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how are people dealing with confessional ocd in relationships? hope everyone’s okay and slaying as much as they can ♥️

On the 4th of July I got very drunk and at one point lost my friends in a crowd. I went back to my friend’s house and while waiting for them all to come back, I started talking to her neighbors and lighting off fireworks with them. I remember all of this event and remember when my boyfriend came back I introduced him to them. If I had done something wrong or cheated on my boyfriend I would’ve known and definitely would’ve felt anxious or a feeling of guilt/shame. A week later I was worried I had either gotten with one of them or one of my boyfriend’s friends. I was able to move past this but recently got a sore throat and now I’ve convinced myself I have an oral STD and it’s because I got with someone on the 4th of July. I told my boyfriend this fear this morning which I know I should not have done and I feel so regretful for it. I am so confident I didn’t get with anyone as I would remember but for some reason I can’t push this idea that I did and I just am suppressing the memory. This false memory is so hard for me to move on from because if it is true, I can’t be with my boyfriend anymore. What do I even do?

Can anyone share advice on how you differentiate between actual relationship issues and ocd issues? And also how to stay connected with your partner during a hard time? I get really frustrated with my partner (disclaimer: he’s a great guy and his heart is in the right place) but he’s not aching the way I want him to (I recognize how that sounds haha) one of the things is that he doesn’t show much expression or excitement when talking to me so it’s really hard for me to feel loved through that. I’ve expressed that time and time again (which could be a compulsion) and when he tries to improve it just feels disingenuous, furthering my frustration. It could just be that nothing feels good enough for me, or that I’m just fed up but then idk if I should make myself hang out with him as an exposure, or just be alone. I fear that I’m not going to get my point across efficiently, or that it’s just the way he is and it’s something I’ll have to put up with. When do I decide to take action and when do I sit back and deal with it as ocd?because for me it feels like there’s no way of knowing! i don’t want to sacrifice my needs but I try to resist a lot of what I’m thinking due to the possibility of it being a compulsion. On the other hand however, I could just be silencing myself and in turn being quiet and he is ok with that but I like a lot of communication as it makes me feel connected. This could be a real issue that persists, or it could be an ocd spiral…idk and I hate that because I just don’t know how to move based off that info so Im open to any advice!

I feel like everyone "healed" from their SOOCD and yet 6 years later I'm still here. All the people who used to post on here have moved on (and good for them) but im still here. Even when im having sex with my bf I'm like "am I enjoying it because Im enjoying the act of sex itself + the fact that Im used to him by now but with women its way more exciting and its about the women itself?". Ugh I just feel so alone, no one relates to me romantically nor physically.

I’m finding it so hard to do anything I suffer so badly from cheating OCD because my relationship is important to me and I never want to do anything to ruin it And I constantly think I kiss people all the time and it’s the most ridiculous thing ever but I can’t even walk near someone without thinking I do Like just now in work I was walking in the back door and saw a guy standing outside and automatically I got really anxious and my mind is making me think I did something So within an instant I think I do something and it’s getting so frustrating It’s ruining my ability to work well

so over the weekend i got very upset at my partner because we have different views about relationships when it comes to moving in. to preface this is totally hypothetical bc were young and the conversation arose bc a friend is doing it. so ive noticed that ive had this obsession about ending up with her marrying her one day. i envision a future with her for sure and ofc there is some fear there about what it is that looks like. she mentioned that on the topic of moving in, she would not have a problem if at one point if we lived together and the. moved out and continued a relationship because we are open to different experiences. she definitely has a nonlinear approach to relationships and some of that is out of being in an unsuccessful and abusive relationship and also living in a home were her parents don’t love each other. i on the other hand feel like that would kill me and i communicated with her that i would not be okay with that and even though we’re not there yet, it’s important that i say it now. we didn’t agree on that but we believe that there can be understanding and balance that comes from this and that as we move forward there is potential for our vision and perspective on this to change. over all it was a super healthy conversation, but i’ve become a little obsessed and anxious on if we’ll end up together because of this uncertainty. i don’t necessarily date to marry but i said i consider moving in to be a next step and would probably eventually want that to turn into something greater. i feel confused bc i feel like my ocd is getting the best of my right now. any advice on this?

Five years ago I met my fiancé and fell in love. At the time, I was a complete degenerate dating multiple women, but was looking for an opportunity to throw away that old way of living. After some months she said "I feel weird not calling you my boyfriend". This, In my mind was her saying she wants to be exclusive. I can't remember if this was the weekend after or if it was a weekend before but I think it was the weekend after: Someone who I never met, barely knew, found on Tinder from years ago, and whom I very rarely texted, texted me late at night and kept trying to steer the conversation in a sexual direction. I initially replied with short, generic responses. This worked for a little while until there was one one moment I remember where she said, "I wish you were here right now" and I said "Me too". I know you won't believe me, but in the moment I completely forgot I was then very recently supposed to be in a committed relationship. I messaged her afterwards and told her that I loved (Fiancé's name) and told her not to talk to me ever again. It was after that where I couldn't live with myself and reached out to my OCD therapist. This was almost 5 years ago. He related it to pornography and those old classified ads in the newspapers where you would call them up and pay by the minute. He said I did the right thing and told me to just never talk to her again and to move forward. I never did anything like that ever again, and I am marrying her in less than two months. Part of me doesn't want to hurt her feelings for no reason so close to our date, the other OCD part of me wants to confess. Any advice?

I feel like I'm constantly thinking about the same sex. Feeling in my backside is driving me nuts 😒. And I've met this girl I like and I feel guilty as hell because I feel like I'm hiding something. I really like her but how can carry this on if I'm having these thoughts. I had these thoughts before a met her. Please help someone 😢

I’m having some compulsion looking into something my dumb brain does. Sometimes when I think of my family my brain tells me something negative about them and I don’t like it. I’ll think “that’s mean and I don’t believe that”. But these thoughts bother me because it’s like another person in my brain is saying it though I know it’s my mind. Are these intrusive thoughts or something else.

What are your wins/win recently? Also what is something you are grateful for in your ocd journey? My win is starting trauma therapy finally. Im very nervous but I know it will be beneficial. As for what Im grateful for with my ocd journey, its the love and support of my husband who has stuck by me for almost 20 years so far through all my diificult battles with ocd. I hope this post inspires people and gives them hope! It does get better! I also suffer from bipolar, anxiety and ptsd, too and it is possible to live a good life with multiple mental issues.

I’m just looking for some advice regarding sexual orientation OCD… I have always been straight but in high school I would sometimes question if I was bisexual. I would always say that if I was, I wouldn’t ever date a woman just cuz I can’t see myself with one romantically, but in a sexual sense, maybe. (TMI: When I was way younger, I discovered lesbian 🌽 and I would usually watch that, I don’t anymore but I would prefer watching that mainly cuz of the moans, sorry this is tmi) but all in all, I was open to the thought of me being bisexual, if I ever turned out to be. After high school (for context: I’m a college junior), I never really thought about my sexuality that much until I got a boyfriend. I’ve been with him for almost two years, and sometimes I’ll get intrusive thoughts that I could like women. (Like for example: Chappell roan is a trigger for me just because I love her as an artist, and she’s pretty. I understand that it’s normal to think other women are attractive and if they have a nice body, and it doesn’t necessarily mean I like women, but sometimes I get scared.) I am not diagnosed with OCD, but I suspect I have it, especially ROCD, so I already get intrusive thoughts about my relationship, and now it’s targeting my sexuality, which worries me. It doesn’t worry me that my family wouldn’t support me and it doesn’t worry me that my boyfriend wouldn’t support me, it’s mainly the fact that if I were to be bisexual, I would feel so incredibly guilty. I know that bisexuality is liking both men and women, but a part of me would just feel guilt towards my boyfriend. Just guilt about how I also like women. And it’s not even like I’d break up with him to pursue women if I was bisexual, I just feel a sense of guilt. I guess I feel this way partially cuz I think he wouldn’t understand. He’s not homophobic, but I just don’t think he’d understand how I’d just suddenly be part gay. I know he’d support me, but in a way I feel like I’m cheating on him if I liked women. Idk how to describe it, but I just need advice because this intrusive thoughts really freak me out.

Hi everyone. I already went to the psych ward last month for the first time for four days for reasons unrelated to OCD. Now, I’m having my first ever major OCD episode/flareup/? and if you recognize me you already know my issue. I’m having weird sexual thoughts about my parents. Not really any way to sugarcoat it. Also with some harm OCD sprinkled in. I’m currently in a 6 day per week outpatient program and I’m considering telling them I’m really losing my mind. They might drug me up, throw me in inpatient again (have no idea how helpful that would be lol) and I just don’t see a positive future for me. Does anyone have any words of encouragement, or could possibly connect with me? This might be dramatic, but on top of my anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, this might be too much for me. Genuinely.

I was exposed to pornography at a young age and it messed me up pretty badly. I don't even know how it really happened, I just do happened to find it one day. I didn't realize all of the damage it was doing to me and my life until I became an adult. It's still bothering me a lot and there were still moments where I couldn't stop my behaviors even if I wanted to. I've hurt myself because of my sex addiction and I've been trying to stop doing this to myself for a long time now. There are some harm related issues the I still see and remember and it makes me really upset. I just ended up tearing up because I just wish this didn't have to happen. I just wish I didn't get so hooked on this. I just wish someone could have told me what I was getting into at that age. I'm always anxious, worried about my health, and concerned about my addiction and if it will ever go away. I just want to go back to a time where I didn't have to worry about this along with OCD. This is why I feel like my adult life isn't going too well: It's always because of these problems that I've been dealing with for years. Recently, I've been able to stop because I didn't want my sleep and anxiety to be affected, but they still bother me in the form of thoughts and mess me up. I just regret so many things that I can remember. The things I've watched, the things I've done to myself, the things I've done to other people. I try to tell myself that I should just be kind to myself and do my best to move past this. It can work but there are days like this where I just can't shake the pain. I just know now that I didn't deserve that and that I deserved better. Same goes for everyone that goes through this too. I just long for how things used to be because I'm not exactly happy with how things are now. I want to just accept that I didn't know better and I was curious and did my best to just get through the times, but there are days where I just can't. I guess it's because all of this stuff still exists in my life today. I just want to find a way to beat it. I envision the life I want for myself and it's not this. It's not holding myself back to this addiction and it's definitely not treating myself in a way that says I don't deserve that. I guess what hurts me so much about this is that I never thought I would have this kind of problem in my life. I thought I was understanding to not be so caught up in problematic fields like this. Pornography, relationships, and sex overall was never something I was really talked to about. It just seemed like stuff I figured out the best I could at the time. I don't think I really have relationships figured out still because I just don't have experience with it all.

My OCD, cognitive distortions and overthinking make it harder to be around people. Any tips?

Kind of a vent, thank you if you read all the way through. It feels like every time a new chapter of my life opens up or is on the horizon, my OCD flares up so bad. I get imposter syndrome, I get the urge to confess, self-sabotage, ruminate, etc. I’m moving in with my boyfriend’s family soon. Me and him are long-distance (14 hours away from each other), and this move means we will be able to get married sooner. I am SO excited! … but I also have ROCD soooo bad. My OCD tries to convince me I’m a liar, I’m an imposter, I don’t deserve him, “what if I cheated on him and can’t remember?”, etc. and it’s miserable it eats me up. It feels like lately I’m having 1 good day and then 3 bad days, over and over again. Me and him just met in person for the first time this year (in June actually) after knowing each other 4 years and being together for 2. I have also had some other life changes, family drama, and now moving on top of all of that, I can’t help but wonder if change *itself* is triggering my OCD. I stayed with my boyfriend and his family for a month, and I loved it! My OCD was bad maybe the first week I was there, and it flared here and there, but I was able to cope and I felt so hopeful. It was really nice being around his family a lot, his siblings and parents are really fun to be around and my OCD is much better when I’m around people. Now, I’ve been home for almost a month, and throughout the past month I’ve been so anxious on and off with OCD flares. I got home, and then the next day my mom went out of state for about 2 weeks and I was home completely alone. Going from always being around people and talking to them, to being home completely alone and sleeping alone, it drove me crazy. I am also thinking of my future and I’m simultaneously excited and terrified. I’m so scared for when me and my boyfriend get married and eventually have children, I want kids so bad, but I’m scared because I have to be off my meds (Clomipramine) during pregnancy. I’m afraid that if I can barely cope *now* while I’m medicated, how the heck will I cope when I’m pregnant and unmedicated for 9 months? It’s just so many thoughts roll in and my OCD and anxiety takes over and I’m so sick of being so overwhelmed all the time. I’m so sick of feeling knots in my stomach for not confessing or ruminating. Please, does anybody relate?

Hello everyone , I’m new here to this community ,and I decided to join as I needed help with managing and understanding my OCD. I am starting uni really soon and my family is going through a hard time…; And I guess these changes have been stressing me out and it triggered my ocd around a week ago or so very badly. I used to get annoying dreams months before and I used to get weird thoughts and I just tried to not pay for them any attention but only recently it really flared up and I figured out my new theme was my relationship. It’s exhausting. I can say I’m trying to keep things in check ,but I’d really love tips and advice for transitional times and how to cope with stress. I’m an engineering major and things surely won’t be easy ,so I’d love if someone helped me set a few ground rules so that I can control things and not have it affected badly. Thank you for your time and efforts <3

I just realized last week that I'm pretty sure I'm going through a mid-life crisis. I turn 39 next week, but I still feel in my mind that I'm in my early 20's. What I see as my issues that point to a mid-life crisis is being depressed, irritable, always wanting change (especially in moving), having regrets about the past, being bored all the time, wanting to be impulsive, being nostalgic about what I view as my past life, feeling unfulfilled, and comparing myself to others and being envious of others, usually those younger than me. I'm confused because I feel all of this and at the same time my ROCD popped up again last week after 15 years being dormant (for the most part). I can't tell what thoughts I have are real or irrational. I honestly think it's a mix of both and that's what really scares me. I tend to be very anxious in relationships, and my marriage is no different. Because of this I think a lot about how I didn't have that anxiety when I was single and life seemed easier for me. It's hard to say that out loud. I struggle with comparing my relationship to others as well as comparing my attraction to my wife with how I feel attracted to other women. I've always been the most attracted to other parts of my wife than physical qualities which makes it all so much more confusing. The guilt is unbearable. Is it mid-life crisis, ROCD, both, neither...? Sometimes I just feel so confused and it doesn't seem real. Being almost 40 and feeling like you have no idea what you're feeling is really scary.

Hi everyone. I have been struggling with OCD for the last 14 years. It really has been a thorn in my flesh for that time. But by God's grace I have been able to flourish through it and I was even able to help people who struggle with it as wel. For the last 2 years of university I have been coping very well with my anxiety and OCD. However, I have been in a relationship for the last three months and suddenly my OCD has become unbearable once again. I feel totally paralyzed at times. I am constantly troubled by intrusive thoughts like "Do I really love her?", "Do I really find her attractive?", "I sometimes think of my ex, even though I know she was bad for me and my current girlfriend is amazing. Am I a terrible person?", etc. It is really awful. And since I am a devout Christian, it feels even worse, because my OCD also constantly makes me feel unworthy of God's love. The worst of the relationship OCD is that I know with my mind that my girlfriend is wonderful and that I truly do love her. I know this with my mind, but I am still constantly anxious. I constantly feel the urge to just end the relationship, but I know I shouldn't, because that is just my OCD telling me that is the only thing that will bring relief. But if that is the case, how will I ever manage a relationship? She really is the best woman that I have ever known. Can someone maybe reassure me that what I am feeling as an OCD struggler is normal? Can someone maybe please offer some hope? I am already seeing a therapist and I am taking medication, but I still struggle🥺

I was doing so good, but over the past few months, the OCD has returned with a vengenace. I try to explain what I'm experiencing to my family, but they don't understand. I just need to hear that people get it and know that I can make it out the other end alive and in one piece I've had many themes over the years, but right now, scrupulocity is taking over my life. It takes the normal day-to-day things I do, and twists them into compulsions to feed the insatiable monster that tells me if I don't do enough, be perfect enough, that I'm not a good partner-- not a good person. I'm not working hard because it feels satisfying; I'm doing it because I feel lazy and worthless if I don't. Everything has been taken to an extreme. It's making getting in the way of eating and sleeping. I'm suffering, but I feel like I need to try and pretend that I'm fine (even though I'm terrible at hiding it) because I feel like my husband will think I'm crazy, whiny, and dramatic, and eventually, get tired of it and leave. I'm not asking for reassurance. I just want to not feel so alone.

Anybody else use their lack of sexual history as a way for OCD to use as evidence? I just start remembering all the times I could have had sex but didn’t. I also had a HUGE porn addiction that made it so difficult to function. I remember that I was always afraid of having sex with anyone other than my ex because I was emotionally abused and I felt like if she found out, she would get mad and at the time, that would break me. I’d always overthink about sex and what could happen if It happened at that moment. My mind would fill with questions and I just would end up saying I rather not have any sex. My therapist believed I could have shown signs of OCD early on. I believe that’s what’s happened then and now. I don’t like guys romantically and I love getting excited for a woman. I love that feeling of seeing a pretty girl and getting the chance to know her. It makes my heart so happy. But I would do everything I can to avoid speaking with a guy, even if he was not conventionally attractive. Porn makes me feel like I could turn gay since I watched it so much. I’ve lost interest in watching porn which is a good thing but now ocd is like “oh you don’t get turned on by porn anymore, and those videos had girls in it so that must mean you don’t like girls anymore.” Like how stupid is that. I also saw on Reddit and Quora that people were saying porn can change your attraction/make you lose interest in girls. I know Quora and Reddit are OCD’s best ways at scaring you and these forums are never to be taken seriously, but man does it trigger you. Anyways if you made it this far, thank you. I’m just overthinking a lot today