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fear of my closed ones, like mother and father being secretely bad people or have done bad immoral things i cannot tolerate. now a doubt was brought up, what if my mother had intercourse with a much younger person in the past? i dont think she's that type of person, she isn't at all, but we all make mistakes when we're immature. and why does it suddenly feel real and true? i can't shake off the feeling that it could be true. now the seed doubt has been planted. how do i stop being doubtful? i feel like i need to clear it. i can't just maybe yes maybe not out of it. because a doubt like that becomes forever. and i dont want to have that doubt. i dont want to start doubting my mother, but the doubt is already set in stone. there is no evidence nor indicator of behaviour that she might have done something like that. what do i do? like there is this girl who i thought was an ok fun person, 2003, had an intercourse with my friend who's 2007. and she's a normal person, and she can become a mother in the future. a mother who has done something like that.

Okay so I’m gonna rant for a second about ocd hanging around in my personal life. This may be mostly about my personal drama but these situations contain all the ingredients for ocd to thrive. I have romantic feelings for my friend that started a couple months ago while she was in a relationship. We have very strong chemistry and I have this warm pleasant feeling inside my chest whenever we hangout. I’ve had crushes before, but it’s never felt like this. Normally ocd chatters and undermines my feelings but every time it tries to touch my confidence in what I feel for her, it just bounces off like raindrops on a windshield. I’m probably delusional, but I feel like we both are aware of this connection. Then, about a month ago, she broke up with her boyfriend. It would be very unhelpful to her for me disclose how I’ve been feeling right now. Also very scummy I feel. Here’s where ocd enters the picture mainly. My hands are tied. I want to be a good friend and respect her grieving the end of her relationship (lord knows I have been there too). I also know what I feel and how smitten I am with her. I’m trying to hold these two things together but ocd tells me stories about how I am awful for having these feelings and that I need to do something to make them go away. Alternatively I feel like I get stuck in these prolonged day dreams where it’s telling me that she’s absolutely perfect and that I’m messing up my one true chance at finding love. That I’ll end up alone forever because I didn’t do enough. It baits and traps me in these no win scenarios. I’m exhausted. I’m not looking for answers with what to do. I know that I need to sit with the uncertainty and let the thoughts come and go. It stings because I do really care for this person and it’s leveraging that against me. Life is complicated and humans are messy. I am human, I am messy. I know I’m allowed to feel what I feel. This kind of pain is common to anyone not just folks with ocd. However It certainly is not making it easier. It feels like the physical sensation you get when you mess up in the operation game, if that makes sense. I have no idea what’s to come romantically. Regardless, I need to focus on presence and patience. Whether or not things work out with her is irrelevant. Things will end how they are supposed to. I just don’t want ocd to be the reason I pursue or don’t pursue anything. This is my life that I get to live. I will not be bossed around and tortured by this if I can help it 🕺

Hey. So I think I’m recovering from a false memory-real event ocd. I wasn’t able to function these last couple of days (eating, working, etc..) and now I’m feeling bit better because I was done with the anxiety of uncertainty even tho I know somehow there’s pretty much fair evidence that back me up. But ocd doesn’t work that way, it will just keep trying to convince you and make you doubt so I’m done engaging with it. But I find myself feeling guilty of not giving it my attention. I had a thought that sounds disturbing about how I’m back to -kinda- being normal again. Does this happen often when people try to break through the endless cycle of guilt? Whenever I feel okay, or just chill and not anxious, I start to panic because why am I fine or chill when this may or may not have happened. “YOU NEED TO FIGURE IT OUT” it keeps going, or else I am a bad person. Sounds related?

Starting a job soon working to end child sexual abuse. I love this job, and I am so excited. Right now though, I feel so so so so bad about myself and things I have done. I keep ruminating over past sexual encounters I have had, parties where I have blacked out in college and etc. I am worried someone will come out and say I assaulted them and I forgot. But now I am worried I misremembered and maybe I just assaulted this friend. Another is my friend my child hood who I was completely toxic with. Like very codependent, and she was 2-3 years younger than me. We had some very sexual conversations and I look back and feel so disgusted by myself. Lastly, I have a friend who I no longer speak with for different reasons. That friend and I were at a party and I touched her thigh, she moved my hand off. I put it back and she moved it off again and I stopped. Are these horrible? Am I horrible? I have been healing and in therapy and learning more. Honestly because of the internet and some online grooming from when I was a child I thought this was all normal. It wasn’t until after I graduated that I learned it wasn’t. I feel so so so so horrible. And I feel as though my life will fall apart. What if these situations are worse than I remember? What if something happened that I don’t remember? I just do not know what to do. I cannot even think really. It’s hard. I got this new amazing job working to end csa, but what if I’m not a victim, what if I’m a perpetrator? I don’t know what to do.

So, if I'm retelling a story or relaying information to someone, after I'm done speaking, my brain will send me thoughts like, "What if you lied? You might have told the story wrong! You're lying!" I've started second-guessing myself, even when I know I'm not lying or telling the story wrong😭 This has also bled into twisting my intentions behind certain actions... For example, the other day, I'd been babysitting my younger brothers. I'd gone to use the restroom and thought, "What if the door isn't locked or closed all the way?" Because this has happened once in the past. Turns out, it didn't lock correctly, and one of my little brothers almost walked in on me, but luckily, I shut the door in time, and we laughed it off. But then, I kept getting thoughts like, "You knew that would happen, and you didn't double-check! You wanted that to happen and for him to walk in!" :( I know this isn't true, but it's so annoying! Has anyone dealt with this? If you have, do you have any advice on how to deal with these thoughts?

whats up guys what are some tips dealing with ocd and what to do when a thought makes u anxious ??

I’m having a big OCD relapse and would like to hear anyone’s tips on how to be present and healthily deal with these intrusive thoughts and the “need” to preform compulsions. Thank you!!

For some stupid reason my ocd latched onto sexism, misogyny, feminism and gender roles/stereotypes. Im generally very scared of any kind of sex/gender inequality, Im not sure why that is but it may be connected to my porn addiction that I developed at very young age, I've been obsessed with gender stereotypes back then, and also Im agender afab so it may also be connected. The point is, every single time I talk to another girl I get so self aware and Im scared that the way I talk, what I say or even how do I feel about them is only caused by their sex/gender, Im scared that everything is connected to gender and sex, so for example, if I want to make an analysis for character that has nothing to do with gender, feminism and misogyny I still have to analyze how did their gender affect them(when it's not important, and we dont know anything about it) just because they have a mental disorder. I read that there isnt much reasearch made on sex/gender in mental health issues, so now I convinced myself that every mental disorder has to be connected strictly to gender and I have to analyse gender and sex experiences in order to be right. It's so stupid, and when I dont want to think about it or dont do it, I feel like Im wrong and just trying to hide from it. I have this sick need for someone to allow me to let go and keep on living how I did before, I need an allowance from completly random people on the internet that are feminists so I can feel like Im not in the wrong, Im not a failure and I dont have to be ashamed or scared. Even while writing this I thought to myself "does using people that are feminists instead of women is misogynistic?" Im so tired of it, Im not sure anymore if that's just enlight and I encourted the truths of this world or Im just overthinking everything because Im scared and want to be in control of everything

Don't panic, you're still the same girl, your OC gives you a lot of intrusive thoughts that aren't you and that disgust you and scare you and that you don't want and that you don't think are true, and your OC gives you the false feelings.Also, don't forget that whatever comes to mind, whatever intrusive thoughts you have and whatever you feel, is all yours.

I’m deeply afraid I may have acted on an intrusive thought during self pleasure:/ in the moment it feels like I want it or focus on it but then immediately after i panicked:/ this only happens In context of intrusive thoughts I never plan on acting on these I’ve never experienced this problem before idk i feel like maybe my values n moarls changed in a sec is that possible?? I keep asking myself is this who i really am …. I can’t take it anymore guys I wish i could go back to my normal self I’m tired of feeling like this everyday no one would want a real pedo and that’s me guys u feel sick I haven’t eaten or drank anything

I realize that if you try to hold in these intrusive thoughts and feelings then it will get worse, but right now I’m not as bothered by them like I did yesterday

I will never get my old life back and my old brain back. This OCD has gotten so bad that it feels like there will never be a way out. And when I do feel better, the OCD tells me that I have accepted it. The thought that only makes it worse

My OCD has never been this strong, it's so real, it feels like it will never go away, it's never been this strong for me and it's very scary.

I can't take it anymore, my OCD is too strong, it's simply taking away my whole life's strength and my will to live, I just can't take it anymore, it's too strong, I can't live anymore

As ive said before, my ocd was so strong and life consuming that my therapist thought i would need to go to a facility so that I could be better taken care of. I thought i wouldn't survive the year and started to come to terms that I might have to do the unimaginable to ensure that I could never hurt anyone or say anything wrong. Ive now been a conquerer for over 6 months and its been a year since I developed this severity of OCD. I worked so hard with my incredible therapist to conquer my OCD and to embrace the uncertainty that it preyed on. Id like to make it clear that I still get intrusive thoughts from time to time, but they mean nothing and they do not affect me day-to-day. Sometimes theyre even laughable despite them being day-ruining in the past. Do i slip up and compulse here and there ? yes of course! im human and i make mistakes, but Im equipped to respond to the thoughts and setbacks which allows me to continue moving forward instead of letting it set me back. Today, I have so many things to look forward to. Im applying for schools, Ive taken internships, I have a close relationship with my friends and family (despite the fear of harming them being what my ocd preyed on, and what originally made me push them away), and I can genuinely say Ive gone weeks and months without compulsing and giving into a thought. Ive also learned to use my social media to raise awareness about OCD and have learned that it's way more common than I thought (one of my good friends had been suffering for years in silence). Using social media, ive also been able to lead those who may have it to NOCD (such as my friend and a few others). I promise you, this is the perfect place to learn how to overcome it (whether it be Harm OCD, Symmetry OCD, Germ OCD- whatever). There is so much to look forward to. OCD doesnt define you and it doesnt have to ruin your life. AND YOURE NOT ALONE!!!! (a song i listened to on repeat to help give me the courage to keep working and doing exposures was Tiny Dictator by Sophie May. Even if you dont relate to her themes, it makes you feel less alone knowing someone was brave enough to sing about their OCD and put it on spotify) Good luck to all of you, youre doing amazing and remember to be kind to yourselves and each other <3

I know a few of you saw my posts about my ERP and the googling urges. That didn’t end up going well. My therapist actually decided we needed to halt it for now. The thing is it’s almost like I learned googling is harmless from those few exercises and my brain keeps generating more things to google. Normally I would just spiral and be done but now I can barely hold back from searching for long. I eventually give in. I’m horrified because it feels like I want to find illegal content. I swear on everything I am, I don’t want to find anything even close to it. I’m freaking out because I don’t understand what’s happening. I keep compulsively searching/testing/checking or idk. I keep remembering details and I feel like I need to google again to be sure of something. I feel absolutely insane can someone please help me??? I’m petrified I’m going to get in trouble.

When my schizophrenic and ocd ahh won’t let me comment on celebrities posts and be supportive cause my delusional ass thinks they’ll reply and try and lure me and take advantage of me etc

When my symptoms spiked, I went onto Reddit, unknowingly seeking reassurance. I remember I went on and "researched" for a couple of hours, and suddenly felt like I'd solved everything. About an hour later, I felt like I needed to go back and check one more time. Then again, and again. It got so bad that I'd spend like entire days on there or just online searching up my experiences. I can't believe it got out of control that quickly when I look back on it. A couple of weeks later, I began suspecting OCD, and that's when I saw a video on YouTube talking about compulsions. Immediately, I forced myself to stop researching and going on Reddit. It ended up being tougher than I thought, and there were a lot of nights I spent curled up and crying from the anxiety I felt, but I've since then successfully stopped doing it. Unfortunately, the time I spent on Reddit had worsened my OCD and I adopted on a lot of intrusive thoughts that I'd read about in other peoples stories, if that makes any sense at all. And, a lot of the stories on there were a lot worse and more graphic than my own, which did not help at all. I'll just say that going on there definitely did more damage than good in the end. :( I've been learning to accept that I don't need to "solve" or find an explanation to my thoughts. I do think that for me, the OCD did stem from trauma in childhood, but I don't need to dig deeper than that right now. Especially without guidance. The reason I wrote this post is because I can't sleep, and I'm bored, so I thought I'd write about something to calm my thoughts a bit. 🤍

I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???

So some months ago i was very panicked because i was “looking” at a boy from my school, i guess he rrminded me of someone and every time i saw him i was looking at him. That turned into weels of obsesing , at home i was thinking “am i thinking about him? “ “am i a cheater “ “do i like him” “am i a bad girlfriend and betraying my boyfriend “ “why sm i thinking about his face i dont want this” i calmed down after that and them when i saw him i was fine, i didn’t thought about that anymore. This happend one time in may anf one time in September. I stopped obsesing with that and just hot my regular “what id i dont like my boyfriend amd my thoughts are real” . This week i saw that boy and he was looking at me and i started to panic again, yhinkinv thatbinlike him or that im looking at him on purpose. Rn i was thinking scenerios om how would i act if there was talking to him if i woulf gave went on erasmus project and thrn i started to think im a cheater and my boyfriend dosent deserve me to think about this i dont actually like that boy i dont know his name i just panicked that i had this thought and started to think what they mean. I feel very guilty bc i have other thoughts regsrding my ROCD amd how i feel abt my boyfriend but i love my boyfriend i feel so bad about this. I fo t want to like others. I know my thoughts are not true but i still panic and think that maybe they are