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the NOCD Community

how do you accept uncertainty I find it impossible and so distressing? It’s ruining my life😔

Has anyone on here have experience with being in a relationship or friendship with a narcissist? Just got out of a relationship with a guy that was emotionally abusive and pretty heartless. Im studying Narcissistic Personality disorder and was wondering if anyone has any experience. He has heightened my OCD a ton in the form of perfectionism OCD because he acted like I was the most imperfect person in the world. Working through it though with ERP

so i used to not give into the compulsions because my therapist told me it would relieve me more then being subject to doing it. I started having these meltdowns and get angry and have an episode, eventually i just gave into my compulsions and tweaking every little thing. I find its so comforting and helps me forget about what im stressing about. Since ive gave in i havent had any episodes, my anger seems to have resided. I’ve also had less intrusive/impulsive thoughts. I dont know really what to do because i find myself giving into them more and more everyday but at the same time im not really upset about it. ??

If I think all things done wrong are personal failures for erp are they going to make me do personal failures?

Hey everyone. Does anyone else struggle with wanting to do things “perfectly”? I always want things to be done a certain way, and if I feel as though I’ve made a mistake, or “messed up” I have the urge to start over. How can I overcome this feeling? Thanks for reading.

Ive spent my entire high school time avoiding EVERYTHING. At the school i was in, i could get out of things pretty easily jsut by not going or crying in front of teachers. (No i didnt make myself cry i genuinely did that a lot) anyway on purpose or not, i got out of stuff. Now im doing online school and none of the teachers know me or anything about me so im failing two classes and barely passing the rest. Now that i cant avoid it im so stressed. i have NEVER been stressed about grades. HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH IT?? I try to relax, i fall asleep or forget and then the next day I have an F and am getting lectured. I dont take time to relax and i cant sleep which means i cant focus. According to my step mom i have to spend 15 hours a day working on school. Is that normal?? I have never seen this side of myself before the side that had to have his computer pried out of his hands so he will sleep instead of work or who has to be reminded to take a break instead of reminded to get out of bed. I went from 0-100 and its driving me CRAZY. HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THIS?

Hello people. I have the following problem: I always ruminate how to connect a fuse ( I am am electrician) and I decided how to do it and stay with it and I know that it's right. (It doesn't matter wich way) I watched a video of an electrician and he did it a different way and that triggered me massively. My normal compulsions in the past would be to Google it how to do it right and "forget" it after a while and do it all over again. Now I haven't done that but I had two compulsions: 1. Ruminate wether to look up how to do it or not, without actually doing it 2. Just being distracted while watching the video. I am not actively thinking about it but it's like it all happens in the background and it's still a problem, cause I can't focus while it happens. So my question is, how to stop or what to do about the second point?

Everyday I wake up and I work hard to figure out how I can become a better version of myself, as if myself at this point in time and anything before this was a “worse” version of myself. I didn’t realize this was ocd until I was diagnosed but ever since I was young, I have never felt ok with who I am and it’s the reason why I even persue my dream so ruthlessly, Making music is my passion but ocd completely ruins it for me. Does anyone else feel like their ego is shattered or that they are stuck in their own head and can’t see through their own eyes?

I’ve been struggling the past year with my OCD. I left work for a bit to go to an outpatient program. But I’ve been fighting myself for a promotion. Everytime I turn around I end up “messing something up” or forgetting how something is done. In return get a talk from my supervisor that I am not near a promotion because I’m still not getting to where I need to be. Recently just this week, I was assigned a task I did a bunch of times and literally looked at it like what is this. My brain just forgets how something’s works and 2 years into a job I’m still referring to how to process docs.. I’ve been more forgetful and can’t concentrate on anything. People say something at work and I’m like what just happened. I started ERP therapy just a couple months ago and someone said it gets worse before it gets better. I honestly just wanna quit and take time for myself. The stress of trying to make a living and pay bills is driving me to a place where I’m becoming so unstable. I’m putting so much pressure on myself to be better at work when getting out of bed, taking meds and showering is still a job to me. Has anyone else just struggled with expectations of life. And you wanna just be left alone. I’d love to work part time or something but with todays costs I couldn’t make it. Is this all OCD related or even depression? I don’t feel I was this forgetful or that I “sucked at my job” in my words. It makes me feel incapable of doing any type of job because I’ll probably “mess it up”

Hello! I recovered from my severe religious themed OCD about 3 years ago. I thought my OCD had went away but I'm starting to think it's still impacting my life. Or maybe I just have high anxiety now. I have been told I'm a perfectionist and I have a huge fear that I'm not always "living correctly" which causes me to intensely compare myself to others and other things. This fear got so bad last august that I got into a relationship with an emotionally abusive person just because I thought I was falling behind. He was my first boyfriend and now I'm dealing with the affects of this. Im a baton twirler and although I'm getting better with exposure therapy.. I have anxiety attacks when I don't perform or practice perfectly. Where I can't even twirl in front of my mom right now without just shutting down and panicking because I somehow think she's judging me harshly when she's not at all. I also avoid doing assignments in school or asking questions because I have a huge fear of being considered slow or getting a bad grade. But this also makes my grades worse so it's a terrible endless cycle. I'm out of the relationship and I'm starting to take care of myself but I'm just kind of rusty on OCD knowledge and I'm trying to figure out if these are just new obsessions or if I'm just a perfectionist. Ever since I was little I've had this cronic fear of missing out or not feeling perfect for myself or others. And failure makes me flip the fuck out.

I cut someone off in the middle of what they were saying because at the last minute I knew what they were talking about. I apologized for this and how I worded what I said, and they didn't really acknowledge it but they don't seem mad at me. I feel like a really shitty person though. This is something I want to stop doing through text

'Just right' OCD is an OCD theme that tends to revolve around feelings of 'completeness' and things feeling 'just right'. With just right OCD, you might not experience intrusive, unwanted thoughts. Instead you may just feel like you can't concentrate or move on without making things feel 'right' or 'complete'. Others may still experience these thoughts and have feared consequences to not engaging with the compulsion. The compulsions often present as redoing tasks over and over again, or doing things very slowly due to wanting things to be perfect, symmetrical, or feel right. Have you ever experienced this?

Hello all! I'm in the process of learning more about my OCD and I've been growing my relationship with God. Recently, I've experienced a huge roadblock to what I would like to do in future-- and that has led to significant doubt in myself and God. To be honest, I believe this stems from my perfectionism and wanting to be in control. I'm a bit conflicted because I want to believe and trust in God, but I have doubts and I'm scared of making mistakes. Has anyone else experienced this? If so, what did you do to continue grow your trust and faith in God?

I put too much on my plate. Im working full time night shift, a full time hybrid student, and doing clinical rotations all in the midst of buying a house and adding a third to my long term relationship. i thought i could handle it. i thought that if i wanted this enough that i could make it work but now i feel like my brain is on fire. Working nights has me so paranoid that i have to count my steps out 1-2-3-4 and sometimes feel completely glued to my seat counting 1-2-3-4 over and over to get the feeling of dread to go away. I am constantly ruminating and reassurance seeking to the point of breaking down every time i’m alone. My brain is full of all of the what-ifs so full that it’s hard to sleep. I had my first appointment with a specialist but due to everything going on, i fell asleep while waiting for the appointment to start (Telehealth) Before all of this started my OCD was just the counting steps and bouts of contamination fears and over cleaning but now im questioning my life over and over to point of pointlessness and its driving me insane. i cant do this. i will because i know i have to and it will be over soon but im so scared and i dont know how i can come out of all of this okay and intact with the people i love still around me. i hate who i have become.

Hi! I have a really hard time traveling. I feel like everything is dirty or can never be cleaned enough. Fabric Furniture is the worst for me! I much rather stay home and relax than travel. The problem is that my family loves to travel. They feel like I can never live a normal life because of uncomfortable I am in hotels or rental houses. I normally try and bring as much of my own stuff as I can but sometimes I still cannot relax. I end up ruminating on all the things that need to be cleaned in the room. Which leads to a fight with my family because they see it as perfectionism. We are currently on a trip and the rental house is not as brand new in the pictures. The pictures are your typical ones where they do make it look better than it is. Some of the furniture is different than the pictures and the walls are all scuffed up. Is it wrong to expect it to be pretty much what is pictured? Does anyone have any tips to try to not fixate on how dirty traveling can be? Or explaining to others how it affects you without seeming like you are complaining?

Therapy be the cause of my ocd and desire for perfectionism? So I have posted a lot of questions on here since I've been a member but this is probably the biggest question I have asked To be as brief as I can be about this prior to me starting talking therapy at the start of 2020 I was a very functional person who went to the gym 4-5 days per week and went to work. The only flaw that I felt I really had was that every 2-3 months I would go out drinking and get extremely drunk to the point of blacking out. I wouldnt touch a single alcoholic drink for 2-3 months but then I would go crazy for 1 or sometimes 2 nights but then go back to not a single drink for 2-3 months. This prompted my mother to start suggesting to me that I have some talk therapy and there were a few occasions that she told me quite angrily that I had to go to counselling. I felt like this was an over reaction and I need to add here that even though I got very drunk I never hurt anyone or anything like that I remember those moments I felt very attacked and judged especially as my mother is also someone who occasionally gets black out drunk. Eventually after a few years of being told every few months that I should have some counselling I gave in but I seriously feel that this set off a perfectionism drive in me and was a big cause in my ocd. I think drinking he way that I did probably was a coping mechanism of some sort but I don't feel like it effected my life negatively enough for me to do something about it because I never did it regularly enough Basically before agreeing to talk therapy I was functional, going to work and mostly happy without any ruminations or compulsions Since going to talk therapy at the start of 2020 I'm non functional, haven't worked for 4 years now, have Preety much stopped exercising and my whole day is spent ruminating and doing compulsions

I don’t know what to say. I feel a bit lost to be honest with my thoughts. They feel so real, they actually hurt so much. Why do I find myself comparing to my boyfriends and my friends? I’m not them, they got nothing to deal with me. It’s just that I feel the need to prove I have it worse, and to do that is to partake in actual harm. I have been feeling really low lately, honestly I feel like I’m losing it. It’s a scary feelings to think unaliving myself may be an option for me but I don’t want to do that. In all the hardships in life, there is so good in there. I have my boyfriend , I got good grades, I have a good home life I guess, I have friends and other amazing things too. It sad to say but I kinda need some comfort to know I’ll be fine. I feel like I’m at the end of my ropes right now. When people tell me their struggles I compare them to my own. When people give me advice, I overthink it. When I have something hope it gets torn apart. My heart hurts a lot. I feel like even if I do pass I’ll just be another number, like a casualty and no one would care. But that’s not true, people do care about me enough that they want me to live. I’m just so tired of feeling this way. I need help. But I feel like I don’t? God fucking damn it leave me the hell alone. I didn’t do nothing at all. I’m a good person I have morals and I have everything that is fit for me. But why go for everything I care about huh? Let me heal in peace. I can’t even pick up a fucking pencil with other thinking about whenever I could draw good, or even take a breather. it’s disabling its fucked and it’s hurts. Leave me alone. I’m too young to bear this pain. Living isn’t supposed to be a chore. It supposed to be something to look toward to the happy things in life. I fear I’d slip one day and do something awful to myself. It takes more than two painkiller to kill you right? I won’t do anything bad. Maybe I shouldn’t consider this though. I feel like I’ve reach pure insanity with my mental health. Maybe I am depressed or something. God I need help. But why do people try to even help me? Why do they care? I feel myself switching. I’m trying my best to not believe anything my thoughts are telling me. I feel so awful to the point I feel happy. What type of sick shit is this? I do care. But at the same time I feel nothing. This is terrifying and torturous. Please help me. What is this?

I get paranoid a lot because of the feeling of being alone. I’m constantly talking to Jesus and listen to sermons and read Bible verses to help me. Due to health issues and body limitations I’m not able to clean the way I used to. Now that I have a home health aide, I’m having to adapt to someone touching my things and putting them different. I am finding myself getting annoyed with her, but I haven’t said anything. How do I deal with this?

I’m a college student and I’m experiencing extreme burnout. I have so many assignments and exams piling up, but I just can’t get myself to start any of them. I am an extreme perfectionist and I have very high anxiety and this makes starting tasks related to school very difficult. I ended up wasting my entire spring break thinking about all the assignments I have to do. It is the last day of break and I have done nothing yet!!!! I’m so stressed out, I don’t know what to do. Why can I never start things when I want to. I always have to think about a task for an excessive amount of time before actually starting it.

My therapist reminded me to have more compassion with myself. That resonates in my head right now. We acknowledge all the triggers and negative thoughts...I forgot about the positive and beautiful things that's have also happened at places that trigger me. When we set unrealistic goals for ourselves, then we trigger the rush of negative thoughts. Do you give yourself the compassion you should?