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I’m confused when people say accept your thoughts why would I accept the thoughts that are making me feel disgust and filth what if I start accepting them and then the thoughts actually become true?
I feel so upset right now. Can anyone relate? I keep having this delusional-type thoughts that my mom is out to hurt me. We live together and at night when I’m trying to sleep I get the thought that she is going to come in my bedroom and hurt me. My mom is so kind and loving, she’s my best friend. I know OCD attacks what we love, but I can’t let this go. I try to just reply with a “maybe, maybe not,” but then it comes back full force and says “you’re in denial, they’re brainwashing you to think that way, etc.” and it freaks me out and makes me feel so down. Like it says “your life is in danger, don’t dismiss this!” I keep thinking I’m in psychosis. Like if someone asks me if I truly believe these things, I want to automatically rely “I don’t know.” Because the doubt and realness of the thoughts/feelings deal soo real like I’m convinced of these things. I just feel so lost and confused. It makes me feel sick. I confess all of these things to my mom, which I know is just me seeking reassurance. I try to say to myself if I truly believed she was out to hurt me, I probably wouldn’t even be sharing this with her. But then again my mind always has a rebuttal to bring me back into rumination. I want this to be easier. I want my life back. I have been dealing with ocd for years now and this flare up has been the worst yet. Please, I know I’m seeking reassurance, but can anyone relate to any of this?
My brain feels cooked, my nerves feel fried...I feel constant anxiety about my thoughts 24/7 now. My therapist told me he doesn't believe I have Depersonalization disorder and that it's all "placebo/nocebo effect" or "confirmation bias". I wake up feeling so disconnected from everything though, or maybe I am truly just telling myself that. I have intrusive thoughts that my brain can't mentally process what my eyes are seeing so it's almost like I'm blind even though I have perfect vision. It stresses me out to the point to where I don't wanna live anymore, yet the thought of death terrifies me. I never thought at 25 I would be experiencing these things, questioning how we exist, what causes it. I was prescribed Lexapro but the first 4 days of taking it my anxiety was so absolutely horrible that I stopped taking it...now my anxiety has labeled medication as a threat and taking any causes a full blown panic attack. I don't mean to come off as super negative but like...all I feel on a daily basis it seems is fear, panic, misery, and depression. I just don't know what to do. My therapist has told me to try and say "nope" out loud to these intrusive thoughts but it doesn't do much since my brain is obsessing and racing 24/7. I'm chronically tired and I'm just over it. My mental health is taking a toll on my bf now, and I'm terrified of losing him because of it and we've been together for 5 years now. People relating to me used to bring comfort, but now it feels like nothing does. I feel alone despite others dealing with the same mental issues I am. And all of this started, all of it From a migraine that caused a panic attack on July 27th. That right there was what caused my mental health to take a nose dive...idk what to do...I always feel like I'm not long for this world...like my life story is gonna be over soon...idk why, i dont have excessive thoughts of self harm.
Is this ocd? I Have a thought or think something f harmful that I’ve gotten intrusive thoughts about - and get a feeling like I want/like it or it would give me relief??? Please tell me that will eventually go away and I’ll get my real feelings back??? Or have I just turned into those things? Sometimes things that make me upset it even feels like I’ll do them just so I can be upset about them.
been extremely distressed with a specific ocd situation/real event/thought recently. it's paired with this anxious itching feeling to confess/ask for someone's thoughts, specifically my therapist. it feels like this horrible feeling of anxiety and guilt will never go away if i don't. this has been going on for weeks and i just feel miserable. the thing is, i already went through and "completed" therapy about a year ago and honestly, i don't have any plans to return to therapy and have sessions regularly at the moment. i just feel like reaching out because of this recent low point that has really gotten to me in a long time. it would maybe be just one to two sessions im looking for. but who knows. i feel like it would be weird to reach out for just this one specific ocd event because it does feel like i'm trying to find an escape from the miserable feelings and anxiety, through a compulsion of wanting to confess/reassurance etc. like i feel like i have to ask and chat with my therapist if i want to be a good person/get better/etc etc but also i just feel rly horrible and alone keeping this to myself since i just feel this strong urge to get everything off my chest. i can't stand knowing like i'm hiding something and it just being trapped in my own head like it makes me feel awful, emotionally morally mentally. since i don't rly disclose my ocd to my family, i feel like talking to my therapist about this issue would bring me some sort of peace. at the same time however thinking about confessing ocd real event and thoughts etc scares me a lot due to judgment and i know can easily spiral into new fears for me. reaching out again is so intimidating on its own. i can feel that i'm really wanting some relief which can be compulsive right. but also isn't that kind of what therapy is for? since i feel so awful don't i need therapy to feel better? i don't know what to do, this is just so suffocating. i've been battling with this dilemma whether i give my old therapist a call or not over this. apologies this was long but i appreciate any opinions or advice.
So, there is this thing I talked about before on here that I don’t remember happening. So, there’s this thought I had that my brain had and is trying to figure out if it’s a memory or not. This thought came to me one night and said I had inappropriately touched someone crotch. No name or memory. Just the thought saying this. My brain tried to rack through WHO this could be and WHEN and HOW. It thought of a few people with no real evidence or base. One I reached out to said I was nothing but sweet to them in school. Then it stuck to one person, but all I can remember is this one bad interaction nothing more. I apologized and they said it was ok, I’m good. Now there was no real memory of this “touch” that I could really recall. I don’t know how to describe it. My mind just said I did this thing and it scared me. I have never thought of this before. It brought up this one person I had this bad interaction with but I said “No this is what happened…” but then my mind kept saying what if and questioning if I’m sure. Like if I’m trying to hid the fact that I’m bad person from myself. I asked around and other people said they don’t remember me doing anything to this person or that I was a regular sweet kid in middle school. It’s all so trippy and irritating. I remember a lot of mistakes I did! But not really this one, this “memory” is not clear nor have I ever thought of it til this thought told me I did this thing. These other memories come up surrounding this event but I don't even really remember these. I did a lot of stupid stuff as a kid but I remember it, this is fuzzy and I keep going back and forth in my mind about it.
My pocd is so bad, even hearing a child talk in another room makes me wonder if I could be attracted to it's voice. I constantly remind myself that I've only ever liked crushing on people who are my age or older than me but it doesn't help since it's a compulsion. I'm just so tired of the groinals making me feel like I like these thoughts. My ocd turns everything into something sexual and I just feel hypersexual. My ocd is with me every minute of the day. I try to read, I try to work put, I want to make some food, none of it works. I'm constantly on the edge and I feel so bunt out yet I accomplish absolutely nothing. I want to read a book on universalism, I can't concentrate because I am scared I could harm someone I love. I can't sleep in my own bed cause my sister lives on the same floor as me and I need to stand up a dozen times to check if she's on the floor, standing there. My tired brain convinces me I just stood up and harmed her. I go to bed at 10pm and Fall asleep maybe at 2. I'll move out soon and I try to make it work but I'm not sure I can do this anymore
This might be a little bit silly, but bare with me— I’m watching My Little Pony, and I did it so that I can expose myself to my triggers, and try my best not to do compulsions. And I did well, but I also would fail without noticing… doesn’t matter What this post is about, is that my brain will keep on calling spike “h0t” ,, it will make me feel like he is, usually I would ignore this and not really care, or be a little bit spooked, but not care. But This time …I’m actually genuinely freaked out. Because I’m worried if I agreed with it. Because I got the thought and feeling, and then another feeling that made me feel like I agreed with it, I don’t know if I purposely felt this or my brain purposely felt this, I don’t know anymore, I really wasn’t paying attention enough to know which one was which.. and I’m scared that I did something wrong… all I know is that the feeling of feeling that I am attracted to him is really strong like that, like convincing strong, so I could’ve got another feeling that was convincing like that, yes. But I’m just worried that I agreed with it. I could’ve agreed with it, but not realize what it really was. All I know is I wouldn’t genuinely agree to something like that. All I can remember, is it giving me the thought and feeling, then heard my head go “yeah I agree with us” also got the feeling that I agree with it. And I can’t even test to know this either. Because I honestly can’t always tell my voices apart. But when I tested it, it doesn’t sound like me. But still, I still believe but if it was me. I don’t know. I really don’t know. I just wish this wasn’t so hard. Why do I always always believe that I would say something being disgusting, when I would never do that on purpose, maybe on accident, but not on purpose. Freak out about these things. I just wish that my brain didn’t use the excuse “ well you can enjoy something in the moment but then regret it after” if I didn’t know this was a thing then I would’ve been so much happier. Because I could say “ well what matters is that I don’t agree with it. “ and then move on. But I can’t because I know this is a thing. It keeps getting so bad, I don’t know if when OCD gets bad, ruminating takes longer, checking takes longer? Does this happen whenever OCD gets bad? Because this happens with me right now. It takes about an hour to get certainty now. I don’t want to do in this moment. I don’t know if I’m getting better or worse. I can’t tell. What can I do in this situation? I know people will say sit with it. But If I do that, I spiral. I can’t eat. can’t draw, can’t play games, can’t sleep, I can’t do anything. Because my brain will be like “oh you don’t deserve that because you’re a ped//phile for thinking that way about spike.” ,, that’s why I try to find out. So that if I know this is OCD. I can do better and not do this again. Rather than not knowing and feel like a monster and not being able to eat ever again. I want to ruminate on this, but I already know that it’s gonna take me like two hours to get the answer. I see no point. I’d rather just post this and then hear what people have to say.
18+ Is there just not a way to actually deal with with this? I get it ERP breathing “being in the moment” I can’t I can’t freaking do it my POCD is making it so hard to live life I see kids and now I think I gaslighted myself into thinking I’m attracted to them when I watch movies TikTok’s, go outside and see kids everywhere I just can’t take it I feel groinal responses I’m imagining them without clothes and doing sexual things like a sicko and feeling like I like it or my brain is trying to make me become that??? Why is it bc of guilt from my real event is it bc im checking if I am??? I can’t live like this it’s literally like I have the eyes of a pedo now sexualizing children this is absolutely insane… I have a boyfriend I want to have intimate time with now I’m so scared too because i KNOW im gonna be thinking about children HOW am I suppose to get turned on I try too “not focus” look around ect DOESNT WORK I have dreams where it’s sexual with children WHY IS THIS MY LIFE I’m in therapy and doing erp but nothing is helping me DO I NEED BRAIN SURGERY SOMETHING NOW?? please I just can’t keep living like this ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME it’s so hard not to cry I don’t care if it’s just thoughts I’m so terrified I messed up my life because it is effecting my life my sex life my relationship my love for myself And all I’m suppose to do is just “sit with the thought” I still don’t even know what that means I don’t want to end my life my partner my family loves me but I JUST CANT DEAL WITH THIS I miss having loving dreams about my boyfriend instead it’s harmful and sexual dreams with children I’m so upset can anyway please… give me some advice on what to do please I’m begging.
16+ only !!! :( Sorry that I’m posting a lot, I’m gonna try to make an effort to stop posting as much as I can after I make this. —- Basically, what happened, is that I went in my living room to throw my trash away, since I’m cleaning my room, and I saw my dad, and immediately I got thoughts saying “ oh what if he’s watching this inappropriate thing “ and I got a groinal, but I didn’t freak out because this happens like incredibly often, so I ignored it. But then the disgusting thought of me and my dad doing horrible things came to my mind, and i was like “ yeah I’d do that and cry after” ,, and I immediately started panicking because I said that, because I’m scared that it means I want to do that, or I meant that I want to do it, but that’s not what I meant??? I was trying to say yeah if I ever did that, I would cry after, but a part of me feels like that I felt like I would do something like that while saying it, but I don’t wanna do something like that. But why did I feel like I would do it??? as I was saying it? I mean this happens all the time. I don’t know why this is the time it decides to make me freak out. Sometimes I have thoughts about doing bad and I’ll be like “yeah, I will do that and then feel like shit after, so why would I ever do that?” Idk, please help :(
Hey today I’m feeling very tired because of my OCD I’m just so tired of it. I feel I’m doing everything to get better. I disregard the thoughts, I’m trying to do things like I don’t have ocd but it doesn’t want to go away. I was doing fine for a long period of time and now I feel like I’m back a square one. It’s been almost 2 months now I’m battling with OCD and I’m just tired. Sure I have moments where it’s better than others, I also have days where I barely have OCD but I also have really bad days like today where I just don’t want to get out of bed. Last time I had a relapse it took my 4 weeks to get out of it I don’t understand why this time it takes me more. I’m starting believing that I will never feel better again. Anyway I’m gonna try to find the strength to get out of bed and to start my day. But I just wanted to share. It’s such a horrible illness.
Hi all, my ocd has been flaring up lately and I’m not sure why. I think it may be due to stress and anxiety involving school and the hurricanes (I live in Florida) anyways I keep having random intrusive thoughts involving my real event and a lot of false memories are popping up, they feel so real it’s like I can feel everything in them even though I haven’t actually felt them. It’s so weird, like sometimes I will watch a movie and be able to feel the texture of snow or a piece of clothing even though I’ve never felt it before. I have noticed when I get those “phantom” ? touch feelings that they cause a lot of false memory intrusive thoughts. I’ve also been having intrusive thoughts that because no one interacts with my posts on here that everyone hates me and knows about me and thinks I’m horrible and disgusting or that someone is talking about me behind my back and telling people to stay away from me and then I’m a horrible person. I hate OCD so much, I hate that I ruminate constantly on little things and mistakes I’ve made and things I can’t let go. I just hate it so much. Does anyone else struggle with these thoughts or even the “phantom feelings/touches” I’m not sure what to call them sometimes I also get them with certain foods or smells even if I hadn’t had them before or smelt them before. It’s so weird
I was doing so well last couple of years, then out the blue I got hit recently with an old theme. It’s so crazy that I’ve had nearly 2 years realising that the theme wasn’t real, now I’m back in it, it feels so bloody real, like 1% could happen through the ocd filter means it’s defo gonna happen and my life will be over
I would like some advice for something that happened to me yesterday. I was on a call chatting with some of my close friends, and while on the call I was playing a video game. So for context, this game is called Rune Factory 5. It is a game in a series I have been playing since I was a kid. I continue to play the series because I have not found any other game like it; it is a fantasy farming RPG. Even with all these new farming games, none have the crafting system, in depth story, or monster-taming system that Rune Factory does. Now, another part of the game is that you can romance and marry one of the characters. Rune Factory does have some young looking characters, of which I’ve always stayed away from. I have POCD so I have in the past gone over characters potential ages multiple times in my head. So while on the call with my friends, I decided it would be fun if I sent them the two characters I was thinking of romancing and letting them vote. They are anime nerds like me. I sent them a photo of one of the characters, Scarlett, and they got kind of quiet and really didn’t like her. I was confused. Eventually they said that she looked too young and started making pedo jokes that made me uncomfortable. I went quiet at first because it was a trigger for my POCD. Then I did explain that I myself have a flat chest and a very young looking face, and so I didn’t think that automatically made the character a kid. I am almost 25 but often get mistaken for being much younger. I couldn’t think of how to explain further at the time, but the character’s voice lines and how she speaks also makes her seem older. (She’s not one of those Lolli characters that is actually 100 years old either btw) I did clear things up with my friends where they said they didn’t actually think I was a creep and they were just busting on me. But still it was very uncomfortable. Now when I think of playing the game and interacting with Scarlett I feel like a creep. I know I need to do some exposures with this and I don’t want reassurance but I also want a second opinion on what happened. I hope that makes sense. 😭
Hey no need for reassurance( please ) just wondering if anyone feels the same or just that I’m not alone. Please be kind It was really hard to write this thank u <3 Ive been struggling with severe severe depression and ocd and frequent panic attacks and the what ifs , I’ve had trouble recently being kind to myself because I just feel so weak when I have panic attacks and vulnerable I feel like I’m a failure somehow if that makes sense , it’s just so hard sometimes I’m really hard on myself often and I just don’t know what to do I have been feeling an increase in anxiety maybe because I’ve been struggling to let things go from the past and I am struggling a lot with anticipatory anxiety with ocd, I just hope someone has some words of compassion ( : I would really appreciate it thank u kind soul 🫂❤️
this is probably gonna be all over the place so sorry in advance but lately my intrusive thoughts have been driving me up the wall and i feel so exhausted because of them. i recently pinched a nerve in my neck and its causing me a lot of discomfort (some dizziness & a little bit of stiff neck) and because of this, my intrusive thoughts have been so loud because i keep thinking i’m gonna faint every time i stand up since i’m a little dizzy (not enough to actually pass out), and i also keep worrying i’m gonna get paralyzed because my neck is stiff (i can still move it just fine). its like i logically know i’m worrying over nothing, but i can’t help it. its getting to the point where other symptoms are popping up like i cant sleep or relax, my stomach can barely handle food, and my muscles are tense at all times. i feel so exhausted. im disassociating so hard that i havent felt like ive been present for the last three days and its making me basically bedridden. its moments like these where i really wonder if itll get better. sometimes i feel too tired to even fight off the thoughts and i let myself panic. last night i had a small anxiety attack because i was so concerned about this pinched nerve and it made me feel so sick. i just want these thoughts to stop. how can i even teach myself to accept them and combat against them if i cant stop fixating on them? everybody says you need to stop giving the thoughts power and i fully agree, but god its so difficult to not worry. sometimes i dont even give the thoughts attention and they still give me physical anxiety symptoms. its just so exhausting. i guess all im wondering is will this get any better? i know it probably will, but i dont know…just moments like today make me really worry ill be like this forever. i dont even know what step to take to get myself back to normal at this point. ive been taking care of my neck to make sure i dont injure myself any more, and itll probably go away in a few days, but im afraid the mental affects will be longer lasting. i just feel lost and confused. my head hurts and i want to figure out how to relax myself again. i dont like seeing myself stuck in bed, forcing myself to focus on every thought and worry i have. im just tired
I was watching the news where a boy k*lled his sister and buries her and I got a thought that what if I do that to my family however I didn't feel anxious in fact I didn't feel any way about it and now I'm wondering if I would actually do it and end up in jail and now Im wondering if it's an intrusive thought or it's me thinking and I'm so scared that I might k*ll someone.... Now I just feel the need to stay away.
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OCD doesn't have to
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