Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I just recently turned 51 and take medication for ocd but STILLhave major issues--i need some hope--🥰

I know I was here earlier on with a question as well lol but has anyone ever found that when a new false memory takes its place at the forefront of your mind, it's almost easier to disregard the old false memories and say "Yeah that stuff didn't actually happen that way". It feels like OCD giving you a little reward for letting it place a new, shinier false memory in your head. Anyone experience the same thing? Maybe I've asked a similar question before.

tw// 18+ please help Mention of self intimacy ok so during self intimacy time, there’s this memory of when I was intimate with a friend of mine. I get off / fantasize about it but what makes me feel weird is it happened when me and the other person was a child. i obviously do not try to picture children and sometimes there’s no faces or it’s the face of how the person looks now. but then it makes me feel weird since the memory we were both children at the time. and then sometimes images of how they look as a child come in my head and my brain is like “do you like that or are u attracted to that” but i end up just like cringing or shaking my head and continue thinking about it how i originally was. idk if it’s wrong to fantasize about that since we were both children. ive fantasized about this memory multiple times without issue but it seems to be an issue now.

I don’t know what I can do. I guess this is more of a depression thing than OCD but who knows. I have been battling this ongoing war within myself for years now and it’s been affecting my academic performance. situation of mine right now: I haven’t done a lot of work for my classes this month and I feel like I’m going to fail the semester again. I don’t know what it is but I can never seem to begin any work. I know I am capable but why can’t I get myself to start? why has this been going on for so long? I don’t understand. I have a history of good grades back in high school before I turned 17. I don’t even know how to describe it. it’s like I’ve been paralyzed and cannot do any work. but I can somehow do offside tasks like pinterest boards or random youtube videos. if I get rid of those, what do I do? I end up sleeping. because I’m tired. I have a low vitamin D deficiency & have been trying to get energy. I’m at a loss. I also bought unnecessary stuff on sunday when I went out with my family. I bought some things for the kids and I ended up buying myself a dress and a few accessories. now I have to work extra to gain that money back doing uber eats because I need it asap. it’s like I don’t want to work, for now. my coworkers who are around my age don’t work as much & I think to myself, “wow, they must be getting in the work done” meanwhile I’m working 3 days a week (which isn’t much) and attending school. I feel like if I change my schedule again, I’ll ruin it for the rest of my driver coworkers. I’m in a lead position at work so having to put on a mask is quite tiring. there’s so much I want to say that I don’t think it will fit in this post. I have booked a mental health session with a school counselor. all I want at the moment is to have my own place and be in a better mental state to take care of my cats. they mean a lot to me but this stupid ass undiagnosed mental issue is getting in the way. sorry for the long rant. I am tired.

I feel so numb. I’m having awful intrusive thoughts TERRIBLE and I don’t care. I’m even replying to them in a way that concerns me honestly, it doesn’t feel like intentional sarcasm. It feels like I genuinely don’t have morals right now and even saying that, barely care. I’m so irritated by everything. I feel anger and just closed off. I’m so tired, I just want to zone out. I feel so UGH.

I don’t know if it’s worth it to keep going. I have so many diagnoses, so little support, and constant struggles with finding the right medication. My immune system is weak, I have multiple deficiencies, and I’m dealing with so many physical health problems on top of severe OCD. It’s just too much. On top of everything, my family treats me so not okay. Every single day is a fight just to keep going—to wake up, to eat, to take care of myself even a little. I’ve lost over ten pounds in the last two weeks from how depressed I’ve been. And instead of support, all I get is blame. My family constantly throws my struggles in my face, calling me selfish, as if I’m choosing this. I am trying so hard to push past all of this. But after five long months of severe OCD, anxiety, depression, panic disorder, and everything else making life unbearable, I am exhausted. And to be called lazy? Selfish? *Worthless*? How am I supposed to keep going when the people around me refuse to see how hard I’m trying? I don’t want this anymore. None of this suffering feels worth it. What am I fighting for just to be treated this way by my own family? To be yelled at for the look on my face, when my face reflects nothing but the stress, panic, and despair I’m drowning in? Am I still supposed to smile for them? This isn’t fair. No one should have to live like this. I don’t deserve to be treated this way, I’m really trying to keep going, but I just want everything to end.

Hi, I’m new to this app and newly diagnosed. Question for you all, What things did you normalize and do without a second thought that when diagnosed, you realized was actually your OCD? Mine was how concerned with germs I am. I hold my breath when I open a door so the rush of wind doesn’t infect my lungs from whatever is in the room. I thought everyone was really careful and concerned like me. But Ive learned it’s not normal the lengths I go to. What was yours?

Is it possible to have a huge fear of OCD itself? (OCD about OCD) I’m scared that I’m not perfect and that I’ll go crazy or something like that, that i won’t achieve the life that i want, that im weird bcs of ocd, what other people will think bcs of my ocd, that i will feel like this forever... I try to reassure myself that I don’t have it, but I just want to cry. Everything related to OCD triggers me, and I know these things are also signs of OCD. Is this normal for OCD? Maybe I just need to accept it, I don’t know. I think about this 24/7—some days are better, and I kind of feel like I don’t have OCD, but it always comes back when something triggers me. I also keep asking my parents if they’re sure I don’t have OCD. They tell me I don’t, but it doesn’t help because I know they don’t really understand OCD. So, it’s basically just another obsession, but about OCD. Has anyone dealt with this? I’ve never heard anyone talk about this, so I’m not sure if it’s even a thing.

This isn't forever, and I'm trying to stay positive, but I'm so uncomfortable in my own body. I can't stop hyperfocusing on every little sensation I experience, especially when I have intrusive thoughts. I can't stop holding my my breath or tensing up when I experience them. I know it's a compulsion, but I genuinely feel so unsettled. The physical sensations of anxiety aren't really there. Like, I'm not nauseous, but I just feel... off. I hate my mind, I hate these thoughts. Like, I wish OCD didn't attack every single thing in my life. I'm feeling really gross right now. I haven't been able to cry in so, so long. It's probably due to my meds, but I miss having that emotional release... Just a mini vent. I've been really struggling against the urges to confess/seek reassurance. One more week until my next psychiatrist appointment, but I'm just really frustrated with my brain right now.

I feel guilty for sometimes wishing that bad things weren’t bad. It’s such an OCD-driven thought process—if they weren’t bad, I wouldn’t have to fear them. It’s like wishing morality didn’t exist, just so everything would be acceptable. But then I feel guilty for even thinking that. I don’t think I actually want that, I just want this to be easier. The bad things—violence, pedophilia, incest—need to stay bad. But I’m scared. Scared that my anxiety is the only thing stopping me from doing something terrible. Scared that I don’t actually have morals, just a fear of social judgment. If there were no consequences, no stigma, would I lose control? Would I become someone awful? Do I fear *being* a bad person, or just *being seen* as one? Today was an easier day, but still a hard one.

I’ve been feeling a bit stressed lately because my intrusive thoughts aren’t causing as much anxiety as they used to. It almost feels like I’m becoming a little numb to them, and because of that, I’m able to engage with them a bit longer. I don’t feel the usual rush of anxiety to pull away, and in some strange way, I even find myself focusing on them for a few seconds, like I’m actively thinking about them. It’s really stressing me out because I feel like by not feeling that immediate discomfort or anxiety, I’m letting the thoughts stay longer or giving them more power. I feel like part of me almost wants them to be there, and I don’t know if that’s a bad sign? They don’t even feel intrusive. Has anyone else experienced this? I’m just worried that the lack of anxiety is the reason I’m interacting more with these thoughts that would normal scare me. I feel guilt about it later. I am currently withdrawing from medication so that may contribute to this but it’s not the first time I experience this :/

Am I the only one who experiences this, or is it more common than I think? Sometimes, I find myself imagining what a couple’s sex life might look like, or what a person’s body might be like. I think it’s driven by curiosity, and I focus on it for a few seconds. When it comes to family members, teenagers, or anyone I feel uncomfortable imagining in this way, I used to be able to shake it off as an intrusive thought. But lately, I can’t seem to let go of it anymore. I’ve become used to the anxiety, but I’m stuck questioning what this means about me, especially since I’ve taken time to think about it. This is really stressing me out because I feel like a pervert. I’m hoping that this is something more common than I realize and that OCD is just distorting something. I feel like I really need some insight here. Any advice?

Sometimes, when I see people in videos, photos, or in person, I intentionally imagine them naked. I’m really freaking out about it and don’t fully understand why I do it. It doesn’t always feel intrusive, sometimes it feels like I’m just taking the time to visualize it, which scares me even more. Can anyone explain what might be happening? Is this just natural curiosity, or something else? I feel really ashamed and don’t know how to handle it. I’m scare it’ll happen with children or family members. Maybe that would be a compulsion at that point but I’m scared

some days I wake up with so much dread and guilt. It makes it so hard to keep going. I open my eyes and I’m hit with a wave of nausea and terror. I feel ashamed of my compulsions and my OCD. I feel like a monster for my checking compulsions. For momentarily sexualizing things that shouldn’t be sexualized out of anxiety. I’m ashamed of a lot that I give into because of anxiety. Confessing things that are meaningless to my boyfriend. I feel so awful and unworthy of existing and of love. I feel hopeless I don’t want to keep pushing, the more I push the more meta my OCD becomes and the more guilt I feel for this mental illness. The more confusing it becomes to do ERP. If compulsions are a choice, they feel like life or death and it’s driving me insane, I beat myself up so badly over them I’m scared of compulsions, I’m scared of thoughts, I’m scared to be awake, I’m even scared of sleeping because my intrusions and compulsions haunt me there too. I spend my dreams trying to explain or justify my OCD and compulsions to people. I’m exhausted, I want this to stop so badly. My severe OCD isn’t feeling any less severe and it’s been months. I don’t want to keep questioning my every move but I’m so hyperaware of everything I do. I’m so tired. Some days I don’t even have tears to cry with. I’m just so full of despair and shame

I posted recently on this app about my false attraction Someone told me to stop obsessing and you'll know whether they're really false..! it triggered me But when i tried to calm down and asked myself am I really attracted to girls i heard a voice YES..😓 Like i havent been professionally diagnosed with hocd And also im too young they say im just exploring.. but how??I've always been interested boysand i ve always had supportive background but i dont want to am into coming out process? Im going crazy now, cant feel anyting almost out of breaths...

There’s something that happens that keeps me stuck in a thought, it’s when I can see some part of myself agreeing with or relating to it in some way. That’s when the doubt creeps in. If I can understand *why* the thought is there, doesn’t that mean it’s not just random? Doesn’t that mean it actually reflects something about me? For example **(TMI/TW)**: I had the thought, *“I wonder what other people’s kinks are (including friends, family, even teenagers).”* And then I caught myself thinking, *“Well, I guess that could be interesting information… maybe I wouldn’t even stop someone from sharing it with me. Does that mean I actually want to know? Wait—does that make me perverted or incestuous for even having this curiosity?”* The same thing has happened with other thoughts, like wondering what someone’s privates might look like. I recognize that, on some level, that could be interesting—but does that mean the thought is truly mine? Maybe the answer is super obvious and I just can’t see through my OCD smoke. This was a bit embarrassing for me to write 🥲, but can anyone provide some insight?

The whole hip movement compulsion thing got worse. My dog was cuddling with me and I started to move my hips. I think I was checking to see if it felt wrong. I basically humped my dog, I feel so much guilt. But I keep doing it and I don’t understand why. Please help

I just remembered thoughts of my childhood where I was shut down by my peers when I tried to do something but did it incorrectly. I remember it bothering me a lot, and I remember voicing my frustration for not liking how the majority of my peers harshly rejected my answer. I remember saying out loud "Well, I'm trying" to them. This was super early in elementary school. Other times where I remember being shut down badly was with people that didn't really care about what I had to say about certain things or just not fitting in with people because my interests were so different from theirs. To this day, I still find that this happens as an adult now. This mostly happens with music. I primarily listen to music from video games and while that was never something that bothered me, what did bother me is what others may think of it. I'm always focusing on what others think about the things that I do. I'm always trying to prepare myself for that negative criticism, but even when it does hypothetically show itself, I still find myself unable to take it well. I'm starting to think this is where my lack of confidence comes from. It's mainly showing itself to the idea of dating, which I have no experience with. I'm always worried that I'm going to mess something up, which would also mean hurting someone if I do mess up a relationship, but I also don't think I'm ever fully ready or capable of a relationship because of the fear of getting things wrong, even though in life, we make mistakes in order to learn. I guess this is where my idea of perfectionism also comes from. Well, now I know where my social anxiety and my performance anxiety comes from. I've been working on improving my self esteem as much as I can, but sometimes I feel stuck on it. Any other adults that somehow relate to this?

I’m not sure if this is something normal my OCD has latched onto or if it’s related to ROCD, but sometimes I feel embarrassed about my boyfriend, and I feel awful about it. I feel self conscious of not just myself but of my bf :( The only thing I’m sure about is it doesn’t feel good and it’s usually followed by guilt. And I wish I didn’t feel this way I had a panic attack mostly because of these feelings and also because I realized I’ve never really loved my boyfriend’s name. **I know that’s exactly the thing OCD would focus on 🙂** but it spiraled into thinking about the names of guys and friends. I realized I like some of their names more than my boyfriend’s. That sent me straight into hyperventilating. I know both of these things probably seem ridiculous, but I’m still trying my best. As a small success, I haven’t confessed any of this to my boyfriend 🎉—mostly because I was in the shower (which felt like progress in itself, as my depression has been really bad and my panic debilitating, so taking care of myself felt like a win). After I got out of the shower, my boyfriend was asleep, but I did wake him up but I still didn’t allow myself to confess 🥹. I know I’ll probably end up confessing later, but for now, I’m proud of myself for delaying it. I’m wondering if anyone relates but at the same time I kinda really wanted to share this small sucess :)

I am really freaking out. My OCD has developed into some weird things where it’s mostly my imagination and me moving. I got the thought earlier that if I thrust my hips, or move them, let it be to the thought of a child/family being in front of me, cuddling with them. I thought that was ridiculous and obviously no matter what I imagine, NOT REAL. So I did that a bunch of times in an effort to prove to myself that it was ridiculous. I don’t know what to do, because now, a few hours later, I feel horrified. I keep doing it. I don’t think I’m checking anything, I think I’m more so desperate to get rid of this fear and ridiculousness. Can someone please help me?