bond), but on the other hand, I am not sure about how they would react to hearing some of the past manifestations of OCD that I suffered with (mainly POCD and other sexual OCD - about 10 years ago now). My OCD today is mostly checking things around the house to make sure everything is safe - a more “plain” and “non-threatening” (to people without OCD) kind of OCD that wouldn’t be too challenging to discuss. I guess I want to share my experience but wondering if it makes sense to if I am going to leave out the more challenging (but also what has been for me the most impactful) stuff out. And of course keeping that stuff in the disclosure would carry risks as well. Looking online for expert opinions on this is a bit inconclusive. Expert opinions range from “don’t do it, it’s reassurance and these thoughts are meaningless and don’t define you”, through “you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to but it can be helpful”, to “you should probably do it, but maybe don’t share everything”. Any thoughts from anyone who has gone through this? Thanks!

Does anyone else brain convince them that there gonna commit the act of there intrusive thought ? Like I’m scared that I’ll actually do it .. Litterally had the intrusive thought about doing something and my brain made me think that I was actually gonna do it