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I have compulsions I did 10 years ago because of my pocd that still haunt me today. How do I forgive myself and move on?

Hello, does anyone have any advice on trying to stop doing rituals? My top ones have a lot to do with counting and anxiety over certain things. •the main one that bothers me SOO much is my bedtime alarm routine. I set all my alarms and then turn my ringer on and off 6 times. Then proceed to make sure my charger is plugged in twice. Then open and close my phone 3-5 times checking that my alarm is set. Once I put my phone down I checking the outlet one more time and the alarm one more time. •when I close at work I have to check the air is off at least twice. Then check the candle is out even though we never light it. After I look the door I pull on it 5 times These are just some examples. can someone please help on how to stop or at least lessen these!!??

I really struggle with feeling guilty about enjoying things, just because of my moral ocd. and everytime it happens I get so depressed. I got triggered twice today. I was watching a video earlier today and the person kept insulting my favorite band and I clicked off and cried because my OCD was telling me I was a bad person for liking the band. Then a video got recommended to me titled z**philia is morally reprehensible, which just triggered my ocd into convincing me I'm one. I'm not attracted to animals at all/have no desire around them but I get bad intrusive thoughts. Especially because one of my big interests is werewolves. I've been attracted to werewolf characters before but not their wolf forms?? Just like their human self? I think their werewolf side is cool/cute but not in that way. But my ocd tells me it's still weird and I'm a z** and makes me doubt myself. Either way, it's the worst. OCD has ruined stuff so much for me that's it's stunted my ability to get connected/hyperfixated on stuff like I used to and it's really upsetting. Moral OCD is so hard. My meds didn't help it much either compared to other themes.

Hi everyone! I was recently diagnosed with OCD after realizing my anxiety wasn’t generalized and learning that compulsions aren’t always visual/physical. I’m curious what compulsions you have/had that you didn’t realize were compulsions until you were diagnosed? For example, learning about rumination, reassurance seeking, and picking at skin as compulsions has been really eye-opening to me!

Listen I know everyone is going to tell me that reassurance isn’t the key to OCD recovery and while I agree with that for my future recovery the current theme I’m going through (which I will not disclose due to personal embarrassment) is so debilitating that honestly it’s affecting my ability to function normally day to day. I can’t do anything without worrying or feeling like an awful person. Tomorrow I’m supposed to reach out to my uncle who let’s just say should be someone who could give me some advice and reassurance. Like I said before I know I’m not supposed to seek this out but I can’t live with the uncertainty anymore it’s eating me alive and I need to be able to get back to being normal again. The thing is my uncle is probably going to think I’m insane when I speak to him and I’m so embarrassed. I’m so angry at myself and god for having this disorder. How do I deal with the embarrassment of having to open up to my uncle who might think I’m a weirdo after telling him about my OCD?

To say the last few days have been rough would be an understatement. There are things on my mind that has genuinely driven me insane, and I don’t know how to deal properly. Idk how to deal with having such thoughts and/or the feelings that come with them. It feels like it’s gone way too far and all I wanna do is wipe my mind clean and just restart my life but I can’t. I’ve spent the last few days feeling like I have to accept something horrible about myself, and at times it still feels like I should. It feels so much easier to just accept my fate as some fucked up child predator than to just say it’s ocd cause that’s just too..easy and simple. It’s hard to make sense that it’s OCD cause of everything in me that’s telling me otherwise. I keep repeating how much I don’t want these things but I don’t feel that reassured and at times it just feels like I’m lying, leaving me not knowing if I really want these things. I can never just NOT think and I hate it. Anyways, I know a lot of you deal with the same things as I do (i guess) and have been here to help me and calm me down and it’s appreciated. But I am sorry that you all have to see how bad it gets. Really hoping the next few days will be easier.

I don't want to be a pedophile. I don't want to hurt minors in any way. I only tried to help this person with their OCD and nothing more. I looked through the messages and I've been nothing but helpful to this person but I let them know what made me uncomfortable and things I wouldn't do. I knew better. I knew what to do and not to do, but I still feel wrong about this. At the same time, I don't think it would be wrong if a therapist helped an underaged person with intrusive thoughts that were sexual in nature. I don't know. I just don't want to be a bad person. I haven't had a spike in anxiety like this in a long time. It hurts. It sucks. I don't know what to do right now.

ive realized throughout my entire life ive had ocd symptoms. all of my fixative rituals, things like my fear of upsetting anyone ever, always keeping internet tabs open, missing and obsessing over the same people after they left my life and never being able to feel closure, my recursive fear of everyone i love betraying me, the paranoia i have about my girlfriend, every single thing i've experienced was a result of obsessive thought patterns and rumination. i don't understand how i never hit the nail on the head earlier. i really hope this means i can finally find a way out. i'm tired of my periods of being better just being management, of never truly feeling safe, of obsessing over people who hurt me and their words. i'm tired of being haunted by ghosts and obsessing over everything that reminds me of them. i want to be able to take my phone off do not disturb. i want to love my girlfriend without being afraid. i want to feel safe around my friends. i want to not have to be obsessed with something to survive. i hope that figuring this out means there's a new path for me. i hope i can learn not to focus on my fears and doubts. i can't remember a time where i wasn't haunted by them.

Oof I’m having a hard time right now. I have a ton of OCD themes, but after 2021, my perfectionism OCD became atrocious. I got married in November 2021 and while the day was amazing, my wedding photos are honestly less stunning than I hoped. There aren’t many bridal photos of me and many are poorly lit or weirdly posed. I had gained weight over COVID and that didn’t help. The reason I started on this app is because from 2021 until summer 2023, I could not stop spending hours going through my wedding photos and other wedding photos comparing. I couldn’t stop putting my wedding photos on Reddit and asking if they were really that bad. I couldn’t stop googling what to do if you hate your wedding photos. My mood plummeted and I actually was contemplating ending my life over wedding photos. Fast forward to this year, NOCD has helped me so much. But this past weekend, my sister got married. We’ve already seen a sneak peek of her photos and they’re perfectly stunning. Like strangers are messaging me on IG to say she’s the most stunning bride they’ve ever seen. I held out my OCD for a few days and just felt happy for her, but last night my OCD and I had a complete meltdown. My OCD keeps saying “well if she could be the perfect bride, why couldn’t you?” “You failed this milestone, just like all the others.” “Maybe you missed something about your pics that actually isn’t that bad - you should look again.” “You should look up options to get your photos retaken - wait don’t because then you’ll have to admit something about your wedding was sub par.” I’m trying SO HARD to stop looking at pics and going on Reddit today, but it’s been the most hard it’s been for a year or more. I feel terrible that I’m not just celebrating my sister’s success. I feel guilty that im letting my OCD win. I know I shouldn’t seek reassurance. I could just use some general uplifting today. And maybe - did anybody else regret having a wedding because it was just something your OCD could latch onto forever? I wish we’d eloped, at this point.

Last year, I lost my dad. I completely lost it and had to be put on antipsychotics and depression meds. I’m currently on Vraylar which is supposed to help with most of my diagnoses including OCD (according to my doc). She’s been trying to get me into CBT and read a 70 dollar book (my adhd makes it hard to focus so I struggle with reading); it’s not a favorite past time of mine because of that and my dyslexia. I’ve lost my ability to drive unless my wife is with me (she’s my safe person) and same goes for leaving the house. I can’t make myself drive or leave the house without a support human. My doc says CBT therapy will help but I’m so nervous that I’m going to be stuck like this forever. I rarely drove before my dad died but I did drive and since his passing, I can’t bring myself to do it. I get so many intrusive thoughts that I’m going to kill myself or others by driving. I’ve been in 3 accidents alone in my suv and so it’s not like I shouldn’t be worried (only one accident was my fault due to not checking my blind spot for reference). I’m an extremely careful driver but I think of all the worst ways it could go bad. Has anyone else dealt with this and has CBT helped? Are you driving or doing the things you used to be able to do again? If so, how did you do it? I’m at a loss here and my wife keeps pushing me to drive but I can’t force myself to do it. I get to the front door and I can’t leave the house even with keys in hand. Sorry for the novel but this is what I’ve been dealing with for the last almost year or so.

this is gna sound like a reddit post… when i went to the psychiatrist and was told i have OCD, i was like “whatt no 😅😅” and then i went home, told my parents, and they said “yeah obviously.” so let me get this straight you let me suffer… wash my hands till my knuckles cracked, starve myself because i thought food was poison, avoid physical touch (and still have that boundary be crossed by family) because it felt dirty, NEED I GO ON??? and you just did nothing???? no intervention, no push for therapy or treatment, nothing. i had to BEG to get therapy when i was 15 because i couldn’t function as a human being with the amount of anxiety i was feeling (i didnt get diagnosed with OCD till 18) is it selfish of me to wish they had intervened?? they told me they saw the signs. they kept track of how many times i washed my hands a day, they let people know i dont like being touched… so why did i never get treatment idk im probably being dramatic

A couple years ago, I got my first DBS check done and I started worrying about whether or not it would show up as me being a criminal, I was struggling to function and eat while I waited in anticipation to find out the answer. During this time my brain brought up real and false memories that my brain used to convince me it wouldn’t be clear. Finally I got the result back and it was all fine. After this happened my brain came up with “What if when I turn 18 everything changes and I am actually a criminal” and I haven’t worried about it in a few months but recently I have been offered a job and I need another DBS check done and the uncertainty is killing me. I feel so anxious and can barely move. These memories/false memories and thoughts have come back again, just as strong as they were last time. I don’t know what to do and I feel like crying. I hate not knowing and I fear I won’t be able to continue with my life until I have the answer. I feel so guilty and like I don’t deserve anything good in life. What can I do?

I looked up “why does it feel like I feel good from intrusive thoughts?” And the AI thing said if I’m feeling good from these thoughts that means it’s not actually intrusive. Isn’t that my answer right there? I also made myself think the thoughts that have been “bothering” me to see if I’d feel anything down there or if I’d feel excitement and nothing happened. Can someone just help me understand??

Does anyone experience a high level of anxiety when they wake up. It’s almost like I’m anticipating some thought triggering me. I woke up today sweating and I just sat there in the uncomfortableness of it all and it was miserable. I’ve been doing therapy work so maybe my stress level is high and that’s causing it

Why am I not feeling disgusted, horrified and feeling sick to my stomach with these thoughts? Why am I not feeling anything? And when I do it’s all the wrong feelings towards these things? What happened to me to make me like these things? It feels like my face muscles are trying to smile, what’s wrong with me??

2 moths ago I blew up and spilled all my intrusive thoughts into my family and broke my relationship with my older sister. of my 19 years of life it has never been this bad of a relationship with my sister never and we were two peas in a pod before super duper close confiding in everything in each other and now I broke her heart, trust and reliability in me she now has to go to therapy and she has ptsd from what I said and did: I regret everything and each day I am haunted by what I did, what could have been and for not being able to regulate. I went to therapy for a year and a bit more a year ago (for anxiety, change difficulty and high functioning on autism spectrum didn’t know I had ocd at the time) which helped tremendously but then because I got better I stopped taking it seriously and did not work on my techniques and did not ask to go back to therapy. Then I blamed every life decision and intrusive thoughts onto my family and said many things I wish I did not. The conversation started and stemmed from simple topic of deciding on an invite from a friend the night before but I put on intrusive spin on it and it stated my downfall of thoughts and my indecisiveness. I talked to my sister then my whole family then proceeded the following days I still put blamed and terrible thoughts and distrust onto my family who cares and changed our dynamics entirely. I said so many hurtful things and did not heed warnings just because I couldn’t sit with my thoughts and emotions. And because I didn’t realize the consequences or feel remorse at the time even though I was warned. Now I do and god it hurts like hell on earth. I also said a bunch of things about my entire past so my sister found out every supposed truth or honest thing I said to her was not so. She really liked how honest and open I was but now she found out everything was a “lie” and that I felt/thought so many bad ways about her and my family. Complete 360* she said she feels like she doesn’t know who I am anymore and I don’t either. Now I am left picking up the pieces and am distraught with my reality I kept on repeating trying to relive the misery with talking to my family but now I realize it no good as I’ve been told repeatedly so I should stop and at least here I could release it healthily and ask if anyone has every done the same and if there is hope for putting back all the pieces again. I don’t wish anyone to have to go through the same things I did but if there is someone out there like me I could really use some home right about now. Because now I haven’t really been in touch with my sister at all for moths despite living in the same house and she put me away on her socials which she told me she would if I kept on pushing back on our relationship and now complete social media connection is practically gone and her life practically as well as she is trying to heal and protect herself from me. I am sad, I am scared, I regret. And I didn’t want to work on myself because I believe I could return to the past and change it and it will all be better again. Help and redemption I hope to gain through NOCD and now I know I have OCD from my second diagnosis from today I wish I figured all this out sooner and worked on my therapy as well. (_ _).｡o○ʕ⁎̯͡⁎ʔ༄

i've always loved kids and they bring me so much joy and light and laughter into my life, i was an infant teacher at a daycare for years before going to college. i've always wanted a family , a husband, kids, a cat (already have my baby boy kitty witty), a nice dog or two in a nice house with a job i love or to stay at home with the kids blah blah blah . now that i've been struggling with HOCD i'm terrified. i'm scared that if i have children one day i'm gonna go into psychosis and act on intrusive thoughts which i would never ever ever ever do but it's a scary feeling . it has made my whole view on my future change so drastically. im scared of having kids now even tho it was my dream for so long. when i was a kid if anybody asked what i wanted to be when i grew up i would say "a mommy" . it's just kind of annoying. anyone else struggling with this ?

Pleaseeeee Lord make this stop

I'm at a point where I just want the thoughts that tell me I'm not a good person to stop. I just want to tell them yes I did these things and I'm not proud of these things even if I thought at the time they were right, and just leave it at that for good. All I want is to just be able to think positively of myself again and not get stuck in anxiety loops all day everyday. There's things I need to practice saying to myself but they can be so hard to do, especially when the intrusive thoughts feel 100% correct.

Went to a smoothie shop for my ERP today. I expected it to go well. But the noise was too much 😞it took me like 30 minutes to reach a calm-ish state. But even being back at home now my intrusive thoughts are so loud and I feel discouraged and very panicky and fearful. I’m so disappointed in myself and I’m afraid I’m going backwards . This is so hard